Update ....

[Samantha78 117]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on everyones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

My heart goes out to you, I also am proud of you for not allowing him back in. I am sorry you have gone through this, are STILL going through it with lack of support from your police department. Stay strong, as this too shall pass.

Thanks for sharing your story!

[kytwell 179]

You can't get a PFA or a restraining order?

[evelyn1140 18]

Hello Everyone....So I wanted to give an update as to what's been going on.

After my last post, as everyone said, he tried to come back. It took a lot to stay strong and not allow that, but I knew it was in my best interest to not let him into my life again. I felt as though he was a stranger, and there was no trust.

He received the divorce papers, brought them to his father, and they consulted a family friend lawyer who advised him how much he had screwed up. The lawyer contacted me and said that Jensy did not want a divorce, that he wanted to work things out, so the stipulation to signing the divorce was that, we would attend marriage counseling to see if the problems could be remedied. I knew he would either back out of counseling, or be unhappy with the reaction from the counselor regarding his behavior, so I agreed to participate. I wanted this divorce over with ASAP.

About 3 weeks after he had left, we went to our first session, and it was less than productive. He was trying to validate his actions and behavior, but she was not as understanding as he would have liked. She did make some points about how the adjustment is difficult and so on, but for the most part, when were leaving, she said she felt this was not salvageable. He insisted we would make this work, one way or another.

After the appointment he said he did not feel it was necessary to go to the counselor again, that we are married and we can fix this without anyone's help. I expressed my disagreement in that and reminded him how the only reason that appointment had taken place was to file for the divorce. He stated that he would not sign and that was it. This is when more chaos began.

So days pass, weeks, and he continues to insist I give him another chance, that he began working and he really wanted to try to show me that his intentions were not what I thought, but instead to be a provider and supportive husband. I verified that he was working, and that lasted less than one week. His attitude at the job was cocky and they told him they no longer needed him there. He ran out of money, his friends were growing tired of having him stay there and be a burden on them, so he became desperate. He had his friends calling me and my friends on a regular basis, basically begging to let him come back to me....but while they were making these calls, on the other end they were taking him to bars, clubs, strip clubs and other "non productive" place on a daily basis. He had begun using drugs and drinking regularly. He started to speak to me in the most disrespectful way, telling me I was less of a woman and that I was psychotic, that I needed to have someone show me what a real wife is, etc......

His father called to tell me what a change in attitude Jensy had, as though he were being brainwashed or something. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered with this anymore. After being jilted by him the first time, my guard was up super high...high enough to block any emotional attachment I felt toward him. Don't get me wrong...there's been a lot of crying and confusion on my part, but that is to be expected in this type of situation. I would be dammed if I let my heart think for me again though.

Fast forward....

2 weeks ago on a Friday he passed by my home and asked if I'd go to a movie. I immediately noticed his eyes were strange, like he was in a daze, and his facial expressions were weird. Then it hit me....he had been doing drugs. Apparently, from one of his lovely friends, I found out he was smoking some "legal" cannibinoid substance that allows you to get the same high as marijuana, but does not come out in a drug screening. The crazy part of that is it causes hallucinations, paralysis, seizures, violence, etc.......

I knew he was not in his right mind and tried to quickly get him away from me. He became FURIOUS and began choking me. Now, although I can defend myself very adequately, it would be a cold day in hell before I would hit him back and he then try to file for that VAWA ####### (or whatever it is)! HELLLLL NO! So, I found a way to get away, locked myself inside my home, and he left. I called the police but they informed me that, because we were still married, and that I had no idea where he lived, it would be a waste of time for them to respond to the call. But that if he returned, to call right away. Now, the halfassness from my local PD is a whole other story.....

Next morning...my daughter leaves for work and she calls me right away to tell me Jensy is outside in a car with his friend. I lock all doors and close the shades. When I go to look out the window I see him trying to break in. He had no idea I was home. I ran upstairs to my tenants apartment and called 911. He had managed to come in through a window in my daughters room, grab some things and leave...but not before the police caught him running away.

