Wedding Planning

[llaz 232]

Anyone else having a difficult time "wedding planning"? Its so hard when you don't have your NOA2 to even think about a timeline, when am I supposed to get my dress? When am I supposed to tell Monsignor the day? Will there even be venues at that time available because I think at this point we are looking at May/June and EVERYONE looks a year ahead of time for venues (hopefully), will Monsignor even have availability for the date that I request since its going to be such a quick turn around? I've been trying to get ideas for wedding invitations, and save the dates but I can't even get myself motivated to do that because I feel like there is really no decent end in sight for this process at this time. Maybe I'd have better luck starting with dress shopping, I'm sure I'll have to pick something off of the rack because who knows? Maybe tomorrow our application will be accepted... 

I know we could just do a civil wedding and then do the religious ceremony later on but thats not the point, that's not what we want to do. Anyone else been through the process that's had a success story that they'd like to share in regards to wedding planning? What did you start with? What did you wait on? How did you chose your date?

Edited January 24, 2017 by llaz

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Well as you know, immigration is about practicality and not your dreams.  Perhaps plan for a big wedding in a year or so and do a quickie at first.  What's most important?  The marriage or the wedding?

 

as for a dress, get the dress you want and have it stored.  Dresses will keep.  Find a venue that you can book but offers flexibility on dates.  But your best bet is a wedding later.

[AkesAngel 585]

As before said ... as we all know how unsure a set time for the visa process is - plan just to get married in the time frame of 90 days and get your dream wedding at a later date. 

I got my dress before we even filed the petition and our ceremony is planned for April 2018 as we know we won't get it done in April 2017 ... but more important is to call him my husband and for that we only need the civil marriage

So relax and just do what you like ... there's a lot you can plan without a date set.

[vogann 221]

I'm having the same issues... the photographer and the catering place we chose for the wedding are already increasing their fees and they are both saying that security deposits are non-refundable. We going to have pay double the amount of $$ if we end up moving our wedding date. 

What's even worse.. is that if you call USCIS - they begin lying that everything is going at it's normal pace.... bunch of baloney.. some people that filled petition at the end of September already had their wedding a month ago... ex) http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?cfl=0&id=246309

Now we filed a month later (a little more).. and we already 3 month behind!!! In USCIS minds it's a normal thing.. Some people get premium processing times, while other stuck for months  

Edited January 24, 2017 by vogann

[yuna628 9,680]

16 minutes ago, llaz said:

Anyone else having a difficult time "wedding planning"? Its so hard when you don't have your NOA2 to even think about a timeline, when am I supposed to get my dress? When am I supposed to tell Monsignor the day? Will there even be venues at that time available because I think at this point we are looking at May/June and EVERYONE looks a year ahead of time for venues (hopefully), will Monsignor even have availability for the date that I request since its going to be such a quick turn around? I've been trying to get ideas for wedding invitations, and save the dates but I can't even get myself motivated to do that because I feel like there is really no decent end in sight for this process at this time. Maybe I'd have better luck starting with dress shopping, I'm sure I'll have to pick something off of the rack because who knows? Maybe tomorrow our application will be accepted... 

I know we could just do a civil wedding and then do the religious ceremony later on but thats not the point, that's not what we want to do. Anyone else been through the process that's had a success story that they'd like to share in regards to wedding planning? What did you start with? What did you wait on? How did you chose your date?

Hi there,

We had a full small wedding with no do-overs and planned it literally from the day we sent the application in. I don't recommend it, but it's doable, so long as you have a good support system, trust, and communication between each other it can be done. Keep in mind the government says you should not make any plans until visa is in hand. Typically once a K1 has been obtained you have six months to enter the country - so that does give you six months of time if you want to wait. We weren't going to wait that long of course, so we started planning the things we could control early. So here's what we did:

 

