Fiance Disapeared !!

[jonkam 0]

I had legit questions. And people have been very helpful. I do not want to scare anyone with a horror story and the like. We all know that i am not the first to experience a situation like this. i wish now that I had been a little more wary. I think many of us, before we started the journey, looked for stories like this. I certainly did. I think experiences like mine and others can only serve to educate future applicants. I hope no one starts to treat their SO's with a "guilty until proven innocent" attitude.

In what way?

I think that it shows that not all people are sincere and that there are people who would do this to gain entry into the U.S. I think now, that it is a little naive to go into a relationship and not think about the possibility of something like this happening. i went in thinking that there was a possibility that this could happen. But, I soon said, "Not me" and No "not her". Just maybe, if i took off the blinders, I could have avoided the situation. I am not here to preach to anyone and hope everyone has a successful relationship.

You didn't know that before?

I tried to keep my OP relatively short. I did not want to post a novel about my last year and a half.

So what have you learned from the experience?

Don't be such a trusting person. Easier said than done. Its hard to teach old dogs new tricks. (well I'm not that old)

How would you have handled the relationship differently?

Difficult to say, Knowing what I know now, A lot different. But that is always the case, when we look back. As i have said, before i made the decision, i read a few stories about fraud, etc. But, I thought, her, never, she wouldn't do anything like that, she's nothing like THOSE women. I guess that is just how it is for a lot of people. A lot of us, focus on the positive and try to block out the negative. In each fraud case, the women/men are different and the circumstances and actions are different. It would be impossible to make a manual about it, stating that if your SO does this she is a fraud and if she does that she is legit. The times that something seemed odd, I would question her and she always seemed to have the answers. So I would say, that makes sense and drop it. We all do things that are odd to other people. It is difficult or near impossible to change our nature without something traumatic happening. I don't think i'll change a whole lot and start to think that everyone is lying to me and its all a conspiracy. I HOPE, that in the future when something doesn't seem right, i delf a LITTLE deeper.

[archie07 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

[Fandango 1,439]

I think some of the responses are totally patronizing and/or uncalled for.

OP, I'm sorry for your situation. But try not to take the 'troll' thing too personal....I think people need to justify bad news away as bullsh!t so it doesn't upset them.

[SMOKE 1,426]

wow, this is really sad. sorry to hear this is happening to you jon. i don't really know what to say to you. earlier you said you've been around here for some time now. maybe you should pm some of your friends on this board.....it will probably help getting some consoling advice from your friends. its just a thought.

[jonkam 0]

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

This is a tought situation, like somebody else said, 10 days in a life time is nothing. First of all, what if she comes back? But what kind of excuse will she have to run away? Second of all, how will she met someone on line or even during the 10 days you were there and change her life out of the sudden, you gotta be pretty immature to do that and finally, what if she knows someone from Brazil, like some illegal man, who is living in the US? I think somebody mention that but still doesn't make sense at all. I'm sorry but you gotta be a piece of.......to do that or an ignorant. I am really mad to read this because I just don't understand how come people like this can exist.

In reply to another comments, I don't see the reason why you will be wasting your time making this up.

And last but not least, I'm not going to say that all brazilian girls are like this but my fiance used to dated a brazilian illegal girl for a couple years who had a son, they broke up many months before we started dating but this girl got him in a LOT of trouble, I was even scared of this girl because I was told by him she was a violent ignorant psycho person and the first month we started dating (I realized he was right), the ####### (because that's what she is, a cheater) made our lives like hell because he was the one who dumped her because she found out the kind of person she really was, she didn't even want to pay back the money he took from my fiance. Anyways, that was on 2005. On 2006 I was living with my fiance and we found out she married somebody my fiance knows not only that, she only married this guy for legal status but this guy doesn't even know. Like I said once, some people can be very fake just to get what they want.

