Hopeless and broken hearted 2nd chances????

[hopelessforever 6]

I won't get in to specifics, but I feel like am fighting a losing battle. My husband, (who is from India), has been in the states since Jan 10, 2013. I spent majority of last year making sure that I was in India so he would not jeopardize his case. We were married March 19, 2013. Got engaged July 15th, 2010. After getting denied the K1 route decided to go to India and get married. I have no family there at all. My parents accompanied me for the wedding. I spent 4 months there then, again flew back in October 2012 when he got a letter for an interview at the embassy. I stayed until Jan 8th then flew back with my husband.

I left my education, job, family, life behind, to start a new one with my husband. Since Jan 15th-September 1, 2013 I have worked a job that is the just minimum wage but we got buy until my husband would start working. Our initial plan was for me to return back to school and finish while he worked. We resided with my parents so it was not an issue, we were saving up to leave, but of course I had bills of my own, insurance, car insurance, cell phone, some previous credit card bill I bought my ticket to India with, just less than a 2000. I was also paying my family with some bills. why should we live for free? I'm married. With that being said, my husbands father resides in New York, his two nephews and sister reside in Texas the only family they have. He wanted us to relocate to Texas. The moment my husband go his green card he started threatening him and saying he would leave to India if he didn't come to Texas. HIs dad has been in the states for 20 years illegally. He has not seen his son in since 2004.

Prior to marrying my husband it was arranged we agreed we would live in California only, and not move to Texas, as well as build our future financially and not send money home unless we had extra( but I was told they were well off back home so no need), and I would continue school after marriage priority(because I postponed it for him)... He agreed as well as both families. As soon as he got here he started getting influence by his father and pretty much every day we would fight argue over our location... I avoided it as long as I could but it eventually got to me. And my family would see this and sit us down and calm us. It started becoming pretty much every 2 months. In the summer I wanted to finally enroll in classes, but could not do so, because now that my husband was working transportation, his dad expected him to help pay off the debt back home. We started arguing over this, I was dumb founded that this man is still living with my parents and I'm paying all of our expenses and he wants to send money back home 80% of his check? His dad sends all his money there so why? HIs dad told me my education was not a priority his debt was. It hurt me, and the fact his son agreed felt betrayed.

July approaches and my husband goes to visit Texas and his Dad flew there and his sister and her family came from Canada. He spent two weeks, while I worked. We had 2000 in savings, when he got back he finally added me (I was never added on his bank account didn't want me, I never pushed.) . I saw he had spent 1000 on clothing that he had not shown me, He had just purchased a new wardrobe in January prior to coming here that his dad sent him money for. He had gained weight by March and those items did not fit. So I purchased him a couple items as well as my Mom. I had gained weight and had not bought a single item. I wanted to lose weight and fit in to my old wardrobe. I confronted him and he said I bought you a coach purse. It was thoughtful, but my objective was to move on our own and finally start our married lives. We have never been alone or lived together without anyone. He apologized and told me no big deal, I have worked for everything I've ever had, he's been given everything. He's 30.

I was very upset and blew up and told him he doesn't appreciate a single thing I do. I had purchased him a 600 dollar phone when he first arrived with unlimited calling back home, so he wouldn't be homesick....While I kept my broken blackberry, that did not have internet fearing only one could in this relationship until we made more. Whenever there was a family event or a trip I was stuck working while he went and had fun. I didn't mind, I assumed its a relationship and short period before he contributes. He would not go out with my friends, he didn't feel confident speaking English. He didn't even attend events for those friends that spoke the same language. I had done so in India...and did not like it, but that's life...I was always stuck at home while he was out with his friends in India...On new years eve he chose his friends over me, I nvr kissed a guy at midnight and told him how important it was for him to do so and being my husband it would mean the world...He chose his friends...I was hurt but figured its his last time with those group of friends and should not hold it against him...

