ROC After Domestic Assault Arrest

[Shattered 0]

My husband immigrated here two years ago from the UK.  After he immigrated, he began applying to PhD programs and was accepted at an excellent school.  The program didn't offer a very good stipend, but we figured it was fine because I could work to support him while he was in graduate school.  We moved halfway across the country for him to start his PhD.

 

Right before Christmas, I came across some evidence that my husband was gay.  When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he was attracted to men, but told me that he wanted to suppress it and stay married to me.  This sounded like a terrible plan, but I agreed to go to counseling with him because I really loved him and wanted our marriage to work.

 

Over the next few months, our marriage deteriorated.  My husband became verbally abusive and began to threaten physical abuse.  When I told him I wanted a divorce, he reminded me that I had signed the I-864 paperwork, so I was legally required to support him.  He told me that if we got divorced, he would quit the part-time job he had in addition to going to grad school and would go on as many government benefits as possible; he said he would make it his goal to financially ruin me.

 

One day, I looked at my husband's phone and discovered that he had subscribed to gay dating sites.  I also found text messages saying he was planning to leave our marriage as soon as he got his doctorate; apparently, he saw our marriage primarily as a source of graduate school funding.  One text message said he might stick out our marriage long enough to get his US citizenship, since this would give him "more options".

 

I immediately made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.

 

When I told my husband I was filing for divorce, he exploded with anger.  He was arrested for domestic assault and spent two nights in jail.  He was released with a no contact order.  Next month, he will be tried in court on domestic assault charges.  My lawyer told me that they will probably dismiss the charges because it is his first offense and I did not end up in the hospital.

 

Here is my question: My husband is up for ROC next January.  Will he be able to remove conditions if we are no longer married?  Will ROC be denied because of his arrest for domestic assault?  If the charges are dismissed in court, will the arrest disappear from his record, meaning that he will be free to pursue ROC?

 

I am moving back home because there is no longer any reason for me to live near the university where he is going to grad school, but I would feel so much safer if he went back to the UK.

Edited May 8, 2020 by Shattered

[Quarknase 1,072]

10 minutes ago, Shattered said:

My husband immigrated here two years ago from the UK.  After he immigrated, he began applying to PhD programs and was accepted at an excellent school.  The program didn't offer a very good stipend, but we figured it was fine because I could work to support him while he was in graduate school.  We moved halfway across the country for him to start his PhD.

 

Right before Christmas, I came across some evidence that my husband was gay.  When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he was attracted to men, but told me that he wanted to suppress it and stay married to me.  This sounded like a terrible plan, but I agreed to go to counseling with him because I really loved him and wanted our marriage to work.

 

Over the next few months, our marriage deteriorated.  My husband became verbally abusive and began to threaten physical abuse.  When I told him I wanted a divorce, he reminded me that I had signed the I-864 paperwork, so I was legally required to support him.  He told me that if we got divorced, he would quit the part-time job he had in addition to going to grad school and would go on as many government benefits as possible; he said he would make it his goal to financially ruin me.

 

One day, I looked at my husband's phone and discovered that he had subscribed to gay dating sites.  I also found text messages saying he was planning to leave our marriage as soon as he got his doctorate; apparently, he saw our marriage primarily as a source of graduate school funding.  One text message said he might stick out our marriage long enough to get his US citizenship, since this would give him "more options".

 

I immediately made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.

 

When I told my husband I was filing for divorce, he exploded with anger.  He was arrested for domestic assault and spent two nights in jail.  He was released with a no contact order.  Next month, he will be tried in court on domestic assault charges.  My lawyer told me that they will probably dismiss the charges because it is his first offense and I did not end up in the hospital.

 

Here is my question: My husband is up for ROC next January.  Will he be able to remove conditions if we are no longer married?  Will ROC be denied because of his arrest for domestic assault?  If the charges are dismissed in court, will the arrest disappear from his record, meaning that he will be free to pursue ROC?

 

I am moving back home because there is no longer any reason for me to live near the university where he is going to grad school, but I would feel so much safer if he went back to the UK.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Moving back home seems like a good thing to do.

 

If you really have hard proof that he used you to finance his PhD, I would certainly send this evidence to USCIS - along with the documents that you have regarding his arrest and domestic violence, and write an affidavit explaining what lead to the domestic assault (that he was trying to bully you into staying married, threatening financial ruin etc).

Once you have sent this off, move on and focus on your life - file for divorce, and don't look back.

It's not in your hands what USCIS will do with the evidence, but he might face some scrutiny during his ROC process. He will be able to file for ROC without you with a divorce waiver.

Leave him and his immigration journey alone, and focus on healing

[NancyNguyen 1,657]

Dude used financial support to threaten you, he has long prepared for this mess. Don’t worry about financial support much, it is a myth that the government ever asks for reimbursement. You also make it clear if he milks the government assistance, he will close his door to citizenship in the future due to public charge. Based on your words, I don’t think you will have a chance to stay with him due to his sexual personality. File a divorce and restraining order against him. ROC is his problem, you can’t get green card back. Good luck.