• Get a rough budget idea together, discuss the things both you and your spouse would like to have for the wedding. Start out small. Are you confident in the case and do you anticipate any problems with your consulate? For us, London is usually a consulate that doesn't have issues and we had a non-complicated case.
• Get the dress (and any clothing accessories) early. That will work to your benefit. It will take some time to come in. You don't have to get an off the rack dress if you don't want to. I didn't. In the early months of the year dresses are often discounted. If you get alterations in-house they will often set up appointments to alter the dress sometime in the future. If you choose your own person to alter the gown discuss the situation with them. I've found a lot of people to be accepting and more than willing to help and bend the rules a little. Pick out your color swatches and send them to any guests that are officially coming or will be in the wedding party.
• Spend the next few weeks making spreadsheets and image boards. Gather ideas of how you'd like things to look. Decide if you want real flowers, faux flowers, or no flowers at all. We found faux flowers from Japan through etsy that are real-touch. They looked great and also could be made into gifts. It worked out cheaper and also eliminated additional planning. Get whatever supplies you can. We did a lot of DIY stuff and had a lot of good etsy vendors that designed some things for us.
• Search wedding sites for vendors in your area that seem to be within your budget. Compare in spreadsheets. Email or call them and explain the situation and see what deals they would offer. If they don't want to work with you, then they aren't worth it. Don't put any money down for anything yet.
• Once you have an NOA2 decide about whether it's going to be a church wedding or not. We did not choose a church wedding because it was a lot less hassle (if you are determined to do it.. it causes a lot of additional complicated logistics), the wedding venue we had narrowed down, and we wanted an officiant that would appeal to a very blended family style. I had two in mind and one got back immediately in touch. We discussed the various issues, and she was so easy to work with in regards to her timeframe and making payment we knew she was the one. She guided us through the entire process in helping us write our own vows and ceremony. We were no less married by using one.
• Go to the venue and get things set up closer to the embassy date. Don't put a downpayment on anything until the visa is good. We had some floating dates in mind (weekdays are always cheaper) but weren't going to commit to a date yet.
• The hardest part may be the photographer. It's expensive these days and something I wasn't willing to compromise on. You will have to do a lot of study on what is the best fit for you, but don't pay for anything until you know that visa is good. Some people don't even want a photographer. If you have a family member or friend willing to step into the roll that does save time and money. Our photographer was great and very understanding.
• Once the visa is in hand, get all contracts signed and dates set in stone. You can do invitations if you'd like.. you can do software at home, pre-printed stuff from a store, or get a custom package from someone. We used a company called WeddingPaperDivas. We picked out the look of it well ahead of time, and once the date was set, ordered them. They also give out free sample sets to go over. They came quickly and they have a spellcheck feature. We mailed them immediately.
• Give the foreign spouse something to do. I left him in charge of clothing for all family members overseas, and I also let him pick out jewelry from a shop I liked. We got the rings once he landed. Once he was here, he helped put together the decorations and gifts.
• The cake was from a local shop. They needed about a week or two of space to get the cake ready for us.

Ultimately the hardest thing (besides the waiting and planning) ended up dealing with the venue's wedding planner. They were very difficult to get ahold of or help us at times and at one point with nearly a few weeks to go, I thought we were going to need to upend everything and use a different venue at short notice. Despite this, they pulled through, and everything still worked out very well. The second hardest thing was the logistics of reserving hotels and flights for family members coming in from other states and overseas. We limited our guest list, due to budget so not everyone was able to come, and hotel space was very limited. We married at a town park, and our venue was right next door that provided food without need for catering. This cut down on costs considerably.

 

To get rid of all the uncertainty and potential problems that might crop, seriously consider having a civil wedding and plan the big event some time down the road. This path is not for everyone, for sanity sake. You cannot have everything when it comes to a wedding like this in this situation. 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

As has been discussed many times on

this website before planning a large wedding in these circumstances is very difficult.  This immigration process is very unpredictable and that makes it very hard to plan a large wedding in United States when it takes most people year to coordinate with venues, florists, dress shopping, photographers, caterers, etc. 

 Sometimes but you have to make compromises.  So if you don't want to give up your plans for big wedding then you have to find people and places that are flexible and can work with flexible dates.  

 I will give you examples of how we planned our wedding basically in two months.  

1. I bought my dress did not have one made to order. We bought his suit the same way. 

2. My niece  studies culinary in college and she made our wedding cake. 

3.  We kept flowers simple one bouquet, one boutonniere and a couple centerpieces. I ordered that online with a florist they delivered. I never set foot in their shop.  It took 2 weeks to accomplish that.

4.  We rented tables and chairs two weeks prior.  And my brother offered his backyard. They have a beautiful saltwater pool with the fountain and they built a bar so it was almost like having it at resort.

5.  My family made most of the food and we catered the rest from a restaurant picked it up ourselves that took approximately one day for tasting and order. I followed up with them one week prior. 

6.   We purchased all the champagne wine and liquor ourselves and two friends bartended.  

7.  My sister was the photographer and my son was in charge of our music playlist and kept the music going through dinner and reception.

8.  My other sister is ordained to marry people. She wrote our vows with us and told me just let her know the day and she'll be there. 

 

 But we are not elaborate people we kept it very simple.  I did all the decorating myself. 

 

 The wedding was beautiful. And we often comment on how we wish we could do it again. You just have to be creative, you have to keep it kind of simple, and you have to find people that can work with you last minute.  Lucky for me, I have a great family everyone pitched in everyone had a job and it worked out beautiful   

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I think the key is thinking outside the box.  Be creative, make it your own.  It may take veering off the traditional and improvising.  The compromise may be cutting down the guest list or eliminating something that just won't work.  It takes being open and flexible.  I made alot of calls to parks, halls, resorts, restaurants, etc and got ideas from other brides. Don't be afraid to ask people for ideas and help.  It may take explaining your situation to get a business to work with you.  There have been other threads started on this same topic here on VJ.  You can find them by using the search tool and get more ideas.  In my area, I've noticed couples planning more unique personalized weddings.

