TBoneTX

Trump Fired After Forgetting To Reply To Elon's Email WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's new golden age came screeching to an unexpected halt today, as news broke that President Donald Trump had been fired for forgetting to reply to Elon Musk's email. Trump reportedly missed the deadline to respond to the email from the Department of Government Efficiency requiring all federal employees to list five things they worked on last week. Despite Trump accomplishing an impressive list of tasks, he failed to reply to the email. "A rule is a rule," Musk said when asked by reporters to comment on Trump's abrupt departure. "He was the one who signed off on the idea. Any government employee who did not respond to the email with what they accomplished within the allotted time was to be terminated. Presidents are not immune. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-fired-after-forgetting-to-reply-to-elons-email

UK Version Of Apple Watch Will Warn When Your Heart Rate Reacts Inappropriately To A Racist Meme LONDON — Tech consumers across the pond were recently startled to learn that the Apple Watch being sold in the UK would now warn when wearers' heart rates react inappropriately to a racist meme. According to Apple, the smartwatch will monitor your biometrics simultaneously with your meme consumption and issue warnings any time you view a meme determined to be racist without a proper response of anti-racist rage and white guilt. The watch will then report its findings to the local authorities. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/uk-version-of-apple-watch-will-warn-when-your-heart-rate-reacts-inappropriately-to-a-racist-meme

Matt Walsh Current Frontrunner For Next Pope VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated that conservative media personality Matt Walsh was now considered to be the frontrunner to become the next pope. While Pope Francis remained hospitalized with persistent health issues stemming from bronchitis and pneumonia, preparations were reportedly being made to officially elect Walsh and install him as the supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church. "A set of plaid flannel papal robes are being made as we speak," Vatican spokesman Bishop Giovanni Tortellini said. "As we saw with President Trump's landslide victory in the United States, the world is [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/matt-walsh-current-frontrunner-for-next-pope

Stores here are, at most, 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. I miss the days when they were open till midnight or even 1 a.m. Look at chewy.com and save yourself the hassle. Or, regarding online shopping in general, just yell out what you want and wait for an ad to pop up. In other words, "I hate going out in public and the public is there."

A post above has been given Award Points as a "Helpful Reply."

Thrilling Monday report, see man: Mini-B. got to bed at nearly 1 a.m., finish second of Many (2+1) Science hoamwurks man. Mini-B. shivering like the Arctic in what have been quite normal/usual casa temperatures, worrisome man. Mini-B. ill after awakening, weak wee man. Got dizzy in the shower and had to sit down twice, ouch man. Felt nauseous and in need of a pupu, neither blossomed man. Of course kept him home from skool and saw doc later, see doc wee man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. and we both attended, just like old times man. Diagnosis is continuing stomach-bug for GI symptoms, getting better since Thursday man. Diagnosis is insufficient hydration for dizziness, drink Many (2+2) bottles of water daily man. By eve, Mini-B. considerably better, relief we and ex-she and wee manman. Lunch was 2 turkey-&-cheese sandwiches on semi-stale Costco buns, ingest we man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. fortunately able to host and care for Mini-B. during all this, si man. This enabled us to caucus with the FFJC, afraid we'd have to cancel man. The FFJC is indeed very FF, understatement man. She is very nice and decent company, si man. She lives too far away to get together more than once weekly max, sigh man. She is also severely allergic to mius, sigh man. She is also probably not spousal material yet, no man. Nevertheless, we will probably see her again, see we man FFJC ma'am man. We are conversing with other JCs in hopes of landing an appropriate one, converse we man. Miu was aysheep almost all day, demanding hyperactive invasive miu man. Almost like having a wife, leave us alone for a little while please miu man. Din-din was bagged shredded lettuce + nuked hot dogs, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. and we enjoyed this greatly, first time in ages man. There are surprisingly a great many steps in producing this din-din, complex operation man. Dished/de-dished the warsher a day late, delinquently domestic we man. Mini-B. finished last Science hoamwurk, finally man. Science teechur told us that Mini-B. "is always pleasant and a huge help to his peers," proud we man. Mini-B. "will definitely be shown grace" re lateness, sigh-of-relief we man. Movie night was The Longest Yard, outstanding man. Many (2+2) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort exhausted we man. Must take Mama T-B. to doctor on Tuesday morn, routine man. (We will certainly be ordered to various stores afterward, man.) And that was/is our thrilling Monday, report we man.

