GurkenSalat

Yes, yes, pleeeease come here! It's nice!
You're kind of reinforcing my opinion of Texas. I once said "nobody is worth going to Texas for" when a friend of mine moved over there (he's in Houston). I hope you find a group of people you get along with and don't find the environment too annoying/oppressive.
I don't know if it's possible at all, but moving to one of the coasts would definitely be a good idea!

Ok, I really think you shouldn't be worried about this. Just try to relax, and wait. It's all you can do. If you guys are for real and know each other well, you will pass with flying colors.

Calling each other "wifey and hubby" before they got married is hardly official/legally binding. It may just be that it showed intent to marry and stay before the foreigner entered the US and thus the denial was based on lying to CBP, NOT on what they said on FB. Sure they might gather evidence from FB, but why do you all insist on scaring OP?! She made no glaring mistake like that, they are a real well-intentioned couple and she doesn't want to have to leave and be without her husband for an indefinite period of time - and that is a scary prospect and we all know it.
So really now, OP... stop worrying. Pay no mind to the fearmongering, just do your best on the evidence and explaining yourself at your interview and you WILL be fine.

Yes, but it's still quite difficult to get to LPR from F-1. You'd have to luck out finding a job, get sponsored for H1B, which you're then NOT guaranteed to get, then have your company sponsor you for a green card based on exceptional skills, and this whole thing can take YEARS. Being in STEM helps.
OP, have you discussed living in Canada? It can be just as good as living in the US (or even better) and might be easier from an immigration perspective...

I think the lawyer is trying to fleece you. Some lawyers will use these tactics to make it look like you NEED them and you'll never survive without them, and blah.
I also put together a giant stack of papers for my AOS, and guess what - I did it myself and I was $2500 richer for it (or just not $2500 poorer, lol). And yes, the $1500 or so are fees everyone pays, they are simply USCIS's processing fees. You send them a check (well, I sent two checks, one for each package).
Making a mistake - forgetting to send something that is, will result in an RFE. Yes, that can delay your processing and yes, you may be waiting forever, but in that period, your wife will be legal her, and make sure to apply for an EAD as part of the process, so she can also work. And AP if you want to travel. You generally get those within 3 months and then you'll be set, more or less.
Read the guide (http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide2), it's a good place to start. People here are willing to help. Also, feel free to PM me, I went through pretty much what you're going right now and came out the other side. I will help with anything I can and still remember

I think the lawyer is trying to fleece you. Some lawyers will use these tactics to make it look like you NEED them and you'll never survive without them, and blah.
I also put together a giant stack of papers for my AOS, and guess what - I did it myself and I was $2500 richer for it (or just not $2500 poorer, lol). And yes, the $1500 or so are fees everyone pays, they are simply USCIS's processing fees. You send them a check (well, I sent two checks, one for each package).
Making a mistake - forgetting to send something that is, will result in an RFE. Yes, that can delay your processing and yes, you may be waiting forever, but in that period, your wife will be legal her, and make sure to apply for an EAD as part of the process, so she can also work. And AP if you want to travel. You generally get those within 3 months and then you'll be set, more or less.
Read the guide (http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide2), it's a good place to start. People here are willing to help. Also, feel free to PM me, I went through pretty much what you're going right now and came out the other side. I will help with anything I can and still remember

1. Don't marry someone you don't fully know and trust! This should be common sense.
2. You have to really consider if the things you learn about him are deal-breakers. It should take only ONE deal-breaker to make you turn away. These are things you can't just "get over" or "work out".
I would run and hide at the first thoughts of "I've learned things about him and they aren't too great". It's your life, so you have to be VERY careful what you do with it.

And OPT would most likely not allow him to work in a restaurant. Unless he was majoring in the culinary arts OPT is strictly related to your field of study.
I'm sorry OP, but you are in a pickle!
Even if it was a real marriage, the wife probably decided that it's not worth staying married if you can't actually be together.
But lay off the "living apart = married only for greencard", people. NY and MA are "close enough", and would have been close enough for us for a while. We've done the LDR thing while both of us were in the US. It sucked, so we decided not to do that anymore. But, errr 10 years?! Out of sight...