However, if you want the huge traditional wedding it may mean going to courthouse and doing the religious formal wedding at a later date.

[Ashley Scott 180]

I think this is probably one of the most difficult things at this point.  We personally want to be able to plan our wedding around when my fiancé's family can come but at the same time we have to plan that around when the process is finished and that is such a big unknown.  I think we have finally just settled on a "date of action", so to say.  If we don't get to the interview by a certain date then we will plan to marry at the courthouse this year and then have a large ceremony next year.  We know that we will have to have the wedding before the second week in August in order for his family to be able to come out this year and if that were to happen, there will be little time to plan.  And finding a venue is near impossible as most are booked a year and a half out. 

 

Anyways.. The one thing that I know I can start with is dress shopping.  I plan to do this in about 2 weeks while some of my closest friends are in town.  That is one thing that I believe you cant get early enough.  It also helps to make it feel like the planning and all is in motion.   

 

I think that ultimately it comes down to what kind of wedding you want and whether you are ok with short planning and possibly cutting things to make it work.  Either way, being married to your significant other and being able to be together in the same place (finally!) makes all the stress and waiting worth it.

 

Hope you are able to get everything planned just the way you want and hope the wait comes to an end sooner than later!

[llaz 232]

Thank you all so much for your ideas and sharing your experiences! It helps to sort of hear other peoples experiences and what worked and what were the downfalls of doing things how they did. 

My fiance and I are dead set on being married in the church, we threw around the idea of a civil ceremony at first and then getting married in a church the day that we got married in the civil ceremony but a year later. I explained our idea to the parish coordinator and he said that there would be no need to have a civil ceremony that they would be willing to work with us in order to have the ceremony we want. I am doing a bit of preparation with them right now and then after we get married they are willing to let us go through the couples meetings.

 

I understand people's ideas that whats important is being married and being able to call him your husband and such ideas. To each his own but, to me and for me, that is done through the church which is why it is so important that we don't just have a civil ceremony.

I am going to follow your guys' points and suggestions and start chatting with my fiance a little more about this and start getting a budget together! Thanks all for the suggestions!

 

[Ontarkie 14,268]

~~Moved to Off Topic, from K1 P&P - As this question is op wedding planning not the K1 process.~~

[LionessDeon 2,060]

58 minutes ago, llaz said:

Thank you all so much for your ideas and sharing your experiences! It helps to sort of hear other peoples experiences and what worked and what were the downfalls of doing things how they did. 

My fiance and I are dead set on being married in the church, we threw around the idea of a civil ceremony at first and then getting married in a church the day that we got married in the civil ceremony but a year later. I explained our idea to the parish coordinator and he said that there would be no need to have a civil ceremony that they would be willing to work with us in order to have the ceremony we want. I am doing a bit of preparation with them right now and then after we get married they are willing to let us go through the couples meetings.

 

I understand people's ideas that whats important is being married and being able to call him your husband and such ideas. To each his own but, to me and for me, that is done through the church which is why it is so important that we don't just have a civil ceremony.

I am going to follow your guys' points and suggestions and start chatting with my fiance a little more about this and start getting a budget together! Thanks all for the suggestions!

 

Awww that sounds great! Sometimes if you let people know what you've been through to be together they are willing to help to make happen and be part of it.  I think venues are the absolute hardest. Once you can figure out thst the rest will fall into place. Good luck!

[llaz 232]

21 hours ago, LionessDeon said:

Awww that sounds great! Sometimes if you let people know what you've been through to be together they are willing to help to make happen and be part of it.  I think venues are the absolute hardest. Once you can figure out thst the rest will fall into place. Good luck!

Thank you LionessDeon! Best of luck to you and your spouse and AOS!!

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Thanks!  Good Luck with the wedding planning.  I'm sure the day will be beautiful!

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I get your reservation about just doing a civil ceremony and the other one later.  We married in a courthouse in Denmark and still, 4+ years later haven't gotten religiously married.  

We've recently been talking about finally doing it around our 5 or 6 year wedding anniversary in Iceland, where it will be a little easier to find a priest in our faith.

[aaron2020 11,651]

On 1/25/2017 at 1:37 AM, vogann said:

I'm having the same issues... the photographer and the catering place we chose for the wedding are already increasing their fees and they are both saying that security deposits are non-refundable. We going to have pay double the amount of $$ if we end up moving our wedding date. 

What's even worse.. is that if you call USCIS - they begin lying that everything is going at it's normal pace.... bunch of baloney.. some people that filled petition at the end of September already had their wedding a month ago... ex) http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?cfl=0&id=246309

Now we filed a month later (a little more).. and we already 3 month behind!!! In USCIS minds it's a normal thing.. Some people get premium processing times, while other stuck for months  

Normal processing falls within a range.  It's not a specific number.  No one is lying to you.

 

Some cases are faster than others depends on many factors.  It's not a single line where it's first in, first out.