[mindthegap 2,590]

1 hour ago, Shattered said:

Here is my question: My husband is up for ROC next January.  Will he be able to remove conditions if we are no longer married?  

Yes.

Divorce is not a reason for ROC denial. If you are divorced before January he can file at that time. 

 

 

1 hour ago, Shattered said:

 Will ROC be denied because of his arrest for domestic assault?

Arrest, no.  Conviction, possibly, as a conviction for domestic violence is in most cases classed a deportable offence.

 

Innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt is still a thing (thankfully).

 

1 hour ago, Shattered said:

If the charges are dismissed in court, will the arrest disappear from his record, meaning that he will be free to pursue ROC?

See above.

An arrest does not matter. A not guilty verdict does not matter. A dropped case does not matter.  

A conviction (or plea of 'no contest') matters. 

 

 

1 hour ago, Shattered said:

I am moving back home because there is no longer any reason for me to live near the university where he is going to grad school, but I would feel so much safer if he went back to the UK.

 

Unfortunately (and thankfully) that isn't up to you. He isn't an amazon package you can just return if it doesn't work out.

I'm not in any way dismissing what you say has happened, but it is an unfortunate statistical fact that many marriages don't work out, and why should the ex spouse be able to dictate what happens to the immigrating spouse from then on?

Having been on the receiving end of a bitter, violent, narcissistic ex-spouse who did go to USCIS with a pack of lies after we parted ways, it isn't pleasant and may cause problems (and indeed still is for me), so you could do this if you wish, but really, just get the divorce done & dusted, move, get on with your life and be the bigger person.

 

 

Note that you remain on the hook for the I-864 until he is a citizen, ceases to be an LPR, or has accumulated 40 quarters of work - even if you are divorced in the meantime.

There is nothing you can do about this. 

[uilliu 5]

9 hours ago, mindthegap said:

Unfortunately (and thankfully) that isn't up to you. He isn't an amazon package you can just return if it doesn't work out.

I'm not in any way dismissing what you say has happened, but it is an unfortunate statistical fact that many marriages don't work out, and why should the ex spouse be able to dictate what happens to the immigrating spouse from then on?

Having been on the receiving end of a bitter, violent, narcissistic ex-spouse who did go to USCIS with a pack of lies after we parted ways, it isn't pleasant and may cause problems (and indeed still is for me), so you could do this if you wish, but really, just get the divorce done & dusted, move, get on with your life and be the bigger person.

There is no need to "be a bigger person". There is a need, however, to be safe and avoid any unnecessary problems in the future. It seems he used her, threatened her, reminded her that she is on the hook for I-864, and realistically, from where I stand, she should truthfully relay this to USCIS and let them decide.

 

Yes, this is coming from someone who spent 5 years removing conditions because my ex lied to USCIS, so I have great perspective.  

[Sparkle Sparkle 914]

Am deeply sorry that this happened to you....obviously he has a plan to this and has been smart...I think the first mistake was made when you agreed to continue the marriage and he tries to suppress his sexual orientation...that being said its not late to leave the marriage, you didnt mention if you guys have kids or not...hopefully not....listen when his angry and get all evidence you can of what he threatens to do....divorce him and dont worry about him staying or not as it not upto you. move as far as you can away from him start a new life and dont worry about  I-864, if he is smart he would try do that because it will also affect him. Good luck and God be with you

[Boiler 45,658]

I do no see anything currently that would prevent RoC, Immigration would want to know about all arrests but sadly in messy divorces all sorts of mud is thrown.

 

A conviction would certainly complicate matters.

 

We can discuss how the I 864 has been enforced, none of us know what will happen looking forward. Not much a single employable male qualifies for.

[laylalex 7,293]

You did the right thing going to a divorce lawyer. The ball has been in your husband's court for too long -- time to take control. From my own divorce experience, I can assure you that being in control is the right and satisfying place to be during this turbulent and soul-crushing time. My abuse wasn't physical, but it was years of emotional and financial abuse and sexual coercion (he wanted a baby, I wasn't sure, but I submitted anyway to make it "easier" for me, and thankfully it never happened).

 

I am so sorry he abused you in the ways that he did. But the abuse can stop faster if you stay focused on your goal: getting divorced and unhitching yourself from this man, this liar, this coward. As others have said, he can remove conditions without you. Unless you can show with much certainty that he did not enter into the marriage in good faith -- and he may have very much wanted to make a life with you when you did get married -- the likelihood that his ROC will go without a hitch is very high. And before any agency can seek to enforce the I-864 against you, they will go after HIM first. As Boiler says, the number of benefits available to a youngish (I assume, since he's in a Ph.D. program) single man are very few and far between. He's just saying that to you to control you, to make you consent to keeping yourself yoked to this waste of space. My ex did a lot of this in other ways, even before we ended it for good -- who will want you if you leave, you have nothing, you need me more than I need you, you're too damaged, etc. It was an earworm that played constantly in my head and broke me down so I would submit. It's taken a long time but I can hear that song less and less these days, and I know its lyrics are untrue, even if I know them very well.

