After the wedding... What do we call you, Mrs____?

[Mariye & Ky 172]

Let's say, you are a professional woman who is well-established and newly married. Would you change your surname to his?

Or, you're a newly married man and your wife is established in her profession. What would your input be?

I've been thinking about all the formalities from a marriage aspect and a professional aspect. For fun, I even spoke to a couple lawyer girlfriends (one is immigration law, the other is family law).

I had questions like:

• Would the Visa CO understand at interview why I have chosen to keep my maiden name?
• Would the Visa CO understand why I have 5 names total if I just added his to all of mine? LOL
• Would my husband (foreigner or not), understand why I am not using his last name professionally and only socially?
• Would the clients or patients know how to find me if I changed my name?
• What would it cost me at the bottom line in time and money?
• What would it cost our marriage, bottom line?

Here's what the attorney's offered up when I asked them what they would do:

1. I'm not 20 yrs old anymore.... I am who I am. BTW, You're not 20 yrs old anymore either. (Ha ha ha ha really?)
2. It's a cultural question. What do you want to do? (LOL of course put it back in my lap)
3. If you have assets, decide to take his name, you'll have to change all of the documents, unless you want to keep those all to yourself... then, leave them alone. They were yours before you married.
4. Tell you what, you stay married for ten years and I'll make all the changes on all your papers to his name!
5. Here, can I buy you a drink? You look confused.

I thought it would interesting to see what the VJ family would say (guys and gals of course!)

Edited January 11, 2011 by Mari & Kadir

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I personally would legally change my name because I suppose I'm a bit old-school like that, but I would go by my maiden name professionally for the reasons listed:

1. All of your certificates/qualifications are in your maiden name

2. If would be annoying to change your business cards, email, stationary, work ID etc etc

To answer your questions directly:

1. Yes the CO would understand. There is no requirement to change your name.

2. Yes but it doesn't really solve the problem and MAN that's a lot of names!

3. If he's a normal person who respects you and your profession then yes. If he doesn't understand he's being selfish

4. Your old clients should get an email or letter letting them know you have changed your details (or are planning to at a set date) and your new clients wouldn't know the difference. I wouldn't change your professional name if you have a long-standing profession/business though.

5. It would cost you a LOT. There's a lot to do (mentioned above)

6. Depends on your marriage. I think taking your husbands name is a good thing to do but people are different. Like I said above, I would change my name legally (and remove some of those 5 names too!) and go by my maiden name professionally. Ultimately though it's a personal thing between each couple. Tony really wanted me to change my name to his and I agreed that because I was married, it made sense to me to change my name to his. I will be honest, the process has made me feel more married and my new name, though it's only been a year, really rolls of the tongue now. I like it and it's definitely "my" name.

-- In response to the attorneys reply the first one.. your name doesn't make you who you are and changing it doesn't change who you are, but professionally, your name DOES make you who you are especially in regards to referrals and reputations etc, which is why I wouldn't change it professionally, but I would legally and socially.

[amykathleen2005 441]

• Would the Visa CO understand at interview why I have chosen to keep my maiden name? I think they would understand, although if there are other factors against your case then it might be something to add to their suspicions. I don't think the name on its own would cause a problem.
• Would the Visa CO understand why I have 5 names total if I just added his to all of mine? I have no idea.... lol.
• Would my husband (foreigner or not), understand why I am not using his last name professionally and only socially? If your husband wants to marry a professional and modern woman than he should accept that you will do with your name as you please.
• Would the clients or patients know how to find me if I changed my name? This one might be difficult, if I had a well established practice and was known by my old name for a long time I might be hesitant to change it as well.
• What would it cost me at the bottom line in time and money? It won't really cost that much to change it. Social security is free to change, basically passports, greencards, licenses, etc. need to be changed for a fee.
• What would it cost our marriage, bottom line? Probably nothing if as I said your husband knows the woman he is marrying, which I am assuming he does.

FYI I hyphenated my maiden and new names. For one to honor both parts of my life and family, as well as for aesthetic purposes because Amy and my husband's last name end in a 'y' sound so it would not have sounded as nice.

[caeremonarius 26]

Let's say, you are a professional woman who is well-established and newly married. Would you change your surname to his?

Or, you're a newly married man and your wife is established in her profession. What would your input be?

I've been thinking about all the formalities from a marriage aspect and a professional aspect. For fun, I even spoke to a couple lawyer girlfriends (one is immigration law, the other is family law).

I had questions like:

• Would the Visa CO understand at interview why I have chosen to keep my maiden name?
• Would the Visa CO understand why I have 5 names total if I just added his to all of mine? LOL
• Would my husband (foreigner or not), understand why I am not using his last name professionally and only socially?
• Would the clients or patients know how to find me if I changed my name?
• What would it cost me at the bottom line in time and money?
• What would it cost our marriage, bottom line?

I thought it would interesting to see what the VJ family would say (guys and gals of course!)

• They probably won't care.
• Again, they probably won't care
• It would depend on your husband.
• If you let them know ahead of time, yes.
• There's no charge to change your name based on marriage.
• It would depend on your husband.