What I don't understand is how the hell she went to the airport from where you guys were living? How did she manage to get her tickets? Does she speaks perfect english? And if she just got cold feet, haven't you guys been dating enough to trust on each other to speak your mind and how you feel?

There is something that doesn't make sense here but before taking any decisions I would speak to her and like somebody said, ask her, what are her plans are or what was she trying to do but if you do get in touch with her and want to take her back, she will have to explain with details this situation and then you must think hard and see if it is worth it.

I don't know if somehow I helped you but I just can't understand these people's behaviour.

--MIRLA.

To answer your question about meeting a different guy. Mind you I havn't spoken to her for several days. If she did meet some other guy, say online, she probably would have done it back home a while ago. Maybe they got together once or twice in 7 months since we were face to face. As far as managing the tickets? Where I am living and where she is from is several hours difference. Each morning she woke up a couple of hours before me, like 4 or 5 am. I knew this cause when she got out of bed I would wake up for a very short time. My computer is in my living room so she could have been e-mailing someone. and it is very easy to book flights online. Someone could have easily done this from a differnt state for her. She knew my schedule and when I would go back to work. So making arrangments a couple of days in advance would have been easy.

How she got to airport. i assume a taxi. None of my neighbors saw anything.

Her English is good. Not great. It could be cold feet, but now that I think of everything, I doubt it.

I don't want to stereo type anyone and say " oh it was because she was Brasilian" She was actually very different from the couple of Brasilians girls I have met here before at clubs. She is not from Rio or Sao Paulo, but from the interior part of the country. Girls there seemed a little more conservative, The times I was there. If there are any people from Rio or SP I'm not trying to offend. She did not drink or smoke, she was conservative. She would always go to church on Sunday and she prayed twice a day. The fact that she was a " church girl" makes it more difficult. How can she justify doing this. Maybe she thinks saying five hail marry's and ten Our father's will make it okay.

[jonkam 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

I've lived with a couple of girls who seriously unstable. Trying to hit me, throwing things at me and breaking things. I've never resorted to acting the same.

Anyway, No she seemed stable. Nice, etc.

[jonkam 0]

I think some of the responses are totally patronizing and/or uncalled for.

OP, I'm sorry for your situation. But try not to take the 'troll' thing too personal....I think people need to justify bad news away as bullsh!t so it doesn't upset them.

Very true, i have noticed this over the past year. Some posts have been weird though. Someone would post something strange then disapear, and not respond to comments, etc.

I have tried to be sincere and if someone was confused or had questions i have tried to answer them.

[anitacastillo 0]

Jon,

So sorry to read about your situation. You sound like a decent man. I understand not wanting to share much with your family/friends. I hope you have one or two sympathetic people to reach out - ask for their shoulder to lean on. (I want to insert the hug icon, but I cannot find it)

Take care of yourself!

Ann

[archie07 0]

I'm out of ideas, this is really sad. Something here that we are missing. Maybe you can check your history on your computor if she didn't delete it. Goodnight

[jonkam 0]

Jon,

So sorry to read about your situation. You sound like a decent man. I understand not wanting to share much with your family/friends. I hope you have one or two sympathetic people to reach out - ask for their shoulder to lean on. (I want to insert the hug icon, but I cannot find it)

Take care of yourself!

Ann

thanks,

don't really have any family. And it is just too embarrasiing to be honest with my friends. My friends know that her mother has been ill for a while. So the ones that know she is not here, I told them that she had a family emergency and had to leave. I hate lying, but it just seems easier than listening to the "I told you so"s" Especially right now. My best friend did come over last night and we had some beers and king crab. Helped a lot.

[mox 298]

Jonkam, I can't say that I can entirely relate to your story, but I did go through a pretty nasty divorce where my wife hid an affair from me for a long time. Things got weirder and weirder, and once I started suspecting, I started to dwell on it. It got to where I couldn't separate the facts from the fiction in my mind, and my friends' speculation only fed into it. When it all finally came out in the wash, yes she was having an affair but the situation was nowhere near what my mind had cooked up.