For the past month I quit my job and started school, I paid everything out of pocket. He told me to find an apartment, I juggled through hoops getting kicked out of his bosses office for asking for paystubs. I was unaware my husband did not keep count of how far or how much he made. They owed him more...He does not get taxed hes an independent operator... So my husband was embarrassed they did that and yelled at me... We went at it in the car... He told me he wished he never married me....I cried....I continued to get his documents together even taking him to Irs getting forms, and missing exams and class... We started arguing more. I felt that I was not getting appreciated, I had to take care of house hold responsibility, education and him. It was unfair, I was anxious to move, just waiting for the approval for the complex.

His dad started the Texas issue up again two weeks ago. I ended up telling him our marriage was being effected and he was the root cause. He needed to allow his son to start his life and me finish school. He lashed out on me, and I told him rudely, the only way you'll get him to Texas is, if we divorce.... On September 20th my husband came back from work and was discussing Texas, over and over, we got in an argument. He took off...Whenever something occurred between us everyone was involved his family mine everyone. Its embarrassing I was not brought up that way but he feels the need to include everyone...I've always been blamed regardless of what happened. when he ran up our phone bill talkn internationally when he had a line for that. when I saw naked pictures of his friends wives sent to him discussing intimate details of our sexual life. Thank god I don't believe in pictures... I moved on...Saturday he was crying and I felt bad, my family have had enough, he needed to grow up and realize he couldn't always get his way. I was even trying to submit hw before the 12midnight deadline, but was preoccupied by him. I told him enough is enough chose Texas or me? He told me he chooses his Dad, and he could replace me but not him. His dad was given the option of moving here and being with his son... I was so hurt... He took the keys and took off. I told my brothers, they were livid, and threw his bags outside, after calming them down, I brought his belongings inside. They told me that you guys need your own place we had told him couple months ago. I told them we were days away from being approved for the complex. They even said they would cosign and give us 2 months rent. I told them no, we needed to do it on our own... I continued calling my husband he did not answer and he was not familiar with surroundings. I was worried submitted my work in late, got an F. My fault...

He slept downstairs that night, and in the morning I woke up and asked him how he was and decide one last time...He told me he chose his dad, and married me only for a green card. My heart broke and ended up slapping him. First time I've done that in my life.. He said of course your going to do this sarcastically all your good for. He threw a couple dollars and said this is for the other night being intimate, I cried, and started choking him. He was laughing but not once stopped me...He called his mom told her that I slapped and choked him, she told me I was the worse thing that happened to her son, and was a dirty bit^^. I told him that is not marriage running off and telling your mother or family. He has even in past told his mother he was sad with me, resulting in her calling me to be more sexually active with him and try new things...I have never felt more appauledin my life.

HIs mother told him take his belongings and leave. He was mopping around all day, he has no family here, he kept coming to me asking where his luggage was I told him. I would not stop him or nor did I tell him to leave. My brother separated us and told us to calm down. He got annoyed that my husband wanted to leave continued complaining. My husband took his luggage and packed. I was tired of the drama, assumed he was bluffing or he would drive around and come back. He took his documents as well. I fell asleep. My brother woke me up to tell me he left me and wasn't coming back, he was not a man but a punk, spoiled, brat....I immediately called him to come back it wasn't too late. He refused said this was for the best. I continued calling him and contacted his mom, she told me he was on the road truck be back in couple days don't stress. Come to find out Wednesday he was staying at another Indian families house and had told them our entire ordeal...they are not related, acquaintances. I informed my family and they immediately contacted his Dad, who stated it was my brother and my fault how could his son live in such an environment?

I tried to pay bills from our joint account to find out he had taken everything out and left 200. I used it to pay our cellphone bill. How could he assume it was over without telling me or think I'd touch that money? He refused answer my calls. Finally when he did, confessed I meant everything and I did so much for him and his family. And he would come back if I would admit in front of everyone I would move to Texas. Or take money for my education and call it quits on the marriage. It was the real deal, I did not marry him for money. I felt cornered. We were approved for the apartment let him know, he said he'd think about it. Never did. I gave him an ultimatum that if he didn't come by yesterday which was 9 days after he left I'd assume it was over, He never came or called. My family reached out through extended family, because he refuses to answer there calls as well, and were informed they would have to go to that third party strangers house to discuss our marriage. I refused, then he stated he would want me to come and be lectured by them, again I refused. Now I have come to the conclusion, it was only for a visa, or his Dad got his way. They asked for a couple days to make a decision, not him his family. I am again put on hold. I have no money, to file. I would loved to work this would and move. But he just seems to care and obey his Dad. Our lives have never been private I want him to grow up. My family has become as well as his a laughing stock around town. He won't even meet or communicate with me. All the while is running up my phone bill internationally. which I had cut off/ international. But to disconnect his line its 270 as well as 400 remaining on his cellphone. I resorted last Saturday instead of asking for family help babysitting and mowing lawns to obtain a measly 65 dollars for 8hours work. I am trying my best to work this but its all on him.