I'm a male U.S. citizen of Filipino background. I'd grown up in the U.S. always assuming that my wife would take my name, and, following Filipino custom, use her maiden name as her middle name. Then, our children would have my last name; they would have her maiden name as a middle name.

Fast forward to today: my wife is Spanish. In Spain, women keep their maiden name their whole lives, regardless of whether they marry. Everyone generally has two last names: their father's last name as the first last name, and their mother's as their second. I'd assumed that she would continue with that national tradition (in fact, I encouraged her to do so), but SHE was the one insistent that she take my last name (essentially replacing her second last name with my name). For me, it made not a bit of difference whether or not she took my name, but for her it was very important.

Nowadays, a lot of women keep their own name because of their professional standing. I know a very conservative couple in which the wife has kept her maiden name (Mrs. Smith), while her husband and her children share his last name (Mr. Jones, John Jones, Cindy Jones, etc.). It's not made the slightest difference in their married lives. Everyone knows that Mrs. Smith is married to Mr. Jones, and that she's the mother of the Jones children.

I know of female physicians who, after getting married, do take their husband's last names. Their patients all understand the name change without any issue. The biggest problem would probably changing the name with the licensing board and insurance companies. I know other female physicians who just keep their own name, probably for the sake of convenience. Again, regardless of what you decide, it's up to you. How it would affect your marriage would depend on your husband.

Good luck!

AJ

[reeses16 8]

When we got married, I kept my name. My reasons were: (1) I like my name, (2) in my husband's culture women do not change their name after marriage, (3) I didn't want the hassle of changing my SS Card, bank info, driver's license, etc. (4) I have an established name in my field (publications, etc).

Every now and then I think about changing my last name to my husband's. At first, I was really worried about my professional name, but then I realized I was the only one making a big deal about it. People get married (and divorced) all the time, names change and everyone copes. : ) I'll be keeping my name as it boils down to the fact that I like it and I'm lazy (I don't want to change everything). We have agreed that our children will take his last name. Also, I'm pretty relaxed if people call me by my hubby's last name. I only care if it's on legal documents or insurance/medical bills.

It never came up as an issue in an immigration interview.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Many female co-workers keep their maiden name in my field. Most people are known by name and they just stick to what's known.

[Jenn! 918]

I kept my maiden name. I still run into some people that are clearly confused by the fact that my last name is different than my son's, but it hasn't caused any problems.

Edited January 11, 2011 by Jenn!

[Diana and Chris 25]

Professionally let's take the example of a big successful enterprise: Would you change your logo after it being a very well known trademark for your product? I don't think so, I'd stick to it. (The Logo for a Person Being the Name)

My freelance employers have a direct contact with me, they would still call me by my maiden name and won't even have to know of my name change since I don't interact with them face to face, just email communication and eventual voice calls on Skype. (Graphic Design, Web Site Designing, and Web Mastering) As to working in the States, well... my new employer would get to know me by my "new" name.

Now personally, I'm the one moving to a new country, so it wont be "that" hard. Chris has asked me to change my name to his and I will do so. At first it was a little hard to accept, since in Guatemala your name goes like this: First Name - Second Name - Fathers Last Name - Mothers Last Name; After you are married here you use it like this: First Name - Second Name - (an OF) Husbands Last Name - Fathers Last Name. Id always keep my own plus my husbands if I was to stay in my country, but I've really welcomed the idea of changing it. It's even a tin romantic for me that he asked me to change it. (I know, duper super old school xD)

As for the rest of the official "to do" things... I do not have a clue of the costs or paperwork yet, but I'm sure I'll get into the whole ordeal once I get there.

Huge hug to you Mari!

Diana.

[Nick&Elena 1]

I will change.

First russians change their maiden names except famous women (they prefer to add husbamds name via hyphen.

Also since I'm going to live in the US, I'll have less problems with nationalists compare staying with my russian surname.

Next I don't want to have different surname with my future kids.

Then my husbands sirname sounds good and suits with my first name.

My husband wants me to change it on his.

Pity that I'll lose part of my russian origin, but honestly my sirname is not very beautiful to keep it and I always wanted to change on something more exotic. About profession and governments I don't really care. I'm still building my career and I'll start from scratch with my new surname.

Edited January 11, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Thanks for the invite.

As a male and if married I would allow my wife to use her maiden name in her professional life as it could impact her career then do affect our personal life.

[Mariye & Ky 172]

Professionally let's take the example of a big successful enterprise: Would you change your logo after it being a very well known trademark for your product? I don't think so, I'd stick to it. (The Logo for a Person Being the Name)

My freelance employers have a direct contact with me, they would still call me by my maiden name and won't even have to know of my name change since I don't interact with them face to face, just email communication and eventual voice calls on Skype. (Graphic Design, Web Site Designing, and Web Mastering) As to working in the States, well... my new employer would get to know me by my "new" name.