They said he could not be arrested on the breaking and entering, because we were married (really?), but that he would be arrested for the DV that had occurred the night before. I was assured he would be in jail until Monday when he would be arraigned. That did not happen. The allowed him to bail out...and he was back in the street harassing again. On Monday he had court, the judge gave him a stay away order and he did not listen. He also turned down his right to a court appointed lawyer and decided to represent himself. SMH.

After court he started calling my family and friends, demanding I give him his green card and any other immigration documents that would arrive or he wouldn't leave me alone. Of course, we know this wasn't going to happen. And of course, I call the PD to report his harassing 3rd party contact, but they said "we don't have time to run out and respond to every little complaint. if he's not harming you, what's the problem? at this point you sound like the town crier". Now this came from an Officer in Charge which blew my mind. So, I contacted the Captain, explained how disgusted I was with the PD, and he issued a warrant for Jensy's arrest. That of course, has not been followed through with. Jensy is still in the street somewhere........

I have to go back to court on April 9, and I have an appt with immigration right before. This WILL come to an end....even if the system continues to fail me, I am determined to fight this until I receive the closure I deserve.

My spirits are up and I feel free. I said I would never do this visa thing again, but you know what.....we never know where we will find love, and if it comes to me from over seas...then so be it. I refuse to let one heartless person ruin my life and/or chance for real love. But as for now, I am taking time for me, to heal and regroup.

Sorry for the rambling.....and I hate to be a damper on every ones great news, but its good to hear the "other" side of the visa journey.

I am Dominican I feel embarrass and sorry about your situation. You are right to shows our journey don't finished granting the visa. Our journey start living with our loves one. I wish the best and I hope they send his @ ^% home

you need to document all the phone call you did to the police. They just wait for things to happen. Then they act. Try to find a women support group online an tell them your story.

Plz don't give him an hour of your time.

[In<3 11]

this sounds like a chapter of a Zane book

[DomRepMiami 8]

This is very crazy. I really don't understand how a man could put his hands on a woman no matter if they are or aren't intoxicated. I wish that I could do something to help you through this situation because I could only imagine how this could feel going through it by yourself. I am also glad that you will not let this situation (although extremely tough) cause you to never explore love overseas again.

In life we go though some crazy things but I am almost certain that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Maybe he will learn a lot from this whole ordeal, but I know that you have learn a lot and will be very careful next time (if there is one). I admire all of your strength but please be careful with this guy because we don't want anything to happen to you or your family.

My heart goes out to you and your family. This guy has no heart and it seems as though he will make this very hard for you until the end. As you said, you deserve closure and a better PD . I am glad that you feel free and that your are not dwelling in your sorrows. Keep your head up and stay strong. THIS TO SHALL PASS!

P.S. Let me know if I have to take a trip over there to deal with him for you... :bonk: :bonk:

[aaydrian 479]

Sorry about all that has happened but stay strong. As for your piss for brains husband, be very careful. He is on drugs (makes his intents/actions unpredictable & dangerous), has tried to cause you more than serious bodily harm, broke into your house where you have your kids (f-ing disgusting) and he's jeopardizing your income (being a nuisance esp with you having tenants). It seems as if you may need to carry around something in case you feel threatened by him (do not meet him anywhere again, unless it's in court & even then be on your guard)

Oh yeah, make dated records of/tell someone you trust every time J has any contact with you (you may even want to tape your calls), physically harmed you (pictures) etc because as the cops are saying you can't call them for everything but at least there will be some evidence of what has occurred. And if he approaches your kids, have them scream rape and run.

Edited April 5, 2012 by aaydrian

[Samantha78 117]

My heart goes out to you, I also am proud of you for not allowing him back in. I am sorry you have gone through this, are STILL going through it with lack of support from your police department. Stay strong, as this too shall pass.

Thanks for sharing your story!

Thanks Tracy Jo! Strong i shall stay....

You can't get a PFA or a restraining order?

