Fiance Disapeared !!

[Ban Hammer 12,878]

It is understandble that some people may not believe me and be skeptical because I wish to remain undercover. If someone were a detective they could probably deduce about who I am from posts.

already done. and he's legit, folks.

Yeah, there were already enough details and things the OP said to make a check possible and to find out the poster, but I respect his privacy and understand his desire to remain semi-anonymous.

If he was a member here for over a year this is also the first place I would go to seek advice and help from people who understand the situation and how it would feel if this happened to them.

agreed. and i further agree with the police report.

[garya505 2]

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

What state is this. I see Texas service center on your bio. Is it Texas. The guy, Thomas, said she was heading for Texas. ( One of the three places I was told she was). This kind of stuff pisses me off. There are those of us who do things the legal way and then states grant illegals access to services using tax dollars. Can't recall, But wasn't there something a while back about granting Illegals drivers licences. I have nothing against foriegners, but do things the legal way and make it impossible to do anything if your not here legally.

I'm in NM. Illegals can get a driver's license here as well. It pisses me off too.

[Mrs.J06 4]

If she was really a scam and has been planning this for a long time, why wouldn't she at least stick around until she has a conditional green card?

Disappearing after not even two weeks without getting married doesn't leave her any options but be illegal after a while - why would somebody who desperate wants to live in the US do that?

Sounds more like a panic attack or cold feet to me.

[garya505 2]

jonkam,

I'm sorry, but I think she used you for a VISA. If she simply got cold feet, she would at least have the courtesy to contact you and let you know she's OK. That's the least she should do.

You seem like a nice, sincere guy. Someday when this is all over, you may want to try again. There are a lot of woman still looking for a nice husband. I suggest you report her missing to the police now, and report her disapperance to USCIS and ICE (now or when the 90 days is expired). Establish a paper trail, so if you ever file for a VISA again you can show this paper trail and will have a better chance of getting an IMBRA waiver.

Don't say never. Someday this will be a bad memory.

Gary

PS: PM me.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Wow, it took me a while to read all 17 pages of what happened! Jon, I feel for you, and must commend you on your ability to keep your cool without loosing it. If it were me, I'd be trying to hunt her down, to get to the bottom of the truth. If I knew the tel # to the lady in AZ, I'd trace it and be in front of her house for the opportunity to talk with her, thinking the SO is there. (Yes, I know I'm crazy)

While on one of the back pages, it struck me as odd, the story about your experience with her actions post-interview. Her mom was so sick, but yet took an almost week trip to Rio with her? Like there was no phone anywhere to call & say "I'm approved, by the way going to a hospital." If my husband did that during the fiance days I don't know what I would have done, either freaked out that something happened or definitely thought of some alternative plan being brewed up. But you cant change what happened.

I truly wish that she does at least contact you. Just so you get some well deserved closure on this. It must be super hard to go from saying "I love you" one day to thinking hating thoughts the next. I'm not going to speculate like others on why it happened. Just know that its better it was day 10, than year 3. You deserve better, and look at the bright side, she has put herself into one heck of an immigration mess now... no matter what path she chooses in her future.

Good luck, and continue to be positive!

Edited August 23, 2007 by Nanusia & Lukaszek

[AmericanGentleman 0]

Jonkam,

I am writing to you in hopes to ease your worry and offer some comfort in your situation. I too was a victim of a simular situation. Let me describe what happened to me before I offer my first hand knowledge of situations like this. But also keep in mind this happened to me 8 years ago, so things may have changed both legally and operationally.

In 2000, I met a Ukrainian woman on the internet. I traveled to Ukraine and we fell in love. After about a year, I brought her over on a K-1 visa. She was very very impatient to keep the ball moving. We married within 30 days. Within 3 months of her arrival she aquired everything. She got credit, a car financed, a job, SS#, drivers license, etc... And then she had no further use for me and abandoned me.

I felt greatly betrayed and felt she deserved to be deported, but mostly I wanted to make sure my good name was not marred as being part of something that was seemingly fraudulant. I contacted the INS and they told me there was nothing I could do. It would be between her and an immigration court to determine her fate. They also said that I would not be held accountable for this sham as long as I was not tryign to actively abuse the system. i.e. filing for another K-1 within the next few years.

After a couple months she came back. My hurt and anger had cooled and I decided to take a moral high ground. Excuses and explainations we offered and accepted, but I insisted we divorce and after another year of helping her get on her feet, we went our separate ways.

I honestly believe we went into this with good intentions. However, a part of me will always feel like I was used. That being said, the greater truth is she was not the woman for me. That greater truth is what you need to realize also, my friend. This woman is not the woman you will spend the golden days of your life with. This woman is a perfect storm in your heart at the moment, a storm to turn your soul black as thunderclouds. But you will find the one woman that is a constant series of showers that with make the grass of your soul grow green.

There is happy endings to stories like these. I swore I would NEVER EVER go through a K1 visa process again. Yet, 8 years later, a friend introduced me to a woman in Vietnam. I decided I would persue this relationship without the emotional baggage of my past and I have be dealt a massive head wound by cupid's arrow. I find myself in the K1 process again despite my horrible first experience. Of course, the entire circumstances are different this time. I am older and wiser. And she is honest and patient. I feel the experience I got from that bad situation has helped me find the relationship that is my series of showers.

