What are our options?

[Annalise 0]

So I met this guy while studying abroad in Manila, and went through the process for a fiancee Visa.

He came over in April and we got married in June. We just had his biometrics appointment, there isn't yet a green card or adjustment of status.

And sadly it's just not working. There's no fraud, I think we both just haven't gotten what we expected from the marriage and it's essentially over. He doesn't want a divorce, but I do (he does not know yet).

I'm not opposed to him staying, but not with my sponsorship. Is there any way for him to stay, without my being financially responsible for him?

I know we must work quickly, having read the forum posts here. I'm confused because they asked for an affidavit of support, but I had given them one with the original packet.

I have several questions, for people who would be so kind as to help. My time online without his knowing what I'm looking at, is limited:

-- What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval?

-- Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one?

-- Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ... or does he have to stay while I get things done? He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?)

And the hardest of all ... any recommendations on how to manage the process without him going crazy on me?

[Annalise 0]

Also, at the risk of sounding like "Something Borrowed" ...

There is this other guy, also a classmate from Manila, whom I'd written off as just a best friend sort of person. If something were to materialize with him, could I apply for another fiancee visa? I'm sure it'd be tough to explain, but surely it's happened before. I just don't want to invest in that relationship if it's not possible to get him here.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

i think you need to be honest with your husband and then take some time out to figure out what you really want lol

[Jojo92122 1,924]

So I met this guy while studying abroad in Manila, and went through the process for a fiancee Visa.

He came over in April and we got married in June. We just had his biometrics appointment, there isn't yet a green card or adjustment of status.

And sadly it's just not working. There's no fraud, I think we both just haven't gotten what we expected from the marriage and it's essentially over. He doesn't want a divorce, but I do (he does not know yet).

I'm not opposed to him staying, but not with my sponsorship. Is there any way for him to stay, without my being financially responsible for him? No. The only way for a person who enters on a K-1 visa (fiancee visa) to be legal in the US is for the K-1 petitioner (you) to file the I-864 and be financially responsible. Divorce does not end your financial commitment.

I know we must work quickly, having read the forum posts here. I'm confused because they asked for an affidavit of support, but I had given them one with the original packet.

I have several questions, for people who would be so kind as to help. My time online without his knowing what I'm looking at, is limited:

-- What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval?

-- Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one?

-- Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ... or does he have to stay while I get things done? He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?)

And the hardest of all ... any recommendations on how to manage the process without him going crazy on me?

You have two choices.

Choice 1: Withdraw the I-864, I-130, etc. Your husband will need to leave the US or live here as an illegal. The two of you can file for a divorce. The divorce proceedings will take time (some states have a waiting period - CA is 6 months) and your husband can participate even if outside the US.

Choice 2: Go through with the process. Whether your husband gets a green card will be dependent upon how you present your marriage. If you tell them the truth that the marriage is weak or you are planning on a divorce, the adjustment will be denied. Are you willing to present your marriage as a bona fide marriage??? There is a potential for charges of immigration fraud. You will be on the hook financially.

Go have a consultation with a divorce lawyer. Then go get a consultation with an immigration lawyer.

Edited August 27, 2011 by Jojo92122

[Boiler 45,658]

-- What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval?

Withdraw the petition.

-- Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one?

Refuse to do a new one

-- Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ... or does he have to stay while I get things done? He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?)

You can not send him home, you can offer to buy the ticket. He would start over again.

Also, at the risk of sounding like "Something Borrowed" ...

There is this other guy, also a classmate from Manila, whom I'd written off as just a best friend sort of person. If something were to materialize with him, could I apply for another fiancee visa? I'm sure it'd be tough to explain, but surely it's happened before. I just don't want to invest in that relationship if it's not possible to get him here.

Why not just take a break?

[Jojo92122 1,924]

-- What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval?

Withdraw the petition.

-- Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one?

Refuse to do a new one

-- Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ... or does he have to stay while I get things done? He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?)

You can not send him home, you can offer to buy the ticket. He would start over again.

Why not just take a break?

You can't take a break during the adjustment of status. The K-1 visa is no longer valid. The husband's legal status to be in the US is dependent upon the adjustment. The wife either goes through with the process or not.

So I met this guy while studying abroad in Manila, and went through the process for a fiancee Visa.

He came over in April and we got married in June. We just had his biometrics appointment, there isn't yet a green card or adjustment of status.

And sadly it's just not working. There's no fraud, I think we both just haven't gotten what we expected from the marriage and it's essentially over. He doesn't want a divorce, but I do (he does not know yet).

