MuDelphi

great thread

Look at our pics here...see our dates..see a normal life...until the green card came...then he was gone. And it was right about that same time I found out he was cheating on me for an entire year...having a sexual affair with a pregnant 20 year old. Sickening. He even brought her into our home and had sex with her on my couch. She described my home to me. I was visiting my mother at the eastern shore only overnight when he pulled this stunt. Other than that I was a stay at home wife, visiting his cell phone store from time to time with no apparent issues. Well...hahaha..the joke was on me. Don't be stupid and think you are smart like I did. Really think hard. This guy came from a perfectly wonderful family... I met all of them and stayed in Jordan twice for over a month each time getting to know them and everything seemed perfect. He was performing an act even in front of his family. Because they did not realize his intentions of leaving eventually. Neither did I..this was a fairytale romance...I was his queen, etc. , etc...you know the whole routine...you know who you are. RETHINK YOUR DECISION!!!!
If I had this to do all over again I would realize that once he got here I don't ever remember being his "queen" again. I know that in some cases the love is real...and that is beautiful, wonderful, congratulations.
But think about it because all signs pointed to its real and it was not real. He told me he never wanted to come to america at all. I never put two and two together until after the fact...then why did he have a 4 year degree in English Literature????? HELLO...EARTH TO DEBBIE...and now EARTH TO WHOEVER IS READING THIS POST!!!!
BE CAREFUL. Love is a powerful thing and it can take you and you can be cheated and heartbroken. I saw similar posts on visajourney myself but only after I got married but I still thought my marriage was good...cause the green card coming was the thing that gave him the green light to it the road and thats just what he did. He would have been gone anyway after what I discovered about him. Deceiving...innocent acting cheater.
I know not all out there are like this...this note is not to put a damper on anyone's perfect union...but all I am saying is to rethink everything and be careful for yourself. It's your life...immigration is a long and painful process to go through with and for someone. In this case I even did all the paperwork and processed the whole thing myself without an attorney...I mean...I really got screwed. DON'T GET SCREWED!! Date...why marry? Live together.....for a long time first.
Good luck
Deb

oh yeah some of you judge me but i did talk about at length what we expected but she changed and morphed.
1st it was just her mother and brother and then later it became alot more family needs. I spoke to her about many things she agreed to. but she just flipped. i see her now. just sad thank you all fo ryour help. moving to the Div just have t plan it all out.
wishe me luck.

Theresistance you need to seek some therapy asap.You are excusing her abusive behavior saying things such as " It is hard to just stop. She does not want to be without me, but she does not want to be near the kids", "...If I divorce her, I am destroying her life and everything she gave up". Please, man, raise the bar high for yourself.

You got married to a selfish /abusive person. She has ZERO love for you.Do you think to slap someone means "love" ? throw things on you means "love? yell at you means "love"?.
Your #### wife has her moral compass broken. If you decide not to respect yourself,at least respect and protect your children.

Word around VJ is that they haven't even been asking to see the I-134s at the interview.
To any other intending immigrants who are reading this: get a CR1 visa. So what if it takes longer, you will not be trapped in your home unable to work or travel if something goes wrong with finances or your spouse.
To OP: You did her wrong by bringing her here when you clearly couldn't afford to. You are treating her like some sort of war bounty to be kept in your home with your discretion as to when she finally gets to earn her freedom. She is angry and she's the type that gets violent when angry according to you. Let her go home - buy her a ticket, get a civil protection order to keep her out of your house, and please don't bring another spouse to America if you can't afford AOS and ROC. Just don't do it.

Must be a trend

NO ONE should take this personal...
There is a reason PHILIPINES is High visa fraud country...
The scams speak for themselves....if you philipine fiancee is great
If not..... people are more than welcome to come on here and get support!! Leoandro never down talked people from philipines he just told his story....

typical fobby problem. lol

Its been a while since we did this, but rates were better in China. The money changers the airports will kill you, go to a bank of China, etc.

