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NinaLu

Only one visit and a 10 year difference, any chance?

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Hello, the question will get a bit specific and complicated. But I truly need some advice.

My fiance is a 31 year old US born resident and I am a 21 year old Romanian girl. I have known my fiance since around may 2016  and everything has started as a friendship between two people playing the same online game. That friendship blossomed into more in November last year. We never had a formal proposal, things kind of flowed a natural course. I dare say I would have absolutely no issue during the interview as we are pretty much each other's best friend and know each other like the back of our hands. But even so, I am extremely anxious.

My fiance has only visited me once in June, and he stayed for 2 weeks before he had to depart once more. His workplace does not allow him to take vacation for more than 2 weeks a year and his "leave without pay" suggestions were rejected by the company. We initially made plans to spend Christmas together, with him taking his last 2 days of vacation off this year to visit but after letting his vacation request sit in a office drawer for more than a month and a half (neither approved nor rejected), we both realized it was not going to happen.

Moving on to my situation. A visit any sooner than June (say, last year when we have started talking), was completely impossible. Until June, I have lived with an abusive family (that has never been reported to the authorities) and it was only in June that my savings have gotten to a point where I could afford to move out. My literal freedom and perhaps life would have been at risk if he was to visit any sooner.

Sadly, although these are the circumstances, I cannot help but realize how suspicious our case must be looking. There is no chance for more of his visits until the k-1 visa is either approved or rejected as the time he can take off is very limited and we need to save it for a possible failure, in which we would proceed to marry here and go through another long process for  a spousal visa. I, obviously, have no chance of obtaining any kind of visa to visit him, all the more so since I am not in contact with any of my family and do not have any material attachment to Romania.

Do we stand any chance? A 10 year difference and only one visit, how big of a red flag is it? I would love to know other people's experience with this.

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Well I don't think Romania has a rep of being a high fraud country, so I think you should be OK. 10 year difference isn't a red flag, and at least his one visit was 2 weeks (as opposed to 2 days or something like that). My wife and I are 11 years apart, and there are a ton of others on VJ who have a bigger age gap than you two. While I had seen my wife a bit longer than your fiance has visited you, there are others who have only been around their partner 1-2 weeks total and gotten approved. 

 

So there is no chance he can visit you in the next 9-12 months? because that might be how long it is until your interview. 


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K1 takes a long time so perhaps another visit or two.


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7 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

Well I don't think Romania has a rep of being a high fraud country, so I think you should be OK. 10 year difference isn't a red flag, and at least his one visit was 2 weeks (as opposed to 2 days or something like that). My wife and I are 11 years apart, and there are a ton of others on VJ who have a bigger age gap than you two. While I had seen my wife a bit longer than your fiance has visited you, there are others who have only been around their partner 1-2 weeks total and gotten approved. 

 

So there is no chance he can visit you in the next 9-12 months? because that might be how long it is until your interview. 

 

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

K1 takes a long time so perhaps another visit or two.

My interview should actually be around April next year, as our NOA1 was on the 3rd of August 2018. We have been playing the waiting game for a while now. If our process goes smoothly and within the expected time frame, by February our NOA2 should arrive. And no, sadly I do not think we can plan a visit before that. As I said, previously a second visit WAS planned of this December, but it was not approved, hence me getting anxious now.

It does make me glad to know other couples with an age gap close to ours have made it however.

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Age I doubt will be an issue and the rest well nothing you can do but put your best foot forward.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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5 minutes ago, NinaLu said:

It does make me glad to know other couples with an age gap close to ours have made it however.

Large age differences becoming an issue generally have to do with country of origin.  Yours, most likely won't raise any red flag.


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9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Age I doubt will be an issue and the rest well nothing you can do but put your best foot forward.

 

6 minutes ago, Going through said:

Large age differences becoming an issue generally have to do with country of origin.  Yours, most likely won't raise any red flag.



Thank you, I really really really needed someone to say that. This process is long and daunting and I am sure it is very easy (for anyone going through it) to over-analyze everything. This put my mind at ease a little.

Edited by NinaLu

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age difference shouldnt be an issue in romania.

 

but if he gets 2 weeks of vacation a year and was last there in 2016, then... he could have gotten in 2 more trips and 3 if you count another one during the k1 process.

 

i would get in another visit.


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1 hour ago, debbiedoo said:

age difference shouldnt be an issue in romania.

 

but if he gets 2 weeks of vacation a year and was last there in 2016, then... he could have gotten in 2 more trips and 3 if you count another one during the k1 process.

 

i would get in another visit.

Hello, I was perhaps not clear enough in explaining. I know him since 2016, however his first and only visit was in June, 2018. I have explained why he could have not visited any sooner, although both of us wanted to meet last year, when this relationship actually started. We have filed for k-1shortly after he returned to the US.

Visiting during the k-1 sounds like an idea, however the stay duration is unpredictable. If the k-1 gets rejected he plans to spend those 2 weeks he can take off in Romania where we can get married. If it is accepted, only one week would be spent here, the second week being spent in the US to help me adjust living in a foreign country. I am not exactly sure how this will be handled, however we will discuss this...

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Please take this the way I intend. The only red flag I see is you asking this question here.

If you love this guy and want to spend your life with him, then who cares what we think or even how probable. Whether it's 100% or 0 %, that does not change your feelings.

 

So, stop being paranoid and don't worry.