I'm not opposed to him staying, but not with my sponsorship. Is there any way for him to stay, without my being financially responsible for him? No. The only way for a person who enters on a K-1 visa (fiancee visa) to be legal in the US is for the K-1 petitioner (you) to file the I-864 and be financially responsible. Divorce does not end your financial commitment.

I know we must work quickly, having read the forum posts here. I'm confused because they asked for an affidavit of support, but I had given them one with the original packet.

I have several questions, for people who would be so kind as to help. My time online without his knowing what I'm looking at, is limited:

-- What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval? Your choice. You need to make the decision to proceed knowing that you are on the hook financially or end the process before your husband is granted a green card.

-- Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one? If you want to end the process, you need to withdraw the AOS. Refusing to send a new one in may not be enough to stop the process since USCIS can just rely on the old one. The process could continue with the old I-864.

-- Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ... or does he have to stay while I get things done? He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?) His family cannot pick up his sponsorship from you. Only the K-1 petitioner can help a person who arrives in the US on a K-1 visa to adjust. If his family wants to sponsor him, he has to go home and start over.

And the hardest of all ... any recommendations on how to manage the process without him going crazy on me? All you can do is tell him the truth. Have friends and family be there if you think he is going to go crazy on you. There is no way for him to remain legally in the US unless he is married to you and you agree to the obligations in the I-864. (Of course, he will tell you he would never sue under the I-864 and you don't need to worry about it. No tells a person, I am going to do it and you are going to have to pay.)

You have two choices.

Choice 1: Withdraw the I-864, I-130, etc. Your husband will need to leave the US or live here as an illegal. The two of you can file for a divorce. The divorce proceedings will take time (some states have a waiting period - CA is 6 months) and your husband can participate even if outside the US.

Choice 2: Go through with the process. Whether your husband gets a green card will be dependent upon how you present your marriage. If you tell them the truth that the marriage is weak or you are planning on a divorce, the adjustment will be denied. Are you willing to present your marriage as a bona fide marriage??? There is a potential for charges of immigration fraud. You will be on the hook financially.

Go have a consultation with a divorce lawyer. Then go get a consultation with an immigration lawyer.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

fiancee Visa. He came over in April and we got married in June.

We just had his biometrics appointment, there isn't yet a green card or adjustment of status.

He doesn't want a divorce, but I do (he does not know yet).

I'm not opposed to him staying, but not with my sponsorship. Is there any way for him to stay, without my being financially responsible for him?

I know we must work quickly, having read the forum posts here. I'm confused because they asked for an affidavit of support, but I had given them one with the original packet.

I have several questions, for people who would be so kind as to help. My time online without his knowing what I'm looking at, is limited:

1. What should I do first, since we are so close to the green card approval?

2. Do I withdraw the affidavit of support that I gave last year, or just refuse to do the new one?

3. Is it best to just send him home ASAP, and start divorce proceedings, and stop the immigration ...

4. or does he have to stay while I get things done?

5. He has family here whom he can stay with (could they pick up his sponsorship from me, or would he have to go home and start over?)

6. any recommendations on how to manage the process without him going crazy on me?

I've edited your post above with the most important statements and will answer them in the order they apply.

There IS adjustment of status in that you've applied for it. When you filed for his AOS you sent an I-864. Some K1's are approved without interview so if you REALLY don't want to be his sponsor you need to withdraw your I-864 ASAP.

There is NO way for him to stay without you being financially responsible for him. He can leave and re-enter in another manner (if he's eligible) but he entered on a K1 and either needs to adjust status based on marriage to you, or leave.

You sent of the Adjustment of Status paperwork which included the I-864. Unless you were also required to submit an I-864 at the K1 stage (some consulates require it) then all you need to do is contact USCIS and pull the I-864. You should do this ASAP because once the AOS is approved then the I-864 is legally binding.

1. Withdraw the i-864 ASAP. You don't have to be divorced to do this. Read Darnell's post here: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/316302-betrayed-need-advice-to-cancel-aos/page__view__findpost__p__4740872

2. What do you mean withdraw the one you gave "last year"? Have you already submitted an I-864 and it's been accepted? Or are you talking about one you sent with the AOS packet? You don't have a timeline so you'll need to outline your process because I think you've got some terms confused. The I-134 is usually submitted at the K1 stage and is not legally binding, the i-864 is what matters.

