Dad gets slammed by women after telling them to have kids before they’re 30 because after that ‘90% of your eggs are dead’

[laylalex 7,247]

3 hours ago, yuna628 said:

Likewise, on the Right, particularly in religious circles the narrative is that motherhood is a woman's only value and pumping out babies and doing all tasks alone and without complaint. I consider myself a feminist, but do not mind a more traditional role of being a homemaker and mother. Unfortunately medically, babies will be difficult for me, and I am getting older. Friends that have similar issues but managed to have kids successfully give me some hope.. and my mom certainly had kids when told it was statistically and physically impossible. I look to my great-grandmother that enjoyed not only raising her own kids but still having a career doing something she loved the most - caring for children.. and she was not around during the age of 'feminism'.

  I think everyone would do well, to choose their partner carefully. My mom married at 18! She picked the first guy her brother pushed her to go date. All these years later, do I think some times, does she regret it? I think she might, though would never admit this to me. There is love there, but also a lot of pain. My dad was never the best father or husband and my mom has a personality that I don't necessarily think makes a good calming influence to her husband. My sister didn't marry until she was in her late 30s, they are not a good fit for one another - I grow concerned how he treats her, and feel like if she didn't believe 'divorce' would disappoint her parents, she'd have done it long ago. People deserve to be happy, but some need to face facts that sometimes they made a series of mistakes or bad choices. Maybe divorce as a choice could be more avoidable if people made wiser choices, took more time, waited until things were stable before rushing in, and being absolutely sure. And once married, actually commit to each other in that marriage. That might be silly to think..?

 

I know a woman that just hit 30, and is going through 'baby fever'. She's convinced this is her only worth and laments the string of bad relationships she had. She's single, poor, and is in a spiral of bad decision making. Convinced herself she wants a baby at all costs to the point she'd be willing to go on a ''match.com'' donor type site for a skeerrry back-alley type transaction. I couldn't fathom this nonsense.. it's going to be a disaster.

This is good advice I should have taken when it was offered to me. I met my ex when I was 20, and he was the first serious boyfriend I ever had. I'd dated infrequently in high school (too focused on school) and just didn't click with anyone my first two years in college to go on more than a few dates. So when I met my ex I had pretty much no experience as to what a "good" relationship even looked like or how I was supposed to feel. Even though there were a million red flags flying I ignored them all, even when I recognized them, and hid the worst of it from my friends because while I had an idea that things weren't healthy, I was embarrassed. On the outside it looked like this dream relationship but on the inside it was a nightmare. My ex wanted a very traditional wife, and while I thought I could be that, as it turned out I can't. 

 

And as time went on, and I realized that things were as bad as they were, I didn't want to get divorced because I was worried I would be letting my parents down. Like, you thought you could trust me to be the responsible daughter but I still ended up like this. (My sister was a total disaster for a long time, and a lot of my parents' emotional energy went towards monitoring her). In the end, it was my ex who started divorce proceedings because I couldn't bring myself to own up to the failure. And by not working for some time, I ended up making myself even more dependent on him even after we split up -- I had pretty much tanked my old career before it really even started to take off, so I need his support payments now to keep afloat while I build my new career. It sucks! I wish I had the ability to tell him to forget about the payments, but I can't yet. One of the reasons my fiance and I have decided to slow down and not get married right away is so I can put aside some of the monthly payments as savings -- they will end once I get remarried. 

 

I used to say I didn't have any regrets about choosing to marry who I did, because I thought it sounded brave or evolved or whatever, but I own up to it now. I was too young and inexperienced and no one could stop me. I re-read an old diary I kept during the lead up to the wedding recently and I thought: how could you marry this man? He is nuts!!!!  

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

I see all this talk about people having less kids today.  Some say for economical reasons.  Some say for this, or for that.

 

Am I the only one who sees homosexuality as a prime driver for the decline in birth rates?

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

3 hours ago, laylalex said:

 

 

I used to say I didn't have any regrets about choosing to marry who I did, because I thought it sounded brave or evolved or whatever, but I own up to it now. I was too young and inexperienced and no one could stop me. I re-read an old diary I kept during the lead up to the wedding recently and I thought: how could you marry this man? He is nuts!!!!  

Ditto!!  Life has a way of growing us up, and helping us to realize our parents were smarter than we used to think, eh?

[yuna628 9,528]

1 hour ago, ALFKAD said:

I see all this talk about people having less kids today.  Some say for economical reasons.  Some say for this, or for that.

 

Am I the only one who sees homosexuality as a prime driver for the decline in birth rates?

I think you might be.  There is nothing showing up in scientifically researched studies as this even remotely being close to a reason.

