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i've had enough of this marriage. i'm slowly dying

#1 kris4

kris4

    Newbie

  • Pip


Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:43 PM

hi everyone. i've never written anything on any kind of websites, but this time i just need at least someone to talk to otherwise i will go insane.
i am a conditional green card holder, i got it a month ago. i thought i would be the happiest person ever when i get the GC, but i was hysterically crying with this piece of plastic in my hand.
i got married to an USC last year. i was here on J1 visa and was getting ready to go home, when he proposed me and was begging me to marry him. he seemed so nice and so different, i felt very special so i agreed. and the nightmare began. HE forced me to stop talking to ALL the people i knew here, he made me do everything his way. i was doing EVERYTHING wrong, i talked, wrote, walked, dressed, slept, looked etc wrong. It is so hard to live under the pressure all the time, when u r scared of a smallest mistake! i was always at home by myself, he was at the bars getting wasted with some weird people. HE could leave in the middle of the night, then come back and yell at me if i asked where he went. I'm called HEY, thats my new name, he curses me out so bad if there is at least a small thing he doesn't like (but in front of the people he is so sweet, i want to scream PEople, he is killing me). He also went to jail several times. i am pretty sure he is cheating on me, but he always accused me of that. I never even leave the house. not long ago he told me that i have no right to express my opinion and that i just have to shut up or i will go home and he will divorce me. i don't want to leave, i am always being humiliated, i am thinking about suicide all the time. i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country. why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention

Edited by kris4, 06 May 2012 - 08:46 PM.

  • 0

#2 Michael and Ivy2

Michael and Ivy2

    Junior Member

  • PipPip

  • Group: Members
  • Joined: 20 Nov 2011
  • Country: Philippines



Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:52 PM

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POPULAR

Sorry you going through this.All american men are not like that sounds like maybe you just got a bad one.
  • 7

#3 Tim/Mav

Tim/Mav

    Diamond Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:59 PM

If this is the Case whats going on in your life now. Then you need to immediately find refuge in a womans shelter. And HEY I'm talking to you. This will not get better and will grow worse. There are Agencies that will help you. Pack your bags and leave. Claim Mental/Alcohol Abuse upon you. They will help.
  • 1

TIM/MAV K1-JOURNEY

3/27/2007....We first met on myspace
1/30/10 ......My Honey proposed
8/15/10 ......He visit Philippines(2wks) & met my family
12/17/10 ....USCIS received the Filed I-129F for K1-visa
12/21/10 ....Received hard copy,NOA1
5/25/11.......Received RFE
6/09/11.......NOA2 approved
12/07/11.....Visa fee paid at BPI

6/11/13.......2nd visa fee payment

7/10-11/13.. Medical Exam completed@St.Lukes Clinic

1/15-16/14.. 2nd Medical exam updated

1/21/14...... k1 interview-Visa Approved

.....................................................................

8/29/14...... Submitted AOS application

10/03/14.....Biometrics


#4 VanessaTony

VanessaTony

    Little Miss



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:10 PM

i don't want to leave,
i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country.

I'm sorry you're going through the emotional abuse (that's what this is).

I've edited your post above to the important parts (immigration wise). What do you want? Do you want to remain in the US with your GC? Are you worried about how to go about that? Do you want to return to your home country (your consulate may be able to help)? What are you looking for advice on?
  • 1

Aussie K1 process - http://www.visajourn...interview-date/
AOS, EAD & AP - the Aussie Way (including document list) - http://www.visajourn...-list-included/
ROC April 2012 - http://www.visajourn...il-2012-filers/ (includes document list)
N-400 April 2013 - http://www.visajourn...il-2013-filers/ (includes document list)

N-400 Interview review - http://www.visajourn...lers/?p=6381814

N-400 Oath Ceremony review - http://www.visajourn...lers/?p=6537699
Aussie Chat page continued - http://www.visajourn...ussie-oi-oi-oi/
Aussie Name Change on Passport Process - http://www.visajourn...change-process/
Travel on maiden name passport with married name GC, tickets in married name - http://www.visajourn...ost__p__4135806
Shipping Costs from Aus to US - http://www.visajourn...sts-aus-to-usa/

Notes:
- For my "standard" timeline please see timeline to the left
- For timeline with Aussie specifics & more detailed info, please see the "About Me" section of my profile


