I don't know if it's all worth it anymore..

[Jennyxorose 1]

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting here after being in the US for 6 months. I came here from Canada on a regular B-2 Visitor Visa (regular stamp on passport) and my 6 months were up on September 9, 2015. We have filed for AOS back in July and applications have been recieved. I have already completed my biometrics application last month, and currently am waiting for my work authorization/permit that is expected to arrive mid-October (according to our lawyer).

I met my Husband through an online game, and we married in April of 2015. I literally left home and didn't look back, but now I have some serious regrets.

My husband is 21, and i'm 23, yes we are quite young and jumped into this really fast.

Don't get my wrong, my husband is a good guy. He has been supportive, by my side, and very faithful, but we have had some major issues. Financially, I have solely been supporting myself half the time and have racked up some debt (I paid for all my own immigration), he has been working on and off to pay for some bills, but after 6 months he now finally has a steady-ish job and we are finally moving to a better living situation that he will be paying for. Hopefully I won't have to use my credit card anymore (I am about 8k in debt).

Relationship wise, we haven't been getting along well. We have our differences, and our good times, but I think our situation has taken a toll on both of us and I have definately built up some strong resentment that I can't get past with him.

To add on, I am incredibly home sick and lonely. I talk to my mom daily, but it's never enough. I am originally from Vancouver, and I live in a small town in Georgia (complete opposite ends). The culture is vastly different, and we haven't had any money to do anything fun. The weather is hard on me, and ugh, the bugs! I'm very sensitive to them here. I haven't been able to work, so i literally sit here day after day in absolute solitude and boredum. I think my mind is just going into overload. I have had some medical issues that were being treated in Canada, but when I came here I had no insurance and had to stop all treatment. That really hindered me as well.

My husband loves me to death, and we have had the conversation on whether I should leave or stay (If i leave, I legally cannot come back for three years and my green card gets canceled due to abandonment) and he has begged me to stay and promised things will get better, but it's been extremely hard for me because i've heard that from him many times. I love him dearly, I truly do or else I wouldn't have stayed and put up with so much for so long.

I'm asking for some help and support. I'm very lonely, with no friends and no real family support here other than my husband, and my mom and aunt are sitting back at home. I am in tears daily due to being so homesick, but i'm not sure if that's because of how isolated I am and my emotions taking over, or what. It would be great to be able to talk to someone, or a few people, going through a smiliar situation. Advice is also greatly welcomed.

Anyway, i'm looking for some support from you guys if possible. I'm not sure if I should stay or go based on homesickness

[Lowlie 191]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I have a daughter who is turning 22 at the end of the month, and another daughter who is 23, so I can't help but look at you from a mother's point of view. If it weren't for the 3 year ban, I would definitely recommend going home for awhile, but in your case, I know that would be burning your bridge back to the USA for a few years. You may want to give this a little more time, but not too much. If you do go, 3 years from now you'll only be 24 and still have your entire life ahead of you. Looking back to when I was in my 20's, I realize I was still just a girl with a ton of living yet to be done. I wish I had not stayed in such a negative, lonely, sad situation for so long back when I was your age. I should have done what made me happy, without making the mistake of feeling like making a wrong choice would ruin my life.

If you do go, and if this love between you and your husband is meant to last, leaving won't end your marriage. He cold come there to visit you, and you could stay in daily contact. If the marriage is still what you wanted 3 years later, you could come back to the USA and still only just barely be starting your life.

[bakersolay 0]

what did you use for evidence of a bonifide marriage evidence in the Aos? were trying to do a aos from b2 visa here

[bakersolay 0]

hi you can talk with my fiANCE she is in the US with me. away from her home just like you. she is willing to share her experience with you if this cazn help.

[tsabbas 47]

I can tell you that homesickness isn't just being far away from home. It can happen with any lifestyle change. All I will say is that marriage can be very hard at times, yet is also very rewarding. Maybe leaving for a while could be good. But maybe building a "home" with your husband could lead to a much happier life in a few years. No one can know exactly how you feel, we can just give advice based on experience. Maybe try to find things, even small things, you can do together and look forward to. Taking walks, going for a drive, watching a silly comedy that makes you laugh together. Talk about the future and start making small plans. Start a savings to plan a visit back home with your husband. Learn how to really enjoy each other's company and learn about each other. You are both going to grow and change much in the next few years - it can cause distance between you if you let it. I hope it works out for you. From the little bit you've said, it sounds like you have the potential to be happy with your husband.

