Rant/emotional advice

[roughlyworried 5]

Hello all, just had a little rant and wanted to know how some others have dealt with issues similar to mine. I’m currently with my wife in a third country waiting (10 months into the I-130). Her and I are both leaving back to our home countries out of necessity in 2 weeks after living together for almost a year. In this time, I have gotten even more incredibly close to her, and I’m already mourning the fact that I will have to split with her at the airport. And if I knew for sure that I would see her again, perhaps I could deal with it. But the uncertainty and odd things/red flags of our case makes me feel like there’s a chance I won’t see her again. Also the state of the world, if something happens and we are separated…it’s safe to say it’s really getting to me. Im trying to enjoy these final weeks with her, but it’s overshadowed with the reminder that it won’t be much longer and I won’t have her next to me. How has everyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

[Rocio0010 5,577]

2 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

red flags of our case

Well, what are those? Share them and we can tell you if it is something to really worry about.

 

2 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

How has everyone else dealt with this?

I am pretty sure that people will tell you that they deal with this the best way they can. Some can visit each other, some cannot. Video chatting and daily calls help. 

[Pleasework89 46]

What are your reasons for not being able to live together? Why are future visits to her home country not possible?

[Mike E 11,730]

2 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

And if I knew for sure that I would see her again, perhaps I could deal with it.
[…]

 How has everyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

There was never any concern in our relationship that we would not see each other again. We met every 2-4 months since October 2015 up to the date of her embassy interview in December 2018. 
 

Not knowing why you can’t see each other again unless and until  she gets an immigration visa, I am not able to relate.  

[carmel34 3,538]

I remember your other posts, listing your concerns about online Utah marriage, etc.  Living together with your spouse for 10 months should make for a strong case if you sent evidence of that.  Living apart is a difficult part of US immigration most of us have had to deal with after marriage.  I remember crying like a baby after our honeymoon, saying goodbye at the airport in Sao Paulo.  We survived with daily messages and video calls, and frequent visits to see each other, at least once every 2 or 3 months.  When you return to the US, I would suggest that you add your spouse to your health insurance, and as beneficiary on your retirement accounts, bank accounts, and as an authorized user for a credit card.  Include all of the additional evidence at the NVC stage, after the I-130 petition is approved.  Good luck with the final stage of the process!

[roughlyworried 5]

3 hours ago, Rocio0010 said:

Well, what are those? Share them and we can tell you if it is something to really worry about. 

Getting married online before meeting each other in person, short time (2.5 months) dating, conflictions with address and work history from I-130 and what was on previous tourist applications.

[roughlyworried 5]

2 hours ago, Pleasework89 said:

What are your reasons for not being able to live together? Why are future visits to her home country not possible?

Our visas are expiring in the third country we are staying and we can’t find jobs in other countries because of lack of college degrees
 

 visits aren’t possible to China simply because China has a strict zero-covid policy. Theres also the factor that since May of this year it’s gotten more difficult to leave mainland china. Only reasons an immigration officer considers “necessary” are accepted. Which makes traveling to a third country a lot more difficult if not risky for my wife. 
 

 

[roughlyworried 5]

2 hours ago, carmel34 said:

I remember your other posts, listing your concerns about online Utah marriage, etc.  Living together with your spouse for 10 months should make for a strong case if you sent evidence of that.  Living apart is a difficult part of US immigration most of us have had to deal with after marriage.  I remember crying like a baby after our honeymoon, saying goodbye at the airport in Sao Paulo.  We survived with daily messages and video calls, and frequent visits to see each other, at least once every 2 or 3 months.  When you return to the US, I would suggest that you add your spouse to your health insurance, and as beneficiary on your retirement accounts, bank accounts, and as an authorized user for a credit card.  Include all of the additional evidence at the NVC stage, after the I-130 petition is approved.  Good luck with the final stage of the process!

Yes, I do have quite a few concerns. There are probably not deal breakers, but the anxiety definitely kills me in this scenario of having to seperate and not having a definite time frame or date when I know I will see her again.

