What does these things mean?

[Kolewenoik31 57]

I have been somewhat ashamed to post. My husband entered on Feb 26th, I was so excited my dream was finally coming true. Let me say that i post this not because I want to make anyone look bad but because I know that I am not alone and someone may need to hear our story.

Continuing.....After about 1 week he leaves and goes to a person that I called "my friend". She never told me he was there even after I asked. Well he stays gone about a week and then calls me to tell me he has no food, money, and was very unhappy here. So another friend finds out about his dilemma and feels sorry for him and me because she really wants our marriage to work. So she pays for him to return home from the city 2.5 hours away. I pick him up the next day he looked upset but soon opens up and looks happy.

A few weeks go bye but several times a week he is irritated, unhappy, isolating himself, just miserable acting. He often calls me a nagging, complaining wife even though I am cooking, cleaning, trying to make him feel at home. If I ask him to economize on the toiletries, he tells me I am complaining. I feel as though I was walking on egg shell. I try to rephrase things so that I am sensitive to his learning new things use extra patience because I understand that its an adjustment. I am putting forth all my energies to really making this thing work. We had our up days and down days. He seemed to pick fights for anything. I had to pass code my phone, internet because he would look on any of my social network and pick a fight about any little stupid things. I felt like I was controlled. I even stopped getting on the internet everyday just because I thought it would help keep peace.

He would sit in the car, lay out side on the grass, all day. He rarely talked to my children was resistant to me teaching him how to fill out apps, say harsh, sharp, words. Even a little physical stuff. I did not know what to do.

I called a pastor in our church to counsel us, we did wonderful for two weeks but then his behaviour returned. I became very dis-hardened by all the stuff that was going on. So I recommended that he call up the pastor and then we can schedule some regular counseling again thinking that it would help with the adjustment...maybe he was really missing his life. He got upset and stormed out, hitchhiking along the road. Both times telling people that I was rude and hard to live with. I had kicked him out and he was not needed here. He also said that my children did not like him, he felt humiliated, demeaned, meaningless, disrespected. But I assure you non of those things happened.

Now he says I need to pay his ticket back home, he loves me but can't live with me. He may come around once a month til we solve our problems in the future, I brought him here for him to suffer. He checked into a shelter, then later said he was going to live with another family.

Currently he claims to be painting a house. He says he needs to make money to support the family and himself. he is wishy washy back and forth and I don't know what to do. My heart is in so much pain on top I have to move and he is nowhere in sight. He received his green card about 1-2 weeks before he left on April 28th.

Please be sensitive with your comments because I already feels very bad. I waited one year he's been here only two months, I sacrificed so much, I sold food, soap, in cold, heat, rain. I did all of the paperwork without an attorney. I asked him if he really loved me he said he did. Now I can say that throughout each approval he would get nervous and his behaviour was strange. I found myself encouraging him a lot because he would stress.

What now?!?!?!?

[Boiler 43,393]

Sounds like you are heading for divorce.

How much time did you spend together before he came here?

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Sounds like you are heading for divorce.

How much time did you spend together before he came here? I lived with him in his country 4 3 months. We met in Aug 2012-Nov 2013 {wedding}.

[onye uwaoma 131]

One thing I know for certain is that no one can change anyone except oneself. It's important for you to start protecting yourself from any possible abuse accusation that's looming. time to start watching out for yourself and children and possibly time to move on with your life. it's unhealthy to live in the scenero you described here...

[Jawaree 717]

Clearly he married not for love, did U know him well?

sorry about all this but he cant wait to end the marriage

it seem & he has no loyalty.....having no property or kids

I would apply for a divorce....classic user hot n cold head

games. Best wishes

[Sandra G. 5,009]

I believe he is a scammer,he wanted just to have a GC. I am not being cruel, but actions speak louder than words.I don't think this man love you at all.It's time for you to move on.Good luck.

[nane1104 146]

Looking at your timeline, your short courtship and getting married during your first (and only?) visit is a huge red flag and sign that you did not take much time to get to know each other. Whose idea was it to get married right then?

