S S

I am sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for coming back with a mission to warn others.
 
We often see posts from people where things just don't seem right, and while many here try to point out the red flags, it really helps if people with lived experiences are willing to share their experiences to hopefully at least make people question some of the things that are happening to them.

My research has led me to this information:  there are types of NPD -
Overt narcissists are the more obvious loud boisterous arrogant ones. The outwardly draw attention to themselves commanding attention and admiration. Their abusive traits are more verbal and physical, frequently belittling, berating and even physically hurting their victim. 
Covert narcissists are much more subtle. They can even be self deprecating and appear weak to gain validation and attention.  Their abuse tactics are insidious and slight but many. Like 1,000 bee stings pinging away at your mental health little by little. 
 
There is a spectrum from just possessing some traits to full blown malignant psychopath or sociopath. 
Tactics can be any of all of pathological lying, manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, blame shifting, isolation, stonewalling, silent treatment, “crazy making” and cognitive dissonance. 
Stages are love bombing, devaluing, and discard.  
Right!  I pray Mike doesn’t ignore that red flag!

Several have written here and asked how to turn the person in to ICE?
there is little a person can do 
mostly as u did all the work to prove the relationship is real
and the "green card holder" can get a divorce and move on with the remainder of the process -even naturalize 
 
basically people don't want to admit "My judgement was wrong"  or that they are "enablers"
 
but it hurts and hurts bad 
and to be honest "that is why immigration has all these rules and wants proofs and why some embassies deny or send a packet back for NOIR/NOID
 
it hurts girl and i am sorry you were duped
 
keep trying to warn others and post on Facebook and hope just one will listen / its all  u can do

Thank you. I will look for them. I haven’t been on VJ for several years. 
 
Thank you for your insight.  Yes, I agree probably so but I can’t help feeling if I knew of NPD I would have been more aware and cautious. I never knew people like this existed.  I wonder if victims of this are encouraged to support it to homeland security? I always heard don’t bother they can’t do anything. But statistical information and potential avenues for change could help. 

Dr George Simon says our US society is one 
 
For many years, ours has been a narcissistic culture. And cultural narcissism results from the tolerance, promotion, and reinforcement of certain attitudes and values, such as:
Overvaluing of power, success, money, stereotypical beauty etc. Excessive striving for position, status, and a sense of superiority Excessive self-focus (i.e. egocentricity) and lack of awareness of/concern for others Selfishness and greed Inflated sense of worth and power Expectation of favor/sense of entitlement Lack of appreciation/gratitude Poor sense of moral obligation and so very sorry for u or anyone who has been used in the fashion u speak of
but Homeland Security has warned of this and posted  that we all need to be aware of those who would use USC for a green card and/ or money and chain migration
 
I am afraid that the ones who need to hear your message would have closed ears and repond by "but i am in love"  and sorry,  but love is blind AND deaf
 

It is sufficiently common to have produced a long running TV Show. With spin offs.
 
Must admit I have not seen it called covert narcissism before.
 
There have been many many threads on VJ about this is one form or other.

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been on this site participating in discussions.   When my husband (now ex husband) was first denied in 2014, I took it as my mission to help others in my situation. I did that for a few years.
Well now I’m back here trying to turn another negative into a positive and hoping my pain can again help others. After 5.5 years of marriage, I have discovered that I am a victim of a covert narcissist who (along with the enabling of his family) used me for a green card and a new life.  I am here to speak my truth and hopefully bring awareness to Covert Narcissism, a personality disorder rampant within a society plaqued by systemic poverty and survivalist mentality.  
Yes, now looking back I see the red flags I ignored and signs of deceit but it was so subtle and not knowing anything about covert narcissism I was completely blindsided.  
My intention is to make future posts to help point out the signs of narcissistic personality disorder so others have the knowledge that I didn’t have.  Being in a long distance relationship makes it very difficult to really know a person’s true character and intentions because of the limited time spent in person. It’s so easy for these people to hide their real self and create a fake persona of who you want them to be. I have personally heard the stories of over a dozen women that have been take advantage of by these types of people. The events and behaviors  are almost identical. 
I encourage anyone who has experienced this to share your story. I am a safe place and you can also private message me.  
 

^Exactly this!!!! This is the tough questions the OP should be prepared for.

