Need Help Ending It

[NeedHelp_Fraud 0]

So here is the story. I meet my wife last year in India via relatives. This was going to be an arranged marriage. I had discussed with her what it was that i was looking for in a wife and told her that honesty and trust is what makes a good marriage. At this time I told her about my past relations, affairs, and secrets that no one else knew about me. I asked her the same and she told me that she had no past relations or affairs. So both happy get married in India last year and I apply for her CR-1 (I-130). I came back to USA about a month after the marriage (due to work). We talked every day and i kept telling her that it is very important to be open with one another; she assured me that she is telling me everything. I took November and December off from work to spend time with her (no pay!) as i had to leave rather quickly after our marriage. We learned that she had her interview in January in Mumbai, so i extended my time off to be with her though the process. She came to USA in February and received her GC and SSN after words.

Two or Three days after we got the GC and SSN she told me about her affair before marriage. She had been seeing a guy before me. I was upset of her lying to me in the beginning but for i gave her. She said she was afraid that i wouldn't marry her if she told me! Never the less i forgave her for lying to me asked her if she loved me more now; Which she said she did. I asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"... ...few hours later she tells me that her ex was married at time! I was kind of disgusted but let it go thinking to my self "love makes you do crazy things"... as i have done crazy things for her.

A day later she tells me that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend 2 days before our marriage! I got upset and questioned if she truly loved me. She said she did and that she had forgotten about her ex and only loves me. I found this hard to believe, she loved some one so much that she was willing to over look that he was married and then get over him after 2 day! I forgave her again thinking that over time she will forget about him and love me more. At this point i asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"...

A day later she tells me that she had an abortion before marriage! I feel that this is not a small issue; this may have implication when i want to have kids with her. I am upset and i can forgive her no more. I feel as if i have been cheated; she has been dishonest with me and has broke my trust and heart. We have been married for about 1 year, physical together for about 4 months, and she waits until she gets her GC and SSN to tell me all this! I want to yell FRAUD.

I know many people here may be thinking that i should forgive her; her past is her past. I should look towards the future. However for me it is hard to see my future with her. I feel as if i cannot trust her any more; and without trust the relation is not going any where.

I feel as i have been cheated and that she only married me for GC. At times i feel as she does not respect me or my family. I do not want to be with her any more! Should I seek an annulment or divorce? (we are in California). Contact USCIS? ICE? Is this fraud? How do I get her out of my life? Can't seem to get an appointment with lawyer until April!

[jaycali 415]

Well divorcing her is your choice. I won't tell you to "just forgive" because that is a lot to swallow in a short amount of time, especially given the circumstances. If she lied about all of that for a year, who knows what else she's hiding.. I get the feeling.

However, once she has her GC she has her GC. Since you were married for less than two years when she entered the US, she'll still have to remove conditions in two years time. This is possible without still being married, but more difficult. She'll have to show that the marriage was entered into in good faith. If you truly believe it was fraud, I'd give ICE a call and report it (there is another member on here, sam&jensi, whose husband left her within a week of getting the GC). If anything, a fraud alert would make it much more difficult for her to remove conditions later on.

That being said, if you think it was just a lie on her part in order to not lose you, I wouldn't go to drastic measures, and I definitely wouldn't threaten with ICE unless you really believe her intentions were bad.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

*** Moving from CR-1 visa forum to Effects of Major Changes *****

[R&RM 11]

So here is the story. I meet my wife last year in India via relatives. This was going to be an arranged marriage. I had discussed with her what it was that i was looking for in a wife and told her that honesty and trust is what makes a good marriage. At this time I told her about my past relations, affairs, and secrets that no one else knew about me. I asked her the same and she told me that she had no past relations or affairs. So both happy get married in India last year and I apply for her CR-1 (I-130). I came back to USA about a month after the marriage (due to work). We talked every day and i kept telling her that it is very important to be open with one another; she assured me that she is telling me everything. I took November and December off from work to spend time with her (no pay!) as i had to leave rather quickly after our marriage. We learned that she had her interview in January in Mumbai, so i extended my time off to be with her though the process. She came to USA in February and received her GC and SSN after words.

Two or Three days after we got the GC and SSN she told me about her affair before marriage. She had been seeing a guy before me. I was upset of her lying to me in the beginning but for i gave her. She said she was afraid that i wouldn't marry her if she told me! Never the less i forgave her for lying to me asked her if she loved me more now; Which she said she did. I asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"... ...few hours later she tells me that her ex was married at time! I was kind of disgusted but let it go thinking to my self "love makes you do crazy things"... as i have done crazy things for her.