 

and yea, I can definitely sympathize. Leaving your partner at the airport is totally unnatural imo, and I wish this whole process was better suited to relationships. I’ve already done this once before when I had to leave her, she was able to stay in the third country waiting for me to come back. This time around she is going back to China…and they things are going over there are very frightening for freedom of movement and travel.

[STO Overland 137]

We have experienced a couple of periods as a married couple (and about a dozen when we were dating as we lived in different States) where we have had to say "goodbye" at the airport and wondered when we'd next see each other. We always knew that we'd see each other but the same time, our departures brought a sense of foreboding that neither of us enjoyed.

 

In our business (oilfield), it is expected by our Company and by ourselves that we will need to spend time overseas and that would mean time apart. The first time as a married couple, my wife was 3 months pregnant, and our company wouldn't let her move with me to Scotland until a replacement had been sought and brought into place. Tears were flowing at New Orleans airport that day as there were many unknowns as to when she could make it over. The second time, our second kid was only 5 weeks old when I had to depart for my new assignment in India  but because my wife was on maternity leave, her work visa was not going to be ready any time soon so instead she stayed home to clear up our UK affairs including selling our home, cars, etc etc before departing for the US to await the visa and to spend some quality time with her family and the kids. My wife is a trooper. Tough as nails. Took everything in her stride but I am going off in a tangent.

 

Both times were extremely hard, sure there was such a thing as video calls back in 2006 but pictures were scratchy, and it was a waste of time. The second time we had facetime, and we would try to facetime as often as we could however the time differences between the US and India made it difficult combined with me traveling around the country and the region for ongoing business. All this led to the uncertainty of when we would ever see each other. I would often wonder on lonely trips around India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh if what I was doing was actually worth this. It always is when looking back.

 

I can't explain the feelings that went through us during these periods, but the uncertainty of when I was going to not only see my wife but also our kids was gut wrenching. You couldn't even discuss it with your colleagues because the majority go through the same process when you work in the oil patch and if you ever bring it up, you can see it in their eyes "yeah, so...happens to us all. Dry your eyes, son", even though just under the skin, they're dreading their next move. And they're right in their thinking because it happens, and I suspect you will get a similar thinking on a message board like visajourney.com.

 

I couldn't even bring it up with my dad because if I did, he would hash out the same story that we always got from him about him and mum moving to South Africa at 21 & 20 and me being 2 months old: how his mum, or my nan was unsure for almost 8 months if her son, daughter-in-law and her first grandson were still alive because a departing plane, two in front of ours, had crashed on takeoff (you can look it up, Heathrow airport crash 1972). Even my dad didn't know about the crash until he read nan's letter. Nan didn't know if we were on it and only after receiving a confirmation return of letter could she sigh a sense of relief: I guess communications to South Africa weren't as good as today, even 2006 scratchy video call would have made my nan happy. "Dry your eyes, son" I'm guessing my dad is going to say. Everything will work out

Edited October 10, 2022 by STO Overland

[carmel34 3,538]

6 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

what was on previous tourist applications

This could be an issue if there was any misrepresentation.

[Mel.King 23]

14 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

 How has everyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

 

It's incredibly hard! We were in a similar situation - my husband and I worked in a 3rd country when we started this process and he left for the US with our 2 kids in December last year. I ended up staying alone in the third country instead of going back to my home country because I could still keep my job and income that I won't have if I move back. While it was a good financial decision, it is very lonely here with no family 😞 Back in December we didn't know how long it was going to take as we were dealing with tax issues and RFE from the NVC as well as a huge uphill battle to get my birth certificate (I paid a ton of money to get it only to get the wrong one, twice. Pleasures of dealing with the South African government). 

 

I can't even tell you how many nights I've spend crying myself to sleep. It's been the worse experience of my life and I don't wish it upon my worse enemy. But here are some things we did that helped ease the pain a little bit:

 

1) We watched Netflix together. We would just both play the movie at the same time while video calling. We love Stranger Things and saw the first seasons way back, so we watched the new one while video calling. This creates some fun and anticipation - "What's gonna happen next? I can't wait for the next episode, let's watch it on Saturday so we can binge it together!"

2) We love the MotoGP, so we would watch that together on Sundays and chat about it. Maybe if you share a sport interest?

