K1 denied and humanitarian denied x2 .need help please!!

[Lemonslice 4,555]

Belgium and Germany nursing positions available for current federal employees.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

He is not the source of all your single parenting pain. You are an adult who got pregnant by a man you knew isn't a US citizen. I don't think it's fair to blame him for ALL of that.

It's obvious as day you do not want to move. You are not able to go into it with a positive mind frame. You are looking at all the negatives and ignoring the positives. I've never been there but England cannot be that horrible.

Divorce and move on. Good Luck!

[Ischnura 285]

Very backwards? Gee thanks. . . you wouldn't fit in with that attitude anyhoo. Good thing you've no plans or desires to go live there. -.-

[Unlockable 7,306]

He is not the source of all your single parenting pain. You are an adult who got pregnant by a man you knew isn't a US citizen. I don't think it's fair to blame him for ALL of that.

It's obvious as day you do not want to move. You are not able to go into it with a positive mind frame. You are looking at all the negatives and ignoring the positives. I've never been there but England cannot be that horrible.

Divorce and move on. Good Luck!

100% agreed to Lioness's comment.

OP,

You went to HIS country, fell in love, started a family, then returned to the states, and you are now upset with HIM because he can't leave his life behind and follow you here???

You have a UK visa in hand. Which means you raising your daughter alone is YOUR decision. You being separated from husband is YOUR decision.

Take some responsibility in your actions. You anger and frustration are misdirected. Start looking in the mirror more.

[RN1234 2]

For clarification purposes,neither my husband nor I knew that his criminal background was going to be an issue. We both have never dated people outside of our country and I was extremely clueless.

We had an attorney file our k-1 and she was told about my hubbys criminal past but she never said anything about it! After the denial she was shocked and she really had no experience with clients with criminal records. So all in all it was a big fat mess!!

Anyways thanks everyone for your opinions. I have been contemplating divorce for 3 years now and have yet not pulled the trigger so clearly there is love and hope there for things to work out.

I just desperately want my child to have her dad around 24/7 and I want us to love each other like we used to, but I guess one of my biggest fears is God forbid but what IF I go there and try my hardest and it doesn't work then what?

I left my entire job and high salary, security and stability and come back to nothing!! And start all over from ground zero again!! I mean to be honest this is the second time I would be leaving a job for my husband. I have done it once before and I just don't know how many more times I can keep doing this.

Anyways thanks for the advice. My parents don't want me moving they wanted me to divorce my hubby since 2013 so that's why I like to hear other people's perspective. But I'm going to put my big girl panties on and move for my child's sake.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

For clarification purposes,neither my husband nor I knew that his criminal background was going to be an issue. We both have never dated people outside of our country and I was extremely clueless.

We had an attorney file our k-1 and she was told about my hubbys criminal past but she never said anything about it! After the denial she was shocked and she really had no experience with clients with criminal records. So all in all it was a big fat mess!!

Anyways thanks everyone for your opinions. I have been contemplating divorce for 3 years now and have yet not pulled the trigger so clearly there is love and hope there for things to work out.

I just desperately want my child to have her dad around 24/7 and I want us to love each other like we used to, but I guess one of my biggest fears is God forbid but what IF I go there and try my hardest and it doesn't work then what?

I left my entire job and high salary, security and stability and come back to nothing!! And start all over from ground zero again!! I mean to be honest this is the second time I would be leaving a job for my husband. I have done it once before and I just don't know how many more times I can keep doing this.

Anyways thanks for the advice. My parents don't want me moving they wanted me to divorce my hubby since 2013 so that's why I like to hear other people's perspective. But I'm going to put my big girl panties on and move for my child's sake.

I wish you well but I honestly think this is a bold last resort move by all you state. You sound unhappy and you risk a lot if you feel the way you do. If you were happy and content with the only option given you guys I would say move it will work but you dislike the country you resent the hubby and you wanna love again like before.

I hope it works for the best. I as a parent know it's a decision made for your child and that's brownie points in heaven. I wish you the best.

BUT, if you are not 100 don't do it no one can judge you for that. Sometimes people come into our lives for a lesson for a season.

Good luck?

Edited May 26, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Villanelle 4,121]

I know my other comment was off track. I did read the whole thread but missed the part where it was said they tried to change the conviction. ...