A day later she tells me that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend 2 days before our marriage! I got upset and questioned if she truly loved me. She said she did and that she had forgotten about her ex and only loves me. I found this hard to believe, she loved some one so much that she was willing to over look that he was married and then get over him after 2 day! I forgave her again thinking that over time she will forget about him and love me more. At this point i asked her again if there is anything else she would like to tell me and she said "No, this it, honestly"...

A day later she tells me that she had an abortion before marriage! I feel that this is not a small issue; this may have implication when i want to have kids with her. I am upset and i can forgive her no more. I feel as if i have been cheated; she has been dishonest with me and has broke my trust and heart. We have been married for about 1 year, physical together for about 4 months, and she waits until she gets her GC and SSN to tell me all this! I want to yell FRAUD.

I know many people here may be thinking that i should forgive her; her past is her past. I should look towards the future. However for me it is hard to see my future with her. I feel as if i cannot trust her any more; and without trust the relation is not going any where.

I feel as i have been cheated and that she only married me for GC. At times i feel as she does not respect me or my family. I do not want to be with her any more! Should I seek an annulment or divorce? (we are in California). Contact USCIS? ICE? Is this fraud? How do I get her out of my life? Can't seem to get an appointment with lawyer until April!

I am sorry for all that you are facing. I do agree that the decision as regards the future of your relationship is primarily your own. I personally am not in favor of divorce however I cannot advise you to seek one or to refrain from seeking one. It is certainly very hurtful when someone breaks our trust in such extreme ways as she has broken yours. I am kind of wondering if she could intentionally be pushing you away because she actually wants to end the relationship because it doesn't make sense to me why she would keep coming up with fresh tales of torment when you had asked her from the get-go to tell you everything. You are the only one who can really determine what might be going on here and the right course of action.

However, I am not certain there is much you can do at this point to impact her green card status. I actually thought that one of the benefits of filing for a spousal visa is that you immediately get a 10 year green card as opposed to the 2 year conditional green card that you get when you come to the US as a fiancee. I might be mistaken but if I am right then there is definitely nothing you can do even if this is a case of fraud. If she does have a 2 year conditional green card then you can impact her chances of getting a 10 year green card but as has been said, you have a hard job of proving her fraudulent intent while coming into the marriage.

Again, my deepest sympathies for these circumstances. With any luck, you and your wife work through these issues and if not, you pull through this somehow.

Again, my deepest sympathies to you, with any luck you and your wife work through things and ta

[sulhaq 59]

Wow. I just read your post and I am really flabbergasted. I am really sorry for what happened to you.

As others have said before me, divorcing or forgiving her is your own choice that you will have to come to terms with yourself and no one else can help you make that decision.

I would just like to add my two cents and say this: Consider, if this woman told you before marrying you that she just broke up with her *married* ex-boyfriend two days ago whom also had gotten her pregnant, would you have married her? You may very well have, if you were that crazy in love, but I'm guessing any sensibly intelligent man would say no at that point.

Looking from this perspective, it appears to me that the reason she withheld this information was either for the purposes of obtaining a green card, or she is so deeply in love with you she couldn't bear to lose you. That's how it looks like to me, however, only you can decide what to do next.

It is possible that this woman truly did love you, but was scared that she would lose you if she told you all of the above, and hence, kept quiet. However, lying is no way to build a relationship in my opinion, much less marriage, the most important relationship of one's life.

Edited March 19, 2012 by sulhaq

[Xanax 349]

The personal stuff:

I am very sorry you are unhappy and feel betrayed.

If it were me, I would be looking to see if my wife wanted to work on things, if she did then I would not assume fraud; If she did not, I would assume something more fishy.

The GC stuff:

Coming here on a spousal visa gets you a 10 year GC , or is that incorrect? I believe, if she has a 10 year GC the only difference between an immigrant married to a US citizen and one no longer married to a US citizen, comes into play when applying for citizenship/naturalization. You can apply for naturalization if you have been married with the same citizen 3 years after you got the GC, but if you are no longer married, you can apply for citizenship in 5 years (well, 4 years and 9 months, with the respective restrictions for being in the US in the meantime).

The unrelated stuff:

Lastly, just so you know as well, having a "non-complicated" abortion should not hinder your chances of having children, the risk is very low (I know this is off-topic, but you mentioned it and I would hate for you to have misinformation).

[sulhaq 59]

The GC stuff:

Coming here on a spousal visa gets you a 10 year GC , or is that incorrect? I believe, if she has a 10 year GC the only difference between an immigrant married to a US citizen and one no longer married to a US citizen, comes into play when applying for citizenship/naturalization. You can apply for naturalization if you have been married with the same citizen 3 years after you got the GC, but if you are no longer married, you can apply for citizenship in 5 years (well, 4 years and 9 months, with the respective restrictions for being in the US in the meantime).

If the couple has been married for less than 2 years, then the beneficiary is given conditional residence with a green card that is valid for two years, after which the couple must file for removal of conditions. This is when the beneficiary receives the normal "10 year" GC.