I have one...but they haven't found him to serve it, so its basically pointless. The PD here doesn't place protecting DV victims as a priority ... smh

I am Dominican I feel embarrass and sorry about your situation. You are right to shows our journey don't finished granting the visa. Our journey start living with our loves one. I wish the best and I hope they send his @ ^% home

you need to document all the phone call you did to the police. They just wait for things to happen. Then they act. Try to find a women support group online an tell them your story.

Plz don't give him an hour of your time.

Don't feel embarrassed.....there are bad apples in every bunch. He is just one of the very rotten ones...lol

i'm going to do whatever it takes....however long it takes....but something will get done.

this sounds like a chapter of a Zane book

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man...don't get me going!

[Ben and Jill 37]

this sounds like a chapter of a Zane book

Edited April 5, 2012 by Ben and Jill

[Samantha78 117]

This is very crazy. I really don't understand how a man could put his hands on a woman no matter if they are or aren't intoxicated. I wish that I could do something to help you through this situation because I could only imagine how this could feel going through it by yourself. I am also glad that you will not let this situation (although extremely tough) cause you to never explore love overseas again.

In life we go though some crazy things but I am almost certain that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Maybe he will learn a lot from this whole ordeal, but I know that you have learn a lot and will be very careful next time (if there is one). I admire all of your strength but please be careful with this guy because we don't want anything to happen to you or your family.

My heart goes out to you and your family. This guy has no heart and it seems as though he will make this very hard for you until the end. As you said, you deserve closure and a better PD . I am glad that you feel free and that your are not dwelling in your sorrows. Keep your head up and stay strong. THIS TO SHALL PASS!

P.S. Let me know if I have to take a trip over there to deal with him for you... :bonk: :bonk:

Thanks hun

Yes, I also believe he will make this as horrible as humanly possible before its over and done....but he's in for a ride because I'm not backing down.

I may take you up on that....jejejeje

[Ben and Jill 37]

Thanks Tracy Jo! Strong i shall stay....

I have one...but they haven't found him to serve it, so its basically pointless. The PD here doesn't place protecting DV victims as a priority ... smh

Don't feel embarrassed.....there are bad apples in every bunch. He is just one of the very rotten ones...lol

i'm going to do whatever it takes....however long it takes....but something will get done.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man...don't get me going!

Oops, I thought the comment about the Zane book wasn't nice, sorry, LOL. Here I am getting pissed, haha.

[Samantha78 117]

Sorry about all that has happened but stay strong. As for your piss for brains husband, be very careful. He is on drugs (makes his intents/actions unpredictable & dangerous), has tried to cause you more than serious bodily harm, broke into your house where you have your kids (f-ing disgusting) and he's jeopardizing your income (being a nuisance esp with you having tenants). It seems as if you may need to carry around something in case you feel threatened by him (do not meet him anywhere again, unless it's in court & even then be on your guard)

Oh yeah, make dated records of/tell someone you trust every time J has any contact with you (you may even want to tape your calls), physically harmed you (pictures) etc because as the cops are saying you can't call them for everything but at least there will be some evidence of what has occurred. And if he approaches your kids, have them scream rape and run.

Absolutely....I'm documenting everything and I always tell someone what he's said just in case something happens. I carry 2 blades with me but I'll be getting my FID card soon. This is a damn shame but ...cest la vie! It's been quiet for about 1 week -which almost worries me more.

[Samantha78 117]

Oops, I thought the comment about the Zane book wasn't nice, sorry, LOL. Here I am getting pissed, haha.

Lmfao!!!!! Its a book she has sent me and I just finished reading....very dramatic and intense....but relative to my dramatic life....lol

Thanks for being on the defense for me though!!!!

[In<3 11]

Oops, I thought the comment about the Zane book wasn't nice, sorry, LOL. Here I am getting pissed, haha.

It's an inside joke and she knows what am talking about but no worries I choose my words wisely and I would never put something that isn't nice here or anywhere.. no worries

[Esmeralda715 8]

I'm soo proud of you hun.. Y asi mismo stay strong y date tu lugar de mujer y sigue fuerte.. You know I'm here for you pa lo q sea y whenever... Cuidtae y te cheroo muchoo!!