40 years older than Nigerian spouse.

[dawning 212]

2 hours ago, NYCruiser said:

Sorry, where have you learnt in Africa, that men are 'allowed' to be gay? In Cameroon, they are hanging gay men, in Nigeria, it is the death penalty, in Kenya, they beat you up. Yes the ;informal sector; goes on, BUT it is illegal..we can thanks the British Colonial laws for these things. 

As you probably see, the flag I have on my profile is Kenya. Similar (not totally) culture and mores...and I concur with what the folks on here say. We are here to help you...:-).

 

Question: Why the hurry to marry him? Just curious? Just go with the flow and enjoy your life my dear. Go out with him, movies,plays, travel (within the US), etc...ENJOY your life..forget about AOS. I am assuming he is on a B2? Well, applying for a AOS will not be granted as it will show immigrant intent on his part when he came in on a B2.

 

I know African US Embassies. How on earth does a 21 year old Nigerian get a Visitor's Visa? That is odd to begin with,

If I understand her correctly she is not saying that African men are allowed to be gay by the governments of their countries, rather that commentators here are admitting that some ARE gay, in spite of it not being culturally accepted, and yet do not admit/imagine that an African man might have a thing for older women or dislike children in spite of those being against cultural norms in Africa.  Hence her comment on the double standard.  If some Africans really want to be involved with a member of the same sex, in spite of severe punishment if discovered, why couldn't some also want to be with older women in spite of cultural disapproval? Or not want children?

[QueenComley 295]

I just want to know how he was able to fly to America and afford to have a vasectomy here? I work full time and couldn't afford a subway sandwich for lunch today.....

[Boiler 43,635]

1 minute ago, QueenComley said:

I just want to know how he was able to fly to America and afford to have a vasectomy here? I work full time and couldn't afford a subway sandwich for lunch today.....

When I flew United the airline serving Lagos at Heathrow was next to the United check in, fascinating watching, the amount of excess luggage was awesome. No shortage of money in Nigeria, major oil exporter.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

6 minutes ago, Boiler said:

When I flew United the airline serving Lagos at Heathrow was next to the United check in, fascinating watching, the amount of excess luggage was awesome. No shortage of money in Nigeria, major oil exporter.

Yeah. I was thinking that he had a lot more money than the stereotypical visitor.

Vasectomy, car, buying everything and anything that he really wants or the OP wants (even if she offers). 

I could honestly see why he'd go back to Nigeria if that's what his life is like, in this case the OP's the one telling him to stay, he's saying no, she wants marriage, why would he want to leave a potentially prosperous life for a woman that straight up said she doesn't expect him to stay when she's frail, seeing as she's already 62 how long would that even be potentially?


One of the things not talked about is the relationship other than it feels like nothing else exists in the world when they are together. It sounds more like a fling than anything, a honeymoon feeling. There's no mentioning on if they are dating in these 5 months of knowing each other, just simply marriage because she wants him to stay. He just gives reasons as to why he shouldn't stay and why it would be hard to marry in Nigeria.



I dunno, I think the OP should let him go back to Nigeria, and if they want to pursue a relationship then, then that's when they do it.

Edited March 18, 2017 by Ash.1101

[USAMorocco 143]

10 hours ago, Michael2017 said:

Well, in 99.9% of such cases, the USC or Green Card holder is duped by the young man. We are discussing cases from all over the world here, why always Nigeria pops up for such kind of relationships? Other members of VJ mentioned, that they got offers of 50+ young Nigerian man to help them find an older women for visa purposes. 

 

So, this story is very common here, and hardly every ends well for the USC. Love makes blind. So my advice is, to

 

a) take care of yourself, there is a slim chance that the young man is feeling the way he says

b) there is very little chance that he would get a GC, as USCIS knows such cases, in fact, they may deal with 1000s of such cases just from Nigeria and Marocco alone every year. This is as suspicious as it can get. Why such storries almost never pop up from ESTA/Visa Waiver Countries but always involve younger man from 3. world countries? If this was a common relationship type, it would happend all over the world and not only selective in those high fraud countries.