1. Don't marry someone you don't fully know and trust! This should be common sense.
2. You have to really consider if the things you learn about him are deal-breakers. It should take only ONE deal-breaker to make you turn away. These are things you can't just "get over" or "work out".
I would run and hide at the first thoughts of "I've learned things about him and they aren't too great". It's your life, so you have to be VERY careful what you do with it.

You can get married in the US and then go to grad school in the Netherlands. When you're about 1 year away from graduating, file for IR/CR-1 and you will then move back to the US to be with your husband.
Conversely, if you decide to stay in the US, you can get married and AOS immediately (no need to go the CR-1 route since you already IN the US). In both cases, you get a green card, so you'll pretty much have to live in the US. The difference is in the timing and where you are located at the time of application.
Good luck!

Yes, that is the guide I used, I found it a good starting point, as well as reference. Additionally, I downloaded all the forms I needed from USCIS and the instructions for the forms and studied them before even beginning to fill them out.
1. It is not NECESSARY to have a joint account, but affidavits and pictures are not as compelling for evidence. Evidence of commingling of finances, being on each other's insurance, living together, and having a kid are all very helpful to your case.
1.1. There is no template for the affidavits from family/friends that I could find. I just asked people I knew and liked nicely to write something formal detailing what they know about us. Worked out ok
2. Yes, I think it helps to have the I-693 sent in with the rest of your package. If you don't, you might be RFEd, or you *might* be able to just give them the form at the interview, but I'm not sure. I think it saves time to have it done beforehand.
3. I really don't know. You'd be in a different category for requesting EAD now. Maybe someone who knows can answer, or you can figure that out from the form instructions. Sorry!
4. You can retrieve your electronic I-94. It's really easy, here's how: https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1694/~/i-94-automation---how-to-print-a-copy-of-your-i-94-form

Not only legal - it's procedure. And, I expect, also not rude. Just procedure. Most likely, the interaction was rather impersonal, but some people may construe that as rude... people are so quick to take everything personally.

Ah. This must be why Americans are dying in their droves while all those other places are full of fit healthy people.

Travel restrictions: you will not be able to leave the U.S. before you receive your AP (Advance Parole). You can apply for this in conjunction with the EAD (and if you go this route, don't even bother with OPT). It takes 2-3 months to get, I think. Took about 2 for me, and on the 3rd I already had my GC (but mine was super-fast!)
If you leave the country before receiving AP, your AOS will be considered abandoned, you will have to reapply, and you may be forced to go the IR-1/CR-1 route. So, don't leave!

When we got RFE'd for the I-864, it was because we hadn't sent paystubs for the last 6 months (or last 6 paystubs, don't remember exactly). We sent our tax form (not transcripts) and his employer letter, but for the RFE we sent a bunch of paystubs and the tax TRANSCRIPT and then we were fine.
You list looks mostly right, but how many paystubs are you sending? Get as many as you can!

Because he was here on a B visa.
Sorry, there are no options for you to stay right now. Your only path is to go home, hope you haven't incurred a ban (which I'm afraid you probably have) and then try to come back with your family the legal way.
In that case, the options are an investor visa (requires $$$), so you come here to open a business, or you can try to get a job with a company that can sponsor you for an H1-B (requires specialized skills). Another option, though also not great, is to apply for a university program. Get in and they help you get an F-1 visa, and your family can also come and stay with you (but they cannot work, you can only work on campus with limitations). So, that also requires LOTS of $$$.
None of the options for you to come back legally will allow your wife to work for a number of years, and all of them require quite a heavy load of $$$. Sorry for all the parentheses, but there are a lot of limitations and caveats I thought of while typing.

