Engagement

[yuna628 9,528]

We're old fashioned. As we started out in friendship first, and it developed into mutual affection he had given me a matching 'friendship/promise' type ring. Wore that for years all the way up until our engagement actually. I used to tease him with ''will you marry me?" all the time, and he'd say no, because he'd tell me proposing was the man's job. One day he decided my teasing was actually a good idea, so we talked about it for a while and was it a good time to finally, after all those years, get engaged. We went together to pick out the ring, as it was very short notice before the end of one of my trips abroad. So maybe that wasn't so traditional in that regard. I knew that he was going to propose to me sometime in that week, but just didn't know the day. He did some bluffing to fool me when it would happen, and it ended up being a surprise. We went to picnic at a beautiful local park, overlooking a lake, and surrounded by grumpy swans.. I was reading an information sign and didn't realize how long he'd been behind me on one knee (with the grumpy swans giving him the evil eye). His family cobbled together a big engagement party for us when we arrived home.

That has to be a little better than my 18yr old mom receiving a plastic ring out of a cracker-jack box, when my dad proposed? ;-)

[katietw95 16]

One time I went to an "engagement party" held by my high school history teacher from India and it was a huge celebration, endless food, tons of people, etc....so I don't know about India as a whole (that was my only experience) but I get the impression that for some cultures it's a really big deal.

Yeah, it is a big thing in Indian culture. It is usually a huge affair and celebration.

[Wooderz 314]

In the UK it certainly doesn't have the same meaning that it used to. Here people also say "we're getting engaged on my birthday" or something like that. Obviously if they have already decided to marry then to me they are already "engaged" but what they mean is "he's giving me a ring on my birthday". Also many people here are engaged with no concrete plan to get married. People will co-habit for years with a ring on their finger with no real urge to marry. When people get "engaged" people will ask "so when are you getting married?" and often the response will be "oh we're not getting married, we are just getting engaged". I don't get it. Engagement is a plan to marry.

My English husband and I had this exact conversation when his sister got engaged with no plan to ever get married. I'm like "but why get engaged if you aren't getting married, that's the whole point- you're engaged to be married. He's like "lots of people do, it's a totally separate thing."

Also, his parents have been together 35 years and have never gotten married.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Yeah, we filed for our K-1 while we were apart, a few months before I went to visit him for Christmas. So he hadn't actually gotten down on one knee yet and formally asked me to marry him at the time we filed, but since we were obviously intending to get married, we were in sort of a weird limbo status and of course I know the actual ring engagement was coming.

Truth be told, we would probably be one of the "engaged and cohabitating forever" couples if we were lucky enough to be born in the same country.

Edited September 14, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[C-ma'am 684]

**Post moved from K1 to Progress Report. Question is not a process or procedure and is better suited for this part of the forum

[afortunada 182]

In my husband's part of Mexico, engagements are rare. People actually refer to their S.O. as their husband or wife long before any engagement or wedding. If you have been with someone a while and have a loving relationship, you call them your spouse. If you have a child together, you call them your spouse. There is a Spanish word for "engaged" (comprometido) but I have never heard it used. It's either your boyfriend/girlfriend or your husband/wife.

My husband (then "boyfriend") and I had a conversation about marriage one day where he asked me if I would like to marry him someday, and of course I said yes. Basically after that he referred to me as his wife, even though we hadn't even planned or discussed a wedding yet. He did eventually get down on one knee and "officially" asked me to marry him with a ring two weeks before we got married, though

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

In Ghana, you just don't do your engagement with just the two of you. It involves the whole family.

Young folks have been doing this western practice but it is "void" per the families. Because that's where the families agree to the union. If you skip that, no priest or judge will officiate your wedding.

They make sure to ask if you (man) has done the family due diligence, which is the engagement.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

My SO and I have been together and unmarried for the past five years and a bit. (We both live in the same city in the US, so there's nothing pushing us to the altar.¹) We have a vague plan to get married at some point in the future when tax, medical and inheritance issues make getting married make sense. We have a month and a day but a blank for a year. However, we don't consider ourselves engaged, or "pre-engaged" -- that will probably happen when we have a better sense of when the crunch point may happen.

Footnote 1: Except my mother, who drops vague hints about how she'd love to see us married ASAP.

[USAMorocco 143]

My fiance's mother and father asked my mom if she will agree to let me marry my fiance. Which is part of his customs and also a respect thing.He gave me a ring with a note saying I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. He asked me if I wanted to have a little party while I was with him this summer but...I said no I am not a party person. Here in the US people plan special things a lot to get engaged. not my kind of thing. I guess it is up to couple.

[Ischnura 285]

I remember telling my husband that he had to at the very least ask my Dad for permission. I like old fashioned things like that. But otherwise, we only considered ourselves engaged when he actually asked for my hand. He asked me just before deploying so there was no ring for a while which didn't bother us in the slightest. My work colleagues, however, they only considered us engaged from when there was a ring on my finger. Some people get more excited over jewelry.

I also noticed that in NY none of them wear their engagement rings as soon as they're married. Struck me as odd but I guess every place is different.

[Cheezees 1,514]

In Ghana, you just don't do your engagement with just the two of you. It involves the whole family.

Young folks have been doing this western practice but it is "void" per the families. Because that's where the families agree to the union. If you skip that, no priest or judge will officiate your wedding.

They make sure to ask if you (man) has done the family due diligence, which is the engagement.

Wow, that is some serious stuff!

[enxhi96 34]

For some people getting engaged is when you are proposed to, and a lot of cultures have big celebrations for engagements. In many countries, like my own, engagements are when you officially decide you want to marry in the future, and you make it public to everyone, once you introduce your partner to your family you have made it "official" and everyone celebrates you too. It's very traditional. It's definitely similar to a reallyyy small wedding. But in the U.S. I guess that's uncommon. It's definitely different for everyone.