How do you deal with the distance and time apart ?

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

yea i talk to my fiance on the phone everyday about three times a day (i have a sprint phone card that only charges 4 cents a minute to italy, including cell phones)...we talk before i go to bed at midnite (hes on the train to work at 6am), during my lunch hour (hes on the train home from work), and when i get home from work at 6pm (hes sleeping, but wakes up to talk for 5-10 minutes)...it is true that when we are initially seperated, it is the hardest...its been almost two months since ive seen him, and its gotten much easier since then...i still think about him all the time and miss him a bunch, but the initial seperation is hard...it always helps to have something to look forward to...like getting a k1 visa or having a visit...right now im focusing on getting this visa, because the interview will probably be my next (and hopefully last) visit...just think positive and always focus on whats to come =)

[MelindaandTarek 0]

My SO and I do similar things as to those already posted..we send a lot of text msgs and I will text what I am doing, etc...and he the same...also we chat online everday - when he has a connection and we talk on the phone everyday, again when he has a connection...it is tricky and the separation is hard however there are plenty of ways to continue to communicate...we are also both on myspace and we send each other msgs there....

and I agree visiting every several week is an experience many here dont have...I havent seen my SO in almost three months and I wont see him until this is over probably atleast 6 more months if I am lucky...so try to remain positive and I try to focus on the separation being temporary and when we are reunited we will laugh more times about this experience..and when I am planning a life/future w/my SO..this time is so short in comparison...good luck w/ur process!!

[Jamie76 0]

Getting care packages from your SO is also nice.

[VetsWife328 7]

It's very hard at times........

James and I haven't see each other for 9 months and 18 days now ,but I will fly over to the US for a 10 day visit on Sep 1st.

We don't only have to wait for the K1 but first of all for his divorce which has been pending since Oct 12th now............

The passed months have been extremly difficult on both of us ,with him having had problems at work,the divorce not moving on...........came down to the point were we almost gave up and he quit talking to me for 2 months.........and had me cancel a flight to the States in April.Stress level was sky high and we were both mentally and emotionally exhausted with no end of this waiting period in sight.

But we got over that and since he will be divorced withing a month from now we can put our I 129 in while I'm with him in Sep.

It's hard but when you love each other,and at times of trouble and stress give each other the room you need,you can manage .

We spend hours on the phone,about an hour every day.That helps,and we went back to talking about our future.........kids,buying a house.........that helps too.

He tells me whats going on on the road (he's an OTR Truck Driver in all 48 States) and that makes me feel like I can be part of his daily life.

Nat

[~Nini~ 2]

All I have to say is... thank goodness for Skype. Without it, we wouldn't have been able to afford our petition.

In all seriousness, Bee and I talk every day - we send text messages to each other, and we call between moments when we're rushing to work or school. When we manage to get some time off, we spend time on the computer playing WoW or talking.

We get to see each other every three or four months, so at least we're lucky in that respect.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

Some of my former US girlfriends were quite different. They required daily maintenance, sometimes several times a day. I found this to be too clingy and suffocating. It's like if you go visit friends alone and she calls you 1x an hour to check up on you.

Also, when you don't talk for a few days there is more to talk about. If you talk daily you are just asking stuff like "How was your day?" "What did you do today?" and questions of this sort. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. If there is any major news I'll be in contact with her to update her.

I know what you mean about the high maintenance some people require (demand?) - you can't be that way in a long distance relationship, I agree; the whole thing would implode within weeks! however, we like daily contact - sometimes the chit chat of 'how was your day?' and other relative banalities is just what's required, and it keeps each other up to date with work happenings and things we'd tell each other at the end of a day if we were living together... but often the conversations are about more important things as well

as many on here have noted: when you're apart from the person you love, one of the few advantages is the level of communication you achieve, and which becomes normal, because it's all you've got - it's a great thing, and I'm sure will stand us all in good stead when we're finally together permanently

[amrssnowangel 0]

Hi,

I understand you to say you both are not able to talk on phone every night, and she sometimes doesn't check her emails. You are feeling a bit overwhelmed by the distance and lack of "touching" each day and feeling like u are a part of her life by knowing her day and how it went. I"ve been in a long distance (8000 miles qualifies right?) relationship for 4 years now. Here are some of the creative ways we kept in touch, updated each other and communicated:

1. Be each others alarm clock. Make a point to get up and call each other (if you get up at different times....or take turns being the alarm clock if you both get up at same time). Spend just 5 minutes to say good morning, and have a great day.