Obviously everyone should be extremely cautious when choosing their partner, regardless of country or age, etc, but here are a few of my observations after having been around dozens of Fil-Am relationships and “couples groups” across several years. There are always exceptions, but logic dictates that you WILL be part of the rule, and not the exception. ZERO offense is meant to anybody. I only hope to inform and setup reasonable expectations for new couples and soon to be newly weds.
I met my wife while I was living in the Philippines. I was in Asia for business for a few years. I had an extreme luxury compared to many other guys that I’ve met because I had the chance to really get to know her before marrying her and bringing her to the USA. She had a very good family with a conservative upbringing and influence from her parents and other elder relatives. She’d never had a drink or been in a club until my corruption of her began. She was 21 and I was 31 when we met.
When we moved to the USA we quickly got caught up in the Fil-Am couples culture. And let me tell you, it is quite a culture. There are many great benefits and serious flaws with these groups. Here is some insight into these groups.
There are large, elaborate parties planned every week. If your “home group” doesn’t have one, then another group nearby will have one. At these parties the guys are usually sitting around, drinking beer, and watching some rather boring TV. The guy’s average age is probably around 55 years. The girls, average age of 24, will be in another room speaking whichever Filipino dialect that they speak. They’ll be doing shots, playing bizzare sexually themed party games, and screaming louder every 30 second than you’ve ever heard before. The food will be Filipino every time. The guys and girls equally have nothing and everything in common at the same time.
That’s where your ability to observe their social life ends. After these parties, everything goes into the underground world of Facebook, Instagram, FB messenger, Wechat, etc. Your wife will LIVE on her smartphone. She will live for private messages, selfies, group chats, and Facebook statuses.
You’ll want to give privacy to her, and if you do that, you’ll have no clue whatsoever what she’s up to. If you try to translate it you’ll fail because of their shorthand, it incomprehensible to any automated translation system. And that’s if it’s Tagalog. If it’s Visaya or Ilocana, etc, you’re just screwed. You will be able to, however, see that a lot of the people she is speaking to are 20 year old Filipino guys.
Is it starting to sound like I’m bitter? I’m not, because my wife does not do any of this. What I do have though is a front row, insiders seat to what all her “friends” are up to. And what they are up to is no good. No good at all.
They are very sophisticated phone users. If she doesn’t want you to find her secrets, you won’t. They have ridiculous “sleep overs” very frequently where they head to the local club or bar and stumble home at 5am. They sleep with all kinds of guys, here in the USA, or ex boyfriends when they go home for a visit. They’ll give their night shift manager at their minimum wage job sexual favors just to spice things up.
Often times because of pride and the desire to“one-up” each other, they’ll sleep with / mess around with the other guys in the group. (their “friend’s” hubands) They’ll start flirting, messaging, coming onto the younger guys in these groups. They’re more of a “prize” and the younger guys tend to use these tech tools with more familiarity than their older counterparts.
Last night at 2am I was invited by two of the four girls having an impromptu pool party. They didn’t invite my wife because she’s fallen out of favor with them this month. I think they were already drunk enough to imagine that I’d go there without her. They would have likely wanted a threesome, hoping to get a pic or two for future bragging rights or leverage, whatever is needed at the time.
Countless times I’ve been the direct target of many, many, many of these different girls revenge plots, thrill seeking, or boredom solving schemes. I think I have unsolicited topless/naked selfies of around half of the girls that we associate with.
Because I actually go to the clubs and bars with my wife and often times her “friends”, I get to hear their drunken rants about how much they miss home. How controlling their husbands are. How they’ll just stay until they have citizenship. After that they’ll get a decent job, save up, and then move “home”.
They really do love and care about their husbands. Sometimes enough to cry about their horrible behavior, but not enough to actually quit all of this fun.
I also get to hear all the stories about the affairs that they had while engaged but not able to come to the USA until the K1’s are approved.
Most of these girls actually hate each other. It’s a lot of what we all saw in Jr High School. It is full on Mean Girls. They are extremely cliquish and will banish, shame, ignore, and embarrass a girl if she doesn’t uphold their needs for popularity and beauty.
These groups work hard to have the largest most popular group possible. The smaller the group, the less powerful and cool they feel. When the invitations stop coming your way, you’ve been fazed out. We’ve been through so many groups, iterations of the same groups with the key players revolving around, alliances shifting, and grudges spring up.
Husbands, who usually desire a peaceful relationship that is free from drama will try their best to be supportive of these new immigrants. They know their wives don’t have family or friends, so you want to help them enjoy a social life and give them the privacy and respect that anybody seeks.
At some point a lot of these women will realize you don’t have half as much money as they had fanaticized about when they met you. They realize that you really are 10,20,30,40 years older than them. They realize that they get a sh*t ton of attention when they all go to the club together, and these are young foreigners, just like their friends in PH are seeing in the movies. Their friend’s opinion is everything.
A lot of these ideas/issues don’t even exist when you first meet. People change A LOT in their 20’s. They figure out who they are, what they want, what their strengths and weakness are. Before coming to the USA their options are so limited, that you are likely their very best option. Once they naturally mature and experience more of life they see how many options they really have. They further recognize the power of their beauty and sexuality. If they can get some spousal or child support from you, then they’re really getting setup. Especially if paring that with a blue USA passport.
This statistic with be complete BS, but I’ll throw my guess out there anyway. I’d expect that these bad relationship account for around 60% of the whole. Probably 20% are quite good, and the other 20% are somewhere in between. One common link in these statistics? The larger the age gap, the worse the loyalty is. The really big trouble seems to start when the girls are in their 20’s and the guys are 60+. Oh, and the plainer looking girls seem to just really want a stable husband and family… The one wearing the $500+ Versace dress that you bought her isn’t too worried about impressing you anymore.
If you fall into one of the above trouble groups, please just use caution. You might be lucky, but you are probably not.