Because only men from Morocco and Nigeria scam women right? And Morocco isn't considered a 3rd world country. High fraud yes but you post is actually kinda insulting. 

[USAMorocco 143]

10 minutes ago, QueenComley said:

I just want to know how he was able to fly to America and afford to have a vasectomy here? I work full time and couldn't afford a subway sandwich for lunch today.....

Lol. I'm sorry that was funny. 

[Boiler 43,635]

1 minute ago, USAMorocco said:

Lol. I'm sorry that was funny. 

5 Dollar foot long?

[QueenComley 295]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

When I flew United the airline serving Lagos at Heathrow was next to the United check in, fascinating watching, the amount of excess luggage was awesome. No shortage of money in Nigeria, major oil exporter.

Interesting.... OP while we are on this subject of vasectomies, I just wanted to share with you my own personal experience. My husband was prior married before me. After his second child was born he had a vasectomy at the age of 29. Absolutely convinced he didn't want any more children. 6 years later, after his very turbulent, unhappy marriage ended we got together. He said his biggest regret was having a vasectomy, because he loved me so much he wanted a child with me. We went for a consultation for a reversal and the cost was far beyond anything we would ever be able to afford. Im now 39 and he is 41. Opportunity has passed us. Im lucky that Im a step-mom to a girl of 14 and a boy if 12. Things happen in life, things change..... Despite a vasectomy, your boyfriend may well change his mind about children in the future.

[QueenComley 295]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

5 Dollar foot long?

Ok..... I admit I got a 6" steak and cheese just now. Just writing about it made my mouth water. I can never finish a foot long.

Edited March 18, 2017 by QueenComley

[Boiler 43,635]

Just now, QueenComley said:

Ok..... I admit I got a 6" steak and cheese just now. Just writing about it made my mouth water

conversations like this will attract the attention of a Mod and we do not want to be accused of violating the TOC..........

 

VJ is a family friendly site.

[controlla 104]

Yeah. Lets keep bashing Nigerians who happen to be one of the most highly educated and successful immigrants in the US. Yeah...lets profile them as scammers and green card frauds.

[Boiler 43,635]

2 minutes ago, controlla said:

Yeah. Lets keep bashing Nigerians who happen to be one of the most highly educated and successful immigrants in the US. Yeah...lets profile them as scammers and green card frauds.

Let us also be realistic, I remember many years ago seeing a well respected Immigration Lawyer saying that there were 4 categories as far as Consulates were concerned regarding fraud:

 

Low

 

Medium

 

High

 

Lagos

Edited March 18, 2017 by Boiler

[QueenComley 295]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

conversations like this will attract the attention of a Mod and we do not want to be accused of violating the TOC..........

 

VJ is a family friendly site.

For wanting a subway sandwich?

[KierenHby 897]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

conversations like this will attract the attention of a Mod and we do not want to be accused of violating the TOC..........

 

VJ is a family friendly site.

 Needed a laugh 

[USAMorocco 143]

3 hours ago, AbigailOo said:

He got the vasectomy in the states. He never speaks in his native tongue whenever I'm around out of respect. Please, stop profiling.

 

Everytime someone tries to discredit him I only see more reason to trust him. Not everybody goes with the grain of culture and I may have just met the 0.01%. 

I'm sorry but there is no need to get defensive. Most people have been on this site long enough to give you good solid advice.  If you want to take it...take it...no one is going to tell you your relationship is 100% real because honestly...a 22 year old man with a woman in her 60s is not normal even by our standards in the states.  Normally African men hold true to their culture and if he is telling you it's not accepted he is being honest.  The other aspect. People using you for a visa and papers are trained by others who have done it with exactly what to say.  They have all the right words and actions. I know I have been there. I was used but wasn't stupid enough to file his papers. 

 

Nothing is impossible maybe he does love you...then again maybe he doesn't.  The only way you will find out is to follow your own heart. You have to do what you feel is right. I will tell you having most men that come from these countries want children. Some don't but many do especially young ones.  To say what is said here only makes you trust him more sounds like you already have your mind made up...so why come here and ask for advice?  You have to know that most people are going to point out what the most common problem with these kind of relationships are.