The reasons are nearly the same in almost every country: Health problems, abstaining youth rates improving, economic reasons, greater economic freedom allowing for women to decide to wait or be more choosy. And then there are the other strange reasons - such as technology leading to disinterest in each other or babymaking in general. Gays and lesbians still choose to have children - either adoption or using surrogates or IVF.

 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

2 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

I see all this talk about people having less kids today.  Some say for economical reasons.  Some say for this, or for that.

 

Am I the only one who sees homosexuality as a prime driver for the decline in birth rates?

 

  You probably could get Danno to agree with you if he was still around. He used to post stuff like that.

 

  

[laylalex 7,247]

2 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

Ditto!!  Life has a way of growing us up, and helping us to realize our parents were smarter than we used to think, eh?

Well, my mom certainly was!   Dad still improbably has a correspondence up with my ex, they're in a fantasy baseball league together STILL even though we split up over two years ago. They always got on well, and even though he knows what a so-and-so his former son-in-law is he likes him?!? I must get the denial gene from my dad. 🙄

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

8 minutes ago, Steeleballz said:

 

  You probably could get Danno to agree with you if he was still around. He used to post stuff like that.

 

  

Was just about to post something similar myself... good times, good times. This whole thread would have been prime Danno bait. If someone had started talking about abortions too, he might have had a spontaneous petite mort in gleeful outrage.

Edited August 7, 2019 by elmcitymaven
Fixing gender of adjective.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,315]

2 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

I see all this talk about people having less kids today.  Some say for economical reasons.  Some say for this, or for that.

 

Am I the only one who sees homosexuality as a prime driver for the decline in birth rates?

I doubt its more prevalent,  just more open

[Boiler 43,434]

Much more obvious and large scale reasons.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

2 hours ago, yuna628 said:

I think you might be.  There is nothing showing up in scientifically researched studies as this even remotely being close to a reason.

The reasons are nearly the same in almost every country: Health problems, abstaining youth rates improving, economic reasons, greater economic freedom allowing for women to decide to wait or be more choosy. And then there are the other strange reasons - such as technology leading to disinterest in each other or babymaking in general. Gays and lesbians still choose to have children - either adoption or using surrogates or IVF.

 

So more and more gay marriages, more couples whom are incapable of procreating, yet no effect on birth rates?  I call poppycock.

 

I'm sure people are less desirous of having large families today as compared to 50-100 years ago, but I'm also sure the numbers of like-sex couples are also increasing.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

4 hours ago, elmcitymaven said:

This whole thread would have been prime Danno bait.

This whole thread would have been prime "time to moderate Danno again" bait.

4 hours ago, elmcitymaven said:

petite mort

French, Morticia!  ...uh, English-only outside the regional forums!   ... uh, hang on a minute here...

[Bettie Page 118]

On 8/6/2019 at 7:53 PM, ALFKAD said:

So more and more gay marriages, more couples whom are incapable of procreating, yet no effect on birth rates?  I call poppycock.

 

I'm sure people are less desirous of having large families today as compared to 50-100 years ago, but I'm also sure the numbers of like-sex couples are also increasing.

Science has made it possible for gay people to have kids - most committed gay couples married or unmarried I know want to have them

[laylalex 7,247]

On 8/6/2019 at 6:40 PM, Boiler said:

Much more obvious and large scale reasons.

Like what in particular? I mean, my own feelings are much like @yuna628's, in particular that people -- especially women -- have more choices these days. Those are perhaps the largest scale reasons, especially in Western countries like the US. I'm in what I call my early-mid-30s (  ) and very, very few of my friends have kids yet, both in the US and the UK. We're not all white either, but we are all middle or upper middle class. Some of us are in committed relationships/married, and some are not. For me, having spent my mid-20s to early 30s convinced I needed a child to feel complete, I now realize I don't need a child to feel like I can reach self-actualization. 

[Boiler 43,434]

18 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Like what in particular? I mean, my own feelings are much like @yuna628's, in particular that people -- especially women -- have more choices these days. Those are perhaps the largest scale reasons, especially in Western countries like the US. I'm in what I call my early-mid-30s (  ) and very, very few of my friends have kids yet, both in the US and the UK. We're not all white either, but we are all middle or upper middle class. Some of us are in committed relationships/married, and some are not. For me, having spent my mid-20s to early 30s convinced I needed a child to feel complete, I now realize I don't need a child to feel like I can reach self-actualization. 

Looking at the US and the UK

 

Far fewer people getting married

Far fewer in long term relationships

Women giving birth later and later

Those who are married/ in long term relationships much more dependent on both working

Change in social expectations.

Significant increase in cost of children, significant reduction in benefit in having children

 

Just to get us going.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

1 hour ago, Bettie Page said:

Science has made it possible for gay people to have kids - most committed gay couples married or unmarried I know want to have them

Biology has made it possible for WOMEN to have babies.   Period.

 

Fixxored for ya.