The good stuff

[cassecouilles 3]

Hello folks,

I've been following some threads on this website about the beneficiaries adjusting to the states. Honestly? I'm a bit scared :-) I keep reading because I tell myself I want to know what to expect, I don't want to be blindsided by these feelings when my son and I finally make the move, plus I've read some very interesting and useful advice about staying busy while waiting for that first job. But it is a tad disheartening and sometimes I almost dread leaving all that's familiar behind. I'm sure not everyone had such a hard time adjusting, right? What are some really positive experiences you had? Things you absolutely LOVE about your new life in the US? Maybe even funny anecdotes from your adjustment? I don't know about you guys, but I would love hearing about those as well :-)

[a+j 77]

Great idea

[rlogan 2,036]

My wife didn't have the adjustment problems that you see many posters talking about. Maybe one of the reasons was that we lived together in the Philippines for several months before applying K-1 and it was wonderful so we were focused on being together as our highest priority and we didn't care where. The worst thing was being apart.

Much of life here would be viewed as radically different. She came at thirty below zero, darkness and snow - and had never seen snow before. We live on the edge of the wilderness 30 miles from town in a cabin, with moose outside regularly and the occasional bear or more rarely wolves. She lived in an extremely densely populated city in the Philippines. Pollution and traffic. Buying rice for just that day, going to vendors every day whereas here we stock up on stuff for a month at a time, and don't use the road except going to town on supply runs. We have trails we use and never see people on them when going to our river or up the mountains.

I work over the internet from home and we have never been apart for more than a matter of hours in over three years so that's way different from many here. I take her on my business trips, or fishing and hunting and general adventuring so we're always together. She does videochat with her family mostly every day.

She had been well prepared with my description of how this life worked, lots of pictures and videos with no candy-coating. It's hard labor and fifty below zero can kill you quickly if you don't have expedition weight gear and know what you are doing. There are four-wheelers, snow machines, tracked vehicle, boat, four-wheel drive truck and an airplane at toy central here so there's a lot of fun to be had in a beautiful environment. She gets to drive heavy equipment occasionally too - dozer, skidsteer, loader...

What she likes best is never seeing anyone else. We don't have curtains on the windows. We leave keys in vehicles and do not have a lock for the front door. Not even a door knob. We use a bungee cord to hold it shut when we leave. It's always quiet and peaceful. Wind in the trees. Birds.

For the wrong kind of person this would be hell on earth, leaving behind the bustle of the city and seeing so many people, having lots of loud friends... changing your clothes every day hahahaha we don't. What for? Cooking on a wood stove. Taking on a totally different life with radically different environment can be either an adventure or a curse. It depends on what kind of person you are and what you want in life.

[cassecouilles 3]

Taking on a totally different life with radically different environment can be either an adventure or a curse. It depends on what kind of person you are and what you want in life.

Beautifully said :-) I hope I am the adventurous kind and that I will embrace my new life the way your wife has. That being said... I take my hat off to your wife, it had to be quite an adjustment (am sure there are some funny stories there) :-p

[kate&javi 26]

My husband has been in the USA almost 2 months and he has shown no signs of culture shock/homesickness (expect maybe he is sick of me asking if he is homesick? Lol). He is adjusting REALLY well, and I'm really proud of him taking everything in stride. Before he came to the USA, he had never been outside of his country, never flown on a plane, and pretty much lived all of his life in one (very large) city that he knew like the back of his hand.

He is young (24) so I think that helped him a lot, plus he is a fluent English speaker which makes him more independent than someone who doesn't know any, and I moved back to the USA with him so we were both in the same place when we came back here -- we both had to deal with an adjustment to the USA (I was gone 2 years from the US so I was prepping myself for reverse culture shock, especially when it came to money). We have a car and I haven't found a job yet, so we are able to spend a lot of time together. I prepared him before we came to the USA that he would probably feel homesick, miss his family, miss his food, etc.

