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verysadman

Wife Deceived Me (

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My wife came here on Cr1 visa, before we got married she said, she likes to have kids, she said we can plan 1 year after marriage.

 

It's been 3 years since we are married, she told me yesterday she would never want to have kids with me.

 

She says on one condition she can have kids, that is if I stop all contact with my daughter from my previous marriage.

 

She is very jealous of me and she says kids are scum of the earth, and that they ruin one's life. I want kids.

 

She says she loves me very much and she does not want any kids because she cannot give me any attention.

 

I don't know what to do. If I get divorced this will be my second one.

 

I did a big mistake by marrying her and I think I rushed in to this marriage.

 

Has any one gone through this kind of issue here ?

Edited by verysadman

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You said it's been 3 years since you've been married, so she is well past the CPR stage and all? Did she apply to be a citizen? There's no retaliation you can have against her immigration status just from the details you have provided. 

 

Best thing you can do personally is think about whether or not you want to remain with this woman who is so jealous that she cannot recognize your love for your daughter is a separate love for a wife/life partner. 

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This definately sounds like a matter between the two of you. Sounds like she definately had a change of heart, or at least changed her mind about the kid situation.

 

As to her status she could continue with her ROC on her own if you two divorced.

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8 hours ago, Ebunoluwa said:

Condition you never see your daughter again ?

Kids are the scum of the earth and ruin everyone's life ?

 

And you want to bring her to bring a child into this world ? She is a nut cake who never should have a child.

 

10 hours ago, minions2 said:

 If she really loves you she would love the people that you love 

 



Both of these. ^



I'd drop my husband on his ### the second he EVER told me to never see my kid again. No way. 

Second, one of the things my husband has ALWAYS told me is that he loves my daughter as if she were his own because at the end of the day she's an extension of me, and he loves me and he loves her.  He calls her our daughter, and his daughter, and even though she can be hard to work with (she has special needs) I know she loves him and he loves her. He came into her life when she was 5 years old, he managed to form a bond with a special needs 5 year old, if anyone should have had an emotional disconnect it should have been him. But it wasn't, because he -tried- and became involved in her life, took interest in her disability, and does his best to have our family work as functional as a special family can.

But we've both openly stated that my daughter comes FIRST, before me, before my husband, before ANYONE, she comes first. I mean shoot, he's taken her to her dad's house (my ex-husband), most guys don't want to have anything to do with their wife's ex's, we all have a good relationship with each other (as most people sharing custody don't) because it's not about US, it's about the CHILD.

Edited by Ash.1101

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13 hours ago, verysadman said:

My wife came here on Cr1 visa, before we got married she said, she likes to have kids, she said we can plan 1 year after marriage.

 

It's been 3 years since we are married, she told me yesterday she would never want to have kids with me.

 

She says on one condition she can have kids, that is if I stop all contact with my daughter from my previous marriage.

 

She says she loves me very much and she does not want any kids because she cannot give me any attention.

You have a contradiction here and possibly due to factors not discussed:

  • Having children caused you to leave your partner - could be invented in her mind, your statements or "off the cuff" comments
  • Her body will change post children and her dependency on you will increase - is she sure you will deliver as a husband as you have only known each other for a short period.
  • She hates your past family but loves you .... it could be attention related, you may be a "different" person when around others or during a family visit.
  • Her standards and life values may be different to your "other" ex-wife. ....learn and take the good stuff
  • And more .......

You and she have moved to a positional stance, yet fundamentally she loves you and would seek to have the same level of intimate relations you enjoy now but after children ........

 

You have only discussed 30-50% of the topic "having children" and I would advise getting on with it instead of dropping this into the forum where responses will vary considerably.

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1 hour ago, Patient said:

You have only discussed 30-50% of the topic "having children" and I would advise getting on with it instead of dropping this into the forum where responses will vary considerably.

This...to the OP you really didn't discuss this topic in depth as much as perhaps you thought you did with your partner.  And so you seemed surprised at your wife's current stance.  Albeit her current stance from a distant point of view seems extreme.  In any case you need a few coming to "Santa" talks to find out what is really going on here.       

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People has different views in having kids as we all know and if both of you doesn't want one then I don't think it is a good idea. If she is not into having kids, I would say think about the reason you married her, is having kids the most important reason as to why you married or you married just because you wanted to be together? My husband and I have that topic talked about before we got married, the real reason we got married. This is just us but we came up to the decision that having kids is a bonus but it shouldn't make or break our relationship. We were both in our 20s then and now in our 30s and we still feel the same way. If you are not on the same page in having a kid or kids, I don't think it is a good idea to have one with her. Just my 2c's.

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OP, your wife seems to have been more secure than she is now. My recommendation is to figure out what's making her insecure. Likely, it's something completely unrelated to the whole kids topic in general. Sometimes when generally upset about something, you crush someone's dreams instead of just telling them what's really going on. I think instead of her telling you what her problem is, she's trying to hurt you. You should dig.

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Some people don't like children.

Some people don't want to have children.

Some people change their minds about having children.

 

There is nothing wrong with such people.

 

My wife is good friends with a recently married immigrant. Since she has a daughter of her own, she didn't expect any issues with getting along with her USC husband's 3 daughters. Turns out all 3 daughters hate her to varying degrees. Her husband simply does not see the hatred and denies that it exists. I would question this if I hadn't seen it firsthand. There is no doubt in my mind that at least 2 of the daughters hate the new immigrant wife. Like the OP's situation, the husband wants his new wife to go off birth control and bring more children into their relationship and she's reluctant to do that.

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11 hours ago, Patient said:

Our only issue in our marriage was regarding this topic and my daughter. She has Jealousy Issues, Don't know how to solve this.

 

11 hours ago, Patient said:

 

You have a contradiction here and possibly due to factors not discussed:

  • Having children caused you to leave your partner - could be invented in her mind, your statements or "off the cuff" comments
  • Her body will change post children and her dependency on you will increase - is she sure you will deliver as a husband as you have only known each other for a short period.
  • She hates your past family but loves you .... it could be attention related, you may be a "different" person when around others or during a family visit.
  • Her standards and life values may be different to your "other" ex-wife. ....learn and take the good stuff
  • And more .......

You and she have moved to a positional stance, yet fundamentally she loves you and would seek to have the same level of intimate relations you enjoy now but after children ........

 

You have only discussed 30-50% of the topic "having children" and I would advise getting on with it instead of dropping this into the forum where responses will vary considerably.

 

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She does not like Kids, I think all this started because of her sister's daughter when she was a teenager, and she could not stand her. she hates kids.

 

10 hours ago, Cruise77 said:

This...to the OP you really didn't discuss this topic in depth as much as perhaps you thought you did with your partner.  And so you seemed surprised at your wife's current stance.  Albeit her current stance from a distant point of view seems extreme.  In any case you need a few coming to "Santa" talks to find out what is really going on here.       

 

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