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In a tizzy

Sudden CHANGE!!! What do I do!?

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Dear VJ :help:

SIGH, where do I begin? :( This man I thought I knew now is showing the "tell tale" signs of Arab male Islamic supremacy. It's so gut-wrenching. October 30 is his interview. We've come this far to call it quits. We've met twice for a total of 7 weeks in 2 years and have daily skype chat for 2 hours stretch. Here are the situations I am being ordered....

[*]Smiling IS now forbidden, only at home.

[*]Sitting with male co-workers during lunch is forbidden, especially when I have been doing it for 15 plus years and grew up in a dominant male household (tomboy, hunting, fishing, and etc).

[*]Even using my eyes to process and intake information (it's a deaf thing to use my eyes to hear/feel my surroundings) - FORBIDDEN! (This one REALLY hit a sour spot).

[*]Transporting a distant male relative from point A to point B is now forbidden, especially when I've been doing it for YEARS and YEARS.

[*]This is just to list a few.

Talk about cultural clash. :huh: I've done my part with modifying, adapting, adjusting... even deleting OLD college male friends from 20 years ago on my facebook. I've gone out this way to dress far more modestly. I have 3 college degrees and hold a respectable job. I've read about HIGH FRAUD MENA men... and never thought this whole facade would materialize right within my grasp. I've educated myself on those "Arab" cultural differences, that I can adjust. BUT, I cannot adjust with the way I communicate which is via the use of my eyes.

My question is.... WHAT would you suggest? Especially for those USC females who have had those experiences. Male input would be appreciated too. I'm rated as an INFP on Myer's Brigg personality test and am the most humblest person on earth.... this is really tearing me up.

Shell-shocked...

I will TAKE any advices with a grain of salt.

~E

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Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: China
Timeline

I'm sorry this is happening to you; you have been willing to meet him more than halfway while he now seems unwilling to me you any way.

My own two cents is that he didn't put all his cards on the table as to what his expectations were as your relationship progressed and I consider that a form of deception.

Granted you have invested so much in this process, however, if he is unwilling to compromise, how happy will you be in the future, do you really see him changing after an arrival in the US?? IMO, if the answers are 'I won't be' and 'no', then it's time to cut him loose, before he gets to the US.

Edited by Ryan H

Our journey:

Spoiler

September 2007: Met online via social networking site (MySpace); began exchanging messages.
March 26, 2009: We become a couple!
September 10, 2009: Arrived for first meeting in-person!
June 17, 2010: Arrived for second in-person meeting and start of travel together to other areas of China!
June 21, 2010: Engaged!!!
September 1, 2010: Switched course from K1 to CR-1
December 8, 2010: Wedding date set; it will be on February 18, 2011!
February 9, 2011: Depart for China
February 11, 2011: Registered for marriage in Wuhan, officially married!!!
February 18, 2011: Wedding ceremony in Shiyan!!!
April 22, 2011: Mailed I-130 to Chicago
April 28, 2011: Received NOA1 via text/email, file routed to CSC (priority date April 25th)
April 29, 2011: Updated
May 3, 2011: Received NOA1 hardcopy in mail
July 26, 2011: Received NOA2 via text/email!!!
July 30, 2011: Received NOA2 hardcopy in mail
August 8, 2011: NVC received file
September 1, 2011: NVC case number assigned
September 2, 2011: AOS invoice received, OPTIN email for EP sent
September 7, 2011: Paid AOS bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 9, 2011)
September 8, 2011: OPTIN email accepted, GZO number assigned
September 10, 2011: Emailed AOS package
September 12, 2011: IV bill invoiced
September 13, 2011: Paid IV bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 14, 2011)
September 14, 2011: Emailed IV package
October 3, 2011: Emailed checklist response (checklist generated due to typo on Form DS-230)
October 6, 2011: Case complete at NVC
November 10, 2011: Interview - APPROVED!!!
December 7, 2011: POE - Sea-Tac Airport

September 17, 2013: Mailed I-751 to CSC

September 23, 2013: Received NOA1 in mail (receipt date September 19th)

October 16, 2013: Biometrics Appointment

January 28, 2014: Production of new Green Card ordered

February 3, 2014: New Green Card received; done with USCIS until fall of 2023*

 

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Australia
Timeline

Dear VJ :help:

SIGH, where do I begin? :( This man I thought I knew now is showing the "tell tale" signs of Arab male Islamic supremacy. It's so gut-wrenching. October 30 is his interview. We've come this far to call it quits. We've met twice for a total of 7 weeks in 2 years and have daily skype chat for 2 hours stretch. Here are the situations I am being ordered....

[*]Smiling IS now forbidden, only at home.

[*]Sitting with male co-workers during lunch is forbidden, especially when I have been doing it for 15 plus years and grew up in a dominant male household (tomboy, hunting, fishing, and etc).

[*]Even using my eyes to process and intake information (it's a deaf thing to use my eyes to hear/feel my surroundings) - FORBIDDEN! (This one REALLY hit a sour spot).

[*]Transporting a distant male relative from point A to point B is now forbidden, especially when I've been doing it for YEARS and YEARS.

[*]This is just to list a few.