Chinese gender preference for boys, selective abortions, and abandonment of girls has finally made them a high value commodity.
I didn't pay a bride price, and I think you'd be crazy to do so if its not in your culture or not reciprocated. While this has largely changed with modern western couples who share wedding expenses, its generally our tradition for the bride's family to pay for the wedding. I think you should request that you had dream of the Steve Miller band to play your wedding and their appearance fee is 45K.

Chinese gender preference for boys, selective abortions, and abandonment of girls has finally made them a high value commodity.
I didn't pay a bride price, and I think you'd be crazy to do so if its not in your culture or not reciprocated. While this has largely changed with modern western couples who share wedding expenses, its generally our tradition for the bride's family to pay for the wedding. I think you should request that you had dream of the Steve Miller band to play your wedding and their appearance fee is 45K.

A "myth" that unprotected homosexual "gay" sex exposes oneself and others to HIV? Are you serious? Am I missing something here?

I think if you study Darren's posts, you'll have all the answers.

Now 3 months after our wedding and shes been here 6 months.
Im finally done trying. for every 2 great days, there are 2 days of hell. She goes from dancing, talking, singing, hugging, kissing, to not talking to me in minutes. And the silent treatment lasts days.
At this point, we're not consummating much of anything. She uses this against me, but I am just too stressed out to ever be in the mood.
I don't see this changing.
I told her today that I'd give her two days to consider everything. The two of us divorcing and never speaking again, her moving back home, etc. I asked her if she loves me, and her answer is, "If it gets me home".
I'm so done. I'm cooked, turn me over. This has been a hellacious 5 year journey that I would never reccomend anyone ever going through.

I'd keep a tight hold on that money, lest it find itself Western Unioned back to the Philippines.

The easiest way would be for you both to drive your convertible into an open, raging volcano.

Do you treat your wife with such little respect in all areas of your relationship? Just curious.

Go in split.

Don't send invites for the wedding celebration to the consulate interview staff and you'll be ok.
VJers over-react to this question. Don't mention the party or show photos, how the hell would they know?

Are they asking you to help them find jobs in Manila?

Your biggest addiction remains: making bad posts.

You're already working up alternative women and contingency plans? Is this a joke? You clearly aren't ready for marriage with this girl.

This is a trainwreck. You are completely unprepared for marriage.

Filipinas are so cute, in a little girl kind of way. Most of the time, I feel like I am raising a teenage daughter.