2nd Fiance Visa Situation

[Roel 7,191]

1 minute ago, tringuyen said:

I’m not engaged to the current woman as I’ve know her only a few months.  I plan to get to know her more but it seems we miss each a lot and talk to each other everyday.  

 

Maybe in my second trip back I propose in 3 months.

 

we plan to take a trip to another country together.

 

So at the moment of engagement you'll know each other only for few months in total.

 

I'd suggest waiting a year or two before getting engaged and starting the K1 process. I mean, you don't want to jump in another bad relationship?

 

 

[tringuyen 11]

4 minutes ago, Jaquelly said:

 

VAWA fraud does exist, however, it sounds like your attitude toward her is pretty sour. You've talked about how she used you and that you've found a 'better woman'. Maybe she expected more out of you as a father than you were willing to give, since she was 'poor' and not what YOU wanted, even though you wanted her enough at one point to marry her. 

 

Marriage is not a buy and return policy sort of thing. Stop treating women like merchandise.

Like I mentioned in other posts you dont understand my situation to make such false accusations about me.  I even moved back to Vietnam for 9 months to take care of her so she can give birth.  Her father wanted to abort the baby.   All this time her mom goes pawning the engagement jewelry I bought for her.  Then while in the US for two weeks for work she invites her ex over to our apartment.  So I was hanging in the relationship as much as I could.  

[tringuyen 11]

6 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

If women in the US don't find you attractive enough what makes you think foreign women will? The only reason would be the green card because that's the only thing you can offer them that you can't offer American women. Your attitude towards women is not healthy 

It’s not me.  It’s the male to female ratio in the city I live.  Go to the clubs and you see 8 guys to 2 girls.  I have a lot of friends that have gone to Vietnam yo marry a wife from there.

[Jaquelly 1,647]

Just now, tringuyen said:

Like I mentioned in other posts you dont understand my situation to make such false accusations about me.  I even moved back to Vietnam for 9 months to take care of her so she can give birth.  Her father wanted to abort the baby.   All this time her mom goes pawning the engagement jewelry I bought for her.  Then while in the US for two weeks for work she invites her ex over to our apartment.  So I was hanging in the relationship as much as I could.  

 

1. You were the father of the child and hold equal responsibility for raising that child, including caring for the mother (especially since, at that point, you were in a relationship). 

2. Her father has a right to an opinion but couldn't force anything on her if she wanted to have it.

3. Her mother is her own person with her own free will and sounds like a jerk, but again, your wife cannot stop her mother unless she forcibly physically does so.

4. Was the visit from an ex a friendly visit? How did you react to it? 

 

Context, unfortunately, only holds so much weight when you make previous comments that are derogatory in nature. 

[bakphx1 785]

2 hours ago, Roel said:

Then stick to the US women.

I mean, it sounds like you "shopped" for you current fiance, rather than fell in love.

But good luck.

It can be a problem establishing a bona fide relationship if you not known her that long.  

Edited September 13, 2018 by bakphx1

[tringuyen 11]

Just now, Jaquelly said:

 

1. You were the father of the child and hold equal responsibility for raising that child, including caring for the mother (especially since, at that point, you were in a relationship). 

2. Her father has a right to an opinion but couldn't force anything on her if she wanted to have it.

3. Her mother is her own person with her own free will and sounds like a jerk, but again, your wife cannot stop her mother unless she forcibly physically does so.

4. Was the visit from an ex a friendly visit? How did you react to it? 

 

Context, unfortunately, only holds so much weight when you make previous comments that are derogatory in nature. 

In vn culture, it’s very patriarchal.  Her father was a wife beater.  He has a strong hold on the family but of course she could’ve ran away from home.

 

once I came back to vn to take care of her and unborn baby , she did not work a single day.  I even hired a cook to and the cook cleaned as well. 

 

I took care of things and was responsible.

 

She had promised me she would not contact the ex for the sake of our relationship.  Likewise I did not contact any exes.  Not the first or last time she broke her promises to me.