If none of this sound appealing to you, then maybe you do have a bigger problem than homesickness. If you love him and want it to work it can. But you have to want it. That's something only you can know or decide on. But whatever you do, I hope you are happy in the end.

Best of luck!

[JR loves JR 196]

That's a pretty tough place to be. But it sounds like things are actually going to change for the better soon. Sitting at home really does stink and not having money to do much makes it harder. Are you still able to game online? Have you tried looking for volunteer opportunities? How about getting your resume ready? It won't be that much longer before you can work so you should start preparing. If 90 days since filing is early October, I'd expect that you could start applying for jobs in a week or so. Just be honest about your start date depending on receiving your EAD. I think if you have a "can't pass up this job" and they give you a job offer letter, I think you can even apply to get your EAD expedited. The worst part of the AOS process is almost over. You can make it!

[Jennyxorose 1]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I have a daughter who is turning 22 at the end of the month, and another daughter who is 23, so I can't help but look at you from a mother's point of view. If it weren't for the 3 year ban, I would definitely recommend going home for awhile, but in your case, I know that would be burning your bridge back to the USA for a few years. You may want to give this a little more time, but not too much. If you do go, 3 years from now you'll only be 24 and still have your entire life ahead of you. Looking back to when I was in my 20's, I realize I was still just a girl with a ton of living yet to be done. I wish I had not stayed in such a negative, lonely, sad situation for so long back when I was your age. I should have done what made me happy, without making the mistake of feeling like making a wrong choice would ruin my life.

If you do go, and if this love between you and your husband is meant to last, leaving won't end your marriage. He cold come there to visit you, and you could stay in daily contact. If the marriage is still what you wanted 3 years later, you could come back to the USA and still only just barely be starting your life.

Thank you so much for those kind words, I miss my mom deeply and I know I broke her heart when I left. I feel horrible about it. She wants me to come home after seeing how sad I am, but she is also pushing for me to at least wait for my GC, so I don't lose what I worked for.

I'm in a really rough position right now, trying to decide what is best for me. I feel like both ways could bring happiness, but my husband is not so eager to spend three years without actually living with me. He is very southern thinking in the sense that since we are married, we should stay together. In a sense I agree, but I'm not in a happy place right now. My Lawyer said that the latest my GC could come is late January, that would mean still a few months wait. It makes me sad, really sad.

[Jennyxorose 1]

That's a pretty tough place to be. But it sounds like things are actually going to change for the better soon. Sitting at home really does stink and not having money to do much makes it harder. Are you still able to game online? Have you tried looking for volunteer opportunities? How about getting your resume ready? It won't be that much longer before you can work so you should start preparing. If 90 days since filing is early October, I'd expect that you could start applying for jobs in a week or so. Just be honest about your start date depending on receiving your EAD. I think if you have a "can't pass up this job" and they give you a job offer letter, I think you can even apply to get your EAD expedited. The worst part of the AOS process is almost over. You can make it!

I am able to game online still, unfortunately it's with a laptop but it's still something. I have been working on my resume and looking at jobs online, but most places require a SSN to even apply which is something I do not have yet.

I'm trying to distract myself most days, but my mental health is taking a toll on me. I don't know if it's all just homsickness, or just being tired of being here for 6 months with nothing.

We are moving into our own apartment on October 3. My Husband, Dylan, has a steady new job making decent money (14/h, which is good for here in the States I hear) I should be able to work soon, as well, and I want to pay off my debts. All I can think about is home though, it makes me physically sick. =[

[Mykonos 10]

This sounds pretty much identical to a post I read on the relationship subreddit (met similarly, same ages, same amount of debt, sole supporter, same location etc.). If this is the same poster PLEASE leave him and return to Canada. He is abusive and manipulative and even if you change your situation still wont change the kind of person he is.

[Jennyxorose 1]

I can tell you that homesickness isn't just being far away from home. It can happen with any lifestyle change. All I will say is that marriage can be very hard at times, yet is also very rewarding. Maybe leaving for a while could be good. But maybe building a "home" with your husband could lead to a much happier life in a few years. No one can know exactly how you feel, we can just give advice based on experience. Maybe try to find things, even small things, you can do together and look forward to. Taking walks, going for a drive, watching a silly comedy that makes you laugh together. Talk about the future and start making small plans. Start a savings to plan a visit back home with your husband. Learn how to really enjoy each other's company and learn about each other. You are both going to grow and change much in the next few years - it can cause distance between you if you let it. I hope it works out for you. From the little bit you've said, it sounds like you have the potential to be happy with your husband.