3. You cannot "send him home", as someone else said. You can buy him a ticket, you can withdraw your I-864, you can divorce him but the decision to leave is his

4. He doesn't have to stay to get the divorce through.

5. His family cannot "pick up" the sponsorship because he arrived on a K1. You withdraw your support, the AOS is cancelled and he needs to leave or he becomes illegal

6. No-one can tell you that as we don't know what he's like. I would suggest that you not be alone with him (he can accuse you of abuse and try and get the GC that way). As your spouse he is entitled to live in the marital home. Even after divorce you cannot just change the locks and kick him out (unless he's already out and living somewhere else). So it would be best to have him leave of his own accord. I don't know what he's like so I don't know whether you should have someone there when you tell him you want a divorce, or whether he would find this really embarrassing. You could do it at a lunch or somewhere out where he couldn't make too huge a scene.. or he could and you'd be embarrassed and then there's the issue of what if you came in the same car...(or explaining why you shouldn't).

The when and how to divorce is up to you of course and we can't really advise you there, but as for the I-864 you need to pull it if you don't want to be on the hook for his financial support.

Edited August 28, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[sachinky 465]

If you are sure that the marriage is over and you do not want to be on the hook for him, financially speaking, you need to withdraw the I864 ASAP via a notarized statement to USCIS. His AOS will be denied and he will be out of status. He will need to return home and start over, if he is eligible, that is. Sponsorship cannot be transferred. As a K-1 entrant, he can only adjust his status via his original USC petitioner.

[Annalise 0]

Thank you all for the information. It is quite possible I didn't notice there are different form numbers for the Affidavit of Support. I thought I had submitted one with our initial application; it sounds like that wasn't the i-864, but another form.

Yeah, obviously I need to take some time and think about things before trying to bring another man over here. I had no intent to jump straight from one to the other, even if it were possible. But while I'm admitting to my mistake I figured I'd be humble and honest enough to mention that I might go through all this again, if I can.

I *really* appreciate all the advice about how to go about telling him I've withdrawn my support, and what happens after. I hadn't considered the possibility of an abuse claim. We do have a roommate, which might help avoid absurdities like that. And by "send him home" I was being glib; of course I mean offer a ticket home.

One variation I'm pondering was offering that he spend a few days with family on his way home (buying him a ticket to see them, and to depart from there back to Manila). Does this have some potential for disaster I'm not seeing?

He's not an #######, and doesn't strike me as dishonest except in that passive-aggressive, covering up tiny mistakes due to a lack of self esteem way. The worst I can say is he's been lazy, and unrealistic in his expectations, and has surprised me by being completely devoid of ambition or drive. So he doesn't support my goals and has no aspirations of his own except to watch TV all day. He seems very proud of his self-image as a good boy who is very well behaved, honest, upstanding, etc., so I hope that carries him through this process with some grace.

He knows I'm unhappy and that I think we made a mistake.

[Annalise 0]

Yup. I have not filled out an i-864. Whew.

So, a notarized letter to USCIS is next? No form to fill out, just a letter?

[Boiler 45,658]

Just a letter.

[TBoneTX 45,498]

The advice above is sound. By the way, thank you for your consummate literacy, which is refreshing and (sadly) rare on this site.

Please keep us apprised of everything that happens until the situation is resolved.

[Operator 1,927]

The advice above is sound. By the way, thank you for your consummate literacy, which is refreshing and (sadly) rare on this site.

Please keep us apprised of everything that happens until the situation is resolved.

Ibid

[VanessaTony 3,567]

One variation I'm pondering was offering that he spend a few days with family on his way home (buying him a ticket to see them, and to depart from there back to Manila). Does this have some potential for disaster I'm not seeing?

I would think that would be a nice thing for you to do. Problem is we can never really know how someone would react. I would make sure you've send the withdrawal letter BEFORE telling him about the divorce or buying him the ticket, main reason being so your letter beats any accusations of abuse.

What he COULD do is:

- not take the flight. That doesn't really affect you though because you've let USCIS know the relationship isn't progressing forward

- accuse you of abuse and try and get his GC that way. You've sent your letter to USCIS letting them know the relationship is over, you've got someone living with you who can attest to no abuse.

There could even be other things that you or I couldn't think of but he does. I truly think though that if you handle this in a calm and friendly manner, and he is good person then you have nothing to worry about. Relationships end but it doesn't have to be bad. Hopefully he's a rational person, and someone who doesn't feel immigration is his "right".

[TheOptimist 22]

Hi Annalise,

If you have filed the I-134 and NOT the AOS affidavit, you could possibly look at what you are actually on the hook for.

The I-134 is for the non-immigrant portion of the visa which has less stringent requirements and is des