I can't even deport him? I don't think that's an option. It hurts knowing a grown man would do such a thing. I'm not perfect I do argue, over education, location, and finances. But to walk out. What can I do?

[R and F 34]

Shazam and I thought living with Farid was a Lifetime Movie.

and to think you didn't get into specifics.

[Calicolom 266]

Talk about Culture Shock

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I can't even deport him? I don't think that's an option. It hurts knowing a grown man would do such a thing. I'm not perfect I do argue, over education, location, and finances. But to walk out. What can I do?

Unless you have hard evidence he married you for a GC, no you can't assist in his deportation.

All you can really do is file for divorce. If you want a say in his ROC send a letter with his information on it (if you have his A# etc) outlining, in short, that he left the marriage on X date to live with his family. Don't get into specifics like you did with the OP, hardly any of that matters quite honestly. It's highly unlikely to affect his processing for ROC, but might make you feel better.

[Sandra G. 5,051]

Your post you mentioned about second chance, second chance for what? to have by your side a loser,a weak man and scumbag? really? you deserve better. Divorce him and move on.

Edited October 2, 2013 by sandranj

[Darnell 8,478]

This will sound harsh, but I've seen a Bollywood movie with this exact story line.

If you want to 'do something' with USCIS, get into a local office via infopass and talk with the FDNS officer there.

[hopelessforever 6]

I really don't want a divorce to be honest just want to resolve it between us. And start our married lives for the first time without our families.... feel pathetic...

[hopelessforever 6]

I forget to mention that in the past his dad paid a girl to bring him over and was caught at the embassy in the his lie. So that's why this issue of staying in india longer wad the right route of not postponing it any longer.

Shazam and I thought living with Farid was a Lifetime Movie.

and to think you didn't get into specifics.

Your post you mentioned about second chance, second chance for what? to have by your side a loser,a weak man and scumbag? really? you deserve better. Divorce him and move on.

[Darnell 8,478]

I really don't want a divorce to be honest just want to resolve it between us. And start our married lives for the first time without our families.... feel pathetic...

You've been used in a 'traditional' Indian Scam.

Sorry.

He's been a great actor, at times, but has shown his true colors at other times.

IMO, folk bring over the entire family, over a coupla decades. You were the last peg, for the last child.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Are you the same person in this thread?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/443096-fradulent-husband-married-for-a-visa/

[Darnell 8,478]

MerryTooth - I'm a voting yes.

[hopelessforever 6]

I disconnected his india international vonage calling plan today. And cant do The same for his phone under my name. Have pay 270 breaking the contract and 400 to pay off remaining balance for his phone. Like I said less than 20 dollars in my personal account. I have a job interview tomorrow. Time to get a real job support myself and pay the bills....my education has been affected the most not doing so well. This is killing me, instead of focusing on school its this.

Omg yes marry ugh but I took him back... and was ashamed to admit it...

Are you the same person in this thread?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/443096-fradulent-husband-married-for-a-visa/

yes and embarased to admit took him back...so resorted making a new profile. Feel foolish.

[T&T&T 31]

Be strong and follow your head and not your heart....It will not be easy but you know what is best for you at this point.

[Jawaree 718]

Lady sorry to tell you... its over, move on from the drama and no love

get a divorce

[typo808 11]

You deserve sooooooooo much more than this guy. You have been a devoted fiancée emotionally and financially. This is not a fair relationship: do you think it will get better in time?

Life is too short. You only have one chance at this thing called life. Pursue happiness, not this guy.

Edited October 2, 2013 by typo808