Honestly at this point there is nothing anyone can do for him unless the laws change. Right now your only hope is to change the conviction. If thats not possible then thats it I guess.

It really is a bad situation and Im very sorry. You stated you know nothing about immigration or rather knew nothing before getting into it and I suspect you have no knowledge about parenting rights and international 'kidnapping'/ custody laws. If you take your child to the UK and it doesnt work out you may not be returning home with your child. Dual citizen yes I know but custody is a different story. Look into it before you make a decision.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I just desperately want my child to have her dad around 24/7 and I want us to love each other like we used to, but I guess one of my biggest fears is God forbid but what IF I go there and try my hardest and it doesn't work then what?

I left my entire job and high salary, security and stability and come back to nothing!! And start all over from ground zero again!! I mean to be honest this is the second time I would be leaving a job for my husband. I have done it once before and I just don't know how many more times I can keep doing this.

What does not kill us makes us stronger.

I don't know why you think working somewhere else would make you come back and start over from scratch. Experience matters, and you'll be gaining it the whole time.

[*Snowdrop* 603]

It's less of a risk if you go with a real commitment to 'go for it' and as positive an attitude as you can muster.

If you make a big move like this halfheartedly then you will be tempted to pack it all in and fly home at the first martial argument and that would be a huge waste of money, effort and distress for your child.

At the moment you are using a HUGE amount of emotional energy to try to fight the US immigration system, being angry at your spouse, feeling resentful about having to move. It must be exhausting. What if you could take all that energy and use it towards making a positive plan for the next five years - a plan which would be enriching for both you and your child.

- The UK has lots of really cool things to offer you both - you might need to experiment a bit to find the right part of the UK to fit your personality and needs but I'm positive you could find a place which is not too 'backward' for you.

- There are lots of things in place for families in the UK such as child benefit payments, 15 hours of free childcare each week for 2-3 year olds, free school lunches for all 4-5 year olds. If you do some research you can find really lovely public schools. Free public transport for the under 5s (usually)

- You can use the UK as a base to explore and travel across Europe - your daughter could have some amazing experiences in France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Switzerland, etc etc - she could remember these enriching years for the rest of her life.

- Even if you only stay five years it's a wonderful opportunity for your daughter to really get the chance to bond with her UK family and heritage

- Plan for this to be a career enriching experience for you too, even if you had to go back to the US and start job hunting again - I'm pretty sure you could spin your international career experience into a positive things for your resume.

And of course, I am a worrier and a planner too, so 'hope for the best, plan for the worst'.

Make sure you leave yourself organised and set up back in the US for whenever you return - perhaps just for a visit, perhaps not. Make sure you have at least one bank account and credit card active, work out when you will need to renew driver's licence etc. And as mentioned above - do look into international custody issues and discuss this with your spouse.

[EmilyW 1,222]

I left my high paying executive role to move to the US. It took me five weeks to find an equivalent role. I've landed well and truly on my feet and the wheels are turning just as I hoped they would. It's hard to walk away from safety, but there is something liberating about walking into the unknown. That's what life SHOULD be. A magical journey. Not a heads down march to the retirement zone. You don't want to get to 80 and think 'I wish I had...' You want to get to 80 and think 'Remember when....'

You're smart. You're qualified. You're capable. You can do this. Don't be scared and don't underestimate yourself. :-)

[JFH 12,189]

go see a therapist for your own sake. You know they are usually at least 50% covered by US crappy insurances.

And in the "backwards" UK it would be covered 100% without even needing to pay an insurance premium.

So, yeah, it's so terrible here and such an awful place to live.

[JFH 12,189]

Whatever you do, OP, don't let your hatred for the UK reveal itself to your child. I say that not just because I am from the UK but as a child of parents from two different countries. When they divorced each parent felt a hatred towards the other country. And they made it obvious. That hurt me, I'm as much one country as I am the other. Your child is as much British as she is American, wherever you raise her. That's her heritage. That's who she is. It was your choice to make a baby with her father, not hers. Don't visit your resentment of the mess you've got yourself into on her. She's done nothing wrong. She should be allowed to experience the UK and meet her grandparents and cousins there. That may mean you have to take her there on a plane one day. Try to enjoy it, for her sake.

You said you might be prepared to give living in the UK a try, for your child's sake. Was there ever a greater reason to do anything than for the happiness and wellbeing of your child?

Edited May 28, 2016 by JFH