K-1 Sadness

[Wyld Blu 35]

Sorry if I am misunderstanding this...but as far as I know, divorce does not get you out of the affidavit of support. This is a contract between you and the government. The only way to get out of this is if she were to die or were to move back to her country. Also, the contract is over after she works 40 quarters, approx 10 yrs. Am I wrong here?

-Blu-

[Sandra G. 5,021]

Wildblue his wife didn't get the green card yet therefore there is no affidavit to be enforced in the future, he can withdraw the affidavit before she gets her GC.

[DandT14 272]

Whatever her reason for starting the relationship (love or fraud), it seems very clear that she doesn't want to be married to you. I'm sorry, I know that must feel awful, to be living in a house with someone you want and love and have to see every day that she doesn't feel the same.

You are stuck with a decision that only you can make. I don't envy you. The safest thing to do is to pull the I-864 without her knowing and then ask her to leave your home, and not be alone with her in case she wants to claim abuse.

But I'm not sure you've accepted that the marriage is over. And I think you need to accept it before you can do something that seems so harsh.

How do you think she would react to an honest discussion, where you tell her that you think she doesn't want to be married to you, but you will go to the interview anyway? I might be meaner than you (I probably am) but I would say "I'm going to give you this opportunity to be honest, you owe me at least that, and I'll still go to the interview. Just tell me if you really want to be married to me." Then of course, if she said "no I don't", I'd pull the I-864. But like I said, that's me.

In any case, it's best to live your life with as few regrets as possible. So taking into account all possible outcomes, what will you regret the least?

[naplesguy 25]

I just can't believe it. Yes it is such a battle between my head & my heart. I just don't want to believe it but it's like the facts are right in front of me. I guess I just wanted someone someone else to hear my story to confirm what I know to be true.

So if I understand what you're saying is I need to bury my emotions & wait until our appointment before saying anything? I am on the verge of tears all the time now, I don't know how to hide that. Ok, does my letter need to be notorized? Do I start divorce or annulment proceedures? Can I do this without claiming fraud? Remember I love her with all my heart & even though this is happening I would hate to ruin her chances for reentry into the US later. My heart hurts so much...

What a horrible thing to go through. It is so hard to deal with your own emotions. Apparently you know what you have to do but you are just having a hard time doing it. There is no easy way. If you cut this gal lose you have a chance to find someone that cares. I am putting my situation in God's hands and asking his protection and to open or close doors.

God be with you, Jesus is with you in your pain.

[Ilovemypinoy 9]

If it were me and I was worried about the abuse accusation, I'd set up some nanny spy cams... Living apart would probably be better but just in case you are alone together, have a plan...

[BatmanUSA 105]

I would immediately seperate the bank accounts..

You say the joint account was connected to your other accounts. I would suggest you go to the bank and have the accounts seperated so she will not have access to the other accounts. Also, dont put all your money in the joint account, simply tell her since she is not putting money in the joint account, this is not fair so you will keep some money out for yourself and your bills... (sounds weird for me to say this.. I believe that once married, there is no more yours and mine... its all ours)

But she is doing things that express a desire to be seperate from you... Sorry dude.. it hurts, its not fair... I agree with your desire to continue to be nice, but do some things to protect yourself...

