Dad gets slammed by women after telling them to have kids before they’re 30 because after that ‘90% of your eggs are dead’

[laylalex 7,247]

7 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

but his claim about declining of female fertility is true 

Yes, it is true that women's fertility declines as we get older. But the way it is expressed assumes that it is somehow easier for a woman to have babies when she is young in every way than when she is older. I think of myself, and what I was like when I just got married. I was 25 years old and he wanted to start right away on our honeymoon in St. John -- and I was 100% NOT READY to be a mother. What I had thought we had agreed was that I would work part-time at my old job, but apparently that was not how he saw things. We had any number of arguments about whether working was bad for fertility, since I had a couple of miscarriages. He accused me of duping him into marrying someone who wasn't as committed to having children as I had said I was. But I was never going to be ready to have children with him because the way he treated me totally infantilized me. I never thought I had myself together to be a mom, because I really thought I was too much of a mess.

 

So yes, maybe it would have been easier physically for me to have a child when I was younger, but I think now I could actually mentally bear it. And of course now that I could mentally bear it (and my fiance is a much better candidate for father of my children!), I just... don't know.

[Boiler 43,430]

This not opinion, it is science and applies to both genders and no doubt a few others.

 

Time takes it toll

 

First, it’s important to know that a woman’s fertility does declines with age and will eventually run out. The age of 35 is widely publicized as “the age” at which fertility declines. However, what a lot of women don’t know is that your fertility slows down throughout your thirties. Women are at the peak of their fertility in their 20s, after which fertility starts to decline and the overall risk of infertility increases with age

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/6-fertility-myths-and-misconceptions-revealed_b_4536006

[laylalex 7,247]

3 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

I think I struck the jackpot in finding me a man that can cook and help pick up stuff, but his father set the example for him. That's not to say he can't have those moments, and I'll ask him how X room suddenly got into a state of a disaster, and he'll sheepishly grin at me.

 I'm being unfair to my fiance, if I ask him to help he *will* help, but I have to point it out. He gets it from his mum (his dad died when he was young) --she was used to having a woman come in to do the tidying up and cooking, but has had to make economies as time has gone on. So now she and her daughter, who still lives with her, take care of everything from cooking to cleaning to everything, and as a family they have... some interesting ideas about what constitutes good housekeeping. The cooking is the one that always gets me when I go there, his sister insists on making elaborate meals and none of it is edible! One time she served what was supposed to be a bechamel sauce and I swear it was runny play-dough. 

[laylalex 7,247]

11 minutes ago, Boiler said:

This not opinion, it is science and applies to both genders and no doubt a few others.

 

Time takes it toll

 

First, it’s important to know that a woman’s fertility does declines with age and will eventually run out. The age of 35 is widely publicized as “the age” at which fertility declines. However, what a lot of women don’t know is that your fertility slows down throughout your thirties. Women are at the peak of their fertility in their 20s, after which fertility starts to decline and the overall risk of infertility increases with age

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/6-fertility-myths-and-misconceptions-revealed_b_4536006

Is HuffPo a reliable source? Assuming it is, I want to go back to what I was saying about why it is that men like the author of that study think it's appropriate to bark that out to women in general. Women KNOW that there's a window of fertility. Having some rando lecture you about "better start popping them out now, ladies, or you'll regret it" is NOT helping, and it can be very hurtful to women who are trying AND are young and aren't successful. I had multiple miscarriages as a young woman, and that kind of thing can sting. Even though I know I'm better off not having had those children, it doesn't take away from the real hurt I had at the time.

[Boiler 43,430]

42 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Is HuffPo a reliable source? Assuming it is, I want to go back to what I was saying about why it is that men like the author of that study think it's appropriate to bark that out to women in general. Women KNOW that there's a window of fertility. Having some rando lecture you about "better start popping them out now, ladies, or you'll regret it" is NOT helping, and it can be very hurtful to women who are trying AND are young and aren't successful. I had multiple miscarriages as a young woman, and that kind of thing can sting. Even though I know I'm better off not having had those children, it doesn't take away from the real hurt I had at the time.

HuffPo is progressive, I thought you were having a go at what he said not who he is, not somebody I know so unable to comment.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

1 hour ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

but his claim about declining of female fertility is true 

 

   He also uses some hyperbole and exaggeration with the 90% part. Ultimately it's another example of useless generic advice from someone not even qualified to give it. Anyone who starts advice with "everyone should do this" would be better off just keeping it to themselves. Everyone is different. If the guy was presenting actual science on why something might work better that would be great, but that wasn't the real message he was trying to convey.

 

  Really,  people should have their kids and careers (or both) whenever they want to. There is no path that works best for everyone. Obviously there are more risks past a certain age range, but like everything else, people can weigh those risks and balance them against the benefits and come to their own conclusion. 

[Boiler 43,430]

17 minutes ago, Steeleballz said:

  Really,  people should have their kids and careers (or both) whenever they want to. There is no path that works best for everyone. Obviously there are more risks past a certain age range, but like everything else, people can weigh those risks and balance them against the benefits and come to their own conclusion. 

In an ideal world absolutely, until there are more scientific advances we still have Mother Nature to deal with.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

32 minutes ago, Boiler said:

In an ideal world absolutely, until there are more scientific advances we still have Mother Nature to deal with.

 

   There are scientific advances now. Eggs can be removed and stored at any time. So can sperm. If your goal is to have a career and have kids later, that is certainly an option.

