Walking on Eggshells with Divorce

[A110 80]

My relationship with my S.O is slowly detoroating to a state that seems hard to rescue. We are arguing on a weekly basis and seem to have different opinions regarding most things. It is my understanding that if we were to separate she and her family would not be very helpful with regards to my immigration status. I will be eligble to file in late novermber but honestly don't know if we can survive another year (minimum time for 751 these days). As for evidence we have plenty 

1. Joint tax returns, joint bank accounts, joint investment accounts
2. 3 big trips together
3. multiple small trips (Amtrack, bus tickets) 
4. She cosigning my student loans
5. Joint lease 
6. Joint insurance and dental
7. having each other as beneficiary on 401k accounts
8. So many pictures together
9. Being invited to weddings as a couple 
10. Being from the same country

The thing is I think we will file jointly but I am not sure if our marriage will survive the duration of how things are moving forward. I know that I can file joint and change it later but will that hurt my ROC chances? Honestly I am kinda lost in what to do with regards to my marriage and this ROC thing. I don't want to drag the marriage when we are so different but I don't know what are my options if my 751 gets dragged for 3 years with a waiver just like many divorce cases here.

[OldUser 5,060]

Hey @Dude41

First of all, sorry to hear your marriage is having problems.

 

1. Have you guys considered marriage counselling?

2. What state are you in? Based on this you may need to be separated for a while before you can divorce.

 

Yes, you can file jointly, but you need to be living together in marital union prior to and when filing, and until your I-751 is approved. Yes, you can change to divorce waiver while your I-751 is pending. If change to divorce waiver, you need to be able to provide divorce decree in timely fashion (I think, usually 90 days of receiving RFE).

 

Another thing to think about: if there are threats etc from your spouse, make sure to keep all important docs (IDs, evidence etc) safe. You never know whether they'd want to destroy it (so make cloud copies and keep physical copies safe).

 

Maybe consult with an immigration lawyer (I know, many on this forum don't like it) to see what they recommend.

 

P.S Expect I-751 to drag regardless to whether you file jointly or with a waiver. It's a sad reality we live in nowadays

Edited September 15, 2022 by OldUser

[OldUser 5,060]

Also, regardless of how you file, you will receive a 24 month extension letter shortly after filing, allowing you to live normal life and travel outside the country should you need to.

[A110 80]

14 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Hey @Dude41

First of all, sorry to hear your marriage is having problems.

 

1. Have you guys considered marriage counselling?

2. What state are you in? Based on this you may need to be separated for a while before you can divorce.

 

Yes, you can file jointly, but you need to be living together in marital union prior to and when filing, and until your I-751 is approved. Yes, you can change to divorce waiver while your I-751 is pending. If change to divorce waiver, you need to be able to provide divorce decree in timely fashion (I think, usually 90 days of receiving RFE).

 

Another thing to think about: if there are threats etc from your spouse, make sure to keep all important docs (IDs, evidence etc) safe. You never know whether they'd want to destroy it (so make cloud copies and keep physical copies safe).

 

Maybe consult with an immigration lawyer (I know, many on this forum don't like it) to see what they recommend.

 

P.S Expect I-751 to drag regardless to whether you file jointly or with a waiver. It's a sad reality we live in nowadays

I appreciate your help. We are living jointly although I have to travel for work and we have a second apt (cheaper than a hotel) to which her name is also on the lease. I have already made copies not because of the Threats but because of being sloppy so I do have a back up. Given we are no where near even filing for divorce and we are living jointly I will have to file jointly but may have to get divorced along the line. I have contacted an attorney and plan to file with an attorney given that things are not exactly straight forward 

[Boiler 43,689]

I do not see what an Immigration Lawyer can do consulting with a Divorce Lawyer is another issue and makes much more sense

[OldUser 5,060]

@Boiler I think both are needed really to get a holistic solution to the problem.

[beloved_dingo 1,939]

Many, many people have gone through similar circumstances here on VJ. So, a few things to consider:

• Taking immigration completely out of the equation, do you want you to work on the marriage? In other words, do you still care about your spouse and would prefer to work things out if it were possible?
• If the answer above is NO, then there is really no reason to stay in the relationship. File for divorce and move on with your life.
• An I-751 involving divorce can be filed at any time - you do not need to wait for the 90 day window to open.
• However, caveat to the above - you will need the divorce decree in a timely manner. @mindthegap can give more info on this

If you DO want to work on the marriage and would prefer not to divorce, then file jointly if your spouse is willing and switch to a divorce waiver if you end up seeking a divorce.

 

Whichever route you take, get your documents together now and keep them in a safe place so you don't have potential issues later if your spouse becomes spiteful.

[Boiler 43,689]

Not sure what you will get for your money from an Immigration Lawyer.

 

Please let us know, might be useful to others.

[Indy Sab 174]

17 hours ago, Dude41 said:

My relationship with my S.O is slowly detoroating to a state that seems hard to rescue. We are arguing on a weekly basis and seem to have different opinions regarding most things. It is my understanding that if we were to separate she and her family would not be very helpful with regards to my immigration status. I will be eligble to file in late novermber but honestly don't know if we can survive another year (minimum time for 751 these days). As for evidence we have plenty 

1. Joint tax returns, joint bank accounts, joint investment accounts
2. 3 big trips together
3. multiple small trips (Amtrack, bus tickets) 
4. She cosigning my student loans
5. Joint lease 
6. Joint insurance and dental
7. having each other as beneficiary on 401k accounts
8. So many pictures together
9. Being invited to weddings as a couple 
10. Being from the same country

The thing is I think we will file jointly but I am not sure if our marriage will survive the duration of how things are moving forward. I know that I can file joint and change it later but will that hurt my ROC chances? Honestly I am kinda lost in what to do with regards to my marriage and this ROC thing. I don't want to drag the marriage when we are so different but I don't know what are my options if my 751 gets dragged for 3 years with a waiver just like many divorce cases here.

i have a very important question.... Do you love her? do you have feelings for her?