2. Ring each others cell phones but don't answer. 1 ring lets me know he's thinking of me, hugging me or just saying "im with you". We each have a ring tone that reminds us of the other. Mine is "I just called to say I love you" his is the theme song from "Friends"

3. She sounds busy. Send her a disposable digital camera. Have her take pics of her day or week and send it back in the pre addressed self stamped envelope you provided. (no excuse for not sending it back and no one is soo busy they can't sneak a moment to take a pic of sth they did during the week or saw.) Upload the pics to yahoo photos or another host. You can also create a picture album or scrap book if you really have time to pass of these pictures. Write captions to tell a story of your love. Include pictures of the two of you. Make it romantic or funny...whatever.

4. Create a care package. Make her favorite treat, add in one of your tee shirts scented with your cologne, whatever is special for you.

5. Create a journal. You write in one week things you did to update her. Then send it to her for her turn to write in it what she did just for a week. Stick in love notes, pics or locks of your hair. Go crazy.

6. The old create a cd of your favorite songs takes a bit of time and thought. Record your personal message on your computer and tuck those files between the songs to "introduce" the next song and say a bit about why its sooo special to you or how it reminds you of her.

7. Buy her a desk calander. The ones with single pages u flip over in the cube???? Ask her to jot down one or two things for that day that were special or she did. After a week or two ask her to mail them to you or collect them when you see each other again.

8. Buy her one of those miniature voice recorders. Have her carry it with her and just have her verbally document during the day an item or two. When its full get it from her and bask in her voice till next time you meet.

9. Find a hobby for yourself...stay busy

10. Find a hobby to do together on a "date" night. MAKE time to spend once a week to do this activity. Maybe watch a movie and chat on phone (skype is great to call her free or cheap) eating popcorn but start the movie at the same time...and...watch the same one??? Even if her choice IS a girlie movie.

11. Each of you take CLOSE up pics of things in your areas that both have seen. Send them to each other with a hint on the back. EAch of you has to guess what the thing or place is. The one who wins....well...has full say of how the next meeting goes.

It doesn't take long to send a ring of a phone, a short wake up call or tuck in call, or quick sms. These are great ways to "touch" and make each other a part of the day. When I go out to run errands, he loves when i shoot off an sms about where i am...."I just got to the store"...going to bank....and to make it sooo easy...save them as quick notes and reuse them if its something you do often.

Talk to her about how you feel. Touching EVERY day a few times is sooo important for a long distance relationship. Goes a long way to communicate your dedication, loyalty and just to keep each other in your days. Feeling connected more. I urge you to talk to her....

[ladywhite 0]

I know this is not specific to paper work, but since we are all in mostly the same position I am looking for some insight.

I am having a hard time with the distance and communication. Granted I see her once every 6-8 weeks for like 3-4 days, but the time inbetween is hard. For instance she works a lot and sometimes she does not check her e-mail and then it is sometimes to late at night to talk since one of us is sleeping. And she does not have internet at home, so cannot have anything fun like a webcam for communicating.

I guess my root question is, how do you deal not knowing what is going on in the other persons life and trying to be apart of it? I think the little details are important, but if we only talk every couple of days sometimes the details are left out. You know what I mean?

Thanks

i am 12 hours ahead of my fiance. so, when i am getting ready for work, he either just gets home or is watching TV. so, when i am back from work, he is on his way to work. however, that doesn't prevent us from talking to each other. we talk on the phone twice a day (at least) in the monring and evening. it's cheaper calling Thailand from the US, so he usually is the person who makes calls. other than that, we talk a lot via email. after work, i am always glued to my computer talking via email back and forth. he doesn't have MSN or Yahoo messenger on his computer at work. so we email -- a lot -- until i go to bed and he goes to lunch.

it is very important that we keep in touch when we can't be together physically. he tells me what is going on at work, with his parents, with his sons, and everything. i do the same to him. we don't miss out on anything in each other's life. during our 23 months of separation, he came to see me twice. when we were physically right in front of each other, we just felt the same as if we had not been separated. we didn't have anything to catch up on.