[Daniela M_______ 409]

41 minutes ago, YoungPadawan said:

1 hour ago, Daniela M_______ said:

From Vietnam it is 

If you hold women and Vietnamese women in such low regard, maybe stop trying to marry them?

I was quoting OP, not a reflection of my opinion.

[Jaquelly 1,647]

7 minutes ago, tringuyen said:

In vn culture, it’s very patriarchal.  Her father was a wife beater.  He has a strong hold on the family but of course she could’ve ran away from home.

 

once I came back to vn to take care of her and unborn baby , she did not work a single day.  I even hired a cook to and the cook cleaned as well. 

 

I took care of things and was responsible.

 

She had promised me she would not contact the ex for the sake of our relationship.  Likewise I did not contact any exes.  Not the first or last time she broke her promises to me.

 

I don't give a care about Vietnamese culture. YOU are the USC. YOU are the one that has to overcome hurdles as your first marriage ended in a VAWA case. YOU need to straighten yourself out before you decide it's time to put yourself and another woman through the ringer in an another engagement. I can't handle the 'it's not my fault'. You gotta change what was broken and what continues to be broken, cause everything happens for a reason.

[VNN 147]

10 minutes ago, tringuyen said:

In vn culture, it’s very patriarchal.  Her father was a wife beater.  He has a strong hold on the family but of course she could’ve ran away from home.

 

once I came back to vn to take care of her and unborn baby , she did not work a single day.  I even hired a cook to and the cook cleaned as well. 

 

I took care of things and was responsible.

 

She had promised me she would not contact the ex for the sake of our relationship.  Likewise I did not contact any exes.  Not the first or last time she broke her promises to me.

To be honest, just let it go.   No one really knows the situation better than you do but the way express your problem seems like you are looking down on poor women (from Vietnam).  You just need to "tìm hiểu" your new woman carefully and prove that your relationship is a bona fide one.  I knew my wife's family for several years and I dated her for 2 years before we decided to get married this year because we wanted to make sure we truly would love each other. 

 

You could use lawyer if you feel it will work out for you but at the end of the day: it is you who shows your relationship: real love.

 

In vn culture, it’s very patriarchal = it may be true in some places but most of places = no, it is not longer the case.  Even with patriarchal ones,  woman's father will leave the decision to you because now you are the her man. 

Edited September 13, 2018 by RLE

[tringuyen 11]

11 minutes ago, Daniela M_______ said:

I was quoting OP, not a reflection of my opinion.

There are exceptions .  Sometimes you get lucky and a find a good woman.

[TBoneTX 43,549]

Seven posts have been removed for reasons of stereotyping and badgering.

This thread, which is rather out-of-control, will remain locked, and it's not to be restarted or referred to elsewhere.

 

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation

-------

Personal observations:

          OP, character is crucial when deciding to choose a mate.  It trumps other aspects of background and financial circumstances.

          There's been enough time between your last relationship and this newly contemplated one so that you can file a new petition with USCIS.  However, the consular phase is far more crucial, especially when dealing with the Vietnam embassy.  The consular officers will be looking for evidence of fraud and especially ample "face time."  They used to, and might still, insist upon an exhaustive "relationship timeline."  It's optimal to submit this as part of your front-loaded petition package, and to provide substantial updates to it at the eventual visa interview.  It's highly unwise to get engaged or married on your first in-person visit, and possibly even the second.  See the Vietnam regional forum on this site.

       Your sensitivities and sensibilities still seem raw consequent to your previous experience, which is understandable.  Apply these "sadder but wiser" realizations toward evaluating individual potential mates, rather than toward stereotyping larger segments of society positively or negatively.  Consider avoiding rushing into something before circumspection is re-established.

       We typically get more advice on how to buy a washing machine or a car than we do on picking a mate.  An excellent book, one to read over and over, is "How to Stop Trying to Find Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love," by Dr. Judith M. Sills.  If that isn't the precise title, it's close.

       Best wishes.

 

TBoneTX

regular VJ member

Edited September 13, 2018 by TBoneTX