I don't know if it's all worth it anymore..

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Op I've been thinking about what advice would be beneficial. I myself have BPD, but am fortunate that my symptoms are no longer manifesting. It is a horrible illness and this situation could drive you to the brink. I dealt with a suicide attempt due to the wrong meds and being unhappy. I would hate to see this happen to you out of desperation.

Get out any way you can

Edited September 12, 2015 by Transborderwife

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

What you need are people who go thru the same thing as you

We all go thru homesickness. For me it was when i left for college

Adil is not going thru a lot as he talks on whatsapp and viber to family free during the day showing them photos and videos of his first week here

Maybe adding those apps to phone would help

we are just north of you inside the Tennessee border. Get in touch with some of us who go thru the immigration process as it is hard all by itself

and we understand your frustration. Sorry you ran up the credit card as they are hard to pay off

you are free to write and add us on whatsapp or viber or skype if you need to talk ever

and sorry as sounds you are down below the KNat line and i hate the bugs there

[yuna628 9,542]

You know, in reading the first post, with my fiancé, we both looked at each other and remarked that we couldn't simply understand what the entire crux of the problem was from it. On the one hand you say your husband is wonderful, supportive, and loves you to death and on the other you allude to some resentment issues of which, if he was such a wonderful husband shouldn't be really his fault. So at the start my thoughts to you was going to be -- you're both young and marriage is a huge decision not be taken lightly, especially if it requires one party to leave a country for it. Like it or lump it, if you've jumped into the decision of both leaving your country and getting marriage without realizing what it would entail, working through each other's issues either with a councilor or a psychologist would be of benefit. There are also ways to combat loneliness and have hope on working with a GC in the future.

However....

Now after reading what the real problem is, we're a lot more clear as to what the issue is. I've no idea why you would withhold such information, but that's your prerogative. If you're looking for a solution it's going to have to come with some hard realizations. A man that lays his hands upon you is not 'in love' with you. He is neither supportive or fits the definition of what a real husband or man should be to their wife. Somewhere deep down you know this. I wish so many women knew this before it was too late. On the flip side, you've stated you were prone to abusive language towards your husband - and so, the two things, both physical and verbal (maybe even emotional) does not a marriage make. Lack of money can contribute problems with financial stability, but it and having jobs will not solve your problem. As the saying goes, money cannot buy happiness.

You are young. You seemed to have a life back in Canada, one in which you could obtain proper mental health treatment. In all of this, especially with your husband's lack of funds and job, I wonder... who is supporting you for adjustment of status? At any rate, that isn't the concern if this story is to be believed. Go find your nearest women's shelter and get out. Divorce him and go back home to the life you want. Seek proper treatment for your health issues. The ban is a consequence of an action, which you have to acknowledge. But isn't it better to be alive, safe, healthy, and happy?

[Eric & Idalia 56]

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting here after being in the US for 6 months. I came here from Canada on a regular B-2 Visitor Visa (regular stamp on passport) and my 6 months were up on September 9, 2015. We have filed for AOS back in July and applications have been recieved. I have already completed my biometrics application last month, and currently am waiting for my work authorization/permit that is expected to arrive mid-October (according to our lawyer).

I met my Husband through an online game, and we married in April of 2015. I literally left home and didn't look back, but now I have some serious regrets.

My husband is 21, and i'm 23, yes we are quite young and jumped into this really fast.

Don't get my wrong, my husband is a good guy. He has been supportive, by my side, and very faithful, but we have had some major issues. Financially, I have solely been supporting myself half the time and have racked up some debt (I paid for all my own immigration), he has been working on and off to pay for some bills, but after 6 months he now finally has a steady-ish job and we are finally moving to a better living situation that he will be paying for. Hopefully I won't have to use my credit card anymore (I am about 8k in debt).

Relationship wise, we haven't been getting along well. We have our differences, and our good times, but I think our situation has taken a toll on both of us and I have definately built up some strong resentment that I can't get past with him.