your finacee not having internet at home makes it more difficult to arrange time to talk online. i think, in your case, you need to schedule certain time of the day that both of you are able to chat or email or call. make that a routine that you two need to keep. if you know that you have something coming up and you can't keep that routine schedule, let the other person know ahead of time and set up a new time for that particular day. i do that when i know i have a meeting and won't be able to take his call at our regular time. don't let the other wait for your call or reply email. likewise, don't let the other call and get a voice mail repeatedly.

i think, have at least one email or one call daily to keep you two connected. my fiance and i think about each other all the time and try to let each other know that by either calling or sending email whenever possible. even when one of us is in bed, the other always emails to say "i'm going to bed, baby" and "sleep well."

relationshps take work. it is more so for a long distance one like we here all have. i hope you two can find a better way to keep in touch.

consider yourself very blessed to be able to see her every 6-8 weeks. i am very jealous.

Cheers !

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

as many on here have noted: when you're apart from the person you love, one of the few advantages is the level of communication you achieve, and which becomes normal, because it's all you've got - it's a great thing, and I'm sure will stand us all in good stead when we're finally together permanently

wow i definitely agree...i have never had a relationship with such strong communication as i do now...we tell eachother everything and it works so well that way...its very fulfilling, and im sure that it will remain this way in the future

[SonoranSongbird 3]

as many on here have noted: when you're apart from the person you love, one of the few advantages is the level of communication you achieve, and which becomes normal, because it's all you've got - it's a great thing, and I'm sure will stand us all in good stead when we're finally together permanently

Yeah, same for us. If he lived across town and we were dating, we would probably not see each other every day, and not every date would consist of talking to each other for two or three hours straight (as opposed to being out doing things around town), so I doubt we would know each other nearly as well as we do now. (Granted, PART of it is having the sense that being in a long distance relationship is such a big commitment from the very beginning that we needed to do get serious quickly or not bother.)

To answer the OP, we have a big advantage in that we live on the same continent and we're old enough to have money for airfare. We talk to each other every night, email every day, and see each other every month. There are days when it's an acceptable substitute and other days when I miss him so much I can't stand it. (Strangely enough, both of the serious long term relationships I had previously were long distance at some point--one was with a man who lived in my home town while I was in college, the other was long distance for about 9 weeks when he went back home to take care of his mom when she had cancer--and I really did not feel the need to talk to either of them every night....I guess I should have considered that a warning sign....)

I suppose if I could not talk to him every day, I would try to schedule a time to talk once a week for a few hours, and maybe leave voice messages for each other in between that. And mail each other tapes so we could replay them and hear each other's voices. Honestly, I have to admire people who are in that situation because I would find it very difficult.

[L_n_O 3]

we talk every morning and every night

and texts in between

[DaFifthLetter175 0]

I spend $150 monthly on phone cards, the only bad thing is that I only get to speak to my fiancee for an hour every night She calls me every now and then during the day, we also chat through yahoo.

[jlh 0]

Thanks everyone for their insight, that was encouraging and made my situation not seem so bad. I get to see her every 6-8 weeks, because I travel so much for work I can get the airplane miles and the money I save from not being home paying for gas and all the little things make up the difference.

FYI I am in Korea at the moment.

Also that was a good point about US girls being more needed, maybe that is why I worry when we do not talk for some time?

[Jasman0717 8]

We spent a lot of time on Yahoo Messenger and the telephone

[caro06 0]

I would love if we were seeing each other every 8 weeks!!!!

but then living in a close country like mexico or canada probably makes things easier!

i love in france so when i go there i stay 1 month and half at least to make the ticket worth and of course to spend as much time as possible with him.

but then i have to leave cos i still havent found how to grow money in my backyard!

he cant come much because he's too busy at work too

so we chat every day dealing with the time separation as best as we can (he's 7 hours behind)

we email a lot too and we text.

when we have more time we use skype.

we talk about almost everything, what we do, news, music (we're both music freaks, that's how we met!), our families, friends, work or we just chat about everything.

as someone said above when send pics and things like that.

someone also said it, the worst time is when you're back from the USA. it's really hard.

i got back from the USA on the 16th of may and i dont dare going back now we've started the VISA process.

i know it's allowed but it's risky as well and even if it's hard i dont want to spoil everything having the entry to the USA denied for some impression a customs officer might have

one time when i arrived at the customs in chicago i really thought the officer wouldnt let me in but fortunatelly he did!

so anyway, i find it very hard to be apart

some days im positive but other days im really depressed about it.

Edited August 1, 2007 by caro06