Inhumane

[snowflakepr 16]

Being a member of this website has offered me great support and knowledge while going through this process. I have recently returned from visiting my husband and step children over the holidays. I helped my husband through a hospital procedure, celebrated his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. I made new curtains for our apartment that we secured during my last visit, drove the kids to school, made lunches and was able to be a wife and step mother. I have now returned to my apartment in Canada, returned to my job and feeling complete emptiness and heartbreak. My mental health is being greatly challenged and at times I am feeling so depressed that I wonder how much longer I can endure the wait. The process is inhumane. I would love to ask any of those in power over our cases to be separated from their children, husbands for over a year and hear how they react and see how many of them end up physically and mentally ill from the stress.

Stress is the number one cause of life threatening disease! Cancers, heart problems, raised cholesterol, suicide are all affected or caused by severe stress!

This treatment is inhumane. We are being tortured.

I do try and think of the positive...that everyday is one day closer....that I am happy to have spent some time together....to continue to do the things I have enjoyed in the past to protect myself. I work in the field of health!

So....thank you for letting me vent! Thank you for being strong and being there for me and others. Only those of us going through this can understand the pain and torment.

Wishing that we stay strong together and that our strength and love will make this world a better place one day!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Thousands of families are separated every day Most deployed service members are separated from their family and many in high risk situations. You are lucky to be able to visit almost at will. Probably half the VJ couples are not from VWP countries and even when they are it is sometimes a full day of expensive flight time to spend time together. No the process isn't perfect but you just need to suck it up because it is only temporary.

[snowflakepr 16]

Regarding those who are deployed please remember that this was by choice. People do not join the service not knowing that there is a chance of deployment.

I saddened that you feel that telling me to 'suck it up' is helpful when I believe it is clear that I am feeling very depressed.

I should not have posted anything here.

[pivery 10]

Inhumane is a very appropriate description of this whole process. I too scratch my head and wonder why it takes so long. If USCIS and NVC is so backed up, well we have quite a few people out of work - hire some of them!

I wouldn't have minded if it was the 5-7 month time frame it used to be but now it's closing on 1 year for us and for some couples behind us, it's taking over a year - yikes!

[Ryan H 3,791]

Moved from Process & Procedures to Progress Reports.

[NikLR 13,220]

It is a very hard process. I remember crying a lot and being sad because I could only visit my husband for a week at a time every 3 months. In that regard I still felt fortunate because I know others cannot visit at all. The USC spouse cannot take a bunch of time off work and the beneficiary isn't able to visit due to tourist visa regulations. (Which has a fix IMHO.) My husband and I lived on Skype and fighting ended up with one of us hanging up and being frustrated that we couldn't just hug and make up. But in the end it's better than someone who has only letters or the occasional email. In the end I try to concentrate on the good and control the things I could control like what ended up going to the NVC. (As Canadians we get electronic processing so I spent a great deal of time making the IV and AOS packages.)

Winter I think is an even worse time to go through this as we spend more time inside, see less sun, tend to be vitamin D deficient, and already have seasonal depression of a type. The best thing really is to start vitamin D supplements, and try to get outside as much as possible. Spend time with friends you likely will not see again for some time (if at all.) Start a class. Exercise. Figure out how to get around where you're going to live (something I should have done more of.) And all in all, be grateful that it's not forever and one day you will be reunited with your loved ones. Be happy you have someone to do this process with and know they, and you, are worth this effort. After all, this is not a process for the faint of heart and not one I would personally have undertaken if I did not, wholeheartedly, believe that this man was my soul-mate; the one person in this world I was supposed to be with; and that he felt exactly the same way.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Inhumane to me brings up images of PETA supporters worrying about the calf in calf roping events ( the same calf who in months will have it's brains punched out to appear on your dinner table ) There is a process to be approved for residence in the US. It is a government process and it naturally slow. Living in an area where the government is being bankrupt by people with no respect for the process and want front of the line privileges for breaking to law I wish the government stuck to the process more rigidly . I the grand scheme of life a year is a small blimp in life. You get to visit during the process which is more than many get whining will not make it quicker.

