Fiance Disapeared !!

[jonkam 0]

5% isn't that high. I think you have the information you need to go with if you wish to find and deport her. She is the only person who would be able to tell you her full reasons and explanations, but if you already left messages and email you should just hold off and not continue to stack on more messages. It is clear she owes you closure and if she has a conscience or any real morals she should give it to you. The silence and lack of respect does tell you she very likely is missing those two attributes.

True about her being the only one who can tell me what is going on. Especially true, cause first, getting info from the brother is impossible (language barrier). Second, the two people who saw her last ( the old lady and her son) seem to not want tell me anything. I did send out a 3 page letter to the lady yesterday, asking for her help.

as far as stacking e-mails, I know what your saying. Believe me her inbox is stacked already. I would say there is about 5-6 full pages in English. then you gotta add the portuguese translations. the likely hood of her not checking her mail recently is slim, considering nearly every household in the U.S. has a computer. Despite her actions, it would be nice to here that she safe. Even an e-mail saying, i'm safe and by the way, i don't love you and don't look for me. would be better than nothing. at least i would know she is alive.

I agree that I am OWED an explanation.

Why this caught me off guard and why I am surprised she as not contacted me is because she seemed to have morals. When someone did something bad, she would always criticize them. And as I said she was a devout catholic. I know that going to church doesn't mean everything. Look at me, I don't attend anymore,and haven't done so for twenty years and I would say a have more "christian" values than my friends that attend do.

The silence is what is killing me.

[jonkam 0]

you haven't sounded annoyed; I think you have remained remarkably polite and articulate, given both your circumstances and a couple of comments on here...

I have little more to add; I was going to suggest the computer history but someone else already did, and you said you'd done it... perhaps the next time you call the lady, Sarah, you could calmly lay out the immigration facts as you know them: that at the end of 90 days she will be here illegally, that she can't marry another man and adjust status, etc; that way even if Sarah says nothing to you there's a good chance that information will be passed on if she's speaking to your SO again... if even you, who had been through the process and paperwork and so on, were not sure about the options, I'm sure your SO isn't; she may well think now she's here there are more options available to her than there really are

the two things I hope for you:

- that you get SOME sort of answer from your SO, to all your questions; it's the very least she owes you

- that you don't allow all this to make you cynical or bitter or distrustful... big ask, I know, but you sound like such a decent and genuine guy, and I hate even the possibility that someone saw that and thought they'd exploit it, rather than nurture and treasure it

all the very best

please do keep us posted with any news; there are many people here really hoping for some resolution for you

xxx

When i did talk to Sarah, i did say that she has made herself an illegal. The conversation was rather brief. After she said her husband JUST died I could not bring myself to badger her for long. I did send a three page letter to her, I introduced myself in more detail, gave a brief history of our relationship, Explained what type of VISA she had and some limitations of the VISA. I explained to her that i have been a perfect gentleman to her, generous, and i was not trying to track her down to do any harm to her. I also stated that i did not know, if anything what she(my SO) had told her to justify her doing what she did to me. I asked that she give me any info she had( no names or addresses, just her reasons for doing this). i also asked her to try to get my SO to call me because it was the decent thing to do.

as far as me not knowing what to do in this situation. I had no clue. thanks to people here, I do. I don't think many of us do. i think it rare that we say, i better research what to do if she screws me over. I know she has no clue about what legal hot water she is in. I e-mailed her to give her the details of how she messed up.

I know she has no clue because during the whole process to get the VISA she had no clue what was going on. I did ALL the research and ALL the paperwork. I would just tell her, send me this, sign here, go here and do that. Doing this didn't bother me. If she was the type of person who wanted to be active in the process, that would have been okay too. I'm a pretty easy going guy so i just go with the flow.

As far as me becoming bitter or cynical. Not really my nature. I hope i DO learn something from this though. i doubt it will change me a great deal.

