K1 visa...can you just marry anyone?

[DA BOMB 1]

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This is getting blown out of proportion again...partly do to me I realize but mostly because nobody here knows all the in and outs of this case....I’m no rat and I'm not trying to commit fraud but if there was a way to help her in a legit way I would. We got thought the embassy legit...even though some are quick to use the term "fruad" It wasnt! All the paper submitted to the embassy were quite legit. I’m not an expert at this process..like most and I came here to get some input. Not to be judge but just like last time it seem like there are some that want to read in the worse things they can in to this story without know the whole story. Some here don’t make it easy to speak freely without rebuttal in a negative waythat is forsure. I know Allot here are frustrated and some are just ready to make you the bad guy assuming they know all and what is right....life doesn’t always happen right...we all make mistakes. I’m willing to admit it...I made it here and there.

I didn’t commit fraud at the embassy ether. There doctors there know the problem and the embassy knows about it too but they don’t know all and nether did I at that time of the visa was being issued. I found out everything after the visa was issued already and in the mail. After finding out everything I even went to discuss the issues with doctors here and sure didn’t give me any warm fuzzy feeling. If it were not for the kids I would have married her still!

Also I’m not try to go to jail for her but If I can help her I will. I just came here to ask a simple question...the answer did appear to me to a no brainier but sometimes there are ways that are not obvious but if it means me going to jail of course im not going to do it. I understand her recent pressures there and her reasons for wanting to get somewhere else. I knew she had found someone else too but I didn’t know they were talking about maybe trying to use the visa that was from my petition. Like I said before I plan to call the embassy about this and I already informed right after I read her email that I was sure that wouldn’t work because I was the one who petitioned. I think she will listen to what I say but I will still inform the embassy about it.

So pls all go back to your own problems…I have my answer….thanks…..i understand that most have good intension even if the comments are not….good luck to everyone going through the visa process. I know it’s hard and slow but that’s not my fault.

You typed this:

"It’s easy to say you would have done it different and I didn’t come here to be judged anyway....nobody here is in my shoes or knows the full extent of this problem. The embassy doesn’t ether….if they would have found out everything she would have been totally ineligible for a visa."

and you typed this:

"I thought that if I canceled the petition It would have left her in a bad spot with the embassy (Manila) and she would have even a harder time getting approved if she finds another or even attracting another if they knew what they were up against to get her."

You knew of her condition and decided not to marry her before the visa was issued:

"I have broken things off with my fiancée because of something that became known thought the medical testing during the K1 process that I didn’t know before I started. I allowed the visa to be processed because I do care for this person even though I choose not to marry her because of this."

[sereia 0]

do we really need another certified mentally ill person let in this country? YOU won't even marry her!

[Mel_and_Daniel 1]

I just get the feeling that someone is going to plead insanity in this case...

[JoeMama 0]

This whole topic just makes me want to pass this onto the OP

What I've got to say is

[reach449 2]

If you have a K1 visa...can you marry anyone or does it have to be the petitioner?

hehehehehehe

[Otto 83]

Edited March 10, 2007 by Karin und Otto

[MM_MS 0]

Are you for real ???????????????

And the rest of us are suspected of immigration fraud b/c of dishonest people(!).

Do you happen to fall in love with someone new every few months?? Or perhaps you're concerned about not wanting to waste $170 unnecessarily.

Good grief.

[ManuNSam 1]

ok - just to mix it up a bit - how about some COMPASSION

if you love someone - you want them to be happy right?

so he found out about her illness and decided his kids would be affected, and that the kids take priority. that doesnt change the love. havent you ever felt happy, because someone that you love was happy? he just wants her to be happy, even if it cant be with him.

and for those of you who are NOT writing from a 3rd world country - you cant compare your experiences. cancelling a K1 for a person in 3rd world country is very hard. especially if you yourself lived in the country and experienced the conditions first hand. because you know that leaving them will be leaving them in those conditions. hard to do to someone you love.

is the intent to commit fraud? maybe - maybe not.

however i think the beating this person is getting for simply asking for guidance - in a forum where its expected to ask for guidance - is utterly unVJ. for all those that offered no helpful advice but simply rude and insulting comments, your VJ membership should be revoked. we are here to share information and experiences in order to make the process easier for all of us.

if you cant help someone with thier question - dont respond.

i couldnt believe the comments posted on this message.

im still in shock ..........

sam

[gigo 0]

I want to come to America real bad... maybe the first guy will want to be my fiance instead......

