Unconventional engagement and wedding

[Tom & Erin 0]

Hey guys

I have a few concerns about the way my fiancé and I are proceeding with everything, and I'm afraid it might be looked at with suspicion when the time comes for his K-1 interview and eventually our green card interview.

First of all, we don't really have an engagement date. We talked a lot about it, and sort of just arrived at the decision that this was the right thing to do. It happened over several months, and I couldn't point to an exact date that we became engaged. I feel like it is likely he will be asked about this, but would it be better to figure out a date to point to as our engagement, or just be honest that it sort of happened gradually? (We would never plan to lie; our engagement date would just have to be retroactively determined.)

The other thing is that, assuming we do get approved for K-1, we're only planning a very small civil ceremony to satisfy the marriage requirement, but will hold off on a wedding the way we want it until we've saved a bit and he's settled well into living here. We'd prefer not even to wear rings until we have our wedding the way we want it, but I understand that showing up to a green card interview without rings could be seen as pretty suspicious.

I've also read that they like things like wedding invitations, save-the-dates, etc. as evidence of the wedding, but with a civil ceremony with only a few guests in attendance (likely just my family -- MAYBE his parents if they can make it out -- and a couple very close friends), we probably wouldn't have any of that. Maybe we should send out some kind of invitation and RSVP cards, so we at least have something to show? That and lots of pictures, of course.

There's no deception here, but I'm afraid that these things will be taken as signs that we're not genuine. I would very much appreciate any advice.

Thank you!

[Anh map 2,098]

You've read some information that I wouldn't put much stock in. Many VJ members do as you have indicated (small civil then larger celebration later). "They" don't look for a large production because it's difficult to plan.

Submit evidence of your relationship to present day. A desginated engagement day is not required. Just tell your story and supply evidence of time spent together.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

We were never asked about our engagement date I've never heard of that being a big deal.

The K-1 visa process makes it nearly impossible to plan any type of formal wedding the majority of couples I believe have civil ceremonies at a courthouse or something very small. As long as you marry within the 90 days the type of wedding you and your fiancé chose to have doesn't matter. What's of most importance is the actual marriage certificate.

Edited February 9, 2016 by LionessDeon

[Tom & Erin 0]

I feel much better now! Thank you guys for taking the time to respond.

[baron555 934]

First of all, we don't really have an engagement date.

Not needed, only Letters of Intent.

We talked a lot about it, and sort of just arrived at the decision that this was the right thing to do. It happened over several months, and I couldn't point to an exact date that we became engaged.

Great, this shows the normal evolution of a relationship.

I feel like it is likely he will be asked about this, but would it be better to figure out a date to point to as our engagement, or just be honest that it sort of happened gradually? (We would never plan to lie; our engagement date would just have to be retroactively determined.)

That's how these things normally happen.

The other thing is that, assuming we do get approved for K-1, we're only planning a very small civil ceremony to satisfy the marriage requirement, but will hold off on a wedding the way we want it until we've saved a bit and he's settled well into living here.

Super plan; dovetails nicely with the visa requirements.

We'd prefer not even to wear rings until we have our wedding the way we want it, but I understand that showing up to a green card interview without rings could be seen as pretty suspicious.

Nope, not required.

I've also read that they like things like wedding invitations, save-the-dates, etc. as evidence of the wedding,

Shouldn't really be planning any wedding yet, since you do not have the visa in hand. The Embassy would give you the same advice.

but with a civil ceremony with only a few guests in attendance (likely just my family -- MAYBE his parents if they can make it out -- and a couple very close friends), we probably wouldn't have any of that. Maybe we should send out some kind of invitation and RSVP cards, so we at least have something to show?

NO....stop, do not do that. You would be creating more suspicion of pre-planning assuming the visa will be approved. You have to wait. The Embassy will tell you the same thing.

That and lots of pictures, of course.

Great

There's no deception here, but I'm afraid that these things will be taken as signs that we're not genuine. I would very much appreciate any advice.

Detailed wedding plans should not be included since the Embassy will tell you to not assume anything or any timeline for visa approval. Not having this shows you understand the process. Having this could show you do not understand the process or are being arrogant. Be humble and follow the process. It works.

I believe have civil ceremonies at a courthouse or something very small.

That's what we did. Didn't have any witnesses except the judge and our two year old.

As long as you marry within the 90 days the type of wedding you and your fiancé chose to have doesn't matter. What's of most importance is the actual marriage certificate.

