TBoneTX

Let them suffer with their Overseas TDS.

Two lions escaped from the National Zoo in Washington, DC. They split up and agreed to meet again in 2 weeks. At the appointed time, one lion said, "I've had a terrible time finding food. How have you made out?" "I found a wonderful hiding place in the Pentagon," said the second lion. "I eat one general per week. It'll be months before they notice that anyone's missing!"

Read the end of this full article! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cruel: Elon Musk Cuts Off Social Security Benefits For Thousands Of Revolutionary War Veterans U.S. — The Department of Government Efficiency faced renewed calls for independent oversight after news broke that DOGE boss Elon Musk had callously cut off Social Security benefits for thousands of Revolutionary War veterans. The move took place as part of DOGE's overarching crusade to identify and eliminate wasteful government spending but promised to bring the Musk-led team a new wave of negative publicity due to brave veterans of the American War of Independence now being deprived of their hard-fought benefits. "How dare he take away the benefits we earned with our blood," said 270-year-old Arthur Breckenridge, who fought in the Battle of Yorktown in 1781. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/cruel-elon-musk-cuts-off-social-security-benefits-for-thousands-of-revolutionary-war-veterans

Zelensky Allowed Into Peace Talks But Must Sit At Kiddie Table RIYADH — Despite initial reports that Ukraine would not be represented at the negotiations with Russia, a last-minute decision was made to allow Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to join the peace talks under the condition that he sit at the kiddie table. While the U.S. delegation had previously been informed that Ukraine would not be participating and would not accept any deals made in their absence, Zelenskyy sent an urgent message requesting to be allowed to be a part of the discussion. A kiddie table was then made available to accommodate the request. "This was the only realistic way to have a place where he could sit," said U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/zelensky-allowed-into-peace-talks-but-must-sit-at-kiddie-table

Delta Adds A Little Hanging Tennis Ball To End Of Runway For Female Pilots U.S. — As an added safety measure to prevent further runway catastrophes, Delta Airlines has added a little hanging tennis ball to the end of runways to help female pilots. After multiple recent incidents of female pilots struggling to figure out exactly when a runway begins and ends, Delta decided to begin positioning cranes to hang tennis balls from a string at the end of each runway. "A tennis ball on a string is the most trusted technique in the world to keep women from wrecking," explained Delta CEO Ed Bastian. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/delta-adds-a-little-hanging-tennis-ball-to-the-end-of-the-runway-for-female-pilots

10 Suspicious Names Still On Social Security Rolls Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency is still in the process of combing through the records of the Social Security Administration in search of potential fraud, but several red flags have already arisen — one of them being suspicious names on the rolls. Through well-established insider connections at DOGE, The Babylon Bee has confirmed that the following names were found to be on the Social Security rolls: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/10-suspicious-names-still-on-social-security-rolls

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals CHICAGO, IL — Yet another batch of heathy vegan food was painstakingly synthesized using 957 chemicals earlier today at the Organisynth Corp. laboratory. According to scientists at the lab, Organisynth exists to help produce affordable, healthy, vegan food. "You've got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

The Trump Admin Says Dept. Of Education Should Be Dis Mantled. This Is Why Their Mistaken Following a tumultuous — and some may say — reckless — three weeks gutting government agencies vital in running our country, The Trump Administration has now set his crosshairs on the US Department of Education, claiming it should be dis mantled. This is why their mistaken. The department of Education has for decades provided the foundation of education standerds for decades ever since President Jimmy Cartor created it in 1978, and our nations intelligence has literally flourished eversince for decades. In the 67 years since, [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-admin-says-dept-of-education-should-be-dis-mantled-this-is-why-their-mistaken

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of Congress are sounding the alarm that President Trump's efforts to end the war in Ukraine could result in the end of the war in Ukraine. The warning comes on the heels of recent news that Trump has sent a delegation led by Secretary of State Marco Rubio to meet with Russian envoys in Saudi Arabia to discuss how they can come to terms in ending a war that has shattered a country, taken an estimated 300,000 lives, and displaced millions. "If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover WASHINGTON—Rebuking President Trump's decision to pardon Jan. 6 rioters, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) staunchly vowed this week to continue falling down stairs in the face of an apparent fascist takeover. "I can no longer physically stand upright for a party that excuses a violent insurrection that targeted our Capitol," the 82-year-old lawmaker said as he slid down a row of steps outside the Senate chamber. "There are [...] https://theonion.com/mitch-mcconnell-vows-to-continue-falling-down-stairs-in-face-of-fascist-takeover/

Ram Will Stop Headbutting Things When Headbutting Things Stops Working DUBOIS, WY—Saying the one-size-fits-all approach had yet to let him down, a local ram told reporters Thursday that he would stop headbutting things when headbutting things stopped working. "Say what you will about it, there's pretty much no problem in my life that can't be solved by lowering my head, charging forward, and smacking my horns into whatever's in front of me," said the male bighorn sheep, adding that [...] https://theonion.com/ram-will-stop-headbutting-things-when-headbutting-things-stops-working/

Wedding Planner Makes It Through Entire 1.5-Year Process Without Acknowledging Groom SAVANNAH, GA—Having had no direct interaction with the man at any time during the process, local event planner Anna Callaway made it through one and a half years of preparations for a couple's wedding without ever acknowledging the groom's existence, sources confirmed Saturday. According to reports, Callaway never once made reference to a second person being involved in the wedding, which she began planning in mid-2023 with weekly meetings with the bride-to-be and her mother, daily calls to vendors, and numerous fittings for the bridal party. All discussions [...] https://theonion.com/wedding-planner-makes-it-through-entire-1-5-year-process-without-acknowledging-groom/

