i've had enough of this marriage. i'm slowly dying

[kris4 0]

hi everyone. i've never written anything on any kind of websites, but this time i just need at least someone to talk to otherwise i will go insane.

i am a conditional green card holder, i got it a month ago. i thought i would be the happiest person ever when i get the GC, but i was hysterically crying with this piece of plastic in my hand.

i got married to an USC last year. i was here on J1 visa and was getting ready to go home, when he proposed me and was begging me to marry him. he seemed so nice and so different, i felt very special so i agreed. and the nightmare began. HE forced me to stop talking to ALL the people i knew here, he made me do everything his way. i was doing EVERYTHING wrong, i talked, wrote, walked, dressed, slept, looked etc wrong. It is so hard to live under the pressure all the time, when u r scared of a smallest mistake! i was always at home by myself, he was at the bars getting wasted with some weird people. HE could leave in the middle of the night, then come back and yell at me if i asked where he went. I'm called HEY, thats my new name, he curses me out so bad if there is at least a small thing he doesn't like (but in front of the people he is so sweet, i want to scream PEople, he is killing me). He also went to jail several times. i am pretty sure he is cheating on me, but he always accused me of that. I never even leave the house. not long ago he told me that i have no right to express my opinion and that i just have to shut up or i will go home and he will divorce me. i don't want to leave, i am always being humiliated, i am thinking about suicide all the time. i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country. why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention

Edited May 7, 2012 by kris4

[Michael and Ivy2 7]

Sorry you going through this.All american men are not like that sounds like maybe you just got a bad one.

[Tim/Mav 305]

If this is the Case whats going on in your life now. Then you need to immediately find refuge in a womans shelter. And HEY I'm talking to you. This will not get better and will grow worse. There are Agencies that will help you. Pack your bags and leave. Claim Mental/Alcohol Abuse upon you. They will help.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

i don't want to leave,

i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country.

I'm sorry you're going through the emotional abuse (that's what this is).

I've edited your post above to the important parts (immigration wise). What do you want? Do you want to remain in the US with your GC? Are you worried about how to go about that? Do you want to return to your home country (your consulate may be able to help)? What are you looking for advice on?

[MikelanNida 28]

Leave him, try a seperation if you want to try to salvage your relationship, or file for divorce, you say you have your greencard, so that means you can work and save money to go home, contact one of those friends he wont let you talk to and see if you can stay with one of them if a shelter is not an option for you, good luck, i hope things work out for you.

[Tim/Mav 305]

I'm sorry you're going through the emotional abuse (that's what this is).

I've edited your post above to the important parts (immigration wise). What do you want? Do you want to remain in the US with your GC? Are you worried about how to go about that? Do you want to return to your home country (your consulate may be able to help)? What are you looking for advice on?

The OP has clearly stated: I don't want to leave.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think she feels "Trapped". happens alot I'm sorry to know.

She is looking for advice.. WHAT DO I DO ? Basically, a cry for help! When someone types something like this they need help! Sometimes they follow through and sometimes are to afraid too.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Leave him, try a seperation if you want to try to salvage your relationship, or file for divorce, you say you have your greencard, so that means you can work and save money to go home, contact one of those friends he wont let you talk to and see if you can stay with one of them if a shelter is not an option for you, good luck, i hope things work out for you.

Legally, I think she can stay in the USA.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

The OP has clearly stated: I don't want to leave.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think she feels "Trapped". happens alot I'm sorry to know.

She is looking for advice.. WHAT DO I DO ? Basically, a cry for help! When someone types something like this they need help! Sometimes they follow through and sometimes are to afraid too.

Yes she did, but then she said her family wouldn't accept her back home and that she doesn't have the money to return (which means she HAS thought about going home) so it could be she WANTS to go home but she doesn't think she can (financially or whatever) so she doesn't want to HAVE to leave. Returning to her home country doesn't mean returning to her family. It could be returning to friends.

WHAT is she looking for advice on? She hasn't said, she hasn't asked a qn so I asked her instead. She needs to tell us what she wants (whether she thinks its impossible or not) and then we'll tell her where she stands.

Legally, I think she can stay in the USA.

Greencard wise yes she can. She will still need to file for ROC and prove a valid relationship but she has a GC and he can't make her leave the country or get her deported.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

If it's martial advice she wants then she should seek professional martial counseling.

[Tim/Mav 305]

If it's martial advice she wants then she should seek professional martial counseling.

Marital Advice is for "The Birds". The relationship is early. When a man disrepects his woman and this one has no remorse about his behaivior. What he needs is to sleep alone for awhile and miss what he had and then REGRET. If he can't do that, then it is Over. Counselors? Give me a break. However, a Counselor intervention will show a record of engagement and will help the OP and is a matter of record. I do agree. TRY! but, seems apparent the husband has the issue(s). Forgive me, I always take the womans side first!

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

I personal don't see how anyone can take anyside,since there seems to be missing pieces to the story. I have no opinion at all. It's for those who knows all sides of the story.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention

There are lots of American women who are treated as badly by their American husbands. If the fact that you are a foreigner had anything to do with it then you probably wouldn't have a green card. Your husband is a jerk because he's not a good person. It's not because he's American, and it's not because you're a foreigner. Divorce him and move on with your life. If you have sufficient evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith then you can remove conditions and get a 10 year green card on your own.

[unlockingsky 94]

for immigration purposes, make sure you have police reports of his abuse on you.

had you tried talking to your school counselor? even if you were once a student there, they might be able to give you some references on where to go for help.

you should also try re-contacting your friends for help. they might be more familiar with the 'american' system to help you through the process.

[AYMAN_RINA 92]

I agree with JimVaPhuong ....I'm sorry your going through this.Don't feel he has power over you he don't.And please don't think death is better than being with him because no one is worth you losing your life.Get out of this Mental abusive situation.Get in touch with a friend to stay with them or women's shelter until all this is sorted out.You need to breathe and I'm sure you being there with him you can't think.Good luck

[zapatosfeos 17]

Country of origin has nothing to do with ethics and morals, just saying. The same American that you loved enough to marry one day has not changed his nationality. Just his claws came out. I will marry a Peruvian man soon, but I will always defend my American men ! What I wont defend are low lives who mistreat their women.

Instead of thinking about suicide and feeling sorry for yourself, I encourage you to be proactive.

#1 decide what you want in life -- TO BE HAPPY

#2 decide what is keeping you from #1 -- SCUMBAG LOW LIFE

#3 decide how can you get away from #2 -- ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS THAT HE GOES TO THE BAR, GRAB 2 OR 3 THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT LEAVE BEHIND (DONT FORGET YOUR PASSPORT) AND RUN !!! -- dont turn back !!

#4 please dont do what countless other women (of ANY nationality) have done in the past and return, because yes he will tell you he has changed and things will be better. But NO they will not, if he wanted change and he wanted better he would have done it while you were still there.

In your shoes, I would consider going back home and surrounding myself with people that love me and care about me. But I dont really know you or your life or situation so all I can tell you is good luck.