You mentioned that he was stressed throughout the visa process and that you had to encourage him? I don't really understand what you mean by that what did he say he was stressed about? You'd think every step closer to getting the visa would be a relief and a joyous thing, at least that what it was for me.

I don't really have advice for you but i think if it was me, I'd sit down with him, ask if he was happy to be in the U.S. with me and if I wouldn't get a clear positive answer, I'd think very hard about letting him go. Yes, moving here and adjusting takes time and I had my homesick moments but overall, I never felt miserable to the point where neither I or my husband had to question our marriage.

I am truly wishing you all the best.

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Looking at your timeline, your short courtship and getting married during your first (and only?) visit is a huge red flag and sign that you did not take much time to get to know each other. Whose idea was it to get married right then? It was both of our decision to get married right then. One thing is that we are both from the same faith. We studied our principles to the point of exhaustion. In our faith it councils us to not have a long courtship 6-12 months of which we met. Then there were certain things to look for and discuss all those things were done.

You mentioned that he was stressed throughout the visa process and that you had to encourage him? I don't really understand what you mean by that what did he say he was stressed about? You'd think every step closer to getting the visa would be a relief and a joyous thing, at least that what it was for me. No as to what was stressing him, he would tell me the distance, anxiety with coming and whether he will find work, what will he do, my strong personality of which he knew about.

I don't really have advice for you but i think if it was me, I'd sit down with him, ask if he was happy to be in the U.S. with me and if I wouldn't get a clear positive answer, I'd think very hard about letting him go. Yes, moving here and adjusting takes time and I had my homesick moments but overall, I never felt miserable to the point where neither I or my husband had to question our marriage. When things are going good he wants to be here, but if we have one small quarrel he wants to be home. I don't think he would be sincere because as i said he is wishy washy. He said he is raising money for his ticket, he wants to go home and rest and if he decides he will return then he will if not he will stay. He says this relationship is complicate and he is unhappy, then he says he wants to be married. So he is back and forth as I said.

I am truly wishing you all the best.

[2far 185]

I have been somewhat ashamed to post. My husband entered on Feb 26th, I was so excited my dream was finally coming true. Let me say that i post this not because I want to make anyone look bad but because I know that I am not alone and someone may need to hear our story.

Continuing.....After about 1 week he leaves and goes to a person that I called "my friend". She never told me he was there even after I asked. Well he stays gone about a week and then calls me to tell me he has no food, money, and was very unhappy here. So another friend finds out about his dilemma and feels sorry for him and me because she really wants our marriage to work. So she pays for him to return home from the city 2.5 hours away. I pick him up the next day he looked upset but soon opens up and looks happy.

A few weeks go bye but several times a week he is irritated, unhappy, isolating himself, just miserable acting. He often calls me a nagging, complaining wife even though I am cooking, cleaning, trying to make him feel at home. If I ask him to economize on the toiletries, he tells me I am complaining. I feel as though I was walking on egg shell. I try to rephrase things so that I am sensitive to his learning new things use extra patience because I understand that its an adjustment. I am putting forth all my energies to really making this thing work. We had our up days and down days. He seemed to pick fights for anything. I had to pass code my phone, internet because he would look on any of my social network and pick a fight about any little stupid things. I felt like I was controlled. I even stopped getting on the internet everyday just because I thought it would help keep peace.

He would sit in the car, lay out side on the grass, all day. He rarely talked to my children was resistant to me teaching him how to fill out apps, say harsh, sharp, words. Even a little physical stuff. I did not know what to do.

I called a pastor in our church to counsel us, we did wonderful for two weeks but then his behaviour returned. I became very dis-hardened by all the stuff that was going on. So I recommended that he call up the pastor and then we can schedule some regular counseling again thinking that it would help with the adjustment...maybe he was really missing his life. He got upset and stormed out, hitchhiking along the road. Both times telling people that I was rude and hard to live with. I had kicked him out and he was not needed here. He also said that my children did not like him, he felt humiliated, demeaned, meaningless, disrespected. But I assure you non of those things happened.