[jonkam 0]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

Well lets just prey that nothing has happened to her.... I can see the police saying to you... "So your partner disappears, you have no idea where she is, or if she is ok and yet you did not feel it was appropriate to report her missing" All I know is that if my husband disappeared and I did not know where he was and had had no contact with him for 24hrs I would be reporting him missing....

But I guess you know best...

Kez

I agrea even if the police cant do nothing at least they will have it on file that you did take action and I would also start to copy any letter or e mail you send and keep it in your own record for future evidence , so you can prove you didnt just sit there doin nothing , ( I would even print this thread )

when you file and they cant do nothing for 90 days , what if she contacts you after 70 or 80 days knowing her visa will expire and she will get deported if she doesnt aply the rules ,

what if she trys to say baby am sorry and gives you a tra la la about how much she missd you and loves you and still want to marry you ,

if thats the case you have prove of no contact since she disapeard I do hope nothing bad happend to her , but if her intentions where to come to the states and become a citizen without the mutual feeling of a long term partnership to you ,

am sorry to say but I say report her the sooner the better , because thats one of a reasons why the waiting list for interview for people like me (and so many others) with real intentions of being together with the man I love is so long ,( I know some might say what does that have to do with our cases ? well the uscis has to work on every case and if its a like this and its ahead of us , it puts us back a file ) Not to the fault of the U.S.C , but alone to the benefitionary

if her intentions was to decieve you from the start thats abuse right there i am sorry to hear about your case wish you the best , Lona

Keeping a record of e-mails/letters is a good idea. Didn't really think about it.

How about her contacting me in the future and wanting back in: That's a tough one. As I said there would be slim chance. Her story would have to be REALLY good. Can't really see her having a great excuse. everything just seems to planned for it to be cold feet. What I should do if this occured is say, Ya honey I'll take you back: Use her for the remaining time, then when the 90th day comes, buy a ticket and send her back home. This would be totally wrong and I would never to this. I'm a decent guy, but there is a part of me that would like to get back at her. When something like this happens, you have to deal with every emotion at the time, very difficult.

I do plan to report her. and sooner than the 90 days. But, its been only a few days, so I'll wait a little longer. I agree that because of people like her, the legit people here have to wait that much longer. In hindsight, I wish I saw this coming. Not only to spare myself the hurt and not to mention the financial aspect, but also so keep that one more negative statistic off the board.

[jonkam 0]

The OP has been given the options currently available. "Cancelling the K1 visa." is not one of them. Her visa has been used, so is of no use now. Her I-94 is good for 90 days. If she doesn't marry him during those 90 days, her I-94 expires and she begins an overstay status. He has no control over any of this. His last control point would have been before the visa was in her passport and hand. Once in her hand, she could have flown here and never seen him, had she chosen to do so. (Perhaps because he bought the ticket and knew her itinerary.)

For another 80 days, he has no recourse with any immigration authority. Then he can notify USCIS that the marriage did not occur and any other information he has.

It's a regrettable circumstance made even worse because there IS no recourse at this time and little if any later.

Jon, I have read this whole thread, I feel for you, I don't think you're a troll, and although the temptation might be to act sooner rather than later to avenge your situation, I think the wise thing to do here is to wait before acting. There is that 5%. I can't imagine what her story might be, but it is conceivable that this can be explained...

And as pushbrk points out, correctly I believe, she is not illegal until the 90 days are up, so contacting ICE right now serves no purpose.

I wish you well. You do seem like a sincere guy.

Maya

There is that SLIM chance. This situation is so fresh that I will wait a little longer. i can't see myself waiting the 90 days though.

I think the gov should change this ( not being illegal until the 90 days are up)

If a petitioner can show that it was fraud by the beneficary, and wishes to remove sponsorship, then they should do so right away. Giving them a full 90 days, gives them that much longer to get underground.

Even after the 90 days they, the gov., probably won't do much.

[marieke 1]

as many others i read the whole thread and im so sorry for you. i admire your strength. did you already have a date set for the wedding? was any of her family coming over? i wish you all the best and i hope you will have closure soon.

x

[mox 298]

Not to beat a dead horse, but all of this rampant speculation is just feeding into the OP's fervent imagination. I know people are trying to be helpful, but every time you say "I think she...." or "She probably..." you're just making the problem worse. There are some good suggestions (such as filing a MPR) on how to follow it technically, but the OP needs to go on the facts and try to get at the heart of the situation. Speculating that she has a boyfriend does absolutely no good. At this point maybe she was kidnapped by Martians or won the lottery and is now the Queen of Easter Island. Yes, the evidence *suggests* a pattern, but the human mind has a funny way of inferring the absolute worst. Especially the male mind, and especially when it comes to their female.

It's all just creating negative energy at a time that the OP needs to be creating positive energy so he can get to the bottom of it.

Tha't all I have to say.