No one can answer that.  The fact that you had a previous relationship with a US citizen will likely be questioned.  One question might be "Why are you seeking American women online"??
Yes, that is the kind of scrutiny you can expect.  The reason for the past denail could also be a major obstacle. 

I was wondering how truly vast this underground place must be. Brings the final scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark to mind...

I'm failing to understand this. What exactly is the hold up? It's not like Covid is hanging out in some underground vault that barely sees visitors. Send out triple/quadruple vaccinated people who test negative. What's the problem? It's not like going into a hospital or clinic environment where there's a risk of contracting Covid in the physical space? Heck, people working in grocery stores and retail are probably at a higher risk of catching Covid than sending down a few tested people into the vaults.

Well that isn't true. I have known personally of a few who at Citizenship things started to unravel in their stories. N400 they truly do a deeper dive. You are never past suspicion. Sometimes at N-400 is when fraud is found out sadly.
 
This almost same scenario happen to a friend of mine. He thought like you and thought Immigration would not connect the dots and at interview he was grilled why the difference in addresses and why did he divorce shortly after I-751 and changed to divorce waiver.
After all was said and done he was separated when he filed for ROC wife thought she was helping by signing but then it went south and they divorced waiting for ROC approval and he was called into interview and it was changed to divorce waiver all fine. But at N-400 it was found they were separated when I-751 was filed.
 
Seems OP has about the same story. No way anyone is forgetting in 2 years where they lived. I know my address from when I was 10 that was 53 years ago, So OP sorry your story so does not add up at all.

This.
 
OP hasn't responded on if his address mix ups are a minor one or a major one. If in ROC, he claimed to live in an address shared with his spouse but in N400 he listed another address for the 
time period before ROC approval, the IO would suspect for sure if he hid information like separation before ROC approval. 
 
OP is just blaming address mixups for denial when it could be the case where the address discrepancy might well prove they were already separated before ROC approval.

This seems like there is some heavy suspicion of marriage fraud if they are going all the way back to your initial immigration interview and removal of conditions. The burden may be on you now to prove the marriage was bonafide from the beginning. You need to overcome this suspicion.
 
Best to contact a good competent lawyer. 

Im so sorry to hear about your situation,  but when there is to much distance between anything...it leaves an open space and the opportunity for the void to be filled. I pray that you and your wife can find the love you once shared.  Put your marriage 1st,  school will always be there. If you love her you need to prove it and she will stay.  Nothing is worth losing love. Focus on saving your marriage and the rest will fall into place.. Best wishes. 

well, you're in immigration process and to get you a status that is privilege  - things should be around your wife and you, not around your studies and you. 

If you are in college, is is important to spell it correctly.

Ok. Anyways, they are way past that stage now. I think we all agree that a marriage where they see each other every three months under these circumstances is at least weird. OP has three choices: 1) move and try to reconcile with wife, 2) attend the interview together and say that they are facing some issues (suggested by @Mike E) or divorce and switch to a divorce waiver. I guess the fourth option would be to just do nothing and expect a denial.

You do know that F1 students have the ability to change universities, don't you?
You do know that once you marry and file for AOS, you can drop out of school to be with your spouse if you wanted to work on your marriage?
If you're ROCing now, it means that you AOSed at least two years ago. You could have switched universities or even drop out of school if you wanted to be with your wife. You're well past that stage now!

As best I can remember from the 80s and 90s sex is important to young couples. 😉 Her feelings are normal and shouldn't be that much of a surprise to you.

Have you ever lived in marital union with you spouse? You said that during the first 2 years you lived in the same state but only spent weekends together, and during the past year you were only together a few times.
 
That does not sound like a normal marriage to me. Yes, couples get approved if they temporarily live in different states because of college or work, but they usually make a genuine effort to spend as much time together as they can, instead of a 2-day visit every 3 or 4 months.

Regardless of the personal relationship issues, if the marriage is irreparable, it is time to divorce and attempt the I751 with a divorce waiver.
 
Good Luck! 

First of all, divorce is not a problem for ROC if you are honest about it. You can’t file a joint petition the way things are now because you’re separated. That would be misrepresenting yourself and it has very serious consequences.
And no, not many couples live separate and visit each other every three to four months. It looks more like a friendship situation, and in fact that’s how your wife perceived it. Own the situation: either move to be closer to her, or divorce and switch to a divorce waiver.

Exactly...and marriage is a two-party experience.