Now personally, I'm the one moving to a new country, so it wont be "that" hard. Chris has asked me to change my name to his and I will do so. At first it was a little hard to accept, since in Guatemala your name goes like this: First Name - Second Name - Fathers Last Name - Mothers Last Name; After you are married here you use it like this: First Name - Second Name - (an OF) Husbands Last Name - Fathers Last Name. Id always keep my own plus my husbands if I was to stay in my country, but I've really welcomed the idea of changing it. It's even a tin romantic for me that he asked me to change it. (I know, duper super old school xD)

As for the rest of the official "to do" things... I do not have a clue of the costs or paperwork yet, but I'm sure I'll get into the whole ordeal once I get there.

Huge hug to you Mari!

Diana.

Thanks Diana! I just read yours and its very interesting for me to see what others do around the world. Name changes seem pretty simple for the most part and nationals do what is typically traditional, unless something like profession, or personal choices within the couple differs from traditional. But your example about being a major company in big business... Good analogy!!! LOVED IT!

[Hicham♥Sara 15]

Let's say, you are a professional woman who is well-established and newly married. Would you change your surname to his?

Or, you're a newly married man and your wife is established in her profession. What would your input be?

I've been thinking about all the formalities from a marriage aspect and a professional aspect. For fun, I even spoke to a couple lawyer girlfriends (one is immigration law, the other is family law).

I had questions like:

• Would the Visa CO understand at interview why I have chosen to keep my maiden name?
• Would the Visa CO understand why I have 5 names total if I just added his to all of mine? LOL
• Would my husband (foreigner or not), understand why I am not using his last name professionally and only socially?
• Would the clients or patients know how to find me if I changed my name?
• What would it cost me at the bottom line in time and money?
• What would it cost our marriage, bottom line?

Here's what the attorney's offered up when I asked them what they would do:

1. I'm not 20 yrs old anymore.... I am who I am. BTW, You're not 20 yrs old anymore either. (Ha ha ha ha really?)
2. It's a cultural question. What do you want to do? (LOL of course put it back in my lap)
3. If you have assets, decide to take his name, you'll have to change all of the documents, unless you want to keep those all to yourself... then, leave them alone. They were yours before you married.
4. Tell you what, you stay married for ten years and I'll make all the changes on all your papers to his name!
5. Here, can I buy you a drink? You look confused.

I thought it would interesting to see what the VJ family would say (guys and gals of course!)

I Can't answer one hundred percent for sure about the CO but I would imagine that being they are American, they will understand that it is really up to you on what you do with your name. I think your husband is the only one that can asnwer the question on if he would understand!

I think you can make a way for clients to know you, for example sending out a newsletter to your client base, the cost would be probably in changing so many things as a professional, cards and such.. but it is legally free to change your namewhen you have a life changing event such as marriage or divorce. as far as personally, I love my future husbands name and I will gladly take it. I am still on the fence of whether or not to keep my current last name from my first marriage, only for the sake of my children. But when I say that last name with mine it just does not feel right. I feel like I just dont belong. So I am pretty sure I am going to lose my current last name and take his

[Mariye & Ky 172]

I am so impressed with this VJ family for the replies I am reading here on this thread. Everyone has been so positive and friendly! I really appreciate each of you.

One thing I love about the VJ forum is the connection between the people around the world and the ability to learn from one another. Different cultures, faiths and languages and the mingling between foreign nationals with USC's[ some with sub-cultures, like AJ's and myself, even]... it's really heart-warming. To have each of you while we go through this VJ, is nothing less than my deepest regard and respect. Friendships are invaluable to me.

That being said, I am learning about the name change and what will influence my decision. It's something I am old school about, sub-cultured (USC- AmeriFlip), professionized, and the love of Kadir's culture. I love the idea of honoring my father's name... I think my parents deserve the credit for my lonnnnnnnng time schooling and what they had to put up with!! LOL

I am [hesitant // lazy... shhhhhh lol], that I will also go through the basic legalities too because it's a lot of work. ** I called my national boards and they told me they will change my license to my legal name, whatever that is and I will be listed as such. In other words, if I use my maiden name as middle name, I am still listed as married name professionally. Representative was unsure about hyphenated names for some reason.

YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE and I LOVE YOU VJ FAMILY!

Mari

[thelastpetitioner 218]

the plan is to change it.it has always been,im accepting him as my husband so i think i should accept his name as well. but thats just me,i know SO feels the same way,he expected my from the moment he proposed to take his last name,because he feels thats right,then again we are hella old school and traditional even tho we are only 20 and 26.

plus my iranian first name is VERY hard to pronounce for american,i can only imagine how many people a day would struggle with pronouncing my last name.

PS: im changing my first name too,its yasaman,which is too long,ima shorten it to yas.i hate having to teaching people how to say it.

[Diana and Chris 25]

My dad is always joking around with the whole name change after he saw Chris call me by my future married name on Facebook. He says that Chris has to adopt my last name if I'm losing my dad's name!

I told Chris but he didn't really agree with the whole thing... maybe if I sweet talk him into it?

Edited January 11, 2011 by Diana and Chris