Talk about cultural clash. :huh: I've done my part with modifying, adapting, adjusting... even deleting OLD college male friends from 20 years ago on my facebook. I've gone out this way to dress far more modestly. I have 3 college degrees and hold a respectable job. I've read about HIGH FRAUD MENA men... and never thought this whole facade would materialize right within my grasp. I've educated myself on those "Arab" cultural differences, that I can adjust. BUT, I cannot adjust with the way I communicate which is via the use of my eyes.

My question is.... WHAT would you suggest? Especially for those USC females who have had those experiences. Male input would be appreciated too. I'm rated as an INFP on Myer's Brigg personality test and am the most humblest person on earth.... this is really tearing me up.

Shell-shocked...

I will TAKE any advices with a grain of salt.

~E

First of all 7 weeks in 2 years ? No way can work and you Skype every day so what? What you see on the net and what you live with is 2 different things and I am sorry to say but these cultures will never adapt to our western way of thinking and life. Get out while you can and donlt go ahead with this at all as you are going to be miserable for the rest of yur life and even if you do go through with it divorce is inevitable and he will get GC and be on his way. Good luck to you is all I can say but you don't need this at all.


Divorced !st November 2012.

Married only 2 years 1 month

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ireland
Timeline

***** Moving from CR-1 to Mena forum as question is not about the immigration process, but cultural issues *****


Bye: Penguin

Me: Irish/ Swiss citizen, and now naturalised US citizen. Husband: USC; twin babies born Feb 08 in Ireland and a daughter in Feb 2010 in Arkansas who are all joint Irish/ USC. Did DCF (IR1) in 6 weeks via the Dublin, Ireland embassy and now living in Arkansas.

mod penguin.jpg

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I'm sorry this is happening to you; you have been willing to meet him more than halfway while he now seems unwilling to me you any way.

My own two cents is that he didn't put all his cards on the table as to what his expectations were as your relationship progressed and I consider that a form of deception.

Granted you have invested so much in this process, however, if he is unwilling to compromise, how happy will you be in the future, do you really see him changing after an arrival in the US?? IMO, if the answers are 'I won't be' and 'no', then it's time to cut him loose, before he gets to the US.

Ryan H, I am grateful for your reply. As for cutting him loose, how is this done especially when interview is in 2 days?

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Just E

I'm so sorry to hear you are so torn up. All I can suggest would be to take away the excitement of the upcoming interview and consider how you would respond if you found yourself in this situation at the beginning of the relationship. I think we all find that marrying someone from a different country is full of unexpected cultural differences, but we should never be in a situation in which we are not comfortable.

I'm sure you will make the right decision!


10/09/06 - First met

12/09/07 - Started dating

01/30/09 - Patrick moved back to the States, Long distance :(

06/26/10 - Patrick proposed!!!

02/17/11 - Civil Wedding (just the two of us in Gibraltar)

03/16/11 - I130 Sent

03/24/11 - I130 Received

06/05/11 - I130 Approved

07/11/11 - AOS Paid

07/23/11 - Big Wedding

08/13/11 - NVC IV Bill Paid

08/23/11 - AOS Sent

08/24/11 - DS230 and Documents Sent

08/27/11 - DS230 and Documents Received

09/07/11 - AOS Complete

09/12/11 - Case Complete

09/30/11 - Interview Date Assigned

10/27/11 - Medical

11/18/11 - Interview

12/01/11 - Visa Approved

12/02/11 - Visa in Hand!!!

12/07/11 - Together again

event.png

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Norway
Timeline

If your time line is up to date - he has had his interview but it has not yet been approved?

Realizing you have spent time and money in this process up to date and with the miles there are right now between you - I would kindly suggest you send a email to the embassy with his name and the visa numbers you have for him and ask them to stop the process. Tell them what you have told us and tell them you are having second thoughts and then tell them you are going to withdraw your petition. (Someone I am sure can tell you how you go about formally withdrawling your petition on VJ)

Men like your fiance have a way of bouncing back - so do not worry about his feelings. Please do however think of your feelings - you NEED to be TRUE TO YOURSELF first. Do you want to live the rest of your life not being able to be yourself? Personally I was married to a man who was very controlling and believe me you can talk yourself into accepting a lot of stuff even though you know yourself it is not right. Later on all you do is feel very resentful and bitter towards them because you are not being yourself any longer. Please do not make a mistake that could cost you your very soul or life. Remember in some middle eastern countries women are NOTHING.

Edited by JudyKCski

I-129F Sent : 10-04-2010

I-129F NOA1 : 10-12-2010

Touched: 10-21-2010

NOA2: 03-16-2011

Vermont Service Center

Interview: 05-18-2011

Fiance' Visa Approved: 12Jul2011

POE - Newark Airport November 20, 2011

Married: December 8, 2011

AOS package sent to Chicago Lockbox on Feb. 13, 2012

I-485 transfered to Laguna Niguel CA on March 17, 2012

EAD - received from Lee's Summit, MO on April 18, 2012

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Egypt
Timeline

First Im sorry about your situation. These are HUGE red flags. He's trying to control you over the phone or internet & ya'll arent married yet? Run FAST! Do not allow a man to control when you can smile, what you can look at or which direction you turn! You should be loved & adored, not controlled & abused emotionally, physically or mentally. If you truly want to stop the process, by all means DO IT! Praying for you & this situation!