However, I will add that I have a dear friend, now in NY, from Romania and she is the most paranoid person I've ever known. 

Comes with the territory I suppose.

 

One way or another, I am sure you will be successful. Many have met for less time and have far bigger age differences. 

Sleep well.

 

 

 

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man older than woman / no problem

another visit would help

perhaps he can take the 2019 trip and be there for emotional support for interview although they probably don't allow him in

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Wow!  I am impressed with your analysis of the situation.  I agree with others that there are no obvious red flags here.   But I also want to re-assure you about one other thing you seem concerned about..  You state that you met in 2016 and then it took two years (till June 2018) before you met in person.  You give a  whole bunch of reasons why you couldn't meet sooner and while I feel horrible for you that you were in an abusive situation I think that the 'delay' of meeting in person should not be a problem.  Those two years were spent getting to know each other better before meeting in person and in your situation was used to make sure that you were more stable and independent.. At an interview if asked why it took two years before he visited the first time (and I don't know that this would be asked)..  I would suggest you be prepared with a simple and concise answer that says that you needed that time to get to know each other better and that you are grateful for that time as it made you stronger and more sure of yourself and your reediness to move to the USA with your future husband.  In short if asked be brief and be confident and don't spin it negatively.   In no way am I saying to lie or hide the truth.  But don't unnecessarily volunteer information in a way that potentially could reflect negatively on you.  As for another visit... It's always good if you can manage but with his time off restrictions I understand a trip to Romania might be difficult.  One other possibility if he has the money is to have you travel to meet him for a long weekend.  Agree your chances of getting a tourist Visa to the USA are slim to none but that does not preclude the possibility of you traveling to a country closer to the USA that doesn't require you to have a Visa allowing him to make a long weekend trip and take only a day or two off or potentially longer if combined with a US Holiday (Like President's day for example).  

According to this link:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visa_requirements_for_Romanian_citizens

A Romanian passport gives you lots of options that if he's in Georgia are only a short flight away.   Just make sure any flight you might choose to take do not stop in the USA

-

Again, I don't think having met only once is going to be a problem but I'm sure you'd love to see each other again before the K-1 and doing so, especially if you traveled to meet him "1/2 way" would look good for your interview as well. 

-

  Good Luck and God Bless.

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43 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

man older than woman / no problem

another visit would help

perhaps he can take the 2019 trip and be there for emotional support for interview although they probably don't allow him in 

I have seen reviews of the Romanian Embassy stating that their SO tagged along. I will look into that and see if we could work something out, although it would seem a pretty tight schedule to do it that way... Thank you for your suggestion, I really appreciate it.

 

 

38 minutes ago, JE57 said:

Wow!  I am impressed with your analysis of the situation.  I agree with others that there are no obvious red flags here.   But I also want to re-assure you about one other thing you seem concerned about..  You state that you met in 2016 and then it took two years (till June 2018) before you met in person.  You give a  whole bunch of reasons why you couldn't meet sooner and while I feel horrible for you that you were in an abusive situation I think that the 'delay' of meeting in person should not be a problem.  Those two years were spent getting to know each other better before meeting in person and in your situation was used to make sure that you were more stable and independent.. At an interview if asked why it took two years before he visited the first time (and I don't know that this would be asked)..  I would suggest you be prepared with a simple and concise answer that says that you needed that time to get to know each other better and that you are grateful for that time as it made you stronger and more sure of yourself and your reediness to move to the USA with your future husband.  In short if asked be brief and be confident and don't spin it negatively.   In no way am I saying to lie or hide the truth.  But don't unnecessarily volunteer information in a way that potentially could reflect negatively on you.  As for another visit... It's always good if you can manage but with his time off restrictions I understand a trip to Romania might be difficult.  One other possibility if he has the money is to have you travel to meet him for a long weekend.  Agree your chances of getting a tourist Visa to the USA are slim to none but that does not preclude the possibility of you traveling to a country closer to the USA that doesn't require you to have a Visa allowing him to make a long weekend trip and take only a day or two off or potentially longer if combined with a US Holiday (Like President's day for example).  

According to this link:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visa_requirements_for_Romanian_citizens

A Romanian passport gives you lots of options that if he's in Georgia are only a short flight away.   Just make sure any flight you might choose to take do not stop in the USA

-

Again, I don't think having met only once is going to be a problem but I'm sure you'd love to see each other again before the K-1 and doing so, especially if you traveled to meet him "1/2 way" would look good for your interview as well. 

-

  Good Luck and God Bless.

Yes, you are right. I have read several threads on "do not volunteer information but be truthful" and I will be very sure to keep it in mind. I do believe something will come up in the interview that will require me talking about my family but I plan to keep it very brief. I do not want to be seen as "an abuse victim trying to cling to a foreigner for a better life" afterall but as a person that wants to be with their beloved for as long as the future allows it. I do think there are several details that could make it look like I am seeking something other than companionship and that is definitely not something I aim to do.

Truly thank you for the advice and suggestion. I will definitely look into that and see if there are any viable options! I would have never thought of that really so I am fairly excited right now.

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25 minutes ago, NinaLu said:

I will definitely look into that and see if there are any viable options! I would have never thought of that really so I am fairly excited right now.

Here is a passport comparing site that might help: https://www.passportindex.org/comparebyPassport.php?p1=ro&p2=us&fl=&s=yes


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