3) Our time difference is 12 hours apart, which worked out not that bad. So we would decide on a meal to cook and both cook it together while video calling (yeah, I had some Indian curries and beer for breakfasts many times) 

4) We play Fortnite together! This turned out actually to be loads of fun because you can talk to each other while playing. We even had family sessions where the kids joined and all 4 of us played squads. I've gotten quite good at Fortnite, lol! Maybe you can play an online game together?

5) We learned a new skill together - the rubics cube. We both learned how to do it from Youtube and showed each other different methods and timed each other completing it while video calling. So yeah, I can now complete the rubics cube. 

6) I did their shopping from the Walmart app! This was great because it felt like I was helping and involved, and they got a surprise every time they got the groceries because I would add something fun or new or something I know they liked in there. 

7) Then constant messaging - this was nice but also depressing because every morning I would wake up to swarms of pictures of them doing fun stuff in the US. While it was great to get photos of them it did just remind me that I am not there. But I still loved waking up to messages and pictures every morning. 

😎 We met up in South Africa for their summer holiday (We're both teachers so that helps - get holidays off). But with your wife being in China I know that makes it difficult for you to do.

 

None of this compares to time actually being together. Also back the NVC stage we dealt with loads of uncertainty, not knowing when the end will be in sight, and if there is even going to be an end line! We are nearing the end now, my interview is next Tuesday, and I still have tons of anxiety about it. I am terrified something will go wrong and that I'll be placed on AP!!!

 

You guys can get through it OP. It's not gonna be fun, it sucks, and it really puts your relationship to the test, but love will prevail! Most ppl on here have gone through this, and while they will all agree that it's the absolute worse, I know they will all say it was totally worth it. Just adjust your mindset, and think big picture. Keep the end goal in sight! 

 

I wish you all the best! 

 

[ilikepotatoes 37]

19 hours ago, roughlyworried said:

Hello all, just had a little rant and wanted to know how some others have dealt with issues similar to mine. I’m currently with my wife in a third country waiting (10 months into the I-130). Her and I are both leaving back to our home countries out of necessity in 2 weeks after living together for almost a year. In this time, I have gotten even more incredibly close to her, and I’m already mourning the fact that I will have to split with her at the airport. And if I knew for sure that I would see her again, perhaps I could deal with it. But the uncertainty and odd things/red flags of our case makes me feel like there’s a chance I won’t see her again. Also the state of the world, if something happens and we are separated…it’s safe to say it’s really getting to me. Im trying to enjoy these final weeks with her, but it’s overshadowed with the reminder that it won’t be much longer and I won’t have her next to me. How has everyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

The fact that you two have been living together for close to a year greatly strengthens your case. The best evidence you can present is evidence of time spent together and you’ve certainly had that. Definitely a positive thing! 

[Pleasework89 46]

As a spouse, you should be able to have a visa to visit her. Family and business travel is allowed. I have just renewed my family reunion visa. You should apply for it in the states, it doesn't hurt to try? 

 

Also make sure to have multiple ways to contact her. A couple a weeks ago I had a hard time getting on my usual form of communication and was unable to contact my family in the U.S. 

 

Good luck! 

[roughlyworried 5]

40 minutes ago, Pleasework89 said:

As a spouse, you should be able to have a visa to visit her. Family and business travel is allowed. I have just renewed my family reunion visa. You should apply for it in the states, it doesn't hurt to try? 

 

Also make sure to have multiple ways to contact her. A couple a weeks ago I had a hard time getting on my usual form of communication and was unable to contact my family in the U.S. 

 

Good luck! 

Possible, but I have to first register our US marriage with the Chinese embassy which is more difficult then it sounds. They want additional authentication from the lieutenant governor of Utah and the department of state. Takes quite a few months. Not to mention, from my understanding you can’t work on a Q1/Q2 visa correct? And the max stay time is 6 months? If that’s the case, it’s very hard for me to go over there long term and have no income. 
 

about the communication, yea we have wechat, but we lost both of our numbers for wechat (even though it still works). I also have her email and she knows both of mine by heart. Also have her mother, brother, and family’s wechats. What do you use? Considering most communication apps are banned in China.