Adjusting to America

[Breenee7590 0]

Anyone have advice on getting help for your foreign spouse adjust to America? Finding friends of the same nationality, a job and other resources that will better help them become acclimated to their new life. Also, maybe support groups or help for the American citizen also on how to help the non American spouse. Teaching them everything can be a bit overwhelming so with some support in place, I feel like it could help both parties feel better. The whole AOS process of the non citizen having to be at home and almost disconnected from the world is hard on the relationship. Any one have any rationale useful advice?

[kris&me 572]

learning to cook some of the person's favorite meals from his /her country

having a cell phone or computer so he/she can talk on whatsapp or facebook to family and freinds back home

studying for and getting driving license as soon as possible

taking small and big trips to get them familar with the area

finding a place to worship in whatever  religion he/ she is

a date night once a week to have fun

Edited November 14, 2018 by kris&me

[Little_Vixen 1,869]

Finding friends of the same nationality will not help them integrate. It only puts the differences more to the forefront. It certainly wont help them assimilate to the American ways cause they will reinforce their own ways among eachother.

What works best is make sure they get out there and do things. Make their life their own. Find their own (american) friends. Go grocery shopping. Explore the town. Join a club. Go to the library, the local historic society or hiking. Anything to learn the culture and feel like they own their own life in stead of being dependant on their spouse. 

 

My biggest help was a sweet single lady next door who took me out grocery shopping. My mom in law who went with me on longer trips and helped me get used to driving around here. My sister in law who takes me out to lunch and get to know me better. It makes me feel like I am part of things here. That I'm building a life for myself. That I'm not just an extension of my husband but a loved and valued member of society. 

[Breenee7590 0]

Thank you all for your responses. Some of the things you mentioned, we have done but I suppose ultimately the adjustment process just take time. I appreciate the feedback and being able to understand your adjustment journey this far.

[Lil bear 4,252]

2 hours ago, Breenee7590 said:

Thank you all for your responses. Some of the things you mentioned, we have done but I suppose ultimately the adjustment process just take time. I appreciate the feedback and being able to understand your adjustment journey this far.

Yes it takes time and usually far more time that people expect and want ! Realistically most new immigrants who have not been able to make  contacts and connections outside of their immediate new family in the US prior to their immigration will find it will take a year or so to really start to feel at home in many ways. But persevere, keep encouraging and working at it in as ways as possible.. every little step adds up and it will happen . Also bring realistic about the end process.. missing the familiar things of life that are now part of the past doesn’t mean you regret coming. It just means you miss things and that’s normal ! 

[TBoneTX 45,498]

Even if you're fully and consciously aware that culture shock and homesickness will strike you, there will come a time when you think that you've finally figured things out, but then you'll realize that it isn't truly so.  This can knock someone for an even bigger loop than the shock and homesickness that had initially hit.

 

The only remedial suggestion that I have is to keep communicating about every cultural issue, no matter how small -- the immigrant, expressing confusion or questions; the USC, answering thoroughly.  The USC can even be proactive in pointing out aspects of life (as they occur) that the immigrant hasn't asked about yet.  Putting one's self in the immigrant's shoes is crucial to mitigating the inevitable and natural process of adjustment, I think.

[TransplantUSA 167]

I've been here almost 6 months but I'm still waiting for my EAD so I have not fully adjusted to life here. I think once am able to work, things will pick up. The first three months weren't so bad as I focused on shipping my belongings, making the house a home and exploring my surroundings. The last three have been a pain. I've read lots of books, watched lots of TV and spent time with my Husband but I feel like my brain is turning to mush.

 

Have a support network of people back home (Skype and Calls) and my Husband has been amazing, makes me homesick but having people there for you is the best help.

 

Communication between the Immigrant and Spouse is key!

[icanbenobody 187]

On 11/14/2018 at 5:55 PM, emylady said:

I've been here almost 6 months but I'm still waiting for my EAD so I have not fully adjusted to life here. I think once am able to work, things will pick up. The first three months weren't so bad as I focused on shipping my belongings, making the house a home and exploring my surroundings. The last three have been a pain. I've read lots of books, watched lots of TV and spent time with my Husband but I feel like my brain is turning to mush.

 

Have a support network of people back home (Skype and Calls) and my Husband has been amazing, makes me homesick but having people there for you is the best help.

 

Communication between the Immigrant and Spouse is key!

i agree with your last sentence.. best to have a good communication between immigrants and usc spouse.

[CJlove 147]

Be kind, patient and supportive. 🤗

[LukeU 413]

On 11/14/2018 at 1:46 AM, Breenee7590 said:

Anyone have advice on getting help for your foreign spouse adjust to America? Finding friends of the same nationality, a job and other resources that will better help them become acclimated to their new life. Also, maybe support groups or help for the American citizen also on how to help the non American spouse. Teaching them everything can be a bit overwhelming so with some support in place, I feel like it could help both parties feel better. The whole AOS process of the non citizen having to be at home and almost disconnected from the world is hard on the relationship. Any one have any rationale useful advice?

 

This is something my fianceé (USC) and I have spoken about a lot. It's inevitably going to be hard, the beneficiary will be going from (I pressume) knowing their way around, the freedom of driving, working, popping to see friends and just generally knowing what is what. To then be moving (somewhat) to the other side of the world, it's going to be a tough one where they'll probably need GPS to even pop to the store to find things that seem somewhat familiar.

 

I don't believe specifically looking for friends of the same nationality would be greatly beneficial, they're going to be around tonnes of different nationalities in everyday life once it settles. 

 

I've personally started a distance university course here so I will have something to keep me occupied while my better half is working, training/running, bits and bobs like that. 

 

We have already started, when I would visit I would stay quiet and think "No, I'm not going to ask Courtney what that means, or what that is?" But then when I started to a little it was actually quite humbling just how different similar countries can be. We now have made an agreement, no matter what, we just ask and speak about it. She does the same off her own back too, if somethings funky or just different and see's me looking a little perplexed, we speak about it and inevitably give me a hard time about it later in life 😋

 

I honestly think it will be as difficult on the USC as it will be the beneficiary as your lives have both changed drastically, quite literally over night! 

 

Sorry I didn't realise how much I rambled on! 

Edited November 21, 2018 by LukeU
Apologies entered