[jonkam 0]

I dont understand tho, why use YOU when she couldve just used the other guy

Imagine she met the "other" guy at the same time she got packet 3 from the Consulate, for example. She could get to the US in a few weeks through the OP, or start all over with someone else. And suppose the "other guy" is not offering marriage and/or is already married and/or is in the US but not in a position to sponsor anyone (ie, illegal himself)?

Lots of possible scenarios here, including a bunch that don't involve another guy at all...

I was thinking something like this COULD be close to the truth. I don't think that if there was a guy that it would be only a few weeks or month prior to coming here. If there was one, it was probably many months ago.

Running scenarios in my head is what is difficult. The first 2 days were bad. I do feel a little better today. I am actually a little hungry. I only ate once since this happened. I ate nothing yesterday. Getting hungry is a good sign, I think.

[jonkam 0]

I dont understand tho, why use YOU when she couldve just used the other guy

Imagine she met the "other" guy at the same time she got packet 3 from the Consulate, for example. She could get to the US in a few weeks through the OP, or start all over with someone else. And suppose the "other guy" is not offering marriage and/or is already married and/or is in the US but not in a position to sponsor anyone (ie, illegal himself)?

Lots of possible scenarios here, including a bunch that don't involve another guy at all...

Yeah, while I can understand the OP is probably going nuts imagining tons of scenarios, I'm thinking that having a friend in Arizona to stay with and a desire to get to the U.S. is probably sufficient without imagining another boyfriend into existence.

I have three things in my head that could be true. First, she is staying with the old lady in Arizona. Possible. When I first called, I talked with the lady's son, Thomas, he seemed a little caught off guard by talking with me. That's when he told me about taking her to the bus station, Texas, etc... Then when I talked to Sarah she said Thomas took her to the bus station and she wanted to go home... The only common factor in both stories is a bus station. Which leads me to think this part may be true. Also I tend to believe Thomas, cause he sounded less rehersed.

This is what led me to think that she is NOT with Sarah in Arizona. Thomas mentioned her going to stay with friends. She NEVER mentioned friends or relatives in the U.S. before. Possible though.

Next, there is the other guy theory. Which, because of prior mentioned suspicions, I tend to think is a little more likely.

Not knowing is the worst time. Not thinking about is easier said than done.

[Donna A 4]

im really sorry for ur situation. i think it would be a good idea to file the missing person report tho. that way its on file in case something ever comes up like she claims u abused her. how can u abuse someone who is missing? i dont know if its too late now since shes been gone a few days.

really im not so sure if this was pre metatated on her part or not. i dont understand why she would give up her virginity for someone she planned on leaving anyway. she could have just used the excuse "lets wait for our wedding night" and then disappeard hymen entact.

getting hungry is a good sign. keep moving forward and dont look back. i know u want closure but i think u already have it in a round about way.

good luck

[Ladylethal 12]

Honestly? There might not be another guy, from what I know of my country and it's issues, and from what you've been saying, here and in your posts before this happened, she was REALLY trying to get to the US, and I believe she just wanted to go there, to work, to make money to send home. She tried other visa types and was denied, so she saw the opportunity with a K1, and she's obviously not in it for a GC, as she's fled as soon as she got here, I guess she wanted a way to get to US but defenitly not get married. It seems she doesn't mind working ilegally or staying ilegally.

[garya505 2]

I dont understand tho, why use YOU when she couldve just used the other guy

Imagine she met the "other" guy at the same time she got packet 3 from the Consulate, for example. She could get to the US in a few weeks through the OP, or start all over with someone else. And suppose the "other guy" is not offering marriage and/or is already married and/or is in the US but not in a position to sponsor anyone (ie, illegal himself)?

Lots of possible scenarios here, including a bunch that don't involve another guy at all...

Yeah, while I can understand the OP is probably going nuts imagining tons of scenarios, I'm thinking that having a friend in Arizona to stay with and a desire to get to the U.S. is probably sufficient without imagining another boyfriend into existence.

I have three things in my head that could be true. First, she is staying with the old lady in Arizona. Possible. When I first called, I talked with the lady's son, Thomas, he seemed a little caught off guard by talking with me. That's when he told me about taking her to the bus station, Texas, etc... Then when I talked to Sarah she said Thomas took her to the bus station and she wanted to go home... The only common factor in both stories is a bus station. Which leads me to think this part may be true. Also I tend to believe Thomas, cause he sounded less rehersed.

This is what led me to think that she is NOT with Sarah in Arizona. Thomas mentioned her going to stay with friends. She NEVER mentioned friends or relatives in the U.S. before. Possible though.

Next, there is the other guy theory. Which, because of prior mentioned suspicions, I tend to think is a little more likely.

Not knowing is the worst time. Not thinking about is easier said than done.

Since people have seen her since she left, you know she is OK so you don't need to worry about that.

You may never find out the real facts, but in the end it doesn't matter. Her actions so far have shown she didn't really love you and that's all you need to know. Obviously she had some sort of plan, and from what you told us about her strange behavior at times, well ... what else do you need to know?

You should just make a paper trail and move on.