[Boiler 43,393]

ok - just to mix it up a bit - how about some COMPASSION

if you love someone - you want them to be happy right?

so he found out about her illness and decided his kids would be affected, and that the kids take priority. that doesnt change the love. havent you ever felt happy, because someone that you love was happy? he just wants her to be happy, even if it cant be with him.

and for those of you who are NOT writing from a 3rd world country - you cant compare your experiences. cancelling a K1 for a person in 3rd world country is very hard. especially if you yourself lived in the country and experienced the conditions first hand. because you know that leaving them will be leaving them in those conditions. hard to do to someone you love.

is the intent to commit fraud? maybe - maybe not.

however i think the beating this person is getting for simply asking for guidance - in a forum where its expected to ask for guidance - is utterly unVJ. for all those that offered no helpful advice but simply rude and insulting comments, your VJ membership should be revoked. we are here to share information and experiences in order to make the process easier for all of us.

if you cant help someone with thier question - dont respond.

i couldnt believe the comments posted on this message.

im still in shock ..........

sam

K1 requires both parties to state that they intend marrying, by the OP's own admission he had no such intention. So no maybe not.

And as others have pointed out the whole system would be a lot simpler if there was not such fraud going on, especially those going through Manilla.

How about some compassion for them?

Edited March 10, 2007 by Boiler

[MM_MS 0]

if you love someone - you want them to be happy right?

so he found out about her illness and decided his kids would be affected, and that the kids take priority. that doesnt change the love. havent you ever felt happy, because someone that you love was happy? he just wants her to be happy, even if it cant be with him.

if you cant help someone with thier question - dont respond.

i couldnt believe the comments posted on this message.

im still in shock ..........

sam

Sam,

I think you're reading the forum comments from people equally in "shock" as the rest of us pay the consequences for decisions like his. Further, the story relayed begs several questions:

A) he embellished his first story and is now providing the forum with the "real" story

B) the relationship with his fiance was so strong that he was unaware of a medical condition she has; however, once he became aware of it, he broke the engagement for the good of his children

C) he feels so badly for her, though, that he's soliciting advice about breaking the law to help her out

D) the rest of us are waiting a really long time to get our visa are impacted by decisions like his, e.g., having to wait even longer

E) moreover, the rest of us are suspected of immigration fraud because people like him commit it. He's made little pretense about commiting immigration fraud ... b/c he feels bad for his ex-fiance and wants to help her out

F) the rest of us pay the price for this and let him know how we felt about that

G) he's come to the wrong place looking for sympathy ... he can go to his church, temple, or mosque for that

MM and MS

[ManuNSam 1]

i have sat in the same seat as all of you for the waiting for the visa. Im still waiting.........i lived with my husband for 7 months and we are still in AP 2 months post interview. dont preach to me about the waiting and definetly not about fraud suspicion. my wedding guests are being investigated. all this when me and my husband were engaged for over a year and i lived with him for 7 months before the interview. I know how it all feels.

and to be clear ------- my argument is not specifically regarding his question. although i do have an understanding for why he is feeling and thinking this way. My shock is the responses he received were simply unreasonable. it would have been better to simply not respond at all than to write such horrible comments. to me this is the forum that we use to clarify issues related to visas. ive seen some questions on here that i thought was really dumb, but rather than saying that i just skip the message. but the messages to him were down right mean.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Unfortunately, as much as VJ is a good place for answers and even empathy, it's also a hotbed of frustration and anger - not at each other, at the system. But that's going to boil over at posters who don't think before they post. He could have let it go after he did get one relevant, level answer after a bunch of eyerolling comments. But he couldn't keep quiet about it.

Drip by drip, he amended the story, let us know a bit more, at each turn making the story sound a bit worse and more sketchy while attempting to make himself seem like not such a bad guy anymore. We all have to be patient in our own journies. But patience is going to wear thin when we feel like we're being lied to. At least, that's how I feel.

The problem absolutely lies in the process: marriage is a contract, there's no love requirement for two Americans to marry - except what comes in one's own upbringing. Marriage is a simple legal procedure - anything beyond that we add ourselves. But there has to be some kind of standard for adjudicating foreigners (or at least, our immigration laws presume there most be a standard and a judgment). The alternatives aren't pretty: human trafficking of foreign citizens so desparate to escape what's ahead of them at home they'll marry ANYONE here to get here comes to mind. So there are hurdles that mess with all our plans - but potentially save a few lives (or at least save a few lives from being miserable, if not over).

