Husband Wants Divorce. We were only Married since August 2013. HELP!

[Sulaimon & Brandy 20]

Wow I cant offer any more advice then what everyone else is saying. I do feel sorry that things aren't working out for you. Perhaps when you sit down with your husband you and him will come to a mutual agreement, don't be afraid to share your feelings with him. I wonder though if you could talk to immigration maybe you can adjust yourself? I don't know but I pray things will work out for you.

[SteveKarlaMayer 21]

I'm terribly sorry about what happened to your marriage. Sounds like this man is cannot yet stand on his own and was not ready to handle married life. Just make him sit and talk to him heart to heart. Tell him how you feel and how uncomfortable it is for you when he prioritize his parents (mother in particular) than you. Tell him how hard it is to be a foreigner in other country without any relatives from your side and you had to adopt everything yet he is not there supporting you. You will find out the answer when he talk. When all else fail, you have no other option but to return to Philippine since you don't have a legal case here in America.

I'm praying for you. All the best and God bless your journey.

[milimelo 4,238]

3. EMPLOYMENT. The following is from this USCIS K-3/K-4 link:

"Upon admission, K-3 and K-4 nonimmigrant visa holders may obtain employment authorization. They can obtain evidence of eligibility to work legally in the United States by filing Form I-765, Application for Employment Authorization. Upon filing an application for adjustment of status, K-3 and K-4 nonimmigrant visa holders may also apply for employment authorization based on that pending application even if the K-3 or K-4 nonimmigrant status expires."

Based on the above excerpt, you should be able to work even before Adjustment of Status is filed.

You're kind of right on the employment because in most cases once you file for EAD upon entry to the US, the EAD takes around 90 days to come and then it expires when your I-94 expires (90 days upon entry). So that makes it money down the drain and no real employment authorization.

On VJ we don't recommend filing for EAD upon entry as K-1 for reasons stated above and as it's free to file with AOS.

[andreaj14 4]

Sounds like the two of you have no marriage. I don't see any abuse. He has not verbally tormented you, he has not physically struck you, he has not locked you up. In a nutshell you have a marriage that is not working just like a lot of Americans do.Do you have your green card yet or have you applied for it?

What she described is nothing but abuse. Are you serious?

[NickD 202]

Consistent ignoring a person is most certainly a form of abuse and certainly mental torture.

Not one but two of my wife's close friends married jerks like this, it was unbelievable to me how they treated their wives even in public, and especially in front of us. Both ended up returning to their home country.

Without an AOS, can't even be here legally, sooner or later that visa is going to run out, can be future problems for you.

[Lingon 9]

Hello I am a newbie and first time,

I NEED SOME HELP. I AM SO SORRY IT WILL BE A LIL BIT LONG FOR YOU TO UNDERSTANT MY STORY! PLEASE BARE WITH ME.

Please read the following:

• Husband does not buy groceries for he eat with his parents upstairs and, so I ate given food from friends and church.

• No regular allowance, I feel trapped in the full basement.

• I was so worried of my physical situation because most of the time I am alone waiting my husband for the whole day.

• No regular groceries because he always brings left over foods from his job

. • He deprives me of my rights as a wife to work, even though I have education and a college degree.

• Most of the time he spends time with his parents and not with me as his wife. We never discuss about our future together or any plans with status adjustment.

• Sometimes when his step father gets drunk, he throws bad words to me like, '######' which traumatizes me. That is why I don’t like to go with them.

• The heater is shut off or set very low during day time when my husband is work. I feel so cold on the basement that is why sometimes I go to library or church and friend to warm my body.

• I love my husband very much. I clean, I cook, I take care of him every day, and when he gets sick. I feel I am wronged. He doesn’t meet his obligations and responsibilities as a husband.

• The worst thing happened was when he left me asleep on December 2013.Together with his parents (my in-laws) they went to some place again to celebrate New Year's Eve. He doesn't give me enough importance and concern. He didn't think that something might happen to me during that night when they were away. I don't feel I am his priority at this time.