Being taken advantage of by women has happened before. Nothing like this. I have never been married, but have lived with several women. i am quite domesticated. I am a great cook and like cooking. I clean, i don't enjoy it, but I do it. Mind you I'm not obsessive about cleaning or anything. Funny thing a friend said just last night. he said that i must have been a gay guy in previous life. he was comenting on my decorating and my place usually looking clean. My decorating is quite masculine, but stylish. No flower wallpaper and the like. Leather furniture, sculpture, paintings, etc. Getting back to what i was saying. When i have lived with women, i slowly end up doing most of the domestic stuff. They become lazy or something. maybe its because they know that if they don't do it, they know i will. I suppose that is one reasons why i never got married. Never met a girl that didn't end up doing this. At this point in life I'm ready to settle. I'm afraid that i will never find that woman who will do the 50/50 thing. Also i want to have a kid before its too late. Technically its never too late for men. i'm at that age where i could be a grandfather if i had a kid when I was very young. Damn that sucks to think about it. What is depressing now, is that i thought i had the right girl, that seemed nice and wanted a couple of kids. Now i have to start looking again. Not that easy when you start getting older. especially finding a woman that wants kids. wish i was in my twenties when finding a single woman was easy. Wheres that damn time-machine.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

[jonkam 0]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

[Happy Again 0]

This is a stragne although fascinating post. I think it would provide a generous study for a psychology class (and I am not critizing you btw).

While you may not be a troll this subject has certainly generated a certain "troll like" ferver.

Your SO is awfully mysterious. It makes me think that the interview process must be incredibly easy beacuse you have been able to bring a girl here that you know very little about.

However disasterous this case may be it is also very rare as compared with the other success stories on this and other web sites. Unfortunately it is these extreme cases that lawmakers have been focusing on for the past few years as they have added legistations and adapted their rules none of which have made it easy for us to bring our SO to the US to be with us.

Throwing the topic of sex into the mix really weakens the foundation of the realtionship. I think that utimatley sex, as a form of behavior, can be an indicator of several factors in her life, your life, your mutual relationship but I wouldn't what one does on their first night as any indication of anything long term. Anyway how could you prove a girls status with respect to her virginity unless you are a doctor trained to do so. Case in point I know of a guy who's wife was clearly not a virgin, because she had previously given birth to children, however she had been alone for a few years. Her insistance on "consumating" the marriage on their wedding night resulted in interrupting their honeymoon with a doctors visit and about a month of after care and associated bills. I have heard of cases where guys had their wifes tested for virginity with no apparent trauma on their honeymoon. Bottom line your first night of sex should be just that a "fist night," after you have been with her for some time and get to know her a little better you may be able to make better judgments in this arena.

It is interesting that you feel that you are running out of time and want to get a family started with kids and everything. As far as I understand men dont face the same challenges of the biological clock as women do. Know if you are 85 and want to was a child from birth and sticl around through adulthood that may be a different story but from most of your responses you sound pretty young.

Have you ever considered a girl with children already? It was a preference for me since I have children also. In any case my wifes child (now our child) loves me as if he has known me forever the day we got married he must have annouced it to everyone in the neighborhood at three times in a manner that would have made Paul Revere seem like a pigeon delivering a message.

I know that biological kids will deliver a great amount of pride and joy but sometimes you can discover a hidden treasure in woman who already has children as well. I certainly wouldn't overlook them.

I find it a litte more interesting, and distrubing, that your wife is Brasileira. Brazil is certainly a bountiful tourist attraction and there is no shortage of girls that "just wanna have fun" and would deliver results like you noiva did time after time. However, I also found this region balanced by many wholsome people who are commited to a true realtionship. In fact many of the girls I met over the years have preferred to remain single "forever" rather than enter a bad relationship beacuse they were in need of a companion. This to me is just a testament of their dedication.

If hope that you heed the advice of others and help the USCIS treat this girl accordningly. Normally I would not take this personally but stunts like this hurt us all making USCIS more suspicious and jittery, traits which certainly does not help speed up their processing times.

Your sound pretty fragile and vulnerable right now, and given your circumstances this is to be expected. I wish I knew you a little better and a little earlier because I was in contact with a handful of Brasileiras that are personally know to me and I am certain that each one would make a great wife in general, then it would be up to you just to explore the chemistry and interaction between the two of you.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, but based on the your relationship (or lack their of) with this person so far my gut tells me that you should proceed with caution if you choose to follow up on a relationship with her.

[jonkam 0]

This is a stragne although fascinating post. I think it would provide a generous study for a psychology class (and I am not critizing you btw).

While you may not be a troll this subject has certainly generated a certain "troll like" ferver.

