strange situation...

[Dee600 0]

True

Wow... marriage and immigration isnt like "buyers remorse". You cant just ask for a refund and walk away! You married this woman, brought her to a new country and then ABANDONED her... thats terrible. I dont usually get judgemental on these forums, but this is unreasonable!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

thanks for the response everyone.

here's some more insight into the situation, i'm a vietnamese american. i agreed to marry this girl under the influence of my parents. so she has been living under my parents house, which also happens to be my legal residence.

so, to end things.... i need to first withdraw my sponsorship, then file for divorce, correct?

she doesn't want to file for divorce. she demands that i get her the green card. this is illegal and i'm not willing to do that. on top of that, i've been away for a year and half, that would totally look suspicious to USCIS.

again, thanks for any information.

You are correct, you first need to withdraw your sponsorship. You stated in your OP that you wrote them a letter saying you didn't want to be the sponsor anymore. That should have cancelled everything. You should have received a letter from USCIS confirming it, or she would have received a denial notice.

Whether you're divorced or not she can't stay in the US. It would be easier on you (and her) to get the divorce done before she leaves but as soon as they received that letter withdrawing support, they should have sent her a denial notice, giving her 30 days to leave the country. I suggest you call USCIS (if you have the application details) to confirm that it's been cancelled (in case she's not telling you).

I disagree with everyone saying you abandoned her. You simply want to end the relationship, that's hardly abandonment. She can't get VAWA just because you decided the relationship wasn't working. You didn't withhold AOS from her. She was left in the support of your family. She might try, but I doubt she will succeed unless you've been bashing her.

**Edit - I would not go back "home" while she is there. You open the door to her accusing you of abuse and getting the GC that way. You can file for divorce now or later. The sooner the better in my opinion. She might try and fight it and unless she has somewhere else to go she'll probably stay at your parents house so you'll need somewhere else to live.

Edited December 12, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[ml82 1]

thanks vanessa&tony. i know how this may appear to someone reading this thread, and can understand the judgments being made. but this situation is a bit more complex than i may be portraying it. the wedding was sort of an arranged marriage and i (naively) agreed to it.

i have another question, if she leaves before the divorce is settled. what will happen? can i still divorce her even if she is not physically in the US anymore?

[Anh map 2,098]

thanks vanessa&tony. i know how this may appear to someone reading this thread, and can understand the judgments being made. but this situation is a bit more complex than i may be portraying it. the wedding was sort of an arranged marriage and i (naively) agreed to it.

i have another question, if she leaves before the divorce is settled. what will happen? can i still divorce her even if she is not physically in the US anymore?

Yes, it will be granted.

If you don't want to be married anymore don't let anyone bully you into it. The Viet family pressures can be tough.

[mkl 0]

SHOW MERCY TO YOUR WIFE...BESIDE EVEN YOUR PARENT'S INFLUENCE YOU, GOD GIVE YOU WISDOM.SO THINK CAREFULLY AND SEARCH YOUR CONSCIENCE, DONT TREAT THIS POOR LADY IN YOUR ON SELFISHNESS.MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

[amykathleen2005 441]

thanks vanessa&tony. i know how this may appear to someone reading this thread, and can understand the judgments being made. but this situation is a bit more complex than i may be portraying it. the wedding was sort of an arranged marriage and i (naively) agreed to it.

i have another question, if she leaves before the divorce is settled. what will happen? can i still divorce her even if she is not physically in the US anymore?

If you had an arranged marriage then your wife is probably as distraught as you are about the marriage not working out. The only problem is that SHE is one who left her family, possessions and life in her home country to be with you. You lose effectively nothing in this ordeal, so I hope you can at least think of her as a person with feelings and a reputation to uphold at home before you disgrace her and send her packing.

[james&olya 1,121]

Wow... marriage and immigration isnt like "buyers remorse". You cant just ask for a refund and walk away! You married this woman, brought her to a new country and then ABANDONED her... thats terrible. I dont usually get judgemental on these forums, but this is unreasonable!

Agreed!

[George & Gina 29]

hi everyone, i need your help.

so here is my situation: i met a girl in vietnam when i was there with my family and we decided to marry. she came over to the states under a k1 visa and we got married in the states. i had to leave to go overseas to work for a year. i realized everything was going too fast and wanted to cancel everything. USCIS sent me a letter for our AOS appointment but i didn't attend. they postponed it. i then wrote them a letter stating that i didn't want to be her sponsor anymore. i just went to end this marriage once and for all.

she tells me she can not go back even if she wanted to because she is married to me, but from my understanding, that doesn't mean anything right?

currently, i am still working overseas and trying to figure out this whole mess i got myself into. here are a couple of questions i have as well.... if she gets deported, am i still legally married to her? if so, how could i file for a divorce?

any help is very appreciated, thanks guys.