Touche'

[catlover31 8]

The K-1 makes it difficult to plan a detailed wedding. We got approved last June right after that massive system failure. We had a 221g after our interview in May due to a missing document and started planning for the wedding in early June right before the visa got the final approval. Ended up coming in late July, having a civil wedding in early August and having a big party with relatives and friends at the end of August. With the help of a wedding party we were able to plan a good wedding in less than 2 months and get most of our relatives there.

[catlover31 8]

Also civil ceremonies don't require much planning. We applied for the marriage license the day after POE and were able to get a court wedding for the next week. The court wedding was 7 days after POE. The only people who showed up were my mom, my cousins and the judge.

[Tom & Erin 0]

I've also read that they like things like wedding invitations, save-the-dates, etc. as evidence of the wedding,

Shouldn't really be planning any wedding yet, since you do not have the visa in hand. The Embassy would give you the same advice.

but with a civil ceremony with only a few guests in attendance (likely just my family -- MAYBE his parents if they can make it out -- and a couple very close friends), we probably wouldn't have any of that. Maybe we should send out some kind of invitation and RSVP cards, so we at least have something to show?

NO....stop, do not do that. You would be creating more suspicion of pre-planning assuming the visa will be approved. You have to wait. The Embassy will tell you the same thing.

That and lots of pictures, of course.

Great

There's no deception here, but I'm afraid that these things will be taken as signs that we're not genuine. I would very much appreciate any advice.

Detailed wedding plans should not be included since the Embassy will tell you to not assume anything or any timeline for visa approval. Not having this shows you understand the process. Having this could show you do not understand the process or are being arrogant. Be humble and follow the process. It works.

I think I was unclear here. Some of my questions had to do with when we have our green card interviews later. I know we won't have things like wedding invitations, etc. for the K-1 interview, but when we are working towards his green card, I've read that having that kind of stuff can help to "corroborate" your wedding, though as long as you're legally married, I'm not sure why they'd need it. Regardless, we'll get over this K-1 hurdle first and then cross that bridge when we come to it

Thank you for all of the advice! Really appreciate it.

[baron555 934]

I think I was unclear here. Some of my questions had to do with when we have our green card interviews later. I know we won't have things like wedding invitations, etc. for the K-1 interview, but when we are working towards his green card, I've read that having that kind of stuff can help to "corroborate" your wedding, though as long as you're legally married, I'm not sure why they'd need it. Regardless, we'll get over this K-1 hurdle first and then cross that bridge when we come to it

Thank you for all of the advice! Really appreciate it.

For AOS you only need your marriage certificate to prove you got married. Good luck,

[catlover31 8]

For AOS you only need your marriage certificate to prove you got married. Good luck,

No, you also need proof of a bonafide relationship. If we had only submitted a marriage certificate they probably would have asked for another RFE. Include some wedding photos, we included both pictures from the party and some with the judge at the civil ceremony. Other things to submit are leases with both names on them and a joint bank account.

[Loki_Go 126]

Just a note if you insist on trying to plan a wedding after the small civil marriage- you may have a hard time finding a minister or rabbi to perform another marriage. We couldn't find anyone to do it- they'd reaffirm our vows but not perform another marriage because we were already married.

[Dohan 133]

We had a civil ceremony and then had a big wedding months later (because I'm crazy and I planned a wedding in 5 months). I don't advise it. I loved my wedding but I nearly went nuts planning it in such a short time, we had to change the date because we weren't sure when he would do his POE. You have a wonderful plan, many couples do it.

Don't agree with what Loki_Go was saying. Plenty of my friends here in NYC had civil ceremonies and then had rabbis/ministers marry them. They don't care, legal and religious vows are not the same. Maybe orthodox rabbis but again never heard of that issue. If you do encounter this issue, may I suggest a wonderful solution. A justice of the peace, non denominational GORGEOUSLY worded ceremonies, you can work with them on how the ceremony will be done and worded and it's great. We had one and he was happy to incorporate Jewish elements and was really excited about the opportunity.

And really, put all these worries out of your mind until you have the K1 in hand, there are much more pertinent things to consider like where you will live and work

[Loki_Go 126]

That was our experience in Ohio... we spoke to a minister and a rabbi. Neither would do it. All I said was look into it first.

[p1nkmamba 18]

The officer never asked my fiance about our engagement. In fact, there was no "Will you marry me" moment for us. We just knew that was the next step for us when he finished a contract out and we just talked that way for awhile. The emphasis on engagement (the moment and wedding plans) is really embassy specific sometimes.

[JRF 117]

OP

You and your fiancé are to be commended for your practical approach to everything. Life here in LA isn't cheap, so you need to save.

Rings are not expensive - you can get them at Target. They look fine (to and on me, anyways).

Best of luck!

Edited February 10, 2016 by JRF