If none of this sound appealing to you, then maybe you do have a bigger problem than homesickness. If you love him and want it to work it can. But you have to want it. That's something only you can know or decide on. But whatever you do, I hope you are happy in the end.

Best of luck!

Marriage has definately thrown me for a loop, but I do try to keep positive. We do small things together, like play games, or watch movies... But the enviroment is just isolating to me (I'm from a big city, and moved to the redneck woods). We've talked a lot about the future, and I do know I want to be closer to my family eventually on the west coast, but that's still far off.

I'm struggling with making this very independant decision. Both sides are viable, it absolutely tears me apart thinking about leaving him but it also tears me apart thinking about not being able to go home and have my old life back.

[Izor 79]

I can´t help you but i just wanna give you a *hug* and remember that setting a rountine daily might help you before you can work. I can get stuck in my own head sometimes and getting out there helps.

I met my future hubby in a online game too. I really hope everything works out for you!

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

It's a really hard situation to be in being away from family and homesickness and taking on debt.

My vote is stay with it, if the financial situation is improving that may help. I really really struggled initially and just wanted to be back home in the UK but after a year here I'm starting to find myself in a place where I feel on more of an even keel. It's hard and it'll never be quite like home but with a supportive spouse and a good life in the US you can find happiness.

You are welcome to PM me if you want to talk things over with someone. One of the hardest things for me was having nobody to talk to about it all.

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

[JR loves JR 196]

Are you getting the EAD and AP combo card? If you are, that means you should be able to go home for a couple weeks and return. When my husband got his card we almost immediately put him on a plane home for two weeks. He then came back and got a job. It allowed him to finish the things he'd wanted to. If you did that you could apply for your SSN before going and wait for it in Canada. And you could always apply for some jobs (in Georgia) while in Canada too. Then you might be able to come back to the US looking forward to a job interview.

[V24 21]

I completely relate to this, I have been waiting for almost 4 months with no job and it is killing me. I seriously think things will be way better when you actually have a job and a normal routine, and the stress of the visa is off your mind. Stay strong. Feel free to message me if you want to chat, we are around the same age and I too am sat at home just waiting all day for the visa..

[alexjtowell 7]

I've been in a very similar situation as you, except I'm from Arkansas and I've been living in Canada (Edmonton). My husband and I have been married since 2013 and together since 2009. We initially planned to get my permanent residence in Canada, but even though we had applied last year, they still wouldn't have looked at my application now. Since coming to Edmonton in 2012, I've been on a visitor's visa and prohibited from getting a job. I'm incredibly close to my family and have missed them so incredibly much. The stress has been unbearable, but at the beginning of this year, I put my foot down and told my husband that we needed to go to the US. I can't take not working and feeling worthless, and even though he is also incredibly loving and understanding, it has strained our marriage. It doesn't help that his mother, who lives about 20 minutes away is very controlling, manipulative, and heartless.

When we had planned to stay in Canada, I felt sad all the time. I tried to get out and volunteer, hoping that I would feel that I had a purpose, but on one income, we couldn't afford gas for me on top of our rent.

My question for you is, why did you move to the US? There really isn't a wrong answer, but if it wasn't exactly what you wanted to do, then I think that you and your husband should come to a compromise. Have you both considered moving back to Vancouver? I've been on a visitor's visa the whole time I've been here, and I haven't had to leave my husband in order to process any paperwork that we would have had to go through for my permanent residency here. Surely, your family could help you get on your feet there since you would likely be the only one working for a bit.

I'm not sure how your husband would feel about it, but I do know how incredibly hard it is for a woman to be away from her family, especially if you are close to them.

I didn't want to be away from my husband either, so I've stayed in Edmonton with him while we've been working on his green card. Surely there can be some compromise that you both can come to though. If you love each other, then a decision that you can both be happy with can be found.

If you want to stay in the US, would it be possible for your family to visit? My family can't afford to travel, but I was able to go home for a month last year, and it definitely revitalized my soul.

If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask! Since I'm not working, I have plenty of free time Plus, I totally feel where you are coming from!