I make an effort to cook the type of food that we had in Honduras for him at least once, if not twice or three times, a week. I found a local Mexican store (not the same as Honduran food but close as we can get...) so we stop by there every few weeks to see if they have any produce or meat products that is like what he had in Honduras. The other week we found foods that he used to eat in Honduras, so I told him to take any many as his liked and I would cook them in the next three days. When we got home, I immediately fried him some plantain and he was really happy about it.

I think the key, after living overseas for a few years, is to figure out how to bring some of 'home' to the USA with you. My husband is really good at adjusting to change, so he had that going for him already. But I am very proud of him for adjusting so well. He came to the USA right before the major holidays in our culture, and also my sister's wedding. He was bombarded by my HUGE family talking to him very fast (although he is a fluent speaker, when there are 15 people all talking to you at the same time in your second language, you are like #######?) and many different activities that we had to attend to.

But, in all honesty, he seems really happy. I think I ask him every other day how he is feeling and if he misses his parents. He skypes with his parents every Sunday night, and randomly his mom will call our cell phone... so the communication is not lost.

I do remember I asked him once how he felt and if he was happy, and his response was, "I'm with you, that's all I need."

[LeftCoastLady 441]

My now-husband visited me twice before moving here via K-1, so that definitely helped. The climate is similar to Wales, so no major adjustments there. We live in a city with good public transit and walkability, so a car isn't needed to get around and he has a transit pass. One of the first things he did was sign up for a library card so he could head to the libraries around town and check out books. He's also now a regular at the corner store where he picks up his cigarettes and Cheetos.

It's the rainy season here now, so spending a lot of time outside doesn't happen as much as it will once the temperature warms up in April.

Like kate, I also ask him constantly if he's happy and so far, he is. I'm sure he'll have up and down days, but so far, things are well.

[rlogan 2,036]

Beautifully said :-) I hope I am the adventurous kind and that I will embrace my new life the way your wife has. That being said... I take my hat off to your wife, it had to be quite an adjustment (am sure there are some funny stories there) :-p

I'm real glad to see others chiming in with well-adjusted spouses too because I think people with problems are over-represented. It is natural because they are seeking support.

You know it isn't so much funny stories for us, but the trials and triumphs of our team. This was today, the never-ending task of hauling wood. We got stuck going uphill and had to work together as a team to overcome our problem. Having the kids with us is so wonderful. They know exactly what is going on, why we are doing it, and when they get home the re-create the whole thing with getting their toys stuck in the snow and having to dig them out. Oiling their chain saws like daddy.

She jumped right in, learning to drive snowmachines like this and doing heavy work alongside me. Spouses that get left home while the other is out working express how they feel useless. Of course they do. They want to be pulling their weight and be part of the team instead of a decoration on the wall.

[Holly2234 66]

I have found a lot of positive things since moving here. There are some negatives of course but im working on fixing those things. Thats something i love about America. I CAN make things better. I CAN do the things i couldn't before. Some of it is not down to the country, but our circumstances here are a lot better than they were when we lived together in the UK.

I have also made some friends. They are all Americans, but they moved to this area from different states so they understand what it is like to be "new" as such. It helps so much just knowing there are people around, especially when my husband is at work and they have a child a similar age to mine so she gets to socialise too. My inlaws also help me a lot. Always around when i need them and if i need help i can just call. That is invaluable support which im glad i have and i would encourage anybody to at least try to get on with their partners family if they are close by. It may just work out and the initial awkwardness does get easier.

I have got a library card, signed up for local store cards, got us an apartment, asked for things in stores that the assistants think im making up!! (different use of language), broken the washing machine in my apartment building a steady once a week. Many things have happened that seem stupid but im proud of it (not the washing machine part!) because its an unknown world and i am negotiating it pretty well. I can honestly say i feel happy here and i think that is because i have jumped in feet first and accepted this place as my home.

My only complaint is that i NEED to drive here. But tomorrow im going to the Social Security office to get my SSN and as soon as it arrives, im going to the DMV for a permit. Driving is something that can be learnt and i will just buy a car and my problem is solved.