Your husband can't do anything about you being deported. Stop worrying about being deported and start worrying about your mental health and protect yourself from abuse. You already spoke with a lawyer. If you trust him, he's probably the best person to give advice at this point, but this is what I would do in your place.
- Move out (if you have friends, good. if not go to a shelter)
- Document the specific abuse instances in a journal. Be as specific as you can. E-mail it to yourself or e-mail/snail-mail it to your lawyer so that there is dated evidence of your state of mind if you need it later as evidence during litigious divorce. Make a new free e-mail account if you are afraid of him monitoring that. Use internet from the local library or kinko's if you need access away from the house.
- Report anything that can be reported to police (stolen GC, social security card, drivers' license, any instance of physical abuse)
- If you fear him, get restraining order (talk with your lawyer or shelter or police about it)
- Request replacement of stolen documents and have it mailed to a friend's address or the shelter.
- Try as much as you can to move on with your life: get a job, get a social life.
- Proceed with one sided divorce.

This sounds like really abusive, controlling behaviour. I mean, if a woman were posting here that her husband got mad at her for working out near a man at the gym, watching a show that had a man with his top off and daring to talk to male coworkers, we'd all be telling her run for the hills.

This sounds like domestic violence from a woman against a man. If she won't go to counselling, get out.

Yes, she did go visit him for 3 weeks... back in mid-July. It has been about 7 weeks now, and no news. I just hope everything is going well with them.
Oh, and I didn't post until now, but I've been lurking this thread. I REALLY hope everything is alright over there, CanGirl!

That is why I didn't apply for one. The forms confused me. If it is meant for emergencies, but you have to know your travel date and purpose when filling out the form, then... Well, if I have an emergency that requires travel, then I need the AP yesterday, not in 60-90 days! And if I don't know, then I can't apply for it, but if an emergency DOES come up and I have to apply for AP, well... then they will take too long with it. I don't schedule my inter-continental travel emergencies 3 months in advance
But then I was told "you can just apply for it", and it seems like a lot of people do, so... I don't even know how AP is supposed to work anymore!

My notification of it being sent came a few days after status changed to "Card Production". Here's what the updates looked like, and what I *think* they mean:
"On <date>, we ordered production of your new card. Please allow 30 days for your card to be mailed to you." - this was when they actually started making the card (?)
"On <date>, we mailed the new card directly to the address we have on file. You should receive your new card within 30 days. " - about a week later. This is the date they actually mailed the card
"The USPS reported that they picked up mail from USCIS containing your new card on <date>." - same date as the previous one. This one also gave me the tracking number
"The USPS reported that your new card was delivered on <date>, directly to the address we had on file." - date of delivery. Sure enough, the card was in the mailbox. They mailed it via 2-day Expedited service, and I received it a day early, so the date here is one day after the previous one.
Yes, I do believe you are approved, and you are still within the time between their making the card and sending it. Your mileage may vary.

Yay, thank you! I had completely overlooked that. Now I just... don't have those arrow charts on my timeline. Oh well, I can live with that Thanks a lot!

Are you also updating your profile? That is where the updates that show when you post are updated. The timeline is a separate feature that you have to open up to see. So, if you haven't updated your profile as well, open up your profile and click on edit. That will give you the options you need to update your status in your profile. Then, just save them and you should see the changes on your public profile as well. Unfortunately, the Timeline and Profiles are not automatically linked so you need to update each one individually.
Btw - Congratulations on the approval!

IMO it would be both unnecessary and inappropriate for you to take any action.
Remember it is his green cards, not yours. it is his to surrender.
If he remains outside the USA for over a year, he will probably be refused entry, as any permanent resident would, unless he can show good cause, and his green card would be subject to revocation.
When his conditional period expires, he will either have to apply for removal of conditions or his green card will expire. Based on the facts you provided, he will probably not apply, and if he does, he will not succeed.
He may wish to surrender it because otherwise he is subject to USA taxes.
I'm sorry for your situation and heartbreak (been there, done that, got the bruises) but you have no obligation to immigration.

*shurg* I'm just telling you what USCIS looks for. Proof of a genuine relationship. You figure out the rest, it's your life
Plus, you are not applying right now. You will be applying for AOS after your marriage. By then, you probably will begin living together and all that jazz. Don't worry about it