[Winky 4]

I agree being separated from your loved ones can be stressful. I've been separated from my husband since August 2012 and you have no idea how stressful I am. My hair falls off and I sleep less every night because I can't stop thinking about the process. You are lucky you had spend the holidays with them.

[snowflakepr 16]

Winky I understand your pain and hope that this process ends quickly for you and all of us. I know I am very fortunate to be able to visit my husband. Each time I am permitted across the border I thank the border control officer overwhelming so and break down in tears once in the US with gratitude.

NLR thank you for your kind words, support and understanding.

I am not familiar with the next stage once receiving an approved NOA2. I would welcome more info on electronic processing and if there is anything I can do now to be prepared for next steps.

I have gone and had my immunizations up dated and am wondering if there is anything more that I can do to prepare. My husband has his tax returns ready from last 3 years and pay stubs for the past year for his affidavit of support.

Electronic filing I am not familiar with. Does this speed things up or is there a special way to prepare documents? Will we be notified from USCIS or NVC on electronic filing?

Sorry to ask so many questions. I have visited the thread on NVC process but not entirely clear.

Thanks again!

[naam_2013 72]

Winky I understand your pain and hope that this process ends quickly for you and all of us. I know I am very fortunate to be able to visit my husband. Each time I am permitted across the border I thank the border control officer overwhelming so and break down in tears once in the US with gratitude.

NLR thank you for your kind words, support and understanding.

I am not familiar with the next stage once receiving an approved NOA2. I would welcome more info on electronic processing and if there is anything I can do now to be prepared for next steps.

I have gone and had my immunizations up dated and am wondering if there is anything more that I can do to prepare. My husband has his tax returns ready from last 3 years and pay stubs for the past year for his affidavit of support.

Electronic filing I am not familiar with. Does this speed things up or is there a special way to prepare documents? Will we be notified from USCIS or NVC on electronic filing?

Sorry to ask so many questions. I have visited the thread on NVC process but not entirely clear.

Thanks again!

I understand your pain and you have every right to vent - the backlog [created at USCIS to adjudicate the I-130 of immediate relatives of USCs] cannot be justified - no matter what - we paid a premium fee for this and we deserve better service and truth from USCIS.

This link will answer some of your questions for the next stage, i.e., NVC: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/472916-nvc-filers-january-2014/

Good luck.

[snowflakepr 16]

Great help Naam_2013!

Looks like there are a few things that I can get busy with to help pass the time and make me 'feel' like I am doing something to help the process along!

If anyone lives in the Vancouver, Canada area I would love to connect. I don't know anybody here (long story as to why I am living here) and have no family or friends around for support.

i will check out the Canada forum or whatever it is called on here and see if I can make some connections to help along the way!

Good luck to you.....looks like you are coming close to an NOA2 approval. Fingers crossed for you!

[Baub 2]

I think the time can be seen as both painful and beneficial in some cases.On one hand I miss my wife so much and it hurts to be apart from her.On the other hand if the process was quicker I probably wouldn't be as financially ready.Working and focusing on preparing a stable place for her is doing wonders for my sanity.Also thank God for the VJ forums among other things.

Edited January 5, 2014 by Baub

[tpdl 3]

Snowflakepr, I hear you. I have not seen my husband since our wedding last year.I miss him so much. I miss the smell of him which makes feel safe all the time.I hope God will reunite us with our spouses soon.Take care of your health. You do not want to be sick when all this is over.

[Joaozinho 15]

I know how you feel and agree with your description. It is truly "inhumane". Even when you finally get past USCIS, you have to wait months to get through the NVC. It's pure torture and I couldn't imagine any of those employees having to go through what they take people through. There are a lot of people with jobs and our government can easily attack the unemployment and improve our immigration process by opening up more jobs at USCIS and the NVC. Hang in there, I hear when it's all said and done, it'll be worth it!

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I find it stressful too. I've had people tell me that I was stupid for marrying someone so far away and should have just picked someone in the UK. Last I checked, you don't really control who you fall in love with. My hair is also falling out and I can't sleep at night. It will all be worth it when I finally have that visa in my passport <3