Because I found love with a non-US citizen, I've spent a lot more time thinking about immigration laws generally - how our country views immigrants and how it must manage its resources when deciding how wide to open the gates. It sure as hell isn't easy and it sure as hell isn't perfect.

So we have this guy who really should've quit while he was ahead - and even implied in response to one of my previous posts that he would. But he can't. That's unfortunate. But I won't feel too bad for him because he willingly entered and keeps mucking about in this viper pit of strong emotions.

This whole process is subjective - but it's crammed into a faux objective framework under US law and regulation. We're going to make the same subjective calls here based on the information available.

I'll offer compassion when I feel it is due. In this case, however, less would've been more on the part of the OP.

[bostonparis 0]

ManunSam, I lean towards agreeing with you. Although it is hard for us who so desperately want to be with our loved ones to feel that compassion for what others may be going through when it directly contradicts what we are trying to do, I DO try and do that.

Take for example the immigration raid on that company in New Bedford, MA. 361 illegal immigrants were arrested.

YES they're here illegally.

YES they're working illegally.

But they're also human beings. They have small children, some breastfeeding infants, who are now with fathers who don't know how to WEAN them. They were sent within a DAY to Texas and New Mexico. There were only 90 that remained in Massachusetts. There is a human tragedy regardless. These workers were fined $15 for every minute over 2 minutes they took for a bathroom break. It was a sweatshop.

I know this doesn't really have anything at all to do with the OPs issues, but I really do try to see the human compassion side of it. I KNOW he's mucking up the system and making it harder for many of us here. I DO realize this. And honestly, I agree with most here that it's really awful what he did and is doing (and I honestly find it hard to believe that he had a real relationship with this ex-fiancee of his since he didn't know about her mental illness). But I can't judge, I am not in that relationship, in his head, or in hers. I think someone who bounces from one man to the next for any reason should re-examine herself, but again, that's really not my place to judge. But, I'M human, too... and I have my own judgements... and sometimes I say them (when maybe I should keep them to myself)...

[DA BOMB 1]

ManunSam, I lean towards agreeing with you. Although it is hard for us who so desperately want to be with our loved ones to feel that compassion for what others may be going through when it directly contradicts what we are trying to do, I DO try and do that.

Take for example the immigration raid on that company in New Bedford, MA. 361 illegal immigrants were arrested.

YES they're here illegally.

YES they're working illegally.

But they're also human beings. They have small children, some breastfeeding infants, who are now with fathers who don't know how to WEAN them. They were sent within a DAY to Texas and New Mexico. There were only 90 that remained in Massachusetts. There is a human tragedy regardless. These workers were fined $15 for every minute over 2 minutes they took for a bathroom break. It was a sweatshop.

I know this doesn't really have anything at all to do with the OPs issues, but I really do try to see the human compassion side of it. I KNOW he's mucking up the system and making it harder for many of us here. I DO realize this. And honestly, I agree with most here that it's really awful what he did and is doing (and I honestly find it hard to believe that he had a real relationship with this ex-fiancee of his since he didn't know about her mental illness). But I can't judge, I am not in that relationship, in his head, or in hers. I think someone who bounces from one man to the next for any reason should re-examine herself, but again, that's really not my place to judge. But, I'M human, too... and I have my own judgements... and sometimes I say them (when maybe I should keep them to myself)...

I think what you've written has much to do with the OPs issues. Yes she's a human being who may be in some kind of trouble back home but he's trying to make everyone happy at the expense of other petitioners. I was in a similar situation where certain aspects of the beneficiary's character didnt surface until a week before the interview. I, too, had my kids to think about first and foremost - but I REVOKED the petition. Sure he was left in a bad situation as he was ready to move right on over to the US for a better life but he's a big boy and can take care of himself.

The OP discovered her mental condition, decided against marrying her, then continued the the visa process to the point of her coming to the US and finding someone new. In that order folks. Now he's wondering if she can ride on that same visa to marry this new person. He wrote his first thread in November...she's got two weeks left of this visit on the visa he petitioned for...so that means she's been in the country since sometime in December. It would be great to whip through Vermont in a few weeks with a smile on my face but when you have to wait months going through California - you cant help but get annoyed because there may be a niceguy petition slowing down the process.