To add on, I am incredibly home sick and lonely. I talk to my mom daily, but it's never enough. I am originally from Vancouver, and I live in a small town in Georgia (complete opposite ends). The culture is vastly different, and we haven't had any money to do anything fun. The weather is hard on me, and ugh, the bugs! I'm very sensitive to them here. I haven't been able to work, so i literally sit here day after day in absolute solitude and boredum. I think my mind is just going into overload. I have had some medical issues that were being treated in Canada, but when I came here I had no insurance and had to stop all treatment. That really hindered me as well.

My husband loves me to death, and we have had the conversation on whether I should leave or stay (If i leave, I legally cannot come back for three years and my green card gets canceled due to abandonment) and he has begged me to stay and promised things will get better, but it's been extremely hard for me because i've heard that from him many times. I love him dearly, I truly do or else I wouldn't have stayed and put up with so much for so long.

I'm asking for some help and support. I'm very lonely, with no friends and no real family support here other than my husband, and my mom and aunt are sitting back at home. I am in tears daily due to being so homesick, but i'm not sure if that's because of how isolated I am and my emotions taking over, or what. It would be great to be able to talk to someone, or a few people, going through a smiliar situation. Advice is also greatly welcomed.

Anyway, i'm looking for some support from you guys if possible. I'm not sure if I should stay or go based on homesickness

I have been in U.S. for a month. I am living in the same city I lived 2 years when I was an au pair, and I have been homesick. I hate the buses and insects in here. I know our situation will be better with the time and my husband keeps saying that. I am grateful we are finally together, but sometimes I get sad. Yes, our process was way fast than other people here in VJ, but these changes affected me. I got a job to work from home so I don't go out very often. I know I need to talk to people and go out. So I understand a little bit your situation.

I keep watching, reading other stories and focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't have to make me feel grateful and happy. If you want to talk, I am here for you.

[3rd 84]

I know how you feel, and have related to your post more than you can realise. When I came over on VWP to travel, I didn't know then that I would be staying in California permanently. I love my husband, as you love yours, but nothing takes away that pain of missing your family and the life you once had.

The whole AOS process is very stressful and puts such a strain on even the strongest of relationships. There have definitely been moments when I've wondered whether it is worth it to stay in limbo, not being able to work or contribute when I had such a fantastic job and life back in the UK. But then I think about leaving my husband, I think about delaying our future together and I know that any bad times now will be infinitely worth it after the adjustment. He tries all he can to make me feel at home here, in a country I've only ever visited for a few weeks at a time over the years. He buys me proper British tea, biscuits that I love and leaves me little notes when I'm feeling especially homesick. Luckily he's integrated me with his close friends so I feel like they are my own, is this something your husband could do for you? Even just one other person closer to where you are now can take off some of the burden when it feels like the only person you have to rely on is your spouse. I even take to going to a local coffee shop every couple of weeks just to get out of the house by myself and try and integrate in the new community I've chosen to make a life in. Are you able to drive?

Just know that this is all temporary and there will be a better time, moving forward. Once we're authorised to work, it will get rid of this residual depression that comes from being stuck in the house all day. Keep telling yourself it will be worth it, and eventually you'll believe it. You're having a hard time right now, but it's not always going to be like this. Once all the doors open you won't feel so lonely any longer. If you do ever need someone in a similar situation to talk to though, I'm always up for a chat.

[3rd 84]

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kgvlj/i_f23_feel_like_i_made_the_biggest_mistake_in_my/

Okay, I just went back through the thread and saw this.

You're still very young and there is no shame in moving back home and starting over. It was only a few years back I was having to do this myself. Don't think of it as a step backwards, instead think of it as a step sidewards. You'd be doing it for the benefit of your mental and physical health for future years. If my husband ever did anything like what you have described, I'd be on the first plane out of the USA. Whether there will be a ban or not, your safety is what comes first.

