Spouse's anger problem

[Welshcookie 17]

I agree with much of what has been said....but without sounding like a complete idiot, may I also suggest finding your cat new home? I know that may be hard for you both to consider but often ppl with anger issues will take it out on the weakest.

Do look out for yourself....best of luck

[Ban Hammer 12,841]

threatening a cat with a HAMMER?

wow

[wong_watkins 1]

Thank you for your posts and support. I really appreciate it.

I talked to him last night, but he doesn't seem to realise that his anger problem could lead to serious consequences. He said he would try to control himself, and he still tends to believe that I should try to understand him, instead of making him change.(yeah, I know...it's a sign)

Actually he will have to be on probation soon, since he got in trouble for beating his brother last time. And the prosecutor wants to put him on anger management also. So I really hope that would help. We will also find out about the insurance, and if it covers the medical bills, then I really don't think hubby will have a problem having to be on medication. I strongly think that he needs medication, because even though he said he can try to control his temper, I really don't think he can.

[Ban Hammer 12,841]

Thank you for your posts and support. I really appreciate it.

I talked to him last night, but he doesn't seem to realise that his anger problem could lead to serious consequences. He said he would try to control himself, and he still tends to believe that I should try to understand him, instead of making him change.(yeah, I know...it's a sign)

Actually he will have to be on probation soon, since he got in trouble for beating his brother last time. And the prosecutor wants to put him on anger management also. So I really hope that would help. We will also find out about the insurance, and if it covers the medical bills, then I really don't think hubby will have a problem having to be on medication. I strongly think that he needs medication, because even though he said he can try to control his temper, I really don't think he can.

all of it still sounds like a very volatile situation for you and the cats. be careful.

Edited March 9, 2007 by charlesandnessa

[Mags 112]

I agree with Welshcookie, find that cat a new home...please.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I have no wisdom, but be careful. If he will 'touch" his brother, who knows what he is capable of. You have a big support group here on VJ. take care

[misa 2]

He needs professional help. Be careful and watch after yourself (talk to a friend in person about these things so they're watching out for you too) and please find your cat a new home.

You may also want to think of a backup plan if his anger turns to you.

[Fandango 1,439]

I think court ordered therapy will help loads. But I agree with WC and mags...get the cat a new home!

and seriously make sure you protect yourself...even if that means moving in with in laws or something until he shows signs of progress.

I dunno how that complicates whatever petition you have (I didn't look), but at the end of the day, if we're sat here worrying about him hurting a cat, who's gonna worry about him hurting you???

Edited March 10, 2007 by LisaD

[rebeccajo 14]

Well, I agree with all the suggestions about taking care of yourself and the cat, etc.

But my best advise to you would be to get the hell out and get out now. Probation? What's the matter with this dude?

My ex caused a scene in a shop once and the owner called the law. He was lucky all he got was a ticket. But I was a duma$$ and stuck around a few more years. I mean, why not? It wasn't like it was new behavior to me. After all, I'd forgiven him for a 75 mph crooked-country-road chase of a driver who had cut him off - with me in the car at the time, 8 months pregnant.

Among other things.

Guys like this don't change. I don't care what anybody says. It just gets worse.

Get out.

Edited March 10, 2007 by rebeccajo

[Nancy2015 2]

OMG... It is so sad... So many sad stories in this thread...

Wong Watkins, if the judge ordered your husband to take anger management classes, he will have to do that, and of course, it's great, but unfortunately, some people become better batterers after completing a program like that If he beat his brother so bad and threatened a cat, there is no guarantee he won't do the same thing to you. You are saying he never hurt you, and this is good, but it doesn't mean he won't in the future....

All I can offer you is my support. I can't give you any advice - I know that a lot of people choose to stay in violent relationships till they can't take it any longer. I know that even if you are married to a violent person, it doesn't mean you don't love him.

Please, be careful... (((HUGS))) (F) (F) (F) (F) (F) (F)

[MPGGPM 0]

The part about him beating the ####### out of his brother, ...to the point of stitches and a fractured jaw, ....and then also chasing the cat around , with, of all things , a hammer (yikes!)....

That's some very unusual and scary behavior for a "stable" adult.

No one here could ever tell you what to do. You know your own life and situation better than all of us.

..................still...........................

Below, you once gave some pretty good advice to a person, in another thread, not too long ago, whose spouse had cheated on him. And although his situation is different than yours, your advice to him could also be considered in your own situation. Below is what you yourself wrote.....

Trust me, after she's done it once, she will ALWAYS. ALWAYS do it again.

I hate to tell you this, but I would personally just stop talking to her and end the relationship. It's not worth it.

Change the "she" part to a "he"..........and you would almost think you were talking about your own situation and giving YOURSELF some advice.

I wish you well. I've seen several of your posts this year...... and this is not the first time I have seen you seem confused and frustrated with your situation and life here.

I hope, one way or another.....you can make the best decision for yourself, because only you can do that.....not anyone else.

Good luck.

[caybee 21]

Guys like this don't change. I don't care what anybody says. It just gets worse.

True. Anger issues won't get better without help, and he has to want the help.

[TracyLuis 0]

LISTEN TO KEZ AND REBECCA. THEIRS ARE VERY WISE WORDS.

Edited March 11, 2007 by TracyLuis

[yogib37 3]

I agree with a lot on this tread. If I was the brother that he attack, First off he would be arrested, which I assumed he was. Second he would be owing me a ton of money from a law suit I would file vs him.

Third.. and it would be the hardest, I would never speak to him or visit him and when he dies, I would not even go pay my respect. he lost a brother. I would not attend any family functions if he was present and if I was their first and he showed up, I will be leaving.

He said he will not hurt you, Yes, of course he will say that, cause that is what he wants to hear. If someone gets very angry and goes bonkers, They cant think right and will do anything.. You deserve better. Give him one firm warning, if he directs any anger towards you that it is over. Move out and file next day for divorce.

Take care

Yogi

[Niels Bohr 72]

I would suggest giving him an ultimatum. But, even suggesting that to him will probably let him turn into a murderous person. I would be scared too. (Note: If I was a female that is. Note2: I am straight)