The girl you met in Vietnam is not a puppy. You cannot just "cancel everything" and send her back to the pet store because you don't want her anymore. It sounds to me like you want to just abandon her, is this the case? Yes, you legally married her and you will remain that way until you're legally divorced. This is a real person you're talking about, you brought her halfway around the world and married her...do you not feel any sense of obligation? How long were you married before you left her in a strange country to fend for herself?

I'm just not sure what the proper response is to this one...some "people" are just inconsiderate, self-centered....

[George & Gina 29]

She came, they married , she has fullfilled the requirements of the K1, He has abandoned her, opening up the possibility of an VAWA filing ( mental abuse counts) . He needs to talk to a lawyer like Marc Ellis and find out what he can do and also what her options are.

How about "she" needs to call a lawyer. This guy seems like a complete s___head. She needs to call a lawyer and file that VAWA claim ASAP.

+1

If you really just sincerely 'changed your mind', I hope she can be successful with VAWA and an abandonment claim. That's really unkind to pluck her from her life, then leave her with no options.

[George & Gina 29]

thanks for the response everyone.

here's some more insight into the situation, i'm a vietnamese american. i agreed to marry this girl under the influence of my parents. so she has been living under my parents house, which also happens to be my legal residence.

so, to end things.... i need to first withdraw my sponsorship, then file for divorce, correct?

she doesn't want to file for divorce. she demands that i get her the green card. this is illegal and i'm not willing to do that. on top of that, i've been away for a year and half, that would totally look suspicious to USCIS.

again, thanks for any information.

Your being away for a year and a half will probably look suspicious to a divorce judge also. I can hear that VAWA claim coming...

Wow... marriage and immigration isnt like "buyers remorse". You cant just ask for a refund and walk away! You married this woman, brought her to a new country and then ABANDONED her... thats terrible. I dont usually get judgemental on these forums, but this is unreasonable!

+1

[George & Gina 29]

If you had an arranged marriage then your wife is probably as distraught as you are about the marriage not working out. The only problem is that SHE is one who left her family, possessions and life in her home country to be with you. You lose effectively nothing in this ordeal, so I hope you can at least think of her as a person with feelings and a reputation to uphold at home before you disgrace her and send her packing.

He doesn't seem in the least bit "distraught" to me. Looks like he's just trying to get rid of his wife/obligation in the quickest and easiest way possible.

[Dee600 0]

Come on have a heart even if it was arrange or not you guys were married I bet urll did grow folks business and had at least some special time with her,the less u can do is help her get a life here ,u guys took her out of all she knew,all of us want a better life to help someone is gonna help u inthe long run,America was built on immigrants so am up for helping the world if I have 2

[yohino 22]

hi everyone, i need your help.

so here is my situation: i met a girl in vietnam when i was there with my family and we decided to marry. she came over to the states under a k1 visa and we got married in the states. i had to leave to go overseas to work for a year. i realized everything was going too fast and wanted to cancel everything. USCIS sent me a letter for our AOS appointment but i didn't attend. they postponed it. i then wrote them a letter stating that i didn't want to be her sponsor anymore. i just went to end this marriage once and for all.

she tells me she can not go back even if she wanted to because she is married to me, but from my understanding, that doesn't mean anything right?

currently, i am still working overseas and trying to figure out this whole mess i got myself into. here are a couple of questions i have as well.... if she gets deported, am i still legally married to her? if so, how could i file for a divorce?

any help is very appreciated, thanks guys.

As long as you haven't completed the AOS you aren't resposiple for anything. If you have submitted your AOS papers you should contact USCIS and withdraw your (I-864) support, without it she has to return to her home country.

That would be an un-biased answer to your question.

Edited December 13, 2010 by yohino

[staceluvyou 6]

thanks for the response everyone.

here's some more insight into the situation, i'm a vietnamese american. i agreed to marry this girl under the influence of my parents. so she has been living under my parents house, which also happens to be my legal residence.

so, to end things.... i need to first withdraw my sponsorship, then file for divorce, correct?

she doesn't want to file for divorce. she demands that i get her the green card. this is illegal and i'm not willing to do that. on top of that, i've been away for a year and half, that would totally look suspicious to USCIS.

again, thanks for any information.

well i don't c her do nothing wrong here, she gave up everything in her country to b with you, and i don't think she should suffer bcuz you change ur mind. you should have told your parents you did'nt want to marry her, i think the least you can do is let she get her papers and then divorce her and send her on her merry ways.

[dolphin1 5]

I was going to say the same thing. There are tons of topics like this, ''i dont want her or him anymore, and i want to send them back'' really? this is a nice country but it's not the heaven, if you send her back she will still eat, drink, breath.. same as here. For God's sake people, marriage and immigration ####### are not video games, you play with and discard them after enjoyment becomes boredom.