help..what to do with our situation?

[trojam227 18]

I am sorry to say this without sounding abrupt, but your husband's priorities are with you and his daughter! I am sorry his mother is ill but he will have to find someone else to take care of her and start worrying about how he is going to reunite with his own family, whether that is in the Philippines or in the US. Where is his head??

[TedM 9]

I am sorry to say this without sounding abrupt, but your husband's priorities are with you and his daughter! I am sorry his mother is ill but he will have to find someone else to take care of her and start worrying about how he is going to reunite with his own family, whether that is in the Philippines or in the US. Where is his head??

I entirely agree. He has his MD and chooses not to work at all? And now his mother won't agree to help you both?

I hate to think I'm becoming one of those cynical VJer's, but it just sounds like there is something missing from this story. He has chosen to get married and have a child(!), and by simply getting a job again could fix all of this? Yet, he doesn't? With a job, he could get his mother in a rehabilitation facility, at the least.

Follow the advice of those here: tell him he needs to get a job and put his wife and child first; then apply for CR1 visa. In the meantime, he should try to get co-sponsor help from whoever he can.

You might want to ask your husband about his priorities....

[mary ann russ 0]

I entirely agree. He has his MD and chooses not to work at all? And now his mother won't agree to help you both?

I hate to think I'm becoming one of those cynical VJer's, but it just sounds like there is something missing from this story. He has chosen to get married and have a child(!), and by simply getting a job again could fix all of this? Yet, he doesn't? With a job, he could get his mother in a rehabilitation facility, at the least.

Follow the advice of those here: tell him he needs to get a job and put his wife and child first; then apply for CR1 visa. In the meantime, he should try to get co-sponsor help from whoever he can.

You might want to ask your husband about his priorities....

hello..thanks for all the advice.. i hear all of you to where ur coming from..It's really been a tough road for us. It's just really been so complicated and i cannot tell you all in details. I have already been in that position where I ask my husband who his priorities are, i have even felt at some point in time that he loves his mom more than us, we even fought about that a few times, but that's just really not the case. It was horrible, i swear. I guess, she just leave him no choice..and right now if he's going to look for another which he could easily do..but that means I have to wait for another year again ( and i don't know if i can really handle that, its really been too much time..It's killing us both. If we knew in the first place that this could happen, we would do things differently.

For my husband's side, I know some of his reason...it's to honor his dad..because he knew that if his dad was still alive he would really be taking good care of his mom like he does now...and he was kinda hoping that she will change into a person that she used to be..and so that our daughter will have a grandma and we all have a brand new start when we're all together in USA. I know it's hard for all of you to understand..it's just really been so tough.

thanks for all of your concern:-)

[Penguin_ie 6,000]

If he gets a job, no need to wait a year; as long as his new employer/ hospital gives him a letter stating he is a permanent employee, and he has a couple of pay stubs to show, you are good for the affidavit of support.

There is nothing wrong with taking good care of your mom, it is an honourable thing to do, but it doesn't mean being her servant 24 hours a day. If he gets a job as a doctor, he could afford home help during the day and still take care of his mom when he is home overnight/ at weekends.

[TedM 9]

hello..thanks for all the advice.. i hear all of you to where ur coming from..It's really been a tough road for us. It's just really been so complicated and i cannot tell you all in details. I have already been in that position where I ask my husband who his priorities are, i have even felt at some point in time that he loves his mom more than us, we even fought about that a few times, but that's just really not the case. It was horrible, i swear. I guess, she just leave him no choice..and right now if he's going to look for another which he could easily do..but that means I have to wait for another year again ( and i don't know if i can really handle that, its really been too much time..It's killing us both. If we knew in the first place that this could happen, we would do things differently.

For my husband's side, I know some of his reason...it's to honor his dad..because he knew that if his dad was still alive he would really be taking good care of his mom like he does now...and he was kinda hoping that she will change into a person that she used to be..and so that our daughter will have a grandma and we all have a brand new start when we're all together in USA. I know it's hard for all of you to understand..it's just really been so tough.

thanks for all of your concern:-)

Good luck. It's really on your husband now to take care of things. There's not much you can do, except stress to him how important to go back to work. You don't have to wait a year. Find work, apply for CR1. He can show pay stubs and letter of employment.

And I do somewhat understand, I have a Filipino wife and have had some family medical issues. But the priority should be getting you all to U.S. Everything else can be wait until that is complete and your family is together.

I wish you the best.

[Sandra G. 5,097]

Well we are our choices and sometimes we have to take action in order to achieve things in life. It sounds your husband is a great guy and he is taking care of his mother for a long time, and i think enough is enough.Before being a son he is a father and a husband now. He needs to take some serious decision since his mother is not willing to help you.He should find another sponsor or go back to work full time and prepare a life together with you and your daughter in the Usa. If his mother is having some mental issues, besides physical problems, she must get support with who is able to help her and I believe is not your husband duty right now. Unfortunately sometimes we can't have everything in the same time and he did great taking care of her, but now he must put his own family in first place.He can find someone to help her or another member the family should step up and take care of her or even put her in a place where she will have all care that she needs.If she is mentally ill she needs help.

