32 year age gap - older American woman

[jessiepatt 7]

Since it now appears that I will have sent a message to immigration that our swift engagement was due to immigration purposes as opposed to personal love reasons, is there a way to withdraw the petition without a negative mark on a future spousal visa attempt, or another fiancé visa attempt? If time passed and we had at least another visit, more involvement with our families, with a new package it seems that could be more realistic than going through the grueling process of this thin ice situation we've proposed.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

FYI - I already filed the I-129f in December. I have only been in person with him for 3 days, but I've spent every day with him through digital means since the beginning. I'm now feeling the potential for denial, or expiration - for this petition, no matter what I do. With my young daughter invoked, and both of our need to be together, waiting feels like a major drain on us too. Now I'm just feeling stuck and deflated, sad and exhausted. I'm not sure I can face a denial, and not sure he can endure this either. Our love is on the line, and that's what matters most. No easy answers.

Hello and first I want to say I wish you all the best and hope that everything works out for you. I've read this whole thread and there were some words in ur post that hit me.

What should matter the most is ur 9 year old impressionable daughter! IF and I say IF this turns out scam and he comes here on fraud what would that do to her. How would that effect her??! Her well being is on the line not just ur love.

Waiting is a drain?? How much will it drain u emotionally and financially IF this is fraud?

You talk on web cam everyday. I know a girl who is a friend from this site. She talked to her foreign fiancé everyday all day. Ended up scammed, he had a girl in his home country and its a huge mess. In some places it is like a job. It becomes like a job to them to make sure they talk to you everyday, tell u want u want to hear, be sweet and loving. Please be careful.

I am not trying to be negative or doubt ur love. I am in no place to judge. I am 12 years older than my fiancé. I have been to Jamaica 4x since we met and will be going again in a few months. Slow down please. Be careful. Get to know his family his friends his life. Make him take you to his home town. Stay with him when you visit. Then watch how he treats you and his behaviors. I'm sorry a couple days won't be sufficient.

Think about yourself and your daughter. He maybe caring and kind towards you but is it really the relationship you want? Young men want children. Is it really ok with you if he has outside children with someone else after he's here?

Best wishes to you.

Edited April 18, 2015 by LionessDeon

[Kastrs 723]

Since it now appears that I will have sent a message to immigration that our swift engagement was due to immigration purposes as opposed to personal love reasons, is there a way to withdraw the petition without a negative mark on a future spousal visa attempt, or another fiancé visa attempt? If time passed and we had at least another visit, more involvement with our families, with a new package it seems that could be more realistic than going through the grueling process of this thin ice situation we've proposed.

Having gone through the process to withdraw a petition myself, I would not recommend it unless you are terminating the relationship or you actually do plan to get married and file the CR1. If you only want to withdraw to refile for the K1 later, I would not advise it. It took a long time to get confirmation that my petition was withdrawn. Also, I think it could send mixed messages to withdraw this petition only to send another K1 in the future. Best thing you can do is make a few more visits and quick!

Good Luck on your journey

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I agree. Finish out the K1. Do your best to prove a bonafide relationship in every way. CR1 can be your back up plan!

Best of luck, love, and happiness!

Edited April 18, 2015 by LionessDeon

[jessiepatt 7]

Wow, Lioness. I really hear your heartfelt concern. K1 first process, CR1, second. More visits and slower pace. I am 100% invested, as my heart easily goes all in. To observe him is my responsibility for myself and my sweet little girl. And, no, kids outside of our marriage is not an acceptable option for me! I have voiced that and we have come to an agreement on that issue. Thanks for your thoughts and info. (Not simple or easy, but well worth the effort!)

[UK_Fan 192]

i hope this doesn't offend you, but i swear, every time i read of cases like this, i think of Dani and Mohammed off 90 DF... please please please protect yourself first!

[jessiepatt 7]

What's that?

[Fan_Dancer 171]

I would like to know is there any couple where foreign fiance is much older than her handsome and young boyfriend-petitioner? I'm just thinking about it...

Only in Africa and poor Arab coutries.

For some reason, noone in a first world country things age is just a number, lol.

[dwheels76 5,462]

I find it funny how people freak out about age no matter how large it is yet I have not found or seen one person who was denied because she was older than him. The CO's are looking for a bonafide relationship plain and simple. Show that with FACETIME. 4 days is not a relationship that's a fling. Visit communicate its that simple.

I have friends coming out of many African countries mainly Lagos and have as much as a 40 year difference and it was no wahala(problem). No issue age wasn't mentioned. Having kids wasn't mentioned. Some of the men were asked why marry an American when you have all these country women. They answered from their hearts. Be real show real life you will be fine.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Since it now appears that I will have sent a message to immigration that our swift engagement was due to immigration purposes as opposed to personal love reasons, is there a way to withdraw the petition without a negative mark on a future spousal visa attempt, or another fiancé visa attempt? If time passed and we had at least another visit, more involvement with our families, with a new package it seems that could be more realistic than going through the grueling process of this thin ice situation we've proposed.

If you give them the bolded reason, that your swift engagement was for immigration purposes as opposed to love, it reads like you just admitted to

fraud and it will definitely bite you in the butt later. You can't word it like that !

Getting approved from USCIS is easy, the hard part starts at the embassy level with the interview.

I wouldn't withdraw UNLESS you feel you really do need much more time to get to know him and have doubts now.

Instead visit again and longer asap, two more times would be better than one, stay in his home town and meet the family.

The longer it takes the more his personality may change and the more inconsistencies you may notice so waiting a long time, getting denied

and starting over can be a blessing in disguise and his real colors may show. Why the hurry ?

Slow down, take a deep breath and if this is the real thing then no matter how many years it takes you will be together.

It took us 5 years. It was a test we passed and that is all that counts and we are stronger for it now. Buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride.

This journey is not for sissies, it's tough, a roller coaster ride from hell. Are you up for the potholes along the way ? The set backs ?

If you say you can't bear a denial now then don't even start.

If you want to withdraw just withdraw without the reason you mentioned.

[jessiepatt 7]

Thank you for the supportive words. Now our challenge is not having enough extra money to afford lots of visits. I really had a shoe string budget for the trip I did make, and being new to this concept I only understood that meeting in person was the minimum required. We can't prove how beautiful we feel our love is, and we can't afford lots of trips. I can't see myself with anyone else, and I now am having dashed dreams and plans for us. This day's challenges are very big. But I know that nothing is too big for God. Gotta go through the process - feelings and all.

[Boiler 43,437]

Long distance relationships are not cheap, perhaps he can help you out with the travel costs, helps if your Daughter has visited as well.

[jessiepatt 7]

The financial burden is on me. It is an opportunity of a lifetime for both of us, in different ways, but I'm just not sure how to proceed. Prayers are in order, decisions are to be made. For sure...this forum is enlightening and has opened a shelf full of canned worms! ? In God's time, I pray - in God's will, I strive.

[jessiepatt 7]

Yes! My life has been a late bloomer situation, that's why it's challenging for me to act my age! Her dad and I were separated for 2 years and now divorced for 3. What a huge blessing this engagement has been for all 3 of us, (him, me and my daughter that is) but...learning more about the Ghanaian consulate has me pretty perplexed!!!

[Matt and Ângela 5]

I just read this whole thread, and one thing that nobody has asked yet is whether you have hired an immigration lawyer? In a case like this where apparently there is going to be a high risk of denial, I think it would be worth the investment to have a top notch experienced lawyer working with you.