Your SO is awfully mysterious. It makes me think that the interview process must be incredibly easy beacuse you have been able to bring a girl here that you know very little about.

However disasterous this case may be it is also very rare as compared with the other success stories on this and other web sites. Unfortunately it is these extreme cases that lawmakers have been focusing on for the past few years as they have added legistations and adapted their rules none of which have made it easy for us to bring our SO to the US to be with us.

Throwing the topic of sex into the mix really weakens the foundation of the realtionship. I think that utimatley sex, as a form of behavior, can be an indicator of several factors in her life, your life, your mutual relationship but I wouldn't what one does on their first night as any indication of anything long term. Anyway how could you prove a girls status with respect to her virginity unless you are a doctor trained to do so. Case in point I know of a guy who's wife was clearly not a virgin, because she had previously given birth to children, however she had been alone for a few years. Her insistance on "consumating" the marriage on their wedding night resulted in interrupting their honeymoon with a doctors visit and about a month of after care and associated bills. I have heard of cases where guys had their wifes tested for virginity with no apparent trauma on their honeymoon. Bottom line your first night of sex should be just that a "fist night," after you have been with her for some time and get to know her a little better you may be able to make better judgments in this arena.

It is interesting that you feel that you are running out of time and want to get a family started with kids and everything. As far as I understand men dont face the same challenges of the biological clock as women do. Know if you are 85 and want to was a child from birth and sticl around through adulthood that may be a different story but from most of your responses you sound pretty young.

Have you ever considered a girl with children already? It was a preference for me since I have children also. In any case my wifes child (now our child) loves me as if he has known me forever the day we got married he must have annouced it to everyone in the neighborhood at three times in a manner that would have made Paul Revere seem like a pigeon delivering a message.

I know that biological kids will deliver a great amount of pride and joy but sometimes you can discover a hidden treasure in woman who already has children as well. I certainly wouldn't overlook them.

I find it a litte more interesting, and distrubing, that your wife is Brasileira. Brazil is certainly a bountiful tourist attraction and there is no shortage of girls that "just wanna have fun" and would deliver results like you noiva did time after time. However, I also found this region balanced by many wholsome people who are commited to a true realtionship. In fact many of the girls I met over the years have preferred to remain single "forever" rather than enter a bad relationship beacuse they were in need of a companion. This to me is just a testament of their dedication.

If hope that you heed the advice of others and help the USCIS treat this girl accordningly. Normally I would not take this personally but stunts like this hurt us all making USCIS more suspicious and jittery, traits which certainly does not help speed up their processing times.

Your sound pretty fragile and vulnerable right now, and given your circumstances this is to be expected. I wish I knew you a little better and a little earlier because I was in contact with a handful of Brasileiras that are personally know to me and I am certain that each one would make a great wife in general, then it would be up to you just to explore the chemistry and interaction between the two of you.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, but based on the your relationship (or lack their of) with this person so far my gut tells me that you should proceed with caution if you choose to follow up on a relationship with her.

Let me see.

Never really got or liked the term"troll'. I know its thrown around a lot. If by troll like you mean a negative feeling or something. Yes. My situation is quite sad. Life and real situations are not always pretty. I have tried to stay somewhat positive and have not become bitter over the VISA process or the people applying.

I didn't think she was "mysterious" Just seemed like a normal person. She may seem mysterious to people here cause you only know what i have posted about her. How do you assume i knew little ABOUT her? I knew little about what she was DOING all the time. Deceptive behavior can be done by anyone. I had a GF that cheated on me and we lived together. I had no clue for a little while but eventually figured it out. Some here could have SO that is cheating, now, and they also wouldn't have a clue.

The interview did seem rather easy.

I think cases like this are rare.

Very true about media, lawmakers, focusing in on negative stories. A little sad.

Situations like this does make it more difficult for sincere people to get a VISA.

Not sure what you are trying to say in your paragraph about sex. I did, earlier mention about sex. I think my rational for my assumptions were clear. She was not the first virgin i have been with. There are other indications besides the obvious that a girl is a virgin. If it is was strictly men in this forum I would expand on this. i don't want to piss off the gals. It happened once already on this forum to me in the past. So I'll keep my mouth shut.