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hello, I am in California and have been awake trying to find out what my options are. My story started when I met a girl from Colombia online. We started a one year online relationship where we talked almost every day and it was wonderful how we connected. I was Finally able to fly out to Colombia and spend two weeks with her. We held hands everyday and had such a romantic time together. about 6 months later I was able to go back and spend time with her and her family. I asked her mom for her hand in marriage and proposed to her with all her family there. The next two years we started the K-1 process and I would help her with rent and food as I could. From the beginning I shared everything about my life from my teenage daughter to my medical treatments for MS. I never lead her to believe I was "well off" financially. Finally our marriage visa was approved and She was able to fly here in January of this year. We were married in February, and If it were me leaving my home I would feel like it would be a huge adjustment to a new country, so I gave her space to adjust. Since then the problems have only increased and I am truly unhappy. We did consumate our marriage on our wedding night but since then we have maybe been together three times, the last being May 5th. There is always some reason or excuse why we can't be together. Yesterday made me feel the worst when I tried to be romantic with her, while kissing her neck she let out a sigh as if annoyed and I was denied again. She seems annoyed with my daughter and tells me my ex needs to take more responsibility for her. Before she came to the US she showed great interest in my hobbies and said she would go to church with me. When she arrived she never went to church with me. When I asked her she said why would she go, it was not her religion. Also now all my hobbies are boring to her and she wants nothing to do with them. When at home it feels like she avoids me. For example if I'm in the living room she will be on the computer in our room. If I go in to join her to talk or lay down she will leave the room and go to another. If we are in the same room she is on her Blackberry all the time talking to people back home. We have had several arguments about finances but the last was the largest when she found a BMW on a car lot and she had to have it. So when I did not co-sign for the car she became very angry with me (note that she doesn't even have her drivers license yet). Now she does have her own money coming in & helps with food but we still have aquired many bills from the application process and other items that buying a car was not the best for us financially. She didn't respond to me for three days until my grandfather passed away and then she spoke to me again. She had me open a joint bank account that is linked with my other account & my savings yet she keeps telling me she wants to go to another bank to open up her own account. She insisted on me buying her a new laptop so she could talk with her family back home so I did. I pay all the bills yet when I ran out of money for the month and asked her for gas money she would not help me at all. I recommended the money she receives should be put in our joint account to help us budget our finances but she is keeping all her money somewhere else for herself. She says it's for her independence.

I am sorry for the long, sad story but I felt all of it relavent for my next move. When I asked her why she seemed unhappy she said I did not tell her about my daughter and my financial struggles. As I mentioned before I never led her to believe I was wealthy. I even asked her many times about her accepting my MS and all the medical treatments. She said she would help me yet now she won't even go to the doctors with me even for support.

The bottom line is my heart is hurting emotionally & I know I have made a vow through marriage but I am so hurt and lonely and I hate to even think it but this is not the girl I fell in love with and I don't think things will change so I feel it would be best for us to part ways and for her to return home. When I confront her she still tells me she loves me and that she left everything to be with me but I don't feel any love or compassion from her. She can't even look me in the eyes.

I fear I need to act fast as we did receive the I-797C to appear for an interview on July 17th. She had already received her employment card and we applied for a social security card. The next step was to get her drivers permit.

I really hate to think that she is a fraud but as I read some stories online I am worried on how to confront her. Some stories say that when confronted they will try and claim abuse to stay in the country so don't be alone with them in the house. They warn about the joint accounts and to close them. I would want to confront her first about going our own ways but should I start papers first and withdraw my Affidavit of support. I would hope we could end this in a civil manner and she just goes home but if I'm wrong how can I protect myself?

I'm sorry to be new to this site and come to you all with such a problem. I'm just in pain right now and would love some advice.

Thank you all for hearing my story and I hope for a good outcome.

This is a sad story on so many levels but you need to Man up. You're in a dangerous situation strictly based on what you wrote and what I know from experience.

It is my belief that couples should have separate finances as much as possible and this is one of the reasons why. You can have a shared account for household finances that you both put money into but keeping large sums at the chance that one spouse can spring into it just seems too risky. If you read up on the feminists divorce websites, the first things they advice is for them to clean out the bank accounts. I speak from personal experience on this.

Anyways, Brother, only you can decide this but I would file for divorce and request in the divorce papers that she vacate the premises and be restrained as soon as she is served (Thursday morning). Then write to USCIS.

Remember this, none of this sys that you may not reconcile later but this Woman has to be placed on notice.

Just out of curiosity, have you talked to her lovely family back home? Especially her Mum to see what they say about her behavior?

I am in California too (Pasadena area) if you need to talk offline.

The girl used you just like you used her. Fair trade at the end of the day.

Please explain this.

