Update ....

[neoflasher 3]

I know it must be hard all of this but its incredible how people can change. I don't think it was an act it has to be change. Once again if you need to talk to someone at anytime feel free to reach out to me. Keep ur head up.

[Candi 0]

Hey im new here to this website and i never read anything like this that piss me off. I'm truly sorry, hun!! but one thing i learn in life is that prayers change things, so keep the faith and God will empower you to overcome.

[Samantha78 117]

I know it must be hard all of this but its incredible how people can change. I don't think it was an act it has to be change. Once again if you need to talk to someone at anytime feel free to reach out to me. Keep ur head up.

I agree....I know he loved me at one point, but I think everything happened too fast for him and there was too much change. But it was happening to both of us. It's unfortunate that he couldn't find a way to manage better or make better decisions.

Thanks

[Samantha78 117]

Hey im new here to this website and i never read anything like this that piss me off. I'm truly sorry, hun!! but one thing i learn in life is that prayers change things, so keep the faith and God will empower you to overcome.

Thank you - but don't feel angry when you read this. I was mad before, that turned into disappointment, sadness, and now I'm at a point where I'm just dealing with it because I have no other choice. I pray a lot...and I know my prayers are being heard because I have been spared so much more grief that could have happened to me. We had planned on having a child, and it was going to be a process to make that happen. I'm grateful it never got to that point or to the point he stole money or became desperate and did something worse. He has a new girl in his life right now....and I'm glad, because that just allows me to get over this faster.

[Fight for Love 98]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on everyones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

omg...wow...i'm totally speechless :wacko: thank god your okay after he choke you. hugs for you dear....

[MarielManuel 0]

Im really shocked at your story. i am really sorry for all you had to go through. he is a heartless person that does not deserve a woman like you. he Of Course! does not know the meaning of love and does not respect a woman. I am dominican, and trust me, im super embarrased. it makes me think about my relationship although we've been together for years,. it still gets me and i put myself on your shoes. i believe you are a strong woman, and God has something special waiting for you.

[ana y ray 8]

I have been telling my husband about "that man" you marry and we are so disgusted that he is a Dominican. Pero que idiota ese tipo!!! You are going through a lot and no one can understand how you feel unless they are in your shoes, but I admire your courage and how you have handle yourself. You are a classy woman and deserve someone that would appreciate you.

[bigdog 376]

Good job holding to your guns, maybe go to county sheriff or attorney general office if local LE fails you.

[NY_BX 397]

WOW! Do not dwell on the weakness but celebrate your strength. I highly suggest you set up some sort of a hidden camera somewhere, in case he decides to break in, or worse, attack you again. That way you can gather visual irrefutable evidence of his chauvinistic wrath. That man is toast and he knows it.

Good luck!

[Calicolom 265]

In Florida we have a Law, it is called STAND YOUR GROUND only need to use it once and it works every time.

[jaycali 415]

Been following your story. Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry this all happened to you, but wow.. Way to stand your ground. You have all my respect and support. I agree with bigdog, if local PD fails you, contact the county sheriff.

Oh, and btw, as we all know, immigration isn't exactly known to be fast. But they do deliver. He'll be forever banned from entering the country sooner or later and have plenty of time to think about how he tried to scam the wrong woman.

Edited April 5, 2012 by jaejayC

[rlogan 2,036]

I'd love to hear from the "professionals" that were preening about their "bona-fides" in the last thread that were SHOCKED at the suggestion of leaving this manipulative #######. Was the violence enough for you professionals yet, or would you prefer that she had been killed before you admit to being wrong?

[troutcat 41]

You may already have done so, but if not, you may want to visit the local women's shelter or call the local DV hotline, if there is one. If the local police have been so brutally bad in responding appropriately to your calls, the local shelter will have experience with this, and can help you a) document your case and b) may have some suggestions or protocol for getting the police to respond appropriately. they might also be able to make use of your experience of being dismissed by the police as part of a larger effort to get police trained to respond correctly to domestic violence calls. it takes many women and men saying that the police are not responding appropriately - lawfully - to DV calls to get any change implemented.

[suganspyce42 5]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on everyones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

So proud of you Sam! Let's just keep it real by saying "what goes around comes back around". Just when a person think they're are playing you for a fool, they have been the fool all along. He is and will forever be the "jackass with no class". He's messed up the best thing that has ever happened to him, true love is hard to find and you deserve that and more honey. Once again, proud of you!

[rlogan 2,036]

That's good advice troutcat.

How much you want to bet they got cops on the street right now preying on ordinary citizens for plunder in the form of traffic fines. They got that covered 24/7 while in the meantime there's unsolved murders, rapes, and in this case serious domestic violence and it's "oh we're too busy trying to pull over soccer moms that didn't come to a complete stop at the stop-sign. Good thing there wasn't another car for a hundred miles, or someone might have been killed..."

In the meantime you have not quite 20% of total murders committed by spouse, lover, or romantic interest. We know exactly when the risk is highest too - and it is right now in this case. Are the cops saying "hey, ma'am, you better take this seriously because we see what appear to be normal people snap all the time and kill the person they were sleeping with when the relationship is threatened..." or beat them senseless, burn their house down, or steal their life's savings etc. Nope.

Is there anything worse than a cop over-dramatizing some trivial traffic matter to justify the fine costing four or five months in diapers? Sure! It's the same cop telling sam&jensi that she is bothering them and to go away. She's at about the highest risk of anyone in the county. But she isn't bringing in a thousand dollars a day for the department budget. So it helps a lot to have someone who has the experience and contacts to get these cops to do their jobs. I have had nothing but bad experiences with cops being called for help on something serious and have met too many people that say the same thing.

Edited April 6, 2012 by rlogan