Update: Final hearing

[Merrillizer 0]

For those wondering, I went to the final hearing yesterday with my wife from Moldova. I planned on battling, but somewhere along the line I decided to lay down my arms and do what was best for the girl that I married. I fired my attorney. I showed up yesterday Pro-Se. I showed the Judge my evidence (the marriage fraud contract signed by wife) and witness testimony to her statements about the marriage "not being real" and that I was "never her ideal husband to begin with". After showing the evidence, the Judge was extremely interested in my case, and focused all of his attention toward. After a questions, I then requested that I be allowed to withdraw my annulment petition so that my wife can have her divorce that she needs for her self-petition. I decided that the love should win over the hate, and that I should do what was best for her because I did genuinely love and care about her. I no longer wanted to make things harder for her. I made it clear to the judge why I was doing this, but also made it clear that I had shown my evidence first to show the court that there were definite red flags and suspect behavior from my wife which caused me to feel as though I may have been used. I wanted the court and her attorney to see my reasons for my petition to annul. Her (free) attorney tried to object to almost everything I said, and also made up some silly rule that said I was not allowed to talk about anything pertaining to immigration. The Judge scoffed and overruled her, and allowed every bit of my testimony, and firmly stated that the immigration aspect of our relationship and case was THEE most important part of the puzzle. Her lawyer tried to content that the restraining order from April 1oth was the most important bit, the judge disagreed because she didnt make false allegations of abuse and try to get a restraining order until 35 days after she had already abandoned me and the marriage. The Judge spent most of his time on me, and then talk went to outstanding debts. I told him what I believed my wife should have to pay to help close accounts and pay off debts that were incurred during the marriage. To my wives dismay, the judge agreed and said an order for payment would be included in theh divorce decree. I know for sure this boiled her blood because she did not want to have to pay a dime, and her attorney was making it clear that she did not want to pay for anything. The concensus was, that because my wife claims that the marriage was in fact legitimate and her love for me was genuine, that she should have to uphold and live up to her marital responsibilities and duties. She says the marriage was real, so she should be considered 50% of it. The judge explained to her that marriage is not a one-party outing, it's a mutual legally binding relationship, and she have to help end it properly.

I had effectively blown her attorney out of the water by surprisingly backing off and my move destroyed their whole offensive plan, because they expected me to battle and put witnesses on the stand etc. I decided the thing to do would be to help my wife, and just get it over with. At least this way, I will get some money to help pay off these debts. She gets her green card, and can ride my name in to the green card sunset now. I hope she is happy, that's all I want.

She did however refuse to answer questions regarding her inconsistencies and red flags during the marriage. I had hopes that we would be able to end things amicably, and she would be forthright and honest about things and give us answers so that we could all achieve closure. She chose not do so, so my mother and I are kind of still left with a feeling of maybe being used and abandoned. But that's the way she decided to leave it.

I still miss her, and I wish there were a better way for us. But I wish her well...

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Sounds like it's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make those baby steps on the way to regaining control of your life.

I'm sorry for all you have been through. Good luck for the future, I hope you can find happiness once more.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Ellie-and-David

[CA dreamer 3]

u r a real brave man.hard times we pass make us wiser.wish you best of luck,hate will bring more hate.

[trillium13 84]

Good luck Merrilizer. Hopefully you will find closure here and can get on with your life, without any bitterness.

[TBoneTX 45,498]

Good luck Merrilizer. Hopefully you will find closure here and can get on with your life, without any bitterness.

Si, man.

[macutelit 0]

Good luck

[TracyTN 237]

I think you took the classy way out, and what she did shows a lot about her character too (not in a good way). Am glad you'll get some help w/ the finances too. Best of luck to you.

[milimelo 4,500]

Good luck Merrillizer! At least this chapter is finally closed and you can move on with your life.

[twellspeak 0]

Thanks for the update, I've been wondering how things worked out for you. Best of luck in the future.

[Ban Hammer 13,400]

thanks for the update. i think you were the bigger person throughout all of this.

[NArocks 13]

Glad to see some of that HATE you had subside. Good Luck to you in the future

[Sarah and Aris 0]

Its great to know that everything worked out ok. Good luck to you.

[Merrillizer 0]

thank you all. it's been a tough road. i thought i should mention that this site helped us a lot when we first sent her AOS. unfortunately, we didnt find this site and forum until a few days after we originally sent the AOS around january 12th, and we did end up getting an RFE. but after that we were ok. well, until things got messed up between us lol.

i really dont think that she appreciates what i did for her, but maybe someday she will. i did it for her, so now at least I know that MY love for her was real and genuine. i know for sure that if i never really loved her, i would not have done what i did on monday morning. i do know she loved me, but it was to admit when i was upset, sad and angry that she walked out the way she did then lied about everything she was doing. but i felt her love, she took care of me and our house etc. so it hurts a lot to know i have lost the most important person in my life, forever. and its harder to deal with when i think about how many times i couldve prevented this from happening. but its best to remain positive, but yeah, that was hard to do for a few months lol.

wow, i cant believe how fast this summer has gone by. cant believe its almost september again already.....

thanks again to you all. if this ever happens to someone else, i feel your pain and please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to. i know how it goes....

p.s. i plan on writing a book about this experience. i guess i could post back sometime if it ever comes to fruition.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Merrillizer

[Lili 3]

You have a good heart by being the better person in this. I hope you find some closure. *hugs* I have been following your story since the beginning and I am so sorry.

[rebeccajo 14]

An interesting final installment.

Good luck to you.