Technically, many men could have children to the day they die. I would like to have them when i am RELATIVELY young. or at least feel young. Don't want to be like that guy from THE ODD COUPLE ( a tv show) for you younger memebers, that had a kid when was like 70.

Never dated a woman with a child. Never wanted to. Am a little more open now to the thought of it. But not my ideal situation. Yes I want a biological child. ( any single mothers here, don't give me hard time )

Thanks for saying i sound young, I feel good, but I am old enough to be a grandpa. I just hate saying that.

As far as her being Brasilian. Brasilians for the most part are like people from anywhere. You got some good some bad, etc. did a bit of traveling, Ive found that people are people no matter where you go. Yes there are cultural differences though.

[Kiv 32]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

I agree with reporting it to the police, if you do not know where she is that includes not knowing the state.

Maybe they have easier ways to find out if she used an airplane or another type of transportation.

When I came here, I did not know anybody else but my husband. My Family in Mexico considered him 100 % responsible for me and if I just had dissapeared Inmigration would be his smaller preocupation.

I am sure he would do anything to be sure I was fine.

just my opinion...

[jonkam 0]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

I agree with reporting it to the police, if you do not know where she is that includes not knowing the state.

Maybe they have easier ways to find out if she used an airplane or another type of transportation.

When I came here, I did not know anybody else but my husband. My Family in Mexico considered him 100 % responsible for me and if I just had dissapeared Inmigration would be his smaller preocupation.

I am sure he would do anything to be sure I was fine.

just my opinion...

I have friends in the police department here. Even with them being friends, i doubt they could do anything. finding one person out of 250 million is slim to nil. I also wish to know that she is fine and healthy. You can't deport a sick person. Just joking. As far as family. It seems her family is part of the deception.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

Well lets just prey that nothing has happened to her.... I can see the police saying to you... "So your partner disappears, you have no idea where she is, or if she is ok and yet you did not feel it was appropriate to report her missing" All I know is that if my husband disappeared and I did not know where he was and had had no contact with him for 24hrs I would be reporting him missing....

But I guess you know best...

Kez

[athena_ny 1]

You can report her to ICE, but it's doubtful they will even do anything. As for the comments from Jaseball that she can only live here if she steals someone's identity and lives a lie - not true. My husband was out of status for almost 5 years, and had his OWN license, got a job using his OWN name, had his OWN bank account - never one stole anyone's information. This country makes it easy to live as an 'illegal' - isn't something I would want to do, but it's not like we make it hard. Hell, I know a family where the boys have been here for their ENTIRE lives - entered with inspection but they grew up here (the youngest came when he was 5, the oldest when he was 8), and they go to school, are working on degrees (sure, probably won't be able to use them...but that's not relevant).

[jonkam 0]

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

Well lets just prey that nothing has happened to her.... I can see the police saying to you... "So your partner disappears, you have no idea where she is, or if she is ok and yet you did not feel it was appropriate to report her missing" All I know is that if my husband disappeared and I did not know where he was and had had no contact with him for 24hrs I would be reporting him missing....

But I guess you know best...

Kez

I would say that a person is missing if they want to found. Obviously she does not want to be found by me. so I would say she is not missing in the true sense. i would consider her missing if I came home, her stuff was still here and there was no sign of her. And then if I called her friend and she had no ideas. I would rather have what HAS happened to me happen, than come home and her stuff was still here and she was MISSING. If this scenario happened I would have been on the phone to the cops immediately.

[jonkam 0]

You can report her to ICE, but it's doubtful they will even do anything. As for the comments from Jaseball that she can only live here if she steals someone's identity and lives a lie - not true. My husband was out of status for almost 5 years, and had his OWN license, got a job using his OWN name, had his OWN bank account - never one stole anyone's information. This country makes it easy to live as an 'illegal' - isn't something I would want to do, but it's not like we make it hard. Hell, I know a family where the boys have been here for their ENTIRE lives - entered with inspection but they grew up here (the youngest came when he was 5, the oldest when he was 8), and they go to school, are working on degrees (sure, probably won't be able to use them...but that's not relevant).

Sad that gov makes it diificult for the people doing it the right and legal way. And makes things easy for illegals.