[OldUser 5,060]

@Boiler the immigration lawyer can help with:

* Reviewing the previous immigration history and establishing the timelines / facts

* Filing I-751 form correctly with all the questions answered properly

* Providing enough quality evidence of bonafide marriage

* Organizing the paperwork to avoid any confusion

* Suggest any actions to take, such as getting a statement from the spouse in proper format to support the case while she's cooperative

* Writing his own cover letter explaining the circumstances of the marriage ending without putting yourself in any trouble or leaving room for wrong interpretation

* Preparing the OP for the interview, questions that may be asked and how to carefully answer them without damaging the case

* Going to the interview with the OP to keep IO in check

 

Now, I'm not saying the lawyer is absolutely necessary or they would do all the work for the OP. I'm also not saying lawyers never give bad advice or mess up cases. But two brains (or more) is almost always better than one. In difficult times, when an immigrant has personal life issues as well as uncertain immigration outcome, it's easy for them to feel emotional, vulnerable and misstep in the process (before and during the interview).

 

This is why I personally think, if OP can afford a credible lawyer, they should do it.

 

But it's only my opinion, and who am 😃

Edited September 16, 2022 by OldUser

[OldUser 5,060]

26 minutes ago, Charlys&Indy said:

i have a very important question.... Do you love her? do you have feelings for her?

It is a very important question. Another important question is whether she has feelings for him. Love or marriage is a two way street. It only makes sense to file jointly if both of them love each other and are willing to work on relationship with / without use of marriage counselling.

Edited September 16, 2022 by OldUser

[Boiler 43,689]

6 minutes ago, OldUser said:

@Boiler the immigration lawyer can help with:

* Reviewing the previous immigration history and establishing the timelines / facts

* Filing I-751 form correctly with all the questions answered properly

* Providing enough quality evidence of bonafide marriage

* Organizing the paperwork to avoid any confusion

* Suggest any actions to take, such as getting a statement from the spouse in proper format to support the case while she's cooperative

* Writing his own cover letter explaining the circumstances of the marriage ending without putting yourself in any trouble or leaving room for wrong interpretation

* Preparing the OP for the interview, questions that may be asked and how to carefully answer them without damaging the case

* Going to the interview with the OP to keep IO in check

 

Now, I'm not saying the lawyer is absolutely necessary or they would do all the work for the OP. I'm also not saying lawyers never give bad advice or mess up cases. But two brains (or more) is almost always better than one. In difficult times, when an immigrant has personal life issues as well as uncertain immigration outcome, it's easy for them to feel emotional, vulnerable and misstep in the process (before and during the interview).

 

This is why I personally think, if OP can afford a credible lawyer, they should do it.

 

But it's only my opinion, and who am 😃

I could make a credible argument the same would apply for applying for a Drivers License.

 

If people want to pay Lawyers fine, their money, but this is a DIY site. 

 

Of course there are situations outside the scope of DIY and I have on many occasions suggested the need for a Lawyer. From what the OP has posted this is not one of them.

[Rocio0010 5,572]

27 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Reviewing the previous immigration history and establishing the timelines / facts

OP can do this 

 

27 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Filing I-751 form correctly with all the questions answered properly

It's a black and white form, there is no room for interpretation (facts)

 

27 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Providing enough quality evidence of bonafide marriage

Doable on your own.

 

28 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Organizing the paperwork to avoid any confusion

Same.

 

28 minutes ago, OldUser said:

such as getting a statement from the spouse in proper format to support the case while she's cooperative

On the other hand, if the spouse is not cooperative, an attorney can't force them.

 

29 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Writing his own cover letter explaining the circumstances of the marriage ending without putting yourself in any trouble or leaving room for wrong interpretation

* Preparing the OP for the interview, questions that may be asked and how to carefully answer them without damaging the case

If the marriage was in good faith, how is OP going to out themselves in trouble?

 

We can agree to disagree, but it is to be noted that most lawyers will tell you that you absolutely need them for a divorce waiver because they're after the money...

[OldUser 5,060]

@Boiler I'm not 100% sure this is a DIY case. We're missing a lot of information:

* Was OP married before?

* Was OP in status when I-130 and I-485 were filed?

* Was OP's spouse ever married before?

* Did OP's spouse ever sponsor anybody in the past?

* What is their ethnic background (unfortunately, sometimes certain nationals have extra scrutiny or bias towards them)

 

I can see some IOs not liking the fact they rented two apartments at the same time, even in both names. That alone should be rectified.

And so on, and so on...

 

We can agree to disagree

 

[Boiler 43,689]

1 minute ago, OldUser said:

@Boiler I'm not 100% sure this is a DIY case. We're missing a lot of information:

* Was OP married before?

* Was OP in status when I-130 and I-485 were filed?

* Was OP's spouse ever married before?

* Did OP's spouse ever sponsor anybody in the past?

* What is their ethnic background (unfortunately, sometimes certain nationals have extra scrutiny or bias towards them)

 

I can see some IOs not liking the fact they rented two apartments at the same time, even in both names. That alone should be rectified.

And so on, and so on...

 

We can agree to disagree

 

Valid question for a Greencard Interview.

 

This is removing conditions.