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Psalm51

Dumped by fiance?

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Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

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Sounds like she wants to make sure you have the financial resources to ensure she can live the American Dream.

This. She don't want no broke man. Seriously why do you have to reasearch what her mind is thinking. In my experience the culture is very open and honest she isn't being that.

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~Moved from Phil. Regional Forum To Effects of Major Family Changes on US Immigration Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~


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> Almost 2 years of our lives involved with the USCIS/DOS "shuffle" & worth every second of it ! <

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I don't think she dumped you dude. I think she's looking for reassurance from you as to what is going to happen and how you are going to take care of her after she leaves her whole life behind.

Can't really blame her for that. You might want to consider discussing future life together and maybe even adding finances to that discussion to clear up her concerns.

LOL @ Boiler

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Now that I have your attention.... maybe some of you experts can advise me.....

We got the I-797 approved and were just starting the process of getting a date for the interview when my fiance suddenly got cold feet.

She said she has some doubts and needed me to assure her that she would be “happy and satisfied with no doubts”. She wants to be “assured that I could take care her”.

I tried to ask for specifics but she just advised me to find a Filpina married to an American and ask them.

I actually have a good relationship with her and she says she wants the engagement to continue.

So ...can this be translated for me...is this just cold feet or am I missing a cultural cue.

Moving from the Phils to the USA (the ABYSS), it is hard to put into words what your fiancee is really looking to hear from you. It is not financial and she does know how you feel about her. Filipinas are tough gals but also fragile as spun glass. Not sure there are any words that work as this is all emotions ... and lots of it is fear of course. She is looking to you to be there when she is struggling with being "alone"

You will be working, leaving her home all day, she won't be able to do or go most anywhere without driving unless you live in the city. Make sure to have good internet with a computer setup with VIBER, SKYPE, VSEE and such... as family is HUGE with Filipinas. And then there are the comfort foods.. sadly the stuff at the Asian stores can only get close, just not the same... so I was told many times.

Is your fiancee is province girl or city girl? That makes a huge difference also.

You really need for some Pinay to reply to this, and you won't find them easily now that your topic has been moved.

I think boiler is spot on, seems like she wants reassurances that when she gets here she will be living in the conditions she thinks that America is. Finding out what she thinks will be the key.

does she expect that she won't work and you give her an allowance or does she talk about work and/or education once she is here? Does she expect a house of a certain size? Does she expect you will either send money to her family back home or sponsor them?

Nope, Boiler is not spot on... not for a Filipina


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I don't think she dumped you dude. I think she's looking for reassurance from you as to what is going to happen and how you are going to take care of her after she leaves her whole life behind.

Can't really blame her for that. You might want to consider discussing future life together and maybe even adding finances to that discussion to clear up her concerns.

LOL @ Boiler

This...sounds like she wants reassurance. It is a big deal to leave everything behind, everything you have ever known, your life, your job (if you have one), your family, everything to be with someone who lives in a completely different country, different culture, doesn't know anyone but you and soon maybe your family. The cultures are different, the people are different. How much would it scare you to move to her country? To find a job there, to adjust to her culture, and as a foreigner find a job to provide for her? Like already stated, this is a big deal....It is understandable to be afraid and scared of the unknown...all she knows is you.

Hank is right.....when the excitement runs out and she starts to get homesick because she doesn't have family around..will you be there to comfort her, to have compassion on her, to lead her, and to love her, and so much more?

Edited by coa24

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.
Hebrews 11:6 - And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

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It appears she likes you, but you've not earned a deep trust from her.

Remember, guys get it "logically" and girls get it "emotionally".

She just needs some emotional assurance from you.

You have to make her feel special and that you will always take care of her.


10-04-2013 We met online
11-21-2013 We met in person in Shanghai for 2 weeks

12-13-2013 I-129F packet sent via express

12-19-2013 USCIS NOA #1 (text and email) received

12-24-2013 USCIS assigns Alien Registration Number
12-31-2013 USCIS NOA #1 hard copy received
06-02-2014 USCIS web site shows NOA #2 approval
06-06-2014 USCIS web site shows case sent to NVC

06-xx-2014 Fiancee acquired birth, marriage, and police certificates from local police station (wrong)

06-16-2014 NVC creates case with GUZ### number

06-19-2014 NVC sends case sent to Guangzhou, China
06-24-2014 Received packet 3 express mail from embassy
06-25-2014 Completed DS-160 and paid K1 visa fee

06-26-2014 Mailed packet 3 response back to Embassy

06-26-2014 Requested police certificate from Russian embassy

07-08-2014 Received packet 4 email from Embassy

07-17-2014 Picked up Russian police certificate

07-25-2014 Fiancee medical exam (received MMR & Varicella, but they missed required TD shot)

07-31-2014 Picked up medical exam reports

08-01-2014 Request (correct) birth, marriage, and police certificates from Notarial Service (GongZhengChu)

08-06-2014 Picked up birth, marriage, and police certificates from Notarial Service

