Divorce-Sad story

[Anh map 2,098]

Thank you for the posts,if someone can help me and tell me the forms that i need to start whit please.

To file a lawsuit you need to go to the court where he lives and file suit. Not something that you can do long distance.

[Utha 10]

I am sorry i dont know the law in US, i just wanna say sorry for what u experienced. Time gonna heal you, one day you will find better than him. Just more be aware about man. Dont let this experience ruin the rest of your life.

[Someone Sad 14]

Has anyone any idea if it is possible and what i have to do to find that voicemail from her again?

Do i need to go to the cellphone company,or i need an order from a judge to do that?

I would like to use that in the court,plus the messages from his cellphone that went to her cellphone.It is legaly something like this if i am acussing him of cheating?Where do i need to go to ask for this?In the court?

I am just wondering how can i find proofs in front of imigrations about what happened

He erased that voicemail and has a password to his voicemail!

Edited February 10, 2011 by Someone Sad

[Someone Sad 14]

Wow, really? even if their exes cheated on them or so?

@ someone sad : I really understand your feeling because I used to stop my husband from talking to his ex who was in relationship with him for 7 years. Thanks God he listened to me and let the past go to start new life with me. I guess your husband still has some feelings for her because he still keeps her photos. visit her family and doesn't treat you good..blah blah.. I hate that kinda guy who thinks of his exes more than new ones and am always afraid of being overshadowed by exes. If he couldn't let it go, why would he marry you and then break your heart? He's totally wrong. I hope you will be able to get rid of him soon and finish your study. One day you will find a better man who at the end of the day,loves you the most.

About this discussion,he had a 6 years relation whit a girl and never mention about it.

And yes i really think he has an obsession for his ex that was 3 months whit her.This girl dumbed him to be back whit her ex,the one whom is her husband now and they have 2 kids.

I could kind of understand and try to help him if it was a long relation,but he was only 3 months whit her.

If somone who readed al my post thinks that he dosen't have an obsession please tell me the opinion that has.

[keka 1]

i´m really sad !!!

I have a little experience like that , my husband use to talk a lot about his ex , they have a little bad broke up , and i try to deal but it was really hard , and one day i told him why he was doing that , maybe he didnt notice what he was doing , and he have not to much friends so in a way i understand i was the only person that he can talk to . . finally he said "i´m sorry honey i didnt see that i was hurting you , this is not going to happen again" . . and thanks god that was true and we are finally done with the EX ghost . .

If you give that money to him , maybe he dont have :S , but if you give that money to the place with your name or personal check? you can go and ask for it i think , but yes , you need to back there and its not going to be easy but you need to be strong , you can find better opportunities in ALL areas.

ALmost all the info you can find it online , try to find the requirements for get a divorce and move on! , i know its going to be hard but you need time for this , cheer up girl!

[Boiler 43,561]

Most States do not require you to show fault, in fact I though most European countries operated on a similar basis.

So check to see what your State requirements are, assuming you are looking to divorce in the US.

[Laser1 63]

Being friends with exes is indeed American way

If you can not handle it though, then there are underlying issues in your relationship...

True, that's quite common, especially when there are kids involved. However, it is his responsibility to explain his situation, and to do what he can to make her feel welcome and in control, and it is her choice whether to accept it.

Edited February 11, 2011 by Laser1

[MamaAsiya 8]

Hello,

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. Take care of yourself - exercise, eat healthy and see a psychologist for the depression.

His behavior sounds strange and wrong in many ways. Unless I misunderstood, there doesn't seem to be evidence of infidelity. If you are still in love with him, you should consider marriage counseling. If you have already made your decision then you can find more information about filing for divorce at nolo.com. The laws are different from state to state. You need to file in the state you resided and it may be possible to do it online or by mail (although very unlikely). I believe most states have "no fault" divorces, meaning it does not matter who did what (including infidelity). The nolo website can answer this about the state in your case. You also may be eligible for a fee waiver - essentially allowing you to file for divorce without payment. There are many resources available to aid you. If you were in CA you can PM me and I will send you some helpful links.

Best wishes to you.

[Jim&Natasha 24]

wow. thats really sad! I am so sorry ...

I can only agree with the others. go back to the U.S.

get urself a lawyer and then sue every single penny he owns u out of him.

go on with ur life! there r many nice men out there! I am sure u ill find one.

see it from the good point. u found out what an idiot he is before u got kids. he and his ex truly deserve each other. u deserve better!

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!

MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!

Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!

This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.

This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.

SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?

If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?

First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.

So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!

It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.

Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.

I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.

There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.

To the original poster, here are my suggestions:

1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.

2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.

3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.

4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.

5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.

Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

Edited February 11, 2011 by Jim&Natasha

[cookieandcream 10]

where are you from in europe?

because I would just stay were you are, in general school is not expensive in europe unlike in the US,

I would just start working and tell him I won't come back.

To be honest the ex story is immature but not that weird to me. My uncle is still friends with his ex wife family and his new wife is ok with it.

Good luck to you,

My advise is your health is the most precious thing you have ( worth way more than 10000 euros ) so feel better and leave him, he sounds very childish, is he young??

[Jim&Natasha 24]

I have one more suggestion for you. I read the part that what you really want from your time in the USA is to be able to go to school for classes that are available here, and not so readily available where you are from.

6) Try to negotiate with him to get a signed agreement that he will pay $5,000 towards your school, or whatever amount you think will leave you feeling you have been treated close to fair. I chose $5000 because it is half of the $10,000 of your money that you are angry about. He can do this by paying your tuition, or any combination of support that helps you $5,000 worth towards school. Maybe giving you a car, whatever would help, if it prevented $5,000 in costs you would otherwise have. You need this agreement to be in writing and, at the divorce (separation) proceedings, have that agreement entered into the record by the judge as an "agreed order". Afterwards, if he does not honor this order, then you can have it enforced in court, and get a judgment against him, and he will have to pay your attorney fees. Also, if you have a judgment against him, you can have the money garnished (taken against his will) from his paychecks by his employer.

[Someone Sad 14]

This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.

SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?

If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?

First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.

So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!

There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.

To the original poster, here are my suggestions:

1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.

2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.

3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.

4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.

5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.

I think your post was a little bit rude.

I will answer you to some things you sayed.

"This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away."

Wich part says i want to control him?I am not the jealous tipe of person,if i woulded be like that i would saw the photos of his ex in his cellphone before to get married and not after.I never looked through his cellphone.

I tryed to excuse him in every possible way,and as peoaple are saying,let's say how you will excuse the fact that when i text his ex gf to sto sending him messages,rather the saying they are just friends,she start to be rude and say very bad things.

"SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him"?

You haven't read my posts...i never asked for a big fancy wedding,and as i say we had an agreement whit my fatherinlaw.

I am saying again i don't want the house,or car,i feel that i have been played by him,and what is so crazy to ask my money back?

And about your last comment of how did i saved so much money,im working since i was 17,and yes i was working like a housekeeper too...i am 27....and i mention those were my savings.

He sayed he will pay for my school,but when i got here was telling me to stop follow my dream and do a normal job.

[Someone Sad 14]

I have one more suggestion for you. I read the part that what you really want from your time in the USA is to be able to go to school for classes that are available here, and not so readily available where you are from.

6) Try to negotiate with him to get a signed agreement that he will pay $5,000 towards your school, or whatever amount you think will leave you feeling you have been treated close to fair. I chose $5000 because it is half of the $10,000 of your money that you are angry about. He can do this by paying your tuition, or any combination of support that helps you $5,000 worth towards school. Maybe giving you a car, whatever would help, if it prevented $5,000 in costs you would otherwise have. You need this agreement to be in writing and, at the divorce (separation) proceedings, have that agreement entered into the record by the judge as an "agreed order". Afterwards, if he does not honor this order, then you can have it enforced in court, and get a judgment against him, and he will have to pay your attorney fees. Also, if you have a judgment against him, you can have the money garnished (taken against his will) from his paychecks by his employer.

And to reply to number five,if u woulded read my posts, i have no family.And i sayed i am not intresting to stay in USA,after get my license i sayed i want to go back.

[rika60607 215]

Mmmmm... well, naked pics may be a different story... She never said they were naked pics.

...but at the same time, me, personally, I would laugh about it and tease my man

Seriously??? You have to be out of your mind saying things like that... Being friends and keeping pictures are two different things... Just imagine how would you feel if under your hood you find naked pictures of your husband ex...

@ divorce sad

Im sorry for what you have to go thru... I had something like this in my life too.. I don't really have an advice for you besides keep your head up and don't let this thing bother you... It's hard i know. But you deserve better! Hope you will figure it out ! Good luck!!

[rika60607 215]

Someone Sad,

what is that special education you want to get? May be someone here can advise you on the best/most affordable option.

Let's forget about the emotional part... you want to go to school. You can do it by remaining in the US by preserving your immigration status (what is it? Do you have a conditional green card?) or by returning back home and obtaining an F-1 visa.

Either way, you should start by finding the educational institution you want to attend and finding their requirements for admittance/ payment options.

Once you know which school you want to go to, you will know how much money you need for it. Then you could deal with your divorce/immigration.

Divorce is easiest if amicable. If you two agree on the terms of divorce, it can be quick and cheap. There is no need to prove his fault to a divorce judge. If you have a conditional GC there is no need to prove his fault to immigration either.