The girl thought you had a large bank account, you don't, now you're useless to her. Follow Darnell's advice. Good luck. I hope you find someone better.

This is obvious. A BMW?

I believe she scammed you and she is just waiting to get her green card,and i bet she will vanish after that. Go to the interview but i think you should tell Uscis that you feel she used to get a GC,because in a few days she will apply for Vawa believe me. As soon she realizes you withdrew the affidavit your wife will run to tell the cops she was battered blah blah blah. After the interview do not stay alone with her one second because she can call the cops saying you hit her,slap her etc. You deserve better.

The VAWA elephant is on the tabel with this person I'm afraid. How to be away from her and not be private eludes me though since you're now married. But she may claim abuse.

[rlogan 2,036]

The girl used you just like you used her. Fair trade at the end of the day.

Thanks for that "reveal". I've seen a lot of malicious stuff from you. This shows that you identify with the scammers.

Tyger29 -

You have a manipulative person scamming you. It is very important to make your decision, separate yourself from her, and not allow yourself to be manipulated with either a false VAWA claim or going right back to the original scam of pretending she loves you. You are sleeping with the enemy. These kinds of people have no scruples and are happy to ruin your life to get what they want. It is imperative to protect yourself.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

The girl used you just like you used her. Fair trade at the end of the day.

Ridiculous post! Your a gem of a person.

[naplesguy 25]

This woman seems almost as bad as my American x wife. She would hit me trying to provoke me to hit back. Once she came in in front of my sons and kicked me in the shin over and over till it bled. Thank God I held my temper. Eventually she was charged

with domestic violence.

Be very careful. Never lose your temper and don't let her provoke you to hit her.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Thanks for that "reveal". I've seen a lot of malicious stuff from you. This shows that you identify with the scammers.

Tyger29 -

You have a manipulative person scamming you. It is very important to make your decision, separate yourself from her, and not allow yourself to be manipulated with either a false VAWA claim or going right back to the original scam of pretending she loves you. You are sleeping with the enemy. These kinds of people have no scruples and are happy to ruin your life to get what they want. It is imperative to protect yourself.

Yep. As was explained to me, "I set up housekeeping with a Cobra".

OP needs to step carefully.

[Sandra G. 5,021]

Peter pan your comment is so ridiculous, what kind of drug are you?

[deleted this acco 44]

Doesn't seem like she is committed to you; I would ask her if she is here for the right reasons. Seems like withdrawing your affidavit of support might be a good idea. I don't think you should add more stress on top of your health problem. You will find someone who truly loves you.

[D.K. 16]

It's difficult when your head and your heart aren't in tune. You already feel something 'off' in her demeanor towards you. There's no affection, no tenderness... no togetherness from her side. She can't even look you in the eyes when you ask her if she loves you.

It's easy for someone to lie convincingly when they're not face to face with you. It's more challenging to do it in person, and she's not doing it very well, IMO. All of her actions that you've written about indicate that she's just not that into you... which then begs the question of why she IS with you. Everyone here has already given you an idea of the answer to that question.

Your heart wants you to keep trying to reach out to her, to find the woman you fell in love with, and whom you thought loved you... but it looks like that woman doesn't really exist.

My advice: Protect yourself. Close that joint account, and stop paying for any of her purchases. You said that she has money coming in, tell her to use it. You have your own financial worries to take care of, and she's not willing to pitch her part.

Pull the affadavit of support, now or at the interview.

We can't tell you what to do, but consider this: You're experiencing heartbreak right now, but how much more heartbreak will she give you later if you continue on with her? not to mention the financial worries that will escalate due to her behavior. Do you want to lose more than you've already lost? CAN you? Think of yourself and of your daughter....

[ClaireGio 35]

It amazes me reading these stories in this forum. What happened to love, honesty and respect? Something very wrong with this system - is it acceptable for this man to be wrongly accused of abuse so his selfish wife can move here? I hope something changes soon in the vetting process to weed out these imposters before they set foot on US soil. Give some of the real couples a chance?