You've received some great advice on how to handle the USCIS portion of your problem. But most of what I hear you saying is pure speculation. What's worse is that other forum members are feeding into your speculation. Their intentions are good but I don't think it's helping. You have a lot of circumstantial evidence, but your mind is filling in the gaps where you need the hard evidence. What's worse is that you're letting other (well meaning) people help you fill in those gaps. They're enabling you. It's easy to give in to those feelings, but you have to let them go right now. If you want to get through this you have to start working the problem more rationally. It's hard because you're hurting (god I know that feeling!) but you have to focus.

Sit down with a pen and paper if you have to and start separating what you know for certain from what you speculate. Keep trying to get in contact with her. Try to think of creative ways. Keep bugging people, try to play on their sympathies to get them to tell the truth. If you can get them to give her a message, make it clear that it's okay if she doesn't want to marry you, you just want closure. Send her postal letters, contact the agency you met her through (if you did) and start thinking of non-obvious contacts.

But stop speculating, and stop listening to the speculation about her intentions on this board. None of it does you any good. Be a detective and follow the trail. As someone else said, there's a slim chance that she's just got cold feet and freaked out a little. People act differently in times of stress. Don't throw it all away just yet over an imaginary boyfriend.

Anyway, hope that helps, and I truly wish you the best of luck in getting closure at the very least.

[jonkam 0]

I'm out of ideas, this is really sad. Something here that we are missing. Maybe you can check your history on your computor if she didn't delete it. Goodnight

Did that, I only saw that she accessed her hotmail account. Checked my cell phone history, nada. waiting for my house phone bill to see if there are any long distance calls.

i appreciate the responses from everyone. i am glad that I know about where to contact to report this. I'm a little pissed that if it is reported nothing much will be done about it. It is understandable cause my case is rather insignificant. I still would like to hear from her before I do anything. I have a feeling she will never contact me.

You know what is pathetic, there would be a 5% chance that i would take her back if her excuse was good enough. Pathetic, I know, i know. We had some good times together and it is difficult to instantely switch from love to hate. However, Each hour that she does not contact me this % goes down a little.

[MKCT 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

I've lived with a couple of girls who seriously unstable. Trying to hit me, throwing things at me and breaking things. I've never resorted to acting the same.

Anyway, No she seemed stable. Nice, etc.

I don't mean to stereotype anybody either but I just don't understand how such a conservative girl (as you described her) can do something like that. If she was a stable girl, her behaviour just doesn't make sense to me but I do think she deserves a chance to explain to you what really happened and you deserve to know the truth about all this. I'm sure there must be a logical explanation and if she seemed to be in love with you and cared about you (you're the only one who can notice this), she wouldn't had left you for someone that she could have met recently and lose what you guys have or been having for a long time you know.

Have you tried to call again? Maybe she's back in Brazil.....but I still don't get how come she woudln't tell you about it....While you were on long distance relationship, did she mention about her mom illness???

Just stay strong because sooner or later she will get in touch with you and I'm sure things will be solve.

Due to this problem, you don't have to start thinking that everybody is liying to you because not all the people are like this. It is hard to say this but stay strong, think positive, things will be solve.

--Mirla.

[jonkam 0]

I'm out of ideas, this is really sad. Something here that we are missing. Maybe you can check your history on your computor if she didn't delete it. Goodnight

wrote something but something happened. i'll go again.

i did check my PC's history, only saw that she accessed her e-mail account.

Checked my cell phone, nada

Waiting for my house phone's bill to see if there are any long distance calls.

[Jaseball 0]

5% isn't that high. I think you have the information you need to go with if you wish to find and deport her. She is the only person who would be able to tell you her full reasons and explanations, but if you already left messages and email you should just hold off and not continue to stack on more messages. It is clear she owes you closure and if she has a conscience or any real morals she should give it to you. The silence and lack of respect does tell you she very likely is missing those two attributes.