Does she still want me??

[ConfusedByher 0]

Is she trying to drive you away? Does she want to go back home? It's hard to talk about things that make you feel not trusted and disrespected without being angry. Please don't let any of the anger come out. It's really important for her to feel like she can talk to you.

However, you need to hear from her about why she feels the need to search for your internet history? Is it jealousy? Have "friends" been goading her to check you out? Does she have insomnia, and is she just keeping herself busy? Is she working? How about you? What does she do all day? Maybe she's going stir crazy.

RE: intimacy. Is she sick? Did she get a disease or STD recently, and is afraid that you'll find out? Is she just using you for the GC? Does she show signs of having a boyfriend back home? Is she spending a lot of time skyping back home while you're at work? Sending money to more than the family? Does she understand that she will have to return home if you break off the marriage (I'm thinking that you're not married yet)?

I hope my fiancee doesn't change when we're here in the US. That would be a nightmare. Hang in there.

Is she trying to drive you away?

I don’t know.

Does she want to go back home?

I don’t think so, it don’t seem like it.

Is she sick? Did she get a disease or STD recently, and is afraid that you'll find out?

No

It feels like she just isn't physically attracted to me anymore.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I don’t think anyone is trying to change her mind. She is too strong willed for that and I think she would tell me.

She might think I am hiding something but I have no idea why.

I have had a grand total of 2 minor traffic tickets in my life (failure to make a complete stop, failure to properly yield on a left hand turn). At the time I lived very close to a police station and both times the police officer was training someone.

I was open about the fact that before her I had dated too many of the wrong women.

She knows everything I can’t imagine what she is looking for.

Everyone made mistakes, tell her that. I bet she's not a princess perfect either. If she just wanted a green card like the other poster said, make it clear. She can't get green card if she's leaving you before the marriage taken a place.

I read somewhere here a while back, there was a woman had a thought after she came to US, she can avoid the marriage to her fiance and runaway with the other boyfriend that already waited for her. By the law, she was illegal by then after 90 days run out of time.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Is she trying to drive you away?

I don’t know.

Does she want to go back home?

I don’t think so, it don’t seem like it.

Is she sick? Did she get a disease or STD recently, and is afraid that you'll find out?

No

It feels like she just isn't physically attracted to me anymore.

My question is:

Are you still want to be with her if you feel like that?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

It sounds like she is looking for an excuse to break up with you that can be your fault, not hers. Sounds like a typical story of someone who just wants to stay in the US, not have a relationship.

[star64 2]

Don't give up on her. Maybe there are things you haven't been able to discuss before that she finds out while she's with you. She needs your attention... and introduce her to your friends and your family. Let her feel how much you care for her. Even if you are doing that everyday continue doing it and pray. I'm getting cold feet too...and I am blessed because he'd never stop telling and showing how much he loves me. I am getting cold feet not because I don't want my fiancé anymore or not attracted to him. He is my world. I cant imagine my life without him. Hang on there. Keep the communication open between the two of you.

[St&Sv 33]

I think this is a conversation meant for just the two of you, or between a good friend or family member who knows you both. By coming on here and asking you are going to get many different answers formulated by random peoples perspectives on the situation. These are people (including me) who are trying to help but honestly it's like asking a stranger on the street what they think of your situation, would you do that? Sit down and ask her why she feels she needs to dig into your past, but also take a step back and see how you would feel if you moved to another country to a person you "think" you know. Maybe she is only after a green card. Maybe she is just scared now that she is here. Maybe she wants to know more about you? The answer to all your questions are locked away in the beauty sleeping next to you, so be the key that unlocks them.

Good Luck.

Edited September 9, 2013 by St&Sv

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Assuming this gal isn't using you for the green card, you have to remember that our relationships (american + foreigner) aren't infallible. In fact, probably less so than the typical all-American couple because of cultural differences. The main things that set us apart are that we were forced to spend time apart and to pay a lot of money to the government to bring our significant others here. You put in a lot of effort into this process and took a risk that it may not work out. Well, I'm sorry dude, but it may not work out. Especially if you spent most of your relationship on the internet, you can't really truly say you know your fiancee inside and out (I'm just making an assumption - I don't know any of the specifics of your relationship). It's not too late to intervene and talk to your fiancee about what's going on in her head but accept that it may not be enough to save your relationship. Better to find out for sure now before you get married and you get sucked into years of sponsorship responsibilities.

[sdrohani 0]

ok im going to play bad guy here . did she use u to get to usa .you know ya skype ect is fine its not real living together .maybe she has changed her mind and dont know how to tell you .you got to tlk to her u only have 90 days

[clairegie 265]

I agree with an earlier post, I think someone is feeding info to her. Nobody just wakes up in the middle of the night and looks you up on the net.

I suggest you lock yourselves in a room and get to the bottom of it. She will eventually spill what's on her mind. For your sake, I seriously hope my hunch is wrong. Again, this is a hunch! So I hope nobody grills me about it. Goodluck bro.

Edited September 9, 2013 by iammrsregi

[tool 3]

It is my understanding that the foreign beneficiary is informed of any hits that come up in the petitioners security check during the petition approval process, so theres no need for her to go around looking for more evidence. That being said, I'd do the snooping around BEFORE I made the decision to get married, not after, with 90 days to spare. In the unlikely event that there is someone spreading "disinformation" about you, it's unfortunate that she chose to believe these things about the man that she is planning to spend the rest of her life with.

Based on your initial post and your responses to things other people have posted it seems like you've already made up your mind about not wanting to go through with this marriage just yet.

[Novembro 1,763]

The change is our sex life has been almost 2 months now.

And why search for minor things from 14 years ago much less question me about it? It makes me feel like I’m under a microscope. At the very least untrusted and disrespected.

It seems like more than cold feet.

A drastic change in your sex life is a huge read flag (in my opinion). I don't know about the other women on here, but when I decided I was not interested in someone/going to break it off with them, the sex stopped.

I do hope you can work it though. Maybe it is cold feet before the wedding. Moving to a new country and adjusting to a new lifestyle and culture is hard enough.

[Cathi 5,613]

It is my understanding that the foreign beneficiary is informed of any hits that come up in the petitioners security check during the petition approval process, so theres no need for her to go around looking for more evidence. That being said, I'd do the snooping around BEFORE I made the decision to get married, not after, with 90 days to spare. In the unlikely event that there is someone spreading "disinformation" about you, it's unfortunate that she chose to believe these things about the man that she is planning to spend the rest of her life with.

Based on your initial post and your responses to things other people have posted it seems like you've already made up your mind about not wanting to go through with this marriage just yet.

this is not true, the beneficiary isn't told of any "hits" on the petitioners security check, you are misinformed

[fantonledzepp 159]

Don't get married. Women are nuts, yes, but this seems completely out of line. Either send her back home or have her leave your home. You don't need crazy in your life. Again, don't get married. It does seem like she's using you.

[kambingaso 9]

Someone earlier mentioned about cold feet, but didn't mentioned what things were causing it or how to combat it. Try loving her even more?

I agree with having the talk. Get to the bottom of it, and it's not something that can be put off for later. Does she still want to get married? If so, this is how married people act, behave, and work problems out. . . . If not here's a ticket back home.

Good luck. I hope you'll both have a great talk and work it out. The older I get I'm finding love can take a lot of work and commitment. Don't let the sun go down on your anger or problems.

[duraaraa 203]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

There are a lot of people who pretend to be attracted or in love with someone to get immigration benefits. Some of these people lie about being beaten to get even more out of the person they duped.

Do your instincts tell you she had the right reasons for being with you?