#5 MikelanNida

MikelanNida

    Senior Member

  • PipPipPipPipPip


Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:18 PM

Leave him, try a seperation if you want to try to salvage your relationship, or file for divorce, you say you have your greencard, so that means you can work and save money to go home, contact one of those friends he wont let you talk to and see if you can stay with one of them if a shelter is not an option for you, good luck, i hope things work out for you.
  • 0

K1 Visa Timeline

10/11/2010 - I-129F sent via USPS
10/19/2010 - NOA1 hard copy received, dated 10/15/2010
04/08/2011- received NOA2 hard copy, dated 04/05/2011
04/12/2011- NVC received petition
04/18/2011- received letter from NVC
04/18/2011- Manila embassy received petition
04/27/2011- medical exam passed
05/04/2011- appointment letter received dated 06/01/2011
06/01/2011- appointment date, put on administrative review
06/24/2011- visa granted
06/29/2011- received visa
07/18/2011- cfo class
07/21/2011- arrived in America
09/02/2011- happily married!


AOS Timeline

12/01/2011- AOS packet sent
12/06/2011- received email and text from USCIS with MSC number
12/07/2011- check was cashed
12/10/2011- received NOA hard copy dated 12/05/2011

12/12/2011- received NOA hard copy for biometrics appointment for 12/28/2011
12/24/2011- received NOA hard copy stating that our case was transfered to CSC on 12/20/2011
12/28/2011- biometrics appointment completed
06/25/2012- put in service request
09/12/2012- AOS approved
09/17/2012- card production
09/21/2012- greencard in hand

 

ROC Timeline

 

08/04/2014 - sent ROC packet

08/13/2014 - received I-797, NOA, dated 08/08/2014

08/28/2014 - received biometric appt. letter for 09/11/2014


#6 Tim/Mav

Tim/Mav

    Diamond Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:19 PM

I'm sorry you're going through the emotional abuse (that's what this is).

I've edited your post above to the important parts (immigration wise). What do you want? Do you want to remain in the US with your GC? Are you worried about how to go about that? Do you want to return to your home country (your consulate may be able to help)? What are you looking for advice on?


The OP has clearly stated: I don't want to leave.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think she feels "Trapped". happens alot I'm sorry to know.
She is looking for advice.. WHAT DO I DO ? Basically, a cry for help! When someone types something like this they need help! Sometimes they follow through and sometimes are to afraid too.
  • 2

TIM/MAV K1-JOURNEY

3/27/2007....We first met on myspace
1/30/10 ......My Honey proposed
8/15/10 ......He visit Philippines(2wks) & met my family
12/17/10 ....USCIS received the Filed I-129F for K1-visa
12/21/10 ....Received hard copy,NOA1
5/25/11.......Received RFE
6/09/11.......NOA2 approved
12/07/11.....Visa fee paid at BPI

6/11/13.......2nd visa fee payment

7/10-11/13.. Medical Exam completed@St.Lukes Clinic

1/15-16/14.. 2nd Medical exam updated

1/21/14...... k1 interview-Visa Approved

.....................................................................

8/29/14...... Submitted AOS application

10/03/14.....Biometrics


#7 Tim/Mav

Tim/Mav

    Diamond Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:21 PM

Leave him, try a seperation if you want to try to salvage your relationship, or file for divorce, you say you have your greencard, so that means you can work and save money to go home, contact one of those friends he wont let you talk to and see if you can stay with one of them if a shelter is not an option for you, good luck, i hope things work out for you.


Legally, I think she can stay in the USA.
  • 0

TIM/MAV K1-JOURNEY

3/27/2007....We first met on myspace
1/30/10 ......My Honey proposed
8/15/10 ......He visit Philippines(2wks) & met my family
12/17/10 ....USCIS received the Filed I-129F for K1-visa
12/21/10 ....Received hard copy,NOA1
5/25/11.......Received RFE
6/09/11.......NOA2 approved
12/07/11.....Visa fee paid at BPI

6/11/13.......2nd visa fee payment

7/10-11/13.. Medical Exam completed@St.Lukes Clinic

1/15-16/14.. 2nd Medical exam updated

1/21/14...... k1 interview-Visa Approved

.....................................................................

8/29/14...... Submitted AOS application

10/03/14.....Biometrics


#8 VanessaTony

VanessaTony

    Little Miss



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:35 PM

The OP has clearly stated: I don't want to leave.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think she feels "Trapped". happens alot I'm sorry to know.
She is looking for advice.. WHAT DO I DO ? Basically, a cry for help! When someone types something like this they need help! Sometimes they follow through and sometimes are to afraid too.