Keep us apprised, please.

Same here. The first one caused immediate tachycardia (heart rate of 123 at rest), and both raised my blood pressure to levels that can cause a stroke. Am still on BP-lowering stuff to this day.

Just wait till the first time he misses a dose... Joe Bidementia's uncle was eaten by cannibals!

If they're smart, they'll involve the AfD.

Keep Madison Insane.

(Psst... please avoid hijacking other people's threads.) The more official, the better. In Texas, for example, the divorce decree has to be stamped and signed by the clerk of court to be considered official.

Heating pad first, please man.

Bummed About That Hockey Game? Here Are 21 Things America Is Better At Than Canada Are you a little sad that Canada won that hockey game the other night? Well, cheer up, friend: here are 21 things that America is way better at than our little brother up north: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/bummed-about-that-hockey-game-here-are-72-things-america-is-better-at-than-canada

Hooters Bankruptcy Deals Heavy Blow To Nation’s Creepy, Middle-Aged Weirdos U.S. — The creepy, middle-aged weirdos of America were dealt a harsh blow today as the Hooters franchise announced it has declared bankruptcy. Long a stalwart of forty-something losers, Hooters' imminent closure has left thousands of gross weirdos unsure where to go. "It's not just anywhere you can pathetically leer at women twenty years your junior," sighed local creep Jon Barnes. "Like, seriously, [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hooters-bankruptcy-deals-blow-to-nations-middle-aged-creeps

'Wow, That's Super Disturbing,' Says Satan Watching Hamas Parade HELL — Upon watching Hamas parade the bodies of murdered babies in celebration, Satan came away unsettled by the grotesque show of pure evil. The Prince of Darkness, who took time away from torturing the damned to watch the procession, reportedly felt sick to his stomach. "Good gracious, this is horrifying," said Satan, slack-jawed. "It's just so twisted and sick... it's honestly a little much for me. I'm a huge fan of evil and all, but this - I can't even watch." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/whoa-thats-disturbing-says-satan-watching-hamas-parade

Trump Fires Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Can You Guess Why? Donald Trump is still draining the swamp, and this time, he has set his sights on the Pentagon. On Friday, Trump gave the boot to Air Force Gen. CQ Brown Jr., the woke warrior serving as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. [...] https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2025/02/22/trump-fires-chairman-of-the-joint-chiefs-of-staff-can-you-guess-why-n4937223

BOMBSHELL Study: COVID Shots Cripple Immune System — Possibly Permanently https://pjmedia.com/benbartee/2025/02/22/bombshell-study-covid-mrna-shots-cripple-immune-system-possibly-permanently-n4937227

Read this and justify why the vermin haven't forfeited their right to share an otherwise civilized planet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remains of Hostage Returned to Israel. The Cause of Death of Her Two Children Shocks the Nation. After 36 hours of an agonizing wait, the body of Shiri Bibas was returned by Hamas to the Israeli government. A forensic examination concluded that Hamas' claim that Shiri died in an Israeli bombing attack was a lie. "We identified Shiri Bibas two days after we identified her children. Our examination found no evidence of injuries caused by bombing," says Dr. Chen Kugel, director of the National Institute of Forensic Medicine in Tel Aviv. Hamas delivered four bodies in locked caskets on Friday, including the bodies of 4-year-old Ariel and 10-month-old Kfir Bibas, as well as 84-year-old Oded Lifshitz. The fourth body was supposed to be the mother of the two boys, Shiri Bibas. But forensics proved that it was not Mrs. Bibas. Hamas claimed that it was an honest mistake, because Bibas had been blown to bits during an Israeli bombing attack. The terrorists also claimed that the two little boys were also killed by Israeli bombs. Steel yourself for when you find out how those two little angels actually met their end. [...] https://pjmedia.com/rick-moran/2025/02/22/remains-of-shiri-bibas-finally-returned-as-the-cause-of-death-of-her-two-children-shocks-the-nation-n4937239