[athena_ny 1]

You can report her to ICE, but it's doubtful they will even do anything. As for the comments from Jaseball that she can only live here if she steals someone's identity and lives a lie - not true. My husband was out of status for almost 5 years, and had his OWN license, got a job using his OWN name, had his OWN bank account - never one stole anyone's information. This country makes it easy to live as an 'illegal' - isn't something I would want to do, but it's not like we make it hard. Hell, I know a family where the boys have been here for their ENTIRE lives - entered with inspection but they grew up here (the youngest came when he was 5, the oldest when he was 8), and they go to school, are working on degrees (sure, probably won't be able to use them...but that's not relevant).

Sad that gov makes it diificult for the people doing it the right and legal way. And makes things easy for illegals.

Being out of status is far from easy. The government makes it easy for such people to remain and live here, but I never said their lives were 'easy'. My husband's life is much better and much easier now that he has his papers.

[jonkam 0]

You can report her to ICE, but it's doubtful they will even do anything. As for the comments from Jaseball that she can only live here if she steals someone's identity and lives a lie - not true. My husband was out of status for almost 5 years, and had his OWN license, got a job using his OWN name, had his OWN bank account - never one stole anyone's information. This country makes it easy to live as an 'illegal' - isn't something I would want to do, but it's not like we make it hard. Hell, I know a family where the boys have been here for their ENTIRE lives - entered with inspection but they grew up here (the youngest came when he was 5, the oldest when he was 8), and they go to school, are working on degrees (sure, probably won't be able to use them...but that's not relevant).

Sad that gov makes it diificult for the people doing it the right and legal way. And makes things easy for illegals.

Being out of status is far from easy. The government makes it easy for such people to remain and live here, but I never said their lives were 'easy'. My husband's life is much better and much easier now that he has his papers.

True my use of EASY was a little loose. I can't imagine living as an illegal. True it would not be easy but millions do it.

[Caladan 19]

I think some of the responses are totally patronizing and/or uncalled for.

OP, I'm sorry for your situation. But try not to take the 'troll' thing too personal....I think people need to justify bad news away as bullsh!t so it doesn't upset them.

Very true observation.

Forums are always like that. As soon as someone states something negative it upsets the balance and the "troll" word comes out. Sometimes people can't deal the fact that bad "stuff" happens to good people. If people can't deal with a bad story, don't click on the post.

i must admit though, i have seen some strange posts here and elsewhere. Many times these people dissapear minutes after they post. or refuse to directly answer questions that are asked to them. My original story and details may be brief, simply because, personally I hate to read a post that is pages long and don't want to subject people to this. believe me, i could write a novel, but I don't think everyone wants to read one, or do they. hmm. No I'll spare you all.

i am more than willing to answer any questions about something you may be curious about that i did not mention or about something I said. But make sure I said what you think I said,Umm Caladan...Just poking fun, don't take offense.

Hardly taking offense. There are a lot of 'she's' and 'hers' in the first post and that's what was confusing me. I think it's a little much to think that I just don't want to believe that bad things can happen. And it seemed at points that it was more about wanting people to ask about salacious details than immigration advice. Which made me think 'bored person telling a story' rather than 'fiancee just disappeared,' because in a lot of the real cases people don't want to give any details, let alone speculate publicly on their fiancee's proclivities.

I apologize since that seems not to be the case.

A couple immigration-related bits: Your fiancee is NOT illegal in the U.S. at the moment. It's day 12 or 13 of a 90 day visa, and there's no requirement that the fiance and fiancee stay in the same location together during that time. She may not INTEND to marry you and thus maintain her legal status, but right now she's as legal as I am. Even if you called ICE with her location today, they're not going to be able to deport her. And like meow mix said, ICE probably won't do anything anyway. They're underfunded, and they concentrate on the violent and criminal offenders. That's why the fiance process is so complicated; they know that once someone's here, it's very hard to get them out.

Second thing, you may want to call the cops. They won't deport her and they don't have jurisdiction in that other state. If she is in another state. You seem to be getting the run around from her family and they might not even know. But look, if your fiancee has used you for entrance into the country, one thing USCIS might wonder is whether you were in on it. They will probably never follow up on it, but it's in your interest, even if you think the cops can't do anything, to have a paper trail that looks like you were honestly taken by surprise when she disappeared. Plus, that's what you do when someone you love disappears while you're at work.