My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[Merrillizer 0]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

[Old Dominion 26]

Don't count on ICE acting anytime soon. I don't mean to seem rude, but they generally have bigger fish to fry.

Seems like the two of you were not a match from the start, and that's sad.

[N/A 0]

Sounds like what has happen to me ...sorry to hear too..

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

i think the main thing that counts is she's out of your house.

[Sandrila 1]

Before I read any further I just want to say I am sorry that you have been treated so unkindly.

I am glad you are strong enough to pursue the correct route. There is a breaking point for all of us and

after all the chances you gave, enough is enough. You have respect for yourself....she didn't have that for you

or for herself. I mean to have such a good chance and go about things they way she did and is doing. A pathetic example of

a human being if you ask me. Talk about callous, selfish and unappreciative......not to mention stupid and self destructive.

It just never ceases to amaze me how people use and abuse.

Good Luck to you in the future, stand your ground!

Edited April 7, 2009 by sandrila

[Nikita2Charles 31]

Sorry to hear about your plight, what goes around comes around, just take it with courag, as for the immigration factor as long as she's out of the house, it's fine if you were still living together I would be extremely cautious to the point of leaving the house and get an appt until the divorce or when she leaves, because she can claim abuse to try to do adjust of status by herself with immigration

[forever_green 0]

I have no idea about the answer to your questions but I do feel sorry for you. Obviously, you deserve someone better. Your wife doesn't know how much she has lost - not just her visa but a husband who is willing to forgive her and love her. God bless you.

[nowhereman 1]

A sad story... it's easy for an objective observer to see that you were played but when you are in the middle of the mess & in love its easy to gloss over obvious red flags. All I can say is never, ever take her back. Good luck!

[Cuchita 1]

Sad to hear there are so many retarded women, cause going thru all this immigration process and at the end finish a relationship like that! c'mon.

I hope you get rid of her asap, ICE or no ICE involved!.

Take care,

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Before I read any further I just want to say I am sorry that you have been treated so unkindly.

I am glad you are strong enough to pursue the correct route. There is a breaking point for all of us and

after all the chances you gave, enough is enough. You have respect for yourself....she didn't have that for you

or for herself. I mean to have such a good chance and go about things they way she did and is doing. A pathetic example of

a human being if you ask me. Talk about callous, selfish and unappreciative......not to mention stupid and self destructive.

It just never ceases to amaze me how people use and abuse.

Good Luck to you in the future, stand your ground!

You put it well. Like Charles said, the main thing is that she's out of the house, and more or less out of your hair -- and I can't believe she had the audacity to arrange a restraining order against you. At least you have evidence to prove that she was having a relationship outside of your marriage. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but once this is over, hopefully you'll be able to move on and start rebuilding your life -- and find someone who genuinely cares about you.

:: Hug :: Hang in there! It'll all turn out okay.

Magpie.

[justashooter 430]

brother, you have given this one way too much. it is time to pull back and take care of yourself. throw her stuff on the lawn and change the locks. if you're in a small town, go see the sherrif and let him know what is going on so you don't get blindsided. if she shows up on the porch and throws a fit, call the cops and tell them she's trying to hurt you or herself. if she brings the cops explain to them that she had a place to live for a month, and had another guy to shag, too. they will walk her through the house and let her collect her toothbrush.

you need to find a counselor to talk to about this. internet boards are full of people who've been there and done that, but you really need some one on one time with a pro to get yourself back on track and out from under this girl's feet. your opinion of yourself is too low right now, and you need support for tonight, and the days ahead.

have no more contact with this person or any of her friends/coworkers. you want to be entirely out of the picture. the more out of the picture you are, the smaller the target you present. the smaller the target, the fewer the hits you'll take.

best of luck to you in the process.

[Jo1973 0]

Not sure whether my info will be correct, but where she has all of a sudden got a restraining order on you, she might be trying to claim VAWA (not sure the correct initials there), so that she can stay here.

One good thing is you have the USCIS letter that pre-dates her restraining order date, make sure you take that to your court hearing.

Hope all goes well at your court hearing.

[Rainschild 0]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have te strenght to move on.

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

I used to work at a family law firm. It is extremely common for women who are seeking divorce to get a restraining order. In some law firms, it's considered standard for women to file for one at the same time they file for divorce.

Sorry for your situation.

[griz30 0]

You are a better man than me....I would have bought her a ticket by now and took her to the airport.....