[Zats&Bryan 30]

I am really sorry for what you have been going through. But if... at this point you still have doubts about if he is the one then... he may not be. I mean. The process is long and hard. The stress can become almost unbearable... the loneliness and the frustration can be really bad. You just do not go through something like this unless you are completely sure and convinced they are the one. If you are not sure by now I do not really know what else could make you be. Good luck. The answer you are looking for is inside your heart. Im pretty sure you already know it.

[Zats&Bryan 30]

I hate the buses and insects in here. OMG!!! I hate insects!!! name it... I surely have smashed or crushed it with something!!! I hope it is different at Illinois... but buses... I have never had a car so I do not really care.... I know our situation will be better with the time and my husband keeps saying that. He is right. You just need to adjust. We humans are creatures of habits. All we need is to adjust to a different routine and different reliable people around us.I am grateful we are finally together, but sometimes I get sad. Totally understandable. You left everything you knew and moved to a different country, with no friends and family and this likely will be happening to most of us. Yes, our process was way fast than other people here in VJ,you!!! lucky you!!! but these changes affected me. Sorry to hear this but let me assure you... you were indeed lucky!!! I got a job to work from home again... you... lucky you!!! so I don't go out very often. I know I need to talk to people and go out. So I understand a little bit your situation. <-----PM her. She will be a great help to you OP.

I keep watching, reading other stories and focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't have to make me feel grateful and happy. That is called being proactive. Keeping in charge of your own life and feelings!! Congrats!! Some of us are still working towards this goal and OP... She is someone we all should keep in touch with.If you want to talk, I am here for you.

[Guigui&Arlee 6]

please leave him for your own safety and happiness

[TBoneTX 43,422]

I just saw this post and I really wish that my previous post would be deleted because I don't think that you should even consider staying.

This poster's previous post has been removed, per request.

Edited September 14, 2015 by TBoneTX

[hir0 49]

This poster's previous post has been removed, per request.

Thank you TBoneTX !

I truly hope the OP will make the bets choice for herself, she has many people she can write on here, me included We are all here for one another.

[rlogan 2,036]

Aside from the abuse, which is a no-brainer, there is no evidence that a green card is worth any effort on your part - in fact it seems to have negative value given your health care system in Canada was treating you and the health care system in the USA is not.

Health, life & safety ought to be at the top of the list unless you are running for a Darwin Award. This disorder is vastly more manageable when you are getting health care. That's in Canada.

[meowmix66 3]

After reading the reddit post there is no doubt in my mind that you are the same person.

I'm also a fellow Vancourite who married a US citizen, but the difference is, we live just across the border in WA state and we are more than 10 years older than you. I love Vancouver and miss it, however, I'm very close.

Your situation is troubling on so many levels, with the most horrific part being that you have chronic medical/psychological issues that you are not able to get medical attention for. Dont underestimate the expensive medical care in the U.S. You may land a job, but you may still be paying $200+ a month for insurance, plus your copays plus medication. The fact is, your current situation living in Georgia with a 21 year old man-child is not conducive to you leading a healthy life. There's plenty of American citizens in your fiscal and health situation with no prospects of it getting better, so why volunteer for it. It's very tough in the U.S. compared to Canada.

Love is just not enough sometimes. You can love someone and make the choice to still move on. Love does not a sustainable relationship/marriage make.

The bottom line is, you made a mistake (we all do) and you choose to marry a man who would not choose to marry you if the terms were that he had to move to Canada. Don't rely on "he wants to move to Canada someday" because if its not one thing (so far in debt you couldn't rub two pennies together let along pay for a far crossborder move), it's another (more excuses, further in debt, a pregnancy, he obtains a criminal record). The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

Vancouver is a tough city to find love in, but it's a beautiful city to learn to love yourself in.

You just need to get angry enough to decide that you deserve better and that this just isn't working. Love isn't supposed to be this challenging. Real love is easy, not difficult. Real love is two independent adults sharing a lifestyle, not two codependents trying to just live. You need to figure out how to live before you are ready to love. Neither of you know how to do that yet.

"Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand."

Aldous Huxley, Brave New World