 

So, all of this is to say that the best course of action is to believe in yourself, in your goodness and worth, to keep yourself safe, and put him in the rearview mirror. If you are afraid of him,  please consider speaking with your attorney about getting a restraining order. If the charges are dismissed, he's unlikely to have any issue with ROC. Let him get his 10 year card and live his horrible, miserable life where he can justify to himself what he has put you through. The universe has ways of turning that kind of bad energy back on those who put it out, just as it has ways of reflecting the good we put out into the world. He denied you the choice of having a life partner who was devoted to you. Choose to live a life free of him and the pain he brought you.

 

Sending you kindness and healing right now. ❤️ 

[Nitas_man 3,100]

On 5/8/2020 at 9:30 AM, Shattered said:

My husband immigrated here two years ago from the UK.  After he immigrated, he began applying to PhD programs and was accepted at an excellent school.  The program didn't offer a very good stipend, but we figured it was fine because I could work to support him while he was in graduate school.  We moved halfway across the country for him to start his PhD.

 

Right before Christmas, I came across some evidence that my husband was gay.  When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he was attracted to men, but told me that he wanted to suppress it and stay married to me.  This sounded like a terrible plan, but I agreed to go to counseling with him because I really loved him and wanted our marriage to work.

 

Over the next few months, our marriage deteriorated.  My husband became verbally abusive and began to threaten physical abuse.  When I told him I wanted a divorce, he reminded me that I had signed the I-864 paperwork, so I was legally required to support him.  He told me that if we got divorced, he would quit the part-time job he had in addition to going to grad school and would go on as many government benefits as possible; he said he would make it his goal to financially ruin me.

 

One day, I looked at my husband's phone and discovered that he had subscribed to gay dating sites.  I also found text messages saying he was planning to leave our marriage as soon as he got his doctorate; apparently, he saw our marriage primarily as a source of graduate school funding.  One text message said he might stick out our marriage long enough to get his US citizenship, since this would give him "more options".

 

I immediately made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.

 

When I told my husband I was filing for divorce, he exploded with anger.  He was arrested for domestic assault and spent two nights in jail.  He was released with a no contact order.  Next month, he will be tried in court on domestic assault charges.  My lawyer told me that they will probably dismiss the charges because it is his first offense and I did not end up in the hospital.

 

Here is my question: My husband is up for ROC next January.  Will he be able to remove conditions if we are no longer married?  Will ROC be denied because of his arrest for domestic assault?  If the charges are dismissed in court, will the arrest disappear from his record, meaning that he will be free to pursue ROC?

 

I am moving back home because there is no longer any reason for me to live near the university where he is going to grad school, but I would feel so much safer if he went back to the UK.

If he was arrested and he did it you need to make sure he’s convicted.  

Other than that, when you file for divorce staple the police report to the petition and have a restraining order added.

 

You can’t control what happens after divorce is filed, that’s his problem.  What you CAN do is string out the proceedings as long as possible to make it difficult for him to comply with the waiver requirements.  If he does not get a final divorce decree in time he’s screwed.  If you really have the evidence you have and can pull it together and send it to USCiS it will also make his ROC more difficult.  Writing down his plans was really stupid and a fraud complaint backed with real evidence might be taken seriously.

 

LOL I’d also get an HIV test in about 6-8 weeks.  Gross.

Edited May 9, 2020 by Nitas_man

[geowrian 22,337]

40 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

 If he does not get a final divorce decree in time he’s screwed.

Meh...he can always refile. It's a matter of making things difficult, but doesn't alter the end result.

[laylalex 7,293]

I just don't see what the point is of putting that much energy into so-called "revenge." Sure, see if you can do anything about getting him convicted but if he isn't, it really isn't worth dragging it out. Letting go and living a good life is its own reward. 

 

And it doesn't matter what orientation your partner is if they cheat on you -- you should get tested anyway. When I suspected my ex was cheating on me (though he swore he never did, there were things that made me doubt that was true), I went and got tested for my own peace of mind. 

[Nitas_man 3,100]

2 hours ago, laylalex said:

I just don't see what the point is of putting that much energy into so-called "revenge." Sure, see if you can do anything about getting him convicted but if he isn't, it really isn't worth dragging it out. Letting go and living a good life is its own reward. 

 

And it doesn't matter what orientation your partner is if they cheat on you -- you should get tested anyway. When I suspected my ex was cheating on me (though he swore he never did, there were things that made me doubt that was true), I went and got tested for my own peace of mind. 

It’s an odds thing ll

[Nitas_man 3,100]

5 hours ago, geowrian said:

Meh...he can always refile. It's a matter of making things difficult, but doesn't alter the end result.

Divorce is chess geo 😂