08-14-2014 Passed Interview Guangzhou embassy

09-01-2014 Received passport, visa, & sealed envelope

09-13-2014 POE

09-17-2014 Went to CBP office to get (US entry) I-94 updated correctly

09-18-2014 Applied for Social Security Card
09-19-2014 Applied for Marriage License (via online)
09-25-2014 Received Social Security Card
09-30-2014 Picked up Marriage License
10-09-2014 Marriage by Justice of Peace
10-09-2014 Got Certified Marriage Certificate Copies
10-17-2014 Received a letter from SS office that they need the marriage license
10-09-2014 Applied to change the social security card name
10-24-2014 Went back to SS office to provide the marriage certificate documents again!!!
12-09-2014 Submitted AOS, EAD, and AP
12-16-2014 Received 16 emails and 16 text NOA messages
01-05-2015 Received Biometrics appointment letter for (01-12-2015)
01-12-2015 Had Biometrics (fingerprint & picture) - Required Marriage Certificate!!!
02-17-2015 EAD and AP is approved
02-23-2015 Received AP is approval letter
02-25-2015 Received EAD/AP combo card (expires 02/16/2016)
02-27-2015 Applied for SS card name change (they took her SS card)
02-27-2015 Driver's learner permit test was denied since the SS card was given to SS office for name change
03-17-2015 Received SS card with married name
03-17-2015 Started to change all her accounts to married name
03-23-2015 Received potential interview waiver letter
03-27-2015 DMV rejects learner's permit due to "legal status=pending" and vision test failure
04-05-2015 Vision test for learner's permit
04-06-2015 DPS sent us letter that DHS cleared my wife's status to acquire driver's license.
04-10-2015 Passed Driver Learner's Permit
04-22-2015 Received Driver Learner's Permit ID card (expires 02/16/2016)
08-27-2015 Green Card approved
08-31-2015 Received Green Card "Welcome Notice Was Mailed" letter
09-05-2015 Received Green card
10-26-2015 Passed Driver's License Road Test (on 3rd attempt)
11-03-2015 Received Driver's License (expires 02/16/2022)
11-06-2015 Applied to remove conditional work remark on SS card
11-23-2015 Received updated Social Security Card.
- - - - - - - - - - Pending Future Processing - - - - - - - - - -
05-27-2017 File 10 Year Green Card
08-27-2017 2 Year Green Card Expires
05-27-2018 File USC

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I think boiler is spot on, seems like she wants reassurances that when she gets here she will be living in the conditions she thinks that America is. Finding out what she thinks will be the key.

does she expect that she won't work and you give her an allowance or does she talk about work and/or education once she is here? Does she expect a house of a certain size? Does she expect you will either send money to her family back home or sponsor them?

Important things to talk about because many expect that you take care of the family, it's a huge deal to them. This discussion needs to be had before the petition ever gets filed. Some girls expect you to do this some don't. Some guys don't mind doing it, some would leave in a heartbeat if they were expected to do it.

Moving from the Phils to the USA (the ABYSS), it is hard to put into words what your fiancee is really looking to hear from you. It is not financial and she does know how you feel about her. Filipinas are tough gals but also fragile as spun glass. Not sure there are any words that work as this is all emotions ... and lots of it is fear of course. She is looking to you to be there when she is struggling with being "alone"

You will be working, leaving her home all day, she won't be able to do or go most anywhere without driving unless you live in the city. Make sure to have good internet with a computer setup with VIBER, SKYPE, VSEE and such... as family is HUGE with Filipinas. And then there are the comfort foods.. sadly the stuff at the Asian stores can only get close, just not the same... so I was told many times.

Is your fiancee is province girl or city girl? That makes a huge difference also.

Province or city would make a huge difference too. My fiancee is a province girl girl but has lived overseas in a few huge citites in varying countries the past few years (singer in a band...but hey aren't they all?) She could just want to know you aren't going to give up things easily and won't throw her away if things get tough. She is picking up her life and most likely leaving everything but her clothes....she needs to know from you that she's going to be ok.

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My wife is Filipino. We talked for hours, I showed her many pictures of where we would live, I told her of who other Filipinos would we living close to us. I showed her the car she would learn to dive.

These are easy things to do.

I hope for your sake OP, that is all there is to it. I would not like to see what happened to my best friend, he got a "bad apple" left him back to Philippines, and gone to Germany with some dude, in a few months. This happens every few days here, with mostly the city gals from the Phils. But, my wife is s city gal, and we have a great marriage.

Just giver her what she asks, times ""2"".,.,.,.and more. Then see if it changes. If it does not, then suspect the worst.

I spent two years in the Phils., so I know a little about what goes on there. Assure her 1000% with facts, pictures, then see what she has to say, then YOU will know!

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Iam a Filipina to but still not married with my fiance .. where still waiting for NOA2 .. I think she just want to make sure eeverything will be fine when u 2 get married .. Im looking for that assurance to with my fiance but when he come hir I feel that I will have a happy life with him. He donto say anything in words but he makes me feel so special .. my fiance and I already discuss about different culture .. we learning how to accept our differences .. just prove her how much u love her how u care and how much u wanted to spend ur life with her .. maybe she thinking too much sometimes .. making her feel comfortable and ssecured will help ..

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