Yes she did, but then she said her family wouldn't accept her back home and that she doesn't have the money to return (which means she HAS thought about going home) so it could be she WANTS to go home but she doesn't think she can (financially or whatever) so she doesn't want to HAVE to leave. Returning to her home country doesn't mean returning to her family. It could be returning to friends.

WHAT is she looking for advice on? She hasn't said, she hasn't asked a qn so I asked her instead. She needs to tell us what she wants (whether she thinks its impossible or not) and then we'll tell her where she stands.

Legally, I think she can stay in the USA.

Greencard wise yes she can. She will still need to file for ROC and prove a valid relationship but she has a GC and he can't make her leave the country or get her deported.
  • 0

Aussie K1 process - http://www.visajourn...interview-date/
AOS, EAD & AP - the Aussie Way (including document list) - http://www.visajourn...-list-included/
ROC April 2012 - http://www.visajourn...il-2012-filers/ (includes document list)
N-400 April 2013 - http://www.visajourn...il-2013-filers/ (includes document list)

N-400 Interview review - http://www.visajourn...lers/?p=6381814

N-400 Oath Ceremony review - http://www.visajourn...lers/?p=6537699
Aussie Chat page continued - http://www.visajourn...ussie-oi-oi-oi/
Aussie Name Change on Passport Process - http://www.visajourn...change-process/
Travel on maiden name passport with married name GC, tickets in married name - http://www.visajourn...ost__p__4135806
Shipping Costs from Aus to US - http://www.visajourn...sts-aus-to-usa/

Notes:
- For my "standard" timeline please see timeline to the left
- For timeline with Aussie specifics & more detailed info, please see the "About Me" section of my profile


#9 LIFE'SJOURNEY

LIFE'SJOURNEY

    Super Star Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:44 PM

If it's martial advice she wants then she should seek professional martial counseling.
  • 1

#10 Tim/Mav

Tim/Mav

    Diamond Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:58 PM

If it's martial advice she wants then she should seek professional martial counseling.


Marital Advice is for "The Birds". The relationship is early. When a man disrepects his woman and this one has no remorse about his behaivior. What he needs is to sleep alone for awhile and miss what he had and then REGRET. If he can't do that, then it is Over. Counselors? Give me a break. However, a Counselor intervention will show a record of engagement and will help the OP and is a matter of record. I do agree. TRY! but, seems apparent the husband has the issue(s). Forgive me, I always take the womans side first!
  • 0

TIM/MAV K1-JOURNEY

3/27/2007....We first met on myspace
1/30/10 ......My Honey proposed
8/15/10 ......He visit Philippines(2wks) & met my family
12/17/10 ....USCIS received the Filed I-129F for K1-visa
12/21/10 ....Received hard copy,NOA1
5/25/11.......Received RFE
6/09/11.......NOA2 approved
12/07/11.....Visa fee paid at BPI

6/11/13.......2nd visa fee payment

7/10-11/13.. Medical Exam completed@St.Lukes Clinic

1/15-16/14.. 2nd Medical exam updated

1/21/14...... k1 interview-Visa Approved

.....................................................................

8/29/14...... Submitted AOS application

10/03/14.....Biometrics


#11 LIFE'SJOURNEY

LIFE'SJOURNEY

    Super Star Member



Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:01 PM

I personal don't see how anyone can take anyside,since there seems to be missing pieces to the story. I have no opinion at all. It's for those who knows all sides of the story.
  • 0

#12 JimVaPhuong

JimVaPhuong

    Does this 嫪 d跬 make me look fat?



Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:09 AM

*
POPULAR

why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention


There are lots of American women who are treated as badly by their American husbands. If the fact that you are a foreigner had anything to do with it then you probably wouldn't have a green card. Your husband is a jerk because he's not a good person. It's not because he's American, and it's not because you're a foreigner. Divorce him and move on with your life. If you have sufficient evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith then you can remove conditions and get a 10 year green card on your own.
  • 15

12/15/2009 - K1 Visa Interview - APPROVED!
12/29/2009 - Married in Oakland, CA!
08/18/2010 - AOS Interview - APPROVED!

05/01/2013 - Removal of Conditions - APPROVED!