Does anyone yet conclude that some in Gaza need to be wrapped in bacon and permanently dispatched? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hamas propaganda clip shows two hostages forced to watch at ceremony as others are freed Hamas published a video Saturday showing Israeli hostages Evyatar David and Guy Gilboa Dalal being forced to watch as other captives were freed and begging to be saved as well. The footage, described by family members as "sickening," and the continued use of hostages as pawns for Hamas propaganda, sparked anger and revulsion in Israel, with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu citing the terror group's "humiliation" of hostages in announcing a decision to delay the release of Palestinian prisoners slated for Saturday until such displays end. The Hamas footage shows the two men in a vehicle, close to the stage, watching a handover ceremony for Omer Shem Tov, Eliya Cohen and Omer Wenkert in the central Gaza district of Nuseirat and pleading for Netanyahu to secure their release. The two best friends are seen in the video looking from inside the vehicle toward the stage where the ceremony is being held. They repeatedly cover their faces with their hands. "Save us please," the two repeat several times over the course of the two-minute video, their expressions and exaggerated displays of dismay widely thought to have been the result of coaching from their armed captors, some of whom can also be seen in the footage. [...] https://www.timesofisrael.com/hamas-propaganda-clip-shows-hostages-forced-to-watch-as-others-are-freed/

Wow! And "he stands to lose tens of millions of dollars by leaving his show even for one year." ~~~~~~~ Bongino To Join Patel at FBI as Deputy Director President Trump has tapped Dan Bongino, a hard-charging Trump supporter and one of America's most popular and prolific conservative commentators, to serve as deputy director of the FBI. A top podcaster, former Fox News host, New York City Police Department officer, and 12-year veteran of the Secret Service, Bongino is a close friend of FBI Director Kash Patel and will now serve as his right-hand man at the FBI, Trump announced on Truth Social Sunday. Trump's choice of Bongino to join Patel at the FBI as its deputy came just three days after the Senate confirmed Patel's nomination, 49 to 51, with Sens. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska and Susan Collins of Maine the only two Republicans to vote against him. The appointment is the latest sign that Trump is committed to aggressively cleaning house at the FBI. Bongino, along with Patel, a former public defender and Justice Department lawyer who became a MAGA firebrand, will report to Attorney General Pam Bondi and Director of the Office of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard to uncover threats and safeguard national security. While Patel has experience as a lawyer and high-ranking official in federal intelligence agencies during Trump's first term, Bongino has practical law enforcement experience as a former police officer and Secret Service agent. Both have excoriated the FBI over its role in facilitating the investigations Trump has faced since 2017, including submitting faulty foreign intelligence court applications in the Trump-Russia investigation. In Bongino, Patel will have a deputy who is also devoted to ending the politicization of the FBI and helping thoroughly investigate and provide far more public transparency on the would-be assassins who came close to killing Trump in the final months of the campaign. On his podcast, Bongino [...] https://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2025/02/23/bongino_to_join_patel_at_fbi_as_deputy_director_152411.html

Thrilling Sunday report, see man: Worked way through several responding chicas, respond and eliminate most we man. Set Monday caucus with FFJC, q.v. above man. Lunch was a banana, ingest we and no comments from inferior primates man. A siesta was taken, zzz we man. Din-din was onecan of bean-&-bacon soup*, ingest we man. *bought from a supermarket dented-can bin, financially savvy we man Had no plans to leave the casa, no man. Then ex-Mrs.-T-B. called to beg us to up-pick Mini-B., Two Guys week man. Ex-she man and wee man had fought regarding overdue hoamwurk, delinquent wee man man. Mini-B. is now doing said hoamwurk and will complete one of them or lose his phone, si man. Party with the rubias later, cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Sunday, report we man.

Well, starting Monday, sunny & warm here, too, Texas weather again Many man. We should have a caucus with a FFJC (Fizzicly Fit JC) on Monday, si man.

Deport her to Jasmania or the insane asylum that she escaped from.

Interjecting here: A K-1 entrant who has married within the 90 days and is waiting for USCIS to process the AOS package is officially called an "applicant for adjustment" -- or, more concisely, "adjustment applicant." I had this precise question when Mrs. T-B. was at that stage, and two lawyers told me the above.