If he divorces her, she can still file for removal of conditions after two years, but it is much harder to remove conditions. You have to essentially prove to CIS that your divorce is in no way related to getting immigration benefit and that it just didn't "work out"

If a conditional resident does not file for removal of conditions after 2 years, I think they are now considered illegal. But I may be wrong here.

Edited March 19, 2012 by sulhaq

[Sandra G. 5,016]

She is a cheater and a lier, but her actions not necessarily make her a shammer.

She was having a relationship with another man. Nothing good can come from it, don't you see?!. You deserve better.

[NeedHelp_Fraud 0]

Thank you all for the response.

Her GC expires in 2 years.

If she had told me this before getting married, I would have not married her. But the fact is that I asked her and she lied to me about it. I was nothing but honest with; told her stuff about me that no one else knew. I had told her that the relation between husband and wife needs to be open and trusting. She has broken my trust. Even if she loves me and I love her the trust is just not there.

Even if she lied to me so that she doesn't lose me. How can I explain to my self that she loves me so much that she got over her ex after 2 days! I'm thinking to my self that if she loved him so much that she can over look the fact that he was married, 2 days will not help you forget him. There must have been other motives to lie to me (green card?).

I am all for "making it work". I tried, i really did. But the stuff she lied about were not small (to me at least). I just cannot get my self to trust her. She waited till i forgive her to tell me about her abortion. What if i find out something bigger down the road?

The trust is just not there. How can I get through this quickly? Can I claim that this is fraud? I have no idea how to prove this besides "she said this"/"i said this". Is an annulment possible? Should i be seeking an annulment over divorce?

Edited March 19, 2012 by NeedHelp_Fraud

[NeedHelp_Fraud 0]

I also want to add that when she told me all of this, my first reaction was "I don't want this". She then threatened to commit suicide if i left her. She even ran to the bathroom and tried to drink some bleach; i stopped her. Currently i told her that i am still thinking it over, i need time...

...but inside i have already made my decision, but can't tell her. Divorce/separation is a big deal.

how can i go about this not looking like the bad guy?

[Xanax 349]

How can I get through this quickly? Can I claim that this is fraud?

Not sure that is possible to get it done "quickly", good luck though.

If you "claim" it as fraud that means that you believe it is fraud.

[james&olya 1,121]

or she is so deeply in love with you she couldn't bear to lose you. That's how it looks like to me, however, only you can decide what to do next.

It is possible that this woman truly did love you, but was scared that she would lose you if she told you all of the above, and hence, kept quiet. However, lying is no way to build a relationship in my opinion, much less marriage, the most important relationship of one's life.

No! You don't fall deeply in love with someone and then marry 2 days later! Especially if you are in the middle of an affair that involved a pregnancy and abortion! Even the Kardashian clan would probably acknowledge this! And being that this was an 'arranged' marriage, she was lying from the very beginning! She was a LIAR, is a LIAR, and probably always will be a LIAR! Marriage requires a very deep level of trust. She has violated that in a very fundamental way! Get out now! Don't worry about whether she gets sent back or not. Just take care of yourself and get away from this woman!

[Cautious 7]

I'm sorry about your experience with your wife.

In my opinion, if you no longer trust and/or love her then just divorce her and move on with your wife. Forget about reporting her to ICE for fraud. With the "facts" you have presented I don't see any evidence of fraud. I see evidence of a woman who lied (about issues that are not tolerated and may have strong repercussions in her culture) to keep a man. What she did is not right but its not fraud.

If you were both American citizens no one would be calling this fraud but a woman with skeletons in her closet.

If she was an American woman would you be suing her for fraud in civil or criminal court? If yes, then go ahead with ICE. If no, then divorce her and move on. The best revenge is a life well lived.

[james&olya 1,121]

The best revenge is a life well lived.

If you obsess over her and remain angry and bitter who does that hurt? Only you! Forget her and move on! Find a woman who is honest and will love you as you love her! Make this liar the loser!

[TimeTravel 78]

I also want to add that when she told me all of this, my first reaction was "I don't want this". She then threatened to commit suicide if i left her. She even ran to the bathroom and tried to drink some bleach; i stopped her. Currently i told her that i am still thinking it over, i need time...

...but inside i have already made my decision, but can't tell her. Divorce/separation is a big deal.

how can i go about this not looking like the bad guy?

First thing, either forgive her or divorce , that is your personal decision, and must be decided by you only.

May be, get a plan to send her back in India, and after that, serve the divorce paper. You have to think about what excuse you can put so she is willing to go back to India for some time. If she has threatened to commit suicide, then be careful. You know, Indian girls are emotionally, and if she did something wrong, then it may create big trouble for you.

Edited March 20, 2012 by iwaiting