I met my husband through Facebook last December of 2010 until he officially visited me in the Philippines last August 2011. Then he filed a petition for me last February 5, 2012. I received my Fiancée Visa last February 2013. God knows how much I love my husband. I love the way he communicated with me through email and on webcam when I was in still in my country. He promised me everything and said I’m the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I was so happy to know that from him. He was caring and loving when I was in the Philippines. He regularly replies to every message I sent him on chat back then. Despite the fact I was busy working at the office and taking a Master’s degree program I was still able to manage my time with him. Then we both decided to get married. My parents gave me their blessings and agreed with my decision. So, I resigned from my job from the office as a secretary of the Technical Director where I worked for almost five years. I also quit attending my Master’s degree classes so I can be with him. Before I came here I asked the Lord for guidance. I needed His guidance because I could not imagine how my life will be like away from my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers, and to live the rest of my life with him in a whole new environment here in the US. Because I love him I gave up hundreds of people whom I love and cherish. It was a tough decision for me to make since I have never been away from home, my country. I was blessed to have a loving family and good environment and a successful career when I was in the Philippines. Now I feel so sad that those things are gone. My husband decided to visit me again in the Philippines for the second time last June 3- 13, to bring me to America. During that time I had mixed emotions. I felt sad for leaving my homeland and at the same time happy for I will be with the man I loved forever. I arrived in United States of America last June 2013. I felt very happy when I came here and I even asked myself whether I was dreaming or not. I am now with the one I love and be with him for the rest of my life. I thank the Lord for bringing me here. When I arrived here, my husband parents warmly welcomed me at the airport. We live at his parent’s house in a full basement. At first everything was fine and we’re all okay with each other, I watched and observed their daily activities. Until one day I realized how much my husband spends time with his mom – MORE than with me. They would go out until late in the evening to walk the dog. He spends most of the time with his mother upstairs watching TV rather than spending time with me. He always leave me alone in the basement. Sometimes his mother would borrow my husband’s car and would drop him at work at and picks him up again at night time. I remember I was asking his mother if can I go with them when she drives my husband to work and she said no because she will be back right away. In my mind I just want to be with my husband and would just like to get out of the basement for a while and at the same time enjoy their company. They always go out without me. There was a time when I got home from the church around 11:30 in the morning and found out that he and his mom went somewhere without waiting for me. I read his note that her mother woke him up to go to the store. So I called his step dad and asked him where my husband was and he said maybe they bought a filter then I noticed they’ve been gone from 11:30am to 4:00pm just to get a filter. I felt I have no right to judge him because they have their own routine in life before I arrived here though I have to remind them that he is already married, that we should spend more time together. Every time I get mad at him or confronted him to remind him with all the changes in his life now, they misinterpreted it by saying that I’m controlling him. I don’t know what to do as it is hard to live with in-laws. I remember his step father asking me why I always go to church in the morning and my husband is not morning goer anyway. I asked myself why I have to explain everything since I am the wife. With all these, I am worried that my husband is going to work everyday and yet I am left trapped in the basement alone and cold. I’m not comfortable as they turn the heater off when my husband goes to work. I have not apply for adjustment status for he will not sign the form 864. He is afraid of what it is being said in the papers, so he decided to divorce me and want to send me back home.

Do I have a case against him?

What should I do? To all negative commentator just save your negative words for me as I am already confused and do not know what to do. Please do not add more frustration. I need some guidance here.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

It might not be a case of "abuse" in the terms of being able to file for VAWA but it sure sounds like the OP's husband does not know how to be a good husband and it must be a horrible situation to live in. We only have her side of the story though...

To the OP... I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this position, surely your best plan of action is to have a serious talk with your husband and if that doesn't change things then you probably should return to your home country, back to the support of your friends and family and away from this unhappy union.

Edited January 20, 2014 by Hotter Otter

[Lingon 9]

Sorry the message was erased, but here it comes:

It is abuse when a spouse holds the money and doesn't give you food. It is abuse when the parents turn off the heat so you freeze when your husband leaves the house and it is abuse when his step dad is rude to you, because you don't let anyone treat your spouse like that. You are suppose to share in a marriage and it doesn't matter who earns most money. If his love is over for you he still shouldn't treat you like that but talk with you respect the way you should do with everyone. This is only a one sided story, but from the information you give you should leave him, because it seems like he is not ready for a marriage if he spends more of his time with his mom and when he doesn't seem to know or want to care for his spouse. He isn't worth the serious talk as he doesn't treat you with respect. My advice is to pack your bags and go home so you maintain self-respect and and give yourself the chance to meet someone who is worthy your love and care. I know it isn't easy, but in the long run you will know it was for the best. Good Luck!

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Is there any red flag in the relationship before you fly over to US?

Are you aware of his living arrangement with his parents before that?

Reading so much horrible stories about marriage scam/fraud, it is not surprising that your new husband has reservations about signing I-864 for you.

And even if the marriage is short-lived, he would still be on hook for the I-864.

By the way, according to immigration laws, the US citizen spouse is not obliged to sponsor anyone for a green card.

Sorry that the marriage is not working as what you thought it would be.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

What she described is nothing but abuse. Are you serious?

A guy being maladjusted and not ready for married life isn't abuse. Sorry.

[ashiteru18 0]

Thank you so much to everyone ...... to who it may concern regarding my status, I'm glad and happy to read all your comments, ideas, opinions and experiences you've all shared with me, it really helps me. Yeah as of now, I love my husband I don't want divorced because that's not what I expected before I came here. Unfortunately, 90 days is not enough for both of us, I admit to myself I got mistakes but you will realized such things until you will end up into the real situations and this is it!!! I want to help him financially hahahay what a life!!! good day everyone

[moushoud 10]

Sounds like the two of you have no marriage. I don't see any abuse. He has not verbally tormented you, he has not physically struck you, he has not locked you up. In a nutshell you have a marriage that is not working just like a lot of Americans do.Do you have your green card yet or have you applied for it?

emotional abuse is the worst.

[Sandra G. 5,021]

ashitery18 you should see a psychologist, because having low self esteem may lead you to set up low boundaries. Before loving him you should love you more. Good luck.

[verysadguy 170]

Being trapped in the basement could be construed as human-trafficking and control by the US husband for failure to complete the paperwork. Why wouldn't this be mental and emotional abuse? Or extreme cruelty. Remember it doesn't take much for VAWA.

[Turboguy 6]

I don't think you have a lot of options. Going home might be the best choice. Most here feel you are not being abused. To me there is some emotional abuse which is sometimes worse than physical abuse. But still the only other options you have are to go home or to say and live with the life you have with him or to leave and file for a green card under VAWA. With a good lawyer you would have some chance of success however the legal fight would go on for a year or more, The legal fees would run $ 3-5,000 and you would have to find some way to live while that was all going on. It doesn't seem like a choice that could work for you. I don't see you ever being happy in the life you have with your husband. I do wish you the best and am really sorry to hear of your plight.