 

  Having had kids when I was younger and when I was older, I would tend to agree though, nothing get's easier as we get older (for any of us). My wife was 35 when our youngest was born. Biologically we could have had more,  but she said physically that was it. However  I don't think either of us needed generic and unsolicited advice from the internet to figure it out.

 

  I would also say as a man, I would not be giving out advice to women on the physiology or biology behind pregnancy or what and when something works best. I will never have the answer to any of that. Besides the little bit I remember from biology, I'm still just the guy who stayed at a holiday inn. I always had the easy part. Sometimes you have to know where your limitations are.

Edited August 5, 2019 by Steeleballz

[laylalex 7,247]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

HuffPo is progressive, I thought you were having a go at what he said not who he is, not somebody I know so unable to comment.

I think I'm having a go at both what he said AND who he is, now that I know some of his background! 

 

58 minutes ago, Steeleballz said:

I would also say as a man, I would not be giving out advice to women on the physiology or biology behind pregnancy or what and when something works best. I will never have the answer to any of that. Besides the little bit I remember from biology, I'm still just the guy who stayed at a holiday inn. I always had the easy part. Sometimes you have to know where your limitations are.

Thank you for getting it. It's not to discount the obviously important role that a man plays in procreation to say that women should be trusted to know their own bodies and what they can and cannot handle. That goes for more than childbearing. I have had to learn to speak up to doctors who dismiss me when I know something is actually wrong. This goes for doctors of all genders, and it's a phenomenon that many women are familiar with. 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

I think I'm having a go at both what he said AND who he is, now that I know some of his background! 

 

Thank you for getting it. It's not to discount the obviously important role that a man plays in procreation to say that women should be trusted to know their own bodies and what they can and cannot handle. That goes for more than childbearing. I have had to learn to speak up to doctors who dismiss me when I know something is actually wrong. This goes for doctors of all genders, and it's a phenomenon that many women are familiar with. 

 

    I guess I don't like the amount of generic advice I come across in general. No 2 people are exactly the same. Symptoms don't always mean the same thing. Generic advice from experts is dubious at best. You have to have all the details available to come up with a specific answer to something. I feel like physicians can often fall into this category. They are certainly experts but they often don't have the time or inclination to get all the details. It seems like they often get tunnel vision around the first symptom or two you mention and fast forward to the diagnosis and rushing you out the door with the bill. The practice of medicine has seen a lot of technological advances, but the art of the differential diagnosis is certainly not what it used to be.

 

  On the other hand generic advice from non-experts (as is the case in the original link) is even worse. It's often useless at best, and in the worst cases, probably more likely to be harmful than good.  

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

7 hours ago, Ban Hammer said:

Know what they do at the egg plant when the customer who ordered a few thousand of those cartons above cancels the order after the eggs are packed and ready to ship?  They dump all the eggs back onto the machinery to wash and re-pack them into new cartons, with new julian dates, and sell them to a new customer.

[TBoneTX 43,057]

7 hours ago, Steeleballz said:

If your goal is to have a career and have kids later

Hopefully not a sperm-of-the-moment decision.

[Dashinka 23,238]

17 hours ago, laylalex said:

 

 

Thank you! I'm 34, and my fiance already has a daughter who lives with her mum in England. I used to think I wanted kids, but now I'm... ambivalent. Some of that is related, I think, to my ex really wanting to have a child, and me thinking "this is so not a good idea" with him. I have so much catching up to do in my life in terms of my new career, and in getting my relationship rock solid before we actually get married. I still get flack from my mom about hurrying up though, which if anything makes me want to have kids less! If I end up never having a child, I can live with being a stepmother. 

 

But if that's true, then what would the point be of posting like half of the threads in this forum? I mean, why is the Democratic socialists convention thread posted if not to make fun of the participants, who I think Bill&Katya disagrees with? 

There is nothing wrong at all with posting this thread, but as @Boiler said, it is biology vs. feminism.  Some women may actually believe this, but for some reason women that want to be a mom as a career are looked down upon by those supposedly more enlightened or progressive.  Having kids is not for everyone certainly, but for those that do really want them, they should do their biological research.

[Dashinka 23,238]

15 hours ago, Boiler said:

Just how things were designed, not everybody has the same dates and obviously there are differences between the genders but it goes in one direction. I always understood as a rule of thumb that 30 was the dividing age, anything after that and it got trickier. And did so exponentially.

 

Biology just has not caught up with modern life styles. 

Triggering words?

[Dashinka 23,238]

15 hours ago, yuna628 said:

Sure. But we're also not cookie cutter ladies. Plenty of us, unable to have children, seemingly manage to have them. Still others have taken advantage of medical advancements to have them. But beyond that, I wish more women would consider opening their hearts to children that are already *here* and desperately needing a loving home.

 

A woman's biological ability to have children should not be her sole value. I read a recent article about falling marriage and birth rates in Japan. It was once a *must* for a woman to be married by age 30 or else be shamed. Furthermore they'd be shamed for not having kids or not remaining a homemaker. But now things have changed. Women are deciding to hold off on marriages and focus on careers. They have heard too many unhappy marriages from couples pressured into it, or women who are left to do everything while the man does nothing to help. They like better financial independence and happiness in having the confidence to support themselves. In one poll women said they'd be more than happy to have babies, in fact they welcomed them. It was just the men they didn't want to put up with.

And what is the birth rate in Japan?  I agree, women should not look at the potential ability to be a mother as her sole value, but also, a woman that does in fact choose that route should not be derided by the "woke" feminists.