[hamigirl710 112]

hello..thanks for all the advice.. i hear all of you to where ur coming from..It's really been a tough road for us. It's just really been so complicated and i cannot tell you all in details. I have already been in that position where I ask my husband who his priorities are, i have even felt at some point in time that he loves his mom more than us, we even fought about that a few times, but that's just really not the case. It was horrible, i swear. I guess, she just leave him no choice..and right now if he's going to look for another which he could easily do..but that means I have to wait for another year again ( and i don't know if i can really handle that, its really been too much time..It's killing us both. If we knew in the first place that this could happen, we would do things differently.

For my husband's side, I know some of his reason...it's to honor his dad..because he knew that if his dad was still alive he would really be taking good care of his mom like he does now...and he was kinda hoping that she will change into a person that she used to be..and so that our daughter will have a grandma and we all have a brand new start when we're all together in USA. I know it's hard for all of you to understand..it's just really been so tough.

thanks for all of your concern:-)

Why would you have to wait a year? If he has a permanent full time job and can prove it that is all you need. I am sure if he is a MD he can find a job! And I commend your husband for taking care of his mother....but what about his daughter? If she keeps growing up without him she might not have the same dedication to him that he has for his parents! I wish you the best!!

[Sandra G. 5,097]

Before honoring his father he must take care of his own family and see his daughter grow up!!.Define a goal, but do not seat in the backseat my dear. Praying for you.

[Cathi 5,839]

If he gets a job, no need to wait a year; as long as his new employer/ hospital gives him a letter stating he is a permanent employee, and he has a couple of pay stubs to show, you are good for the affidavit of support.

There is nothing wrong with taking good care of your mom, it is an honourable thing to do, but it doesn't mean being her servant 24 hours a day. If he gets a job as a doctor, he could afford home help during the day and still take care of his mom when he is home overnight/ at weekends.

Not to mention the fact that if you were here you could also help take care of his Mom so he could work and not have to worry about her while he is working

[Leatherneck 693]

OP, when a man takes a woman as his wife, that changes the dynamics of all other relationships -- including the relationship with his mother. He can make sacrifices on behalf of his mother -- but not at the expense of his wife and child.

Not knowing all variables involved here - on the surface, it seems employment would solve some major issues here.

Edited May 21, 2012 by Leatherneck

[Adriene H 89]

Is it possible your husband could collect some kind of

monetary compensation for being a full-time/sole medical

care giver of an elderly and/or disabled individual?

http://www.caring.com/articles/payment-for-family-caregiver

I believe I've heard of something like this in California ...

I also could be completely clueless

Edited May 21, 2012 by Adriene H

[Tygrys 143]

If he gets a job, no need to wait a year; as long as his new employer/ hospital gives him a letter stating he is a permanent employee, and he has a couple of pay stubs to show, you are good for the affidavit of support.

There is nothing wrong with taking good care of your mom, it is an honourable thing to do, but it doesn't mean being her servant 24 hours a day. If he gets a job as a doctor, he could afford home help during the day and still take care of his mom when he is home overnight/ at weekends.

Penguin_ie's is definitely the best advise you can get.

If your husband is in fact MD with valid medical license, he should man up and get a job. He will be able to support you and take care of his mother at the same time.

[catknit 144]

If he's licensed have him look at a company like concerta [i think that's the name] - onsite doctor's offices for large manufacturers. They are always hiring plus he doesn't need to worry about "normal" office issues like managing staff, insurance issues, overhead, rent, purchasing, etc.

Doctors in this type of set up get paid by the hour [usually looking to meet a 5-6 patients per hour]. In our neck of the woods it can be $125 - $150/hour. He would only need to work about 10 hours a week to meet the guidelines...

[hnubno 9]

with an MD he should be able to find a job and then he could hire a caregiver to care for his mom and bring you to the US. is there anything wrong with his MD as in it being revoked or anything going on where he can't find a job? not that i'm implying that anything like that has happened but you can ask him about it. being a cosponsor is a serious thing so try and see if you guys can find someone to help out. you said he is going to ask someone at church, is it a church he goes to so that means they are either family or friends and may be willing to help right?

just make sure that he is really trying to bring you over. i'm sorry if i offend you by saying this tho. i just want the best for you and your baby.

i hope everything works out...and good luck.

[mary ann russ 0]

just make sure that he is really trying to bring you over. i'm sorry if i offend you by saying this tho. i just want the best for you and your baby.

i hope everything works out...and good luck.

yeah, i'm sure he wants me to be there.... my baby's papers are ready..she has her US passport..just mine need that AOS. the NVC send me a letter via email after we send them the ds-230..it really states there that they needs the financial evidence to complete the process..so that's where we're stuck at.