10407819_701840296558511_659086279075738

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Thank you VJ fellas... I shall do my prayers and ask for sound guidance from God who is most merciful and all loving.

My question for y'all: What are the appropriate steps for withdrawing my petition/application? That is once a decision has been made.

Thank you all and God bless~

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I think just contact the embassy with which he is having his interview and let them know the situation, they will guide you through the steps. I'm sure applications have been withdrawn last minute in the past and there is a simple protocol.

Good Luck!


10/09/06 - First met

12/09/07 - Started dating

01/30/09 - Patrick moved back to the States, Long distance :(

06/26/10 - Patrick proposed!!!

02/17/11 - Civil Wedding (just the two of us in Gibraltar)

03/16/11 - I130 Sent

03/24/11 - I130 Received

06/05/11 - I130 Approved

07/11/11 - AOS Paid

07/23/11 - Big Wedding

08/13/11 - NVC IV Bill Paid

08/23/11 - AOS Sent

08/24/11 - DS230 and Documents Sent

08/27/11 - DS230 and Documents Received

09/07/11 - AOS Complete

09/12/11 - Case Complete

09/30/11 - Interview Date Assigned

10/27/11 - Medical

11/18/11 - Interview

12/01/11 - Visa Approved

12/02/11 - Visa in Hand!!!

12/07/11 - Together again

event.png

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

Thank you VJ fellas... I shall do my prayers and ask for sound guidance from God who is most merciful and all loving.

My question for y'all: What are the appropriate steps for withdrawing my petition/application? That is once a decision has been made.

Thank you all and God bless~

I am not an expert so, I can only go on intuition. First, I would call the NVC and speak to a representative. Explain to them this situation and ask them what to do. I believe they will go a long way on filling you in. While you do that, email the Consulate and ask them to withdraw the interview.

These are huge red flags as everyone is telling you. You do not need to go through this and since you aren't married yet, there is no legal ramifications, only emotional ones for you. I am so sorry you are going through this but, thank God you found this out now. He overplayed his hand in all of this and that is a lucky aspect for you. Heaven forbid he waited until he got here and sprung this on you. Please keep up posted and just know that we are here for you.

So very sorry. (F)


Met: 3/2010
Married: 1/12/11
Sent Paperwork to Chicago Lockbox: 4/16/2011
Received NOA1: 4/21/2011 (routed to California Service Center)
Received NOA2: 7/11/2011
NVC Receives case: 8/18/2011 (case number issued and acquired via phone inquiry)
NVC sends correspondence: 8/23/11
Change of Agent form sent: 8/23/11
Paid I-864 invoice: 8/23/11
I-864 invoice shows paid: 8/25/11
IV Invoice bill: 09/01/11
IV Invoice paid: 09/01/11
Mailed out Visa Package to NVC: 09/09/11
Received application acknowledgement confirmation from NVC: 09/16/11
Mailed out Affidavit of Support: 09/18/11
NVC received Affidavit of Support: 9/20/11
NVC Case Complete: 9/26/11
Interview Appointment Received: 10/6/11 (Interview scheduled for November 9th 2011)
Interview: 11/9/11 (pending)
Consulate calls Faisal and reschedules interview because of holiday closure: 10/27/11
New Interview Date: 11/22/11
Interview Status: APPROVED
Arrival in US: 12/21/11
POE: Miami
ARRIVED!!!!!!! Welcome home!!!!!
Received Green Card: 1/25/12
Received SS Card: 2/1/12
Faisal's first job: 2/15/12
Faisal's first day of school: 8/26/2012
Pregnant: 9/6/2012

It's a Girl!: 6/2/2013

Sent out Removal of conditions paperwork: 9/22/13

Received receipt from Homeland Security: 10/1/2013


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Filed: Country: Malaysia
Timeline

I am shocked, myself, at what your fiance is ordering you to do... He had me at the first point: Can't SMILE outside the home?! :wacko: I hope you are kidding, but at the same time I don't think you are...

Like what others have said, (if you haven't already decided to walk away, I suggest that you) please walk away from this man. In his homeland, the things that he is ordering you to do MAY be the norm, but it doesn't seem at all the norm for YOU!

Thankfully he hasn't arrived in the US yet. I hope the process gets stopped before he ever does.


December 2009 -- Visit to Malaysia.

February 2010 -- Applied for B2 visa, approved.

March 2010 -- Visited US.

April 2010 -- Returned from US.

May 2010 -- Sent in K1 Visa application.

July 2010 -- Received NOA2 in 71 days from NOA1.

July 2010 -- Packet 3 received.

August 2010 -- Cancellation of K1 Visa application.

Click HERE for VisaJourney guides.

image.gif?fsize=50&font=Filxgirl.TTF&text= MalaysianGirl &mirror=no&color=0033FF&vcolor=996699&bgcolor=α=yes&output=gif&spacing=4&shadow=undefined&transparent=no

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