Bird Flu: Myth Vs. Fact An outbreak of avian flu is currently affecting birds both on farms and in the wild. The Onion debunks common myths surrounding the virus. [...] https://theonion.com/bird-flu-myth-vs-fact/

Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Would Support Wind Turbines If They Sliced Deli Meat As Well WASHINGTON—In a major survey of public attitudes toward alternative energy as the climate crisis continues, a poll published Tuesday found that an overwhelming majority of U.S. residents would support wind turbines if they sliced deli meat as well. "Everyday Americans want to know how exactly wind power is going to serve our community, and many more of us would be on board if, in addition to converting the wind's kinetic energy into electricity, those turbines also provided thinly sliced Cajun-style turkey breast," said survey participant and Iowa resident Jeanine McFadden, who went on to explain [...] https://theonion.com/poll-finds-majority-of-americans-would-support-wind-turbines-if-they-sliced-deli-meat-as-well/

New Evidence Suggests Humans Developed Written Language To Avoid Breaking Up In Person CHICAGO—Noting that early humans' aversion to confrontation played a critical role in their evolution, a new study published Friday in the American Journal Of Archaeology concluded that written language was first developed to avoid breaking up in person. "According to our findings, early Mesopotamians created the first cuneiform tablets in 3200 BCE because they couldn't bear the idea of looking their partner in the eye and ending things face-to-face," said the study's author, Professor Jason Greene, who added that [...] https://theonion.com/new-evidence-suggests-humans-developed-written-language-to-avoid-breaking-up-in-person/

Really enlightening article about Red Flag laws. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Michigan 'Red Flag' Law Used Hundreds of Times in First Year Almost three hundred Michiganders were stripped of their ability to lawfully purchase and possess a gun through the use of the state's Extreme Risk Protection Order law in the first year of its existence, and supporters are hailing those numbers as a sign of success. There were 391 petitions filed across the state in 2024, with 287 petitions approved and 87 denied. According to the State Court Administrative Office, another 14 petitions were either dismissed or orders rescinded after a hearing was held. Some press outlets are touting the benefits of the "red flag" law, including Hoodline's Sarah Johnson, who claims that "although determining the exact number of lives saved is difficult, there is a noted correlation with decreased criminal offenses." Correlation doesn't equal causation, of course, and [...] https://bearingarms.com/camedwards/2025/02/16/michigan-red-flag-law-used-hundreds-of-times-in-first-year-n1227689

Country-specific thread is moved to the Philippines regional forum.

Never underestimate the motherhood instinct. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Armed Mom Takes on Three Bad Guys With Gun in One Hand, Baby in the Other [...] While I know a lot of strong, capable women who can do plenty on their own, the truth is that a woman alone is always going to be at least somewhat more vulnerable than a man on his own. Add in a baby and now you've got a different sort of thing. But then again, Rudyard Kipling noted, "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." A few bad guys in Illinois found that out the hard way. [...] https://bearingarms.com/tomknighton/2025/02/17/armed-mom-takes-on-three-bad-guys-with-gun-in-one-hand-baby-in-the-other-n1227700

Here's the United Kingdom's Latest Effort to Stem Knife Crime Epidemic [...] Police have set up "knife amnesty bins" where good citizens can deposit sharp utensils so they don't fall into the wrong hands. It turns out those amnesty bins were a favorite target of criminals. Police have also been posting photos online of gardening tools that could prove dangerous. [...] https://twitchy.com/brettt/2025/02/19/british-prime-minister-promises-crackdown-on-online-knife-sales-n2408611

Life can be fair sometimes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Luke Rosiak Shares How a Bureaucrat Was Almost Fired for Working With DOGE, Now Runs His Agency [...] Leland Dudek was an obscure bureaucrat at the Social Security Administration who dedicated his career to stopping fraud. But when he worked with the Department of Government Efficiency to do just that, he came close to being fired. "At 4:30pm EST, my boss called me to tell me I had been placed on administrative leave pending an Investigation," Dudek wrote on LinkedIn. "They want to fire me for cooperating with DOGE," he wrote in a now-deleted post obtained by The Daily Wire. Then, a stunning reversal occurred. It was Acting Social Security Commissioner Michelle King who was gone from the agency. And Dudek was reinstated with a big promotion — taking her job leading the massive agency on an interim basis. [...] https://twitchy.com/aaronwalker/2025/02/19/luke-rosiak-shares-how-a-bureaucrat-was-almost-fired-for-working-with-doge-now-runs-ssa-n2408622

Thrilling Wednesday report, see man: Maid & Mama Maid actually showed up Many (2+1) minutes early, mirabile dictu man. Casa looks quite good now, needs chicas in it man. Brunch was 2 turkey-&-cheese sandwiches, ingest we man. Attempted siesta failed, still need zzz we man. Din-din was Subway*, ingest we man. *WUOC and gift card, financially savvy we man Up-stood by JC, q.v. above man. Initial caucus with TMJC Thursday, si man. Considering second siesta attempt now, consider zzz we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Imagine that, si mam ma'am. We hope so, si D ma'am. What if we're bored of our nightly rubias, huh man? We'll see, gracias man. --- In more typical news, we have just been stood up by a different JC, man.

You married well, si man.

Shame. I wonder how long these carriers will be relevant, given advances in warfare.

It is Wednesday -- time for our hilarious Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== A BLONDE CALLS 9-1-1 A blonde called 9-1-1 to report that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cried. The 9-1-1 dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." However, before the police got to the crime scene, the 9-1-1 dispatcher's telephone rang a second time. It was the same blonde. "Never mind," giggled the blonde. "I got in the back seat by mistake."