Update ....

[JerseyDomRep 4]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on everyones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

This sounds like a horror story. It is good to know that you have taken a stand for yourself and that you are also not letttin this affect your outlook on love. Have a great weekend and remember that things happen for a reason. Better now that later on.

[Ben and Jill 37]

It's an inside joke and she knows what am talking about but no worries I choose my words wisely and I would never put something that isn't nice here or anywhere.. no worries

Yes, I realized that "after" ~ my bad, and I apologize I know you wouldn't do that that's why I removed my original posting. I'm sorry ~ hope you can forgive me

[Samantha78 117]

This sounds like a horror story. It is good to know that you have taken a stand for yourself and that you are also not letttin this affect your outlook on love. Have a great weekend and remember that things happen for a reason. Better now that later on.

Thanks luv......I will enjoy my weekend and I hope you do the same!

[Ben and Jill 37]

Lmfao!!!!! Its a book she has sent me and I just finished reading....very dramatic and intense....but relative to my dramatic life....lol

Thanks for being on the defense for me though!!!!

Sorry, LOLOL. To someone "outside" who just read it real fast and doesn't know....LOL. I am sorry

[In<3 11]

Yes, I realized that "after" ~ my bad, and I apologize I know you wouldn't do that that's why I removed my original posting. I'm sorry ~ hope you can forgive me

Don't worry I didn't even read it :rofl: All is good I figured I was going to get told off by someone I just didn't think it would have been that fast lmao but I knew Sam wouldn't take offensive to it so that's why I posted it up.. Nothing to forgive on the opposite now u got a new friend :thumbs:

[perez525 8]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on everyones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

I seriously couldnt thank you enough for sharing this with all of us. It's truly an opening, I'm Dominican myself, and I'm very ashamed to the way he has reacted. I mean, it doesn't cost a thing to be straight up from the beginning, it could have avoided all of this heartache youre going through now. Im a firm believer in Karma, and what goes around defitenely comes back around. I feel for you but youre so strong and a great example, youre handling this situation the best way possible, don't let any one tell you different. As for his family, some day they will feel what's it like to be lied to and to break someones heart. They must be crazy not to believe there is a God who sees EVERYTHING and does not tolerate unjustice.... your situation serves as a learning experience for me, there are bad people all over in each country... and men like him deserve to rot in hell hole in DR...sorry but this pisses me off. I have no idea how you have handled this so well... if it would have been me, I think I'll be the one sitting in a jail cell right now. once again Sam, keep your head up and don't forget that time heals all wounds.

[Ben and Jill 37]

Don't worry I didn't even read it :rofl: All is good I figured I was going to get told off by someone I just didn't think it would have been that fast lmao but I knew Sam wouldn't take offensive to it so that's why I posted it up.. Nothing to forgive on the opposite now u got a new friend :thumbs:

LOVE IT :D I am touched and sitting here laughing, LOLOL. I didn't actually tell you off, lol, I just said "really? that's not funny". I'm laffin'!

[Samantha78 117]

Don't worry I didn't even read it :rofl: All is good I figured I was going to get told off by someone I just didn't think it would have been that fast lmao but I knew Sam wouldn't take offensive to it so that's why I posted it up.. Nothing to forgive on the opposite now u got a new friend :thumbs:

OMG - you guys are too much!!!!! Love you though for not going buckwild up in here!!! jejeje

[In<3 11]

LOVE IT :D I am touched and sitting here laughing, LOLOL. I didn't actually tell you off, lol, I just said "really? that's not funny". I'm laffin'!

OH GOD now am laughing :rofl: they way you talk I thought you said something big :rofl: :rofl:

[Samantha78 117]

I seriously couldnt thank you enough for sharing this with all of us. It's truly an opening, I'm Dominican myself, and I'm very ashamed to the way he has reacted. I mean, it doesn't cost a thing to be straight up from the beginning, it could have avoided all of this heartache youre going through now. Im a firm believer in Karma, and what goes around defitenely comes back around. I feel for you but youre so strong and a great example, youre handling this situation the best way possible, don't let any one tell you different. As for his family, some day they will feel what's it like to be lied to and to break someones heart. They must be crazy not to believe there is a God who sees EVERYTHING and does not tolerate unjustice.... your situation serves as a learning experience for me, there are bad people all over in each country... and men like him deserve to rot in hell hole in DR...sorry but this pisses me off. I have no idea how you have handled this so well... if it would have been me, I think I'll be the one sitting in a jail cell right now. once again Sam, keep your head up and don't forget that time heals all wounds.

Thanks hun!

Honestly, I think it is God giving me this strength, because I'm not about to lie and say I have no love left for him, I definitely do....but I know that I deserve better and he was never going to give that to me. I also believe in Karma very heavily and have watched it unfold on people who have done me wrong a million times. I will wait for that to happen again, and then feel satisfied.

[Ben and Jill 37]

OMG - you guys are too much!!!!! Love you though for not going buckwild up in here!!! jejeje

Nah, buckwild ain't my style, LOLOL. It's all good, I made a new friend

OH GOD now am laughing :rofl: they way you talk I thought you said something big :rofl: :rofl:

Nope, nothing big, LOLOL. I'm laughing at my desk, hahahaha. Thanks for being so cool about it. Some people can seriously rip you apart, geeezzzzzzzzz.

[In<3 11]

Nah, buckwild ain't my style, LOLOL. It's all good, I made a new friend

The buckwild was for ME :rofl: :rofl: yes you did :lol:

[AmyWrites 593]

Uuugh, I'd be armed or something if I were you. This guy is crazy, keep documenting everything, hopefully he'll get deported! Also, any friend or relative you can temporarily move with, for your safety?

Edited April 5, 2012 by AmyWrites

[PACIFICO2011 1]

I'm soo proud of you hun.. Y asi mismo stay strong y date tu lugar de mujer y sigue fuerte.. You know I'm here for you pa lo q sea y whenever... Cuidtae y te cheroo muchoo!!

Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortuantely it was not meant to be. After all that you did for your loved one they repay you with their unfortunate actions. Life has their unexpected turns and just around the corner their is always light.

The positive to take from what happened is that you jumped in and above all fought for what you wanted.

Take it one day at a TIME.. !!

[Samantha78 117]

I'm soo proud of you hun.. Y asi mismo stay strong y date tu lugar de mujer y sigue fuerte.. You know I'm here for you pa lo q sea y whenever... Cuidtae y te cheroo muchoo!!

MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you sooo much!! It was a blessing to meet you through here and I am forever grateful for the friendship that we have developed <3

And you know I'm right here whenever you need me too!!!

TQM!!!

The buckwild was for ME :rofl: :rofl: yes you did :lol:

hell yea the Buckwild was def for you <3 !!!! jajajaj