[EminTX 131]

My husband was here 4 months before returning to his home country to finish college. He is coming back next week. I asked him what he wants for dinner on his first night back.

This was my response: You're a Peruvian married to a US-born wife living in Houston returning from South America and you want Asian food, specifically, Vietnamese sandwiches? Yeah, you'll be alright here.

He told me that he has been craving them since leaving and that he NEEDS one. (If you've never had one, they are better than crack.)

There was also an outbreak of violence in the open-air market where his mother works a couple months ago, he called me so upset saying how much he wants to return here to where he feels safer. He expressed a lot of frustration and difficulty adjusting when he was here, but going back to his own country has really driven home the lessons that no place is really ideal so I think it will be easier for him this time. Plus, he is now confidant in the option of heading back for a visit when he needs it.

I think that we will have to learn to make those yummy Vietnamese sandwiches at home, though.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

My husband says Starbucks and having a car. There are only 2 Starbucks in Denmark and they are both at the CPH airport. The other coffee shops just don't make things the way he likes.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Belgium is arguably the worst country to live in Europe. You may disagree.

There is nothing Belgium has to offer that the United States doesn't. You will need a few weeks, perhaps months, until you feel home in the United States, but then it will get better from there. By the time you are eligible to naturalize, you will not want to look back. I haven't been to Europe in 19 years. There's just nothing I'm missing. Not a thing.

[kzielu 1,147]

Free refills are one the of the things I really appreciate about this country...

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Belgium is arguably the worst country to live in Europe. You may disagree.

There is nothing Belgium has to offer that the United States doesn't. You will need a few weeks, perhaps months, until you feel home in the United States, but then it will get better from there. By the time you are eligible to naturalize, you will not want to look back. I haven't been to Europe in 19 years. There's just nothing I'm missing. Not a thing.

Is this thing true?

I've always wondered....

[newlyweds2010 208]

Belgium is arguably the worst country to live in Europe. You may disagree.

There is nothing Belgium has to offer that the United States doesn't. You will need a few weeks, perhaps months, until you feel home in the United States, but then it will get better from there. By the time you are eligible to naturalize, you will not want to look back. I haven't been to Europe in 19 years. There's just nothing I'm missing. Not a thing.

Not even the idea of having public healthcare? That's the only thing I somewhat miss, although both my wife and I are insured through our employers.

Edited December 13, 2012 by newlyweds2010

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Honestly in the beginning it wasn't too bad at all. I wouldn't say I've had a hard time adjusting per-se, but I have had some bad experiences that really made me hate it here sometime (mostly just people not understanding my accent and general rudeness of some people I've encountered).

It took a while for those bad things to come around (mostly after we moved to Iowa) so in the beginning it wasn't too bad, I was just trying to not be bored!

I LOVED cable tv. So many TV series I caught up on.

I LOVED (and still love) Netflix.

I love how cheap so many things are (granted we earn less here but it's still good )

I love garbage disposals (my husband however did not like that I accidentally dropped some small rocks down there when cleaning out the turtle tank - i forgot it was there :S - and it shorted out so he had to pull it apart to fix it)

Getting used to driving on the opposite side of the road, on the opposite side of the vehicle was easier than I thought... in fact I had more trouble getting back to driving in Australia when I was there last. It had been 2 years since I was "home" and it only took once to drive on the wrong side of the road and then I refused to drive anywhere... It was safer for all concerned

Even though I of course hate spending the money, I do enjoy "nesting" here. We bought a new (and pretty expensive) christmas tree (my favourite holiday). The one I left at home is now the "family tree". Our furry children (2 dogs), fishtank (hoping to get an axolotl but the hard water in my area is making my water too basic so just fish for now).

It's easy on bad days to blame living in the US, especially when those things involve something US specific, but whether in the US or home country sometimes bad things happen. Just living in another country they tend to be different bad things.