#13 unlockingsky

unlockingsky

    The Auditor



Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:35 AM

for immigration purposes, make sure you have police reports of his abuse on you.

had you tried talking to your school counselor? even if you were once a student there, they might be able to give you some references on where to go for help.

you should also try re-contacting your friends for help. they might be more familiar with the 'american' system to help you through the process.
  • 0

"Family time is very precious and you should cherish every moment of it."

01/20/12 - I-130 sent to Chicago Lockbox.

01/26/12 - NOA1 received and processing at Vermont.

06/28/12 - NOA2 announced on status check.

06/29/12 - NVC received case learned on 07/2/12.

06/30/12 - Hard copy NOA2 received.

07/09/12 - NVC Casefile Number and IIN Issued.

07/16/12 - Receive and Sent DS-3032 via email.

07/17/12 - Mailed DS-3032 via mail, AOS bill received via email, paid online, Optin email sent.

07/18/12 - Optin accepted and new case number, AOS marked paid, emailed AOS packet.

07/24/12 - Assigned as Agent, IV Fee bill received via email, paid online.

07/25/12 - IV Fee marked paid, emailed IV packet.

07/31/12 - Emailed GZO Supplemental Packet 3.

08/02/12 - Case completed and commenced final review.

08/03/12 - Shipped all copies of forms/letters/documents to my wife - arriving on 8/9/12.

08/06/12 - Case completed final review.

08/09/12 - Appointment letter received via email interview date set 9/6/12.

08/14/12 - Medical exam done.

08/15/12 - Medical exam results all normal.

09/06/12 - Submitted required documents at the embassy and interview set next day at 0730.

09/07/12 - Visa approved, click here for review http://www.visajourn...php?entry=10401 .

09/14/12 - Visa received on hand!

10/07/12 - Arrived at NYC! click here for review http://www.visajourn...php?entry=15293

10/20/12 - Received welcome letter from USCIS.

10/25/12 - Green Card received!

"Nothing is more difficult than the art of maneuvering for advantageous positions." - Sun-Tzu

04/27/13 - Submitted DS-160 online for parent-in-laws and sister-in-law.

05/01/13 - Paid DS-160 or MRV Fee Payments on CGI Stanley.

05/03/13 - Made appointment for 05/16/13 on CGI Stanley.

05/16/13 - Arrived at GUZ and impromptu notice on the front it was closed.

05/30/13 - B2 visa interview passed! Read review here http://www.visajourn...or-parentinlaw/  <p> 

"Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They must be driven into practice with courageous patience." - ADM Hyman G. Rickover

08/08/14 - Mailed I-175 application.

08/11/14 - I-175 arrived at VSC.

08/18/14 - Received NOA1 with date 08/12/14.

08/27/14 - Received biometrics appointment for 09/09/14.


#14 AYMAN_RINA

AYMAN_RINA

    Sr.Cloud Computing Engineer



Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:37 AM

I agree with JimVaPhuong ....I'm sorry your going through this.Don't feel he has power over you he don't.And please don't think death is better than being with him because no one is worth you losing your life.Get out of this Mental abusive situation.Get in touch with a friend to stay with them or women's shelter until all this is sorted out.You need to breathe and I'm sure you being there with him you can't think.Good luck (F)
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#15 zapatosfeos

zapatosfeos

    Member

  • PipPipPipPip


Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:12 AM

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POPULAR

Country of origin has nothing to do with ethics and morals, just saying. The same American that you loved enough to marry one day has not changed his nationality. Just his claws came out. I will marry a Peruvian man soon, but I will always defend my American men ! What I wont defend are low lives who mistreat their women.

Instead of thinking about suicide and feeling sorry for yourself, I encourage you to be proactive.
#1 decide what you want in life -- TO BE HAPPY
#2 decide what is keeping you from #1 -- SCUMBAG LOW LIFE
#3 decide how can you get away from #2 -- ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS THAT HE GOES TO THE BAR, GRAB 2 OR 3 THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT LEAVE BEHIND (DONT FORGET YOUR PASSPORT) AND RUN !!! -- dont turn back !!
#4 please dont do what countless other women (of ANY nationality) have done in the past and return, because yes he will tell you he has changed and things will be better. But NO they will not, if he wanted change and he wanted better he would have done it while you were still there.

In your shoes, I would consider going back home and surrounding myself with people that love me and care about me. But I dont really know you or your life or situation so all I can tell you is good luck.
  • 6
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