Now he says I need to pay his ticket back home, he loves me but can't live with me. He may come around once a month til we solve our problems in the future, I brought him here for him to suffer. He checked into a shelter, then later said he was going to live with another family.

Currently he claims to be painting a house. He says he needs to make money to support the family and himself. he is wishy washy back and forth and I don't know what to do. My heart is in so much pain on top I have to move and he is nowhere in sight. He received his green card about 1-2 weeks before he left on April 28th.

Please be sensitive with your comments because I already feels very bad. I waited one year he's been here only two months, I sacrificed so much, I sold food, soap, in cold, heat, rain. I did all of the paperwork without an attorney. I asked him if he really loved me he said he did. Now I can say that throughout each approval he would get nervous and his behaviour was strange. I found myself encouraging him a lot because he would stress.

What now?!?!?!?

I remember when you started posting on this website, and I am very sorry to hear of your current situation. No one ever deserves to be treated this way. I think your first paragraph is true and that others may need to hear your story. What I remember is that you are deeply religious and that your situation had several red flags. I don't remember if there was an age gap, but I do remember that you have multiple children, were below the poverty level, and were researching visas before meeting in person. Unfortunately, whenever anyone mentioned these red flags or doubts about this man's intentions, you were defensive and stated your religious beliefs for having faith that everything will work itself out. I mention this not to put you down, but to let you know that I thought your husband was a scammer at that time. From your very first posts here, it seemed as though he was using your religious beliefs to manipulate you into doing whatever it took to petition for him to come here.

For him to leave you to stay with a girl friend of your one week after his arrival is completely unacceptable (from both of them)! His behavior does sound as if he is trying to control you, and I don't think it's an adjustment issue. It's an abusive situation. For him to treat you this way is abuse. You glossed over a "little physical stuff", but you need to stop making excuses for him. This acting better, then turning on you, then acting better... it's called a cycle of abuse and it is being used to keep you hoping that the situation will improve so that you will continue to provide food and resources for him until he can do it himself. Based on your religious beliefs, I know that you may be trying to do everything in your power to give this man chances to adjust so you can have a happy union. But you need to take a step back and see this situation for what it really is.

From what you've said, I do think he is unhappy with the situation, but I don't think he has any intentions of returning to his home. He has received his greed card already so there is nothing you can do from an immigration standpoint. It's possible that after he starts working and doesn't need anything else from you, he may just disappear.

I feel for you. I wish you the absolute best. And I hope you can find the strength to reach out to those in your community that can help you get away from this situation.

Please take care of yourself and your children. They don't need to see their mother being treated this way.

[Boiler 43,393]

Sadly not an uncommon story.

[mallafri76 1,012]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's tough to hear but it sounds like he was only using you for a GC. It's time for you to put yourself and your children first and get a divorce. Your husband's GC is only conditional, DON'T help him adjust status to a permanent when that time comes. Distance yourself from him and move on with your life. I'm sure you deserve better than this.

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's tough to hear but it sounds like he was only using you for a GC. It's time for you to put yourself and your children first and get a divorce. Your husband's GC is only conditional, DON'T help him adjust status to a permanent when that time comes. I thought even if I don't help him he could adjust and get his permanent one without me? Distance yourself from him and move on with your life. I'm sure you deserve better than this.

[2far 185]

He can certainly apply on his own with a divorce waiver, but he has to show evidence of entering the marriage in good faith.

Since he left within the first two months, he probably doesn't have any evidence to support his case.

Things like joint accounts, mixed finances and bills, insurance in both of your names, leasing agreements with both names.

[Essiej 42]

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

Are you totally ignoring 2far's reply? She has a point. I just don't think you want to see it yet. I feel with you, but you need a wake up call.

[Cathi 5,609]

Why are you defending this man's actions? He clearly wants nothing to do with you or your children. There isn't a snowball's chance in Hell that I would ever allow an man like this to live in my home with my children, why would you EVER want him back? Divorce and move on. Your children should